Careful With What You Wish
by J.J. Blue
Summary: After meeting Subaru 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now he has to face Hokuto, who wants her brother back, and Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes... (SxS) [Betaed. Chap 38 up]
1. Chap 1: Just The Beginning

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 1: Just The Beginning"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"It's not a strange behaviour, it's the way I am  
Nothing puts me down  
And if a situation would get out of hand  
I'd still back around  
You can put me through lots of trouble  
But in any way  
It's just the beginning and not the end  
No use in pretending cause you can't win  
It's just a beginning,  
The beginning not the end."  
(Europe - "Just The Beginning")_**

A black haired man wearing a dark coat frowned in annoyance as his golden eyes were fixed on the Tokyo Diet Building.

"That brat just broke my Maboroshi," he told to no one in particular as he pulled his cigarette pack from his suit's pocket and extracted one Mild Seven.(1) The boy next to him moved closer to light it for him, an automatic gesture to which neither of the two really paid much attention.

"Thank you, Subaru-kun," the man answered distractedly. Subaru-kun didn't reply, merely slipped back to his place at the man's side as a silent shadow.

"However this has proved that the boy has power, and it could turn out quite interesting," the man continued, returning to the previous topic. "It has been a while since the last time I had a decent fight. Maybe this _'End of the World'_ business will prove itself worth something in the end," he considered as the corners of his lips turned up. (2) He turned toward his silent companion, finally acknowledging his presence with an almost affectionate smile and a question. "What do you think, Subaru-kun? Should I try to engage Kamui-chan in a fight?"(3)

The boy stared back at him, green eyes dull and empty, face expressionless, resembling more a fine, expensive doll than a living being.

"If that's what you want, Seishiro-san..." he replied, his voice low and toneless. "But please, be careful..." Was there a hint of concern in that toneless voice as he said the last sentence? Seishiro smiled, pleased anyway.

"You're so cute, Subaru-kun," he commented cheerfully. "I will never regret picking you as my plaything when we met under the Sakura in my Maboroshi sixteen years ago,"(4) he added in a lower, sensual tone as he caressed the boy's smooth cheek, then tilted the boy's head up to stare into those two pools of green. "You really are a beautiful doll, Subaru-kun," he murmured, leaning down toward the boy. "And you're all mine, and only mine," he said before capturing the boy's lips for a kiss. Subaru-kun didn't move at first, then, as the man wrapped his arms around his smaller frame he... melted into the kiss, leaning against the other obediently as he had been taught to do. He was kissed deeply, slowly and sensually and then released gently.

He had been put under a spell when he was merely nine and saw the Sakurazukamori, the assassin who killed using Onmyoujutsu, with one of his victims. Seishiro should have killed him, the Sakurazukamori normally murdered whoever knew his true identity, but Subaru-kun had been too cute to kill and so... he had kept him, turning him into a sort of doll forever bent to his will, one who would obey him and him only, and one he treated with extreme care. Subaru-kun was his most beautiful and prized possession, and the closest thing to a companion the Sakurazukamori could allow himself.

Sometimes he almost regretted ripping the boy of almost all his will with that spell, forcing him into submission; sometimes he was possessed by an almost childish curiosity to see what the **_real_** Subaru-kun, the pure, caring soul of which he had seen just a glimpse before deciding to keep the child for himself, would do or say if he had been free to act as he pleased. But the curiosity never lasted long and regret was largely foreign to his nature.

Subaru-kun was all he could wish for in a companion. Silent, obedient and pleasant to his eyes. Very pleasant to his eyes. He just mourned the loss of Subaru-kun's smile. The boy had had a beautiful smile, and the artificial one he sometimes wore for him now couldn't really compare to it.

It was an acceptable loss though. Subaru-kun existed to live under his will and had almost none of his own except for some tiny, harmless strands Seishiro had left him so he could get some minimal reaction from him, and so the boy would be capable of taking care of himself should Seishiro left him unsupervised for a while. In this state Subaru-kun still had a personality, even if it was docile and submissive.

Right now, after being kissed in public, Subaru-kun was still expressionless, but was wearing a very cute blush on his cheeks. No matter how many times it had happened before, or the fact Seishiro had previously done more to him than just kiss him on his lips, he still was shy of public expressions of affection. Seishiro liked his shyness very much, and that was why he enjoyed embarrassing the boy every chance he got. He looked down at him fondly, wondering if he should just kiss the boy again to increase that delicious blush when his Shikigami returned, catching his attention with a sharp cry. Keeping an arm around Subaru-kun's shoulders and pulling the boy against his chest so he could hide his flaming cheeks from the rest of the world (Subaru-kun's blush was his and his only to see) he moved the other toward the bird so that it settled on it before Seishiro dispelled it.

"It seems Kamui-chan is leaving the Diet Building alone for a walk, Subaru-kun," he whispered straight in the boy's ear, his breath brushing Subaru-kun's hair. "What would you say if we were to go exchange two words with him?" The answer came muffled as Subaru-kun made no attempt to leave the shelter Seishiro's embrace provided.

"Whatever you want, Seishiro-san." Seishiro's smile widened. Subaru-kun's obedience and compliance never failed to please him.

"Then we'll go, Subaru-kun. However, we'd better be careful. I would really hate to have my beautiful Subaru-kun damaged by that moody brat," he admitted as he nuzzled his cheek against Subaru-kun's short hair before placing a slow kiss on the boy's pale neck.

Cutting the boy's hair had been a spur of the moment whim. Before he had always left him wearing the same haircut he had when they first met but, recently, he had felt the need for a change, and that was why now Subaru-kun had a shorter haircut. In Seishiro's opinion the boy was still cute with it, even if a bit less childish. He liked it. He turned Subaru-kun's face toward him and kissed the boy again, more passionately than before, uncaring of the people watching them.

**_His_**.

Subaru-kun was **_his_**.

All his to toy with.

He smirked as he felt Subaru-kun begin to squirm uncomfortably as the kiss became too much for him to handle in public. The struggling was minimal, a mere signal of distress, a silent plea for Seishiro. He wasn't released immediately; Seishiro took his time, just to give the boy a reminder of who was in charge. When the man finally let him go Subaru-kun hung his head in shame.

"I'm sorry, I..." A slender finger was placed on his lips then trailed down his cheek, under his chin, and gently raised his head, forcing him to look up to see Seishiro smiling down at him, pleased.

"I know. I know you're shy, Subaru-kun, and being kissed in public makes you uncomfortable, but you must always remember you're **_mine_**. All mine to do as I please, do you understand?" he asked cheerfully. Subaru-kun nodded. Seishiro smiled amiably. "Then let's go, and don't worry, that brat won't manage to lay a finger on **_my_** Subaru-kun. I'll protect you well," he assured him, wrapping his arm around the boy's shoulders. Subaru-kun nodded again and leaned against him obediently.

**_His_**.

All **_his_**.

He wondered from where came that... tiny nagging feeling that said it would be a bad idea to allow Kamui-chan to see his Subaru-kun. It made no sense. Subaru-kun might have been born to be a Ten no Ryu, but, in the submissive state Seishiro had put him, he wouldn't be able to do a thing without requesting Seishiro's approbation first, and he sure as hell wasn't going to allow **_his_** Subaru-kun to join a side opposed to his or to take part in this silly game that the battle between Ten no Ryu and Chi no Ryu was. End of the world or not, Subaru-kun was going to stay obediently at his side no matter what. He would make sure of this and murder anyone who tried to oppose his decision.

Subaru-kun was **_his_**.

It would be like that forever.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In **'X'** Vol. 5 Seishiro dragged Kamui, Sorata, Arashi, Yuzuriha, Inuki, Hinoto, Souhi, Hien and Daisuke in one of his Maboroshi while they were under the Diet Building. Kamui however managed to break his illusion.

2. Seishiro never looked like he cared about the end of the world much... He just did his share of work...

3. In the manga isn't said how Seishiro calls Kamui. I have him calling Kamui _'Kamui-chan'_ because he's kind of mocking Kamui's young age.

4. I'm assuming that Subaru and Seishiro met in a Maboroshi. After all when Subaru remembers his grandmother's reaction at his marks we see the Sakura behind them disappear as if it was an illusion. Anyway, since this is an AU, the first meeting between Subaru and Seishiro went differently from the one in the manga.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
When I started writing this fic my aim was to show how CLAMP characters in **'X'** have not the most remote idea of what would be better for them.  
This story start from **'X'** Vol. 5 and it's mostly centred on Subaru and Seishiro. It requires **'X'** knowledge because I'm not going to rewrite everything that happened in the manga, only what went different or it's important in this fic. The fic should still be understandable without **'X'** knowledge but without it it's a lot less enjoyable.  
Oh, yes, this story is based on the Manga and not on the Anime. Between the two there are differences. However since this is an AU I don't think it should be a problem.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	2. Chap 2: Hit The Floor

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 2: Hit The Floor"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"(One minute you're on top)  
Next you're not watch you drop  
(Making your heart stop)  
Just before you hit the floor  
(One minute you're on top)  
Next you're not missed a shot  
(Making you're heart stop)  
You think you've won  
(And then its all gone)."  
(Linkin Park - "Hit The Floor")_**

"Don't you think it's a romantic picture, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro mused as he observed Kamui-chan, the one who had the power to destroy or save the world, as he played cute with the one Seishiro assumed was his girlfriend.(1) In Seishiro's opinion, Kamui-chan was an odd mix of bratty behaviour and cuteness. Such a small, frail looking boy, who played high and mighty with the others, but was almost afraid to brush the girl's cheek, like a shy virgin. He had potential , but still lacked the innocence and care that had made his Subaru-kun his favourite. "It's a pity we have to interrupt them, isn't it?" he said then in an amused tone.

Subaru didn't reply. The boy knew when a reply was required from him and when it wasn't. It rarely was. He stared at Kamui-kun, whose amazing power somehow echoed in Subaru's being, and at the gentle, frail looking girl next to him, and pitied them. Two more lives Seishiro-san was going to destroy. He had seen the man murder so many times, and yet he still felt sick at the mere idea of just watching someone die. Not that he could do anything about it. Seishiro-san found that remnant of his character even cuter than his blush, and that was why he always wanted him to be around when he killed someone, knowing full well Subaru would never muster the strength to oppose him. However, Seishiro-san rarely forced him to watch the whole... _'thing'_, and always after the... _'it'_ had happened, Seishiro-san had taken care to comfort and cuddle him, being extra gentle and considerate, as if that was his way to apologize for what he did. Subaru liked all that attention way too much, and had come to await the moment Seishiro-san killed with a sort of dread mixed with anticipation that he really didn't know how to or didn't want to explain to himself. Even now, as he watched the two teenagers, something inside him wished for Seishiro-san to get this done soon. He turned his head toward Seishiro-san as he felt the man stroking his cheek affectionately.

"Behave yourself, Subaru-kun, okay?" the man told him in a fond manner. Subaru nodded, feeling like a little kid, who was desperate at the thought of being abandoned should he misbehave. Seishiro knew about Subaru-kun's fear and felt a dark satisfaction in it as he dragged the boy closer before weaving his Maboroshi over themselves and Kamui-chan, _'transporting'_ them all into an odd, dark universe, filled with long rocks on which they could stand, leaving out the two other teenagers, probably two Ten no Ryu, who were spying on the scene as well.(2)

Once done he attacked the boy, not bothering to show himself or Subaru-kun, and uncaring of the girl who had been dragged into the illusion with Kamui-chan. He hadn't planned to involve her, but he really didn't care.

Kamui-chan managed to protect his girlfriend, stop his attacks, and attack as well.

Promising.

Maybe he should face the boy. He showed himself in a flurry of Sakura petals, leaving his Subaru-kun still hidden in the dark side of the Maboroshi. After all, there was no need to show his treasure to Kamui-chan.

He could see that the teenager was angry, and had recognized him as the one who had attacked him in the Diet Building, plus that annoying YumeMi Hime(3) had informed him that he was the _'Sakurazukamori'_. As annoying as it was that she knew about him, apparently the information had been totally unhelpful for the boy. He didn't realize what or who a _'Sakurazukamori'_ was. Too bad for him. He was going to learn soon.

Seishiro summoned his Shikigami and used it to attack the boy, chanting at the same time a spell to increase the power of its attack. It was slightly annoying to discover it didn't work, and yet satisfying at the same time. The boy was going to be an interesting challenge after all. Plus Kamui-chan was cute, even cuter now that he had blood dripping from a cut on his pale cheek. Still not even remotely comparable to his Subaru-kun of course, but still pleasing to see.

"We're inside the Maboroshi I made. Even if it still isn't at the same level of the Ten no Ryu's Kekkai, no one will complain no matter how you fool around," he explained in order to encourage the boy to attack.

Kamui-chan collected his power, as he held the girl protectively against his chest, and tried unsuccessfully to break the Maboroshi. Witnessing his incredulity at his failure was satisfying and repaid Seishiro for the indignity of seeing him shatter it effortlessly the previous time.

"It broke too easily last time, so this time I strengthened it a little," he informed the boy referring to the Maboroshi. Kamui-chan frowned at the news. Cute, even if he lacked the sweetness of his Subaru-kun. "Won't you play with me for a little while longer?" he asked playfully. This work was turning out more amusing than he expected. Seishiro unfurled a generous amount of Ofuda and started fighting the boy for real. They exchanged blow after blow, neither of them prevailing. Kamui-chan's power was impressive. It was the power of a Kami-sama, really, and the boy was using it at his best, even if the girl he was stubbornly holding was limiting his movements. Was she the boy's favourite toy as Subaru-kun was his? Well, if she was, the brat should learn to keep her better guarded. It was dangerous to let her be exposed to the Sakurazukamori's gaze.

Sensing the unspoken threat in the man's gaze, Kamui increased the power of his attack. It was going to require a good amount of his energies, but if it could do something effective it would be worth it. He had returned to Tokyo only to protect Kotori and Fuma. He would never allow anyone to harm them. He was ready to blow up the world to protect them. He felt the rush of his power increasing as his energies lowered and it was getting hard to keep his concentration both on holding Kotori and on feeding his energy blasts, but he now knew he could do it; he knew that, if he managed to hold on a little longer, he could hit the Sakurazukamori. The man sensed the danger and defended himself with a Kekkai.(4) Kamui saw his chance and placed all his energy in that attack. The Kekkai cracked, but before Kamui's blast could pass through it a second, different Kekkai was in its place and a storm of white birds flew out of nowhere toward Kamui, distracting him.

Kamui was fast to jump away from the birds, dragging Kotori with him, and then he turned toward where the attack had come from and found himself facing an expressionless man around his mid twenties, who now was looking straight at him, holding an Ofuda in his hand but making no move to attack him again. Something clicked inside Kamui, the same sensation he had felt when he first met Sorata and Arashi, and he **_knew_** the birds hadn't been sent to attack him, merely to tear his attention away from the Sakurazukamori, to protect the man from him. Turning his attention to the young man, forgetting completely the Sakurazukamori, was a big error on Kamui's part as the Sakurazukamori immediately attacked him, catching him off guard. The Kekkai Kamui erected hurriedly wasn't good enough to fully shield him from the attack and, as he registered the pain from a deep cut on his arm, his hold on Kotori loosened. The girl fell from his arms and off one of the many cliffs amongst the rocks. Predictably, he jumped after her and managed to grab a hold of her arm, but now he was lying flat on a rock, hanging on to the cliff, defenceless, his injured arm the only thing that was stopping the now unconscious Kotori from falling.

He saw the Sakurazukamori pausing only a second to turn toward the newcomer and caress his cheek with a pleased expression, a caress to which the other submitted wordlessly and that reminded him of the way one would caress a loyal dog not a person, before turning toward him, a smug expression on his face.

"It's so sweet, isn't it, Subaru-kun?" the Sakurazukamori asked the one he called Subaru-kun with a smile, motioning to Kamui and Kotori. The young man turned to watch them but didn't reply or show any emotion at the scene in front of him. Kamui glared at them both, hating that feeling of helplessness, determined to protect Kotori but not really sure what exactly he could manage to do in this state. The Sakurazukamori's smile widened. "If you have to take care of Ojousan, you won't be able to dodge my next attack," he stated as if reading his thoughts. Then he moved his hand, controlling the reality they were in, immediately sending the rocks in the Maboroshi flying toward Kamui. The one named Subaru turned his gaze away, as if he refused to witness the death of the two teenagers.

Determinately, Kamui prepared himself to face the blow when he heard a familiar voice screaming his name and then, Fuma was there, shielding him with his body. The rocks paused in midair and then dissolved in a flurry of Sakura petals.

Seishiro stared at the newcomer, another teenager, handsome, tall and with broad shoulders, a teenager who was now glaring at him in the same way he would have glared at someone who had dared to attack his Subaru-kun. He was quite good looking, even if not his type, but at the moment that didn't matter.

"My technique... my technique... was deflected...?" he murmured in surprise.

Next to him Subaru was equally surprised, and unconsciously moved closer to Seishiro-san, ready to defend him if necessary.

Seishiro considered his next move as Kamui-chan, with the help of the one he had called _'Fuma'_, managed to drag the girl to safe ground. Kamui-chan was a dangerous opponent, and the other boy promised troubles as well. As much as a fight against the two could be entertaining he didn't like to take part in potentially lost battles, especially now that Subaru-kun was out in the open. Subaru-kun wasn't something he was willing to leave in danger of being harmed. He would hate to risk having Subaru-kun scarred and his beauty ruined. Besides, he hadn't been requested to kill Kamui-chan, merely to... hurt him a little and he had already done that. It was time to leave. He smiled cheerfully at the teenagers as he wrapped an arm around Subaru-kun's shoulders, dragging him closer.

"You entered my illusion, and you even deflected my technique..." he observed as he disappeared with his Subaru-kun, making it look like they had both dissolved into Sakura petals, and allowing his Maboroshi to fade as well, returning the three teenagers to the real world. Not that Seishiro cared about what happened to them, but there was no point anymore in keeping them there. They would have other chances to face each other he was sure.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In **'X'** Vol. 5/6 Kamui, after breaking Seishiro's Maboroshi leaves the Diet Building and walks to his old house. Out of it he met Kotori and the two talk together while Kamui thinks at what he should do.

2. Sorata and Arashi who were keeping Kamui under surveillance.

3. Hinoto, who told Kamui that it was the Sakurazukamori the one who was attacking them, but didn't bother to explain him what exactly a _'Sakurazukamori'_ was...

4. This Kekkai and the following ones, one made by Subaru and the other made by Kamui aren't the Ten no Ryu's Kekkai, just normal Kekkai used to stop attacks.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
I've always wondered why Seishiro had attacked twice Kamui at the beginning of **'X'** and then completely stopped to pay him attention. My guess is that he didn't do it because he's a Chi no Ryu (right then no one knew which side Kamui would chose) but because he'd been employed to attack Kamui, maybe from dark Hinoto herself. Since the Sakurazukamori's work is to kill whose who are a threat for Japan, it make sense he'd been informed about who's a threat by a YumeMi (in **'Tokyo Babylon'** Vol. 4 - **'Save B'** he knows what would happen in case Nagi Kuniko would have be left alive, my only explanation to this is that a YumeMi told him) and dark Hinoto is my best choice.  
Originally I've been planning to add to the notes a detailed description of the differences between manga and TV series but I've realized they are a bit too much so I'll only write explanations when strictly necessary. Should something be still unclear, please, feel free to ask me.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Kami:** God  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Ojousan:** Girl  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **LILITH**: Sure I'll continue, don't worry!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I'm glad you like this! Here there's more!

To **MOKO**: Moko! -hugs- Thanks for rewiewing here too! Subaru has never been much of a talker in **'X'** but he was always so kawai! It's too bad he doesn't blush in it... Maybe, not having Seishiro around had made him grow out of the habit... As for Seishiro... you know him... he only does things that amuses him... -tight breathtaking hug-

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	3. Chap 3: Points Of Authority

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 3: Points Of Authority"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"You love the way I look at you  
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through  
You take away if I give in  
My life  
My pride is broken **_

**_You like to think you're never wrong  
(You live what you learn)  
You have to act like you're someone  
(You live what you learn)  
You want someone to hurt like you  
(You live what you learn)  
You want to share what you have been through  
(You live what you learn)."  
(Linkin Park - "Points Of Authority")_**

Once they were out of his Maboroshi and away from the place in which they had met Kamui-chan, Seishiro returned his gaze to Subaru-kun. The boy was clinging to him, his gaze lowered, leaning heavily against his body, almost as if he was hiding in Seishiro's embrace as he used to do when he was scared by something. Cute, innocent Subaru-kun...

He frowned as he remembered what had happened inside his Maboroshi. Some things needed an immediate investigation.

Subaru-kun wasn't supposed to show himself to Kamui-chan. Subaru-kun wasn't supposed to move from the place he had left him. Seishiro knew that, when he had put a spell on him, he hadn't completely wiped out all his will. If he had done so the boy wouldn't even be able to move his feet on his own, and that would have been highly impractical. He had just... placed Subaru-kun's will in the background, made Subaru-kun so dependant on his will that the boy's own had turned out meaningless and, as time went on, Subaru-kun had almost stopped wishing for things that weren't subordinated to Seishiro's wishes. He still had some independent feelings, like his disliking for killing or his liking for animals, but they were all things that didn't really matter. Subaru-kun was always ready to push his personal opinion away to follow Seishiro's wishes. Seishiro thought it was to his credit that he never really abused his power over Subaru-kun. He still enjoyed embarrassing him in public and always dragged him with himself even when he had a job, but he had never stained the boy's hands with blood or forced him too far. Subaru-kun's obedience was much easier to obtain if the boy believed he had some freedom. The more time went on, the older his spell became. The more Subaru-kun grew, the more his power to break the spell increased. Casting the spell again could be dangerous for Subaru-kun, but as long as the boy made no attempt to oppose it the old one would hold just fine.

However... there had been... _'incidents'_, and Seishiro knew better than to be careless when his control over Subaru-kun was at stake. The boy was **_his_** and he would prefer to destroy him than to give him up.

"Subaru-kun..." Seishiro started to say as he divided himself from the boy and turned Subaru-kun's head toward him so he could stare into those green eyes that had always fascinated him so much. "What got into you back there? Didn't I tell you to behave?"

Subaru-kun looked down at his question and didn't reply.

"Subaru-kun... why did you disobey me?" Seishiro insisted.

"Your Kekkai... it was cracking..." the boy whispered. He didn't know why he had disobeyed Seishiro-san, really. He had always obeyed him. He wished nothing but to obey him. He just... he had seen the Kekkai cracking and had moved following his instinct, without bothering to think. He hadn't meant to break cover, to aid Seishiro-san or to attack Kamui-kun. He had just seen Seishiro-san in trouble and... his body had moved.(1) "I'm so sorry, Seishiro-san..." he almost whimpered. Seishiro raised an eyebrow at that answer.

"Didn't you think I could handle it myself, Subaru-kun?" he asked with a hint of surprise in his voice.

"I... I just saw the Kekkai cracking... the attack was powerful... you could get hurt and I... I'm so sorry..." Subaru-kun repeated. Seishiro dragged him close and kissed his forehead, pleased by that answer. Apparently the boy had acted out of instinct. His Subaru-kun was still a kind creature who couldn't bear for him to be hurt and would do anything to protect him. Besides, it would be a waste not to praise such loyalty.

"No harm done, Subaru-kun. I was merely worried you could get hurt, should Kamui-chan chose to try to attack you. You know you're precious to me, don't you?" he murmured soothingly in the boy's ear, making sure to reassure him. Subaru-kun was his most precious possession and he had always done his best to treat him with care so to not ruin him.

Subaru nodded and hugged Seishiro-san tightly, uncaring, for once, of the people around them. Seishiro-san was fine and wasn't mad at him, and that was all that mattered to him.

Seishiro smiled, satisfied, forgetting for a moment the annoyance of having that other tall boy, Kamui-chan had called him _'Fuma'_ if he wasn't wrong, entering in his Maboroshi and stopping his attack. He allowed Subaru-kun some more cuddling before deciding it was time to get back to business again.

"We'd better go, Subaru-kun. I've to pay a visit to Nakano Sun Plaza," he said carelessly and sensed Subaru-kun's hold on him tightening as he spoke. He knew that Subaru-kun had been born to be a Ten no Ryu. Probably something inside the boy was screaming he shouldn't let a Chi no Ryu destroy one of the Kekkai placed to protect Tokyo, especially considering that Seishiro planned to destroy the Kekkai using the blood of his soon to be victim. Considering all this, Seishiro ruffled Subaru-kun's hair sympathetically. "If you want you can go back home and wait for me there," he offered. "I'll let my Shiki keep you company until I'm back." Subaru-kun's loyalty in the previous battle deserved a reward. If he didn't feel like witnessing a murder and the destruction of Nakano he wouldn't force him. The boy relaxed minutely at the small concession, his hold loosening.(2)

"It's okay. I want to be with you," Subaru-kun replied, his voice muffled as he was still pressing himself against Seishiro's chest. Good, obedient boy. He kissed Subaru-kun's forehead gently, knowing that that affectionate gesture didn't embarrass Subaru-kun that much, then started nudging the boy in the direction of Nakano, keeping one arm draped around Subaru-kun's shoulders.

Subaru walked obediently next to him, keeping a tight grip of Seishiro-san's coat. He knew he was going to have more horrible nightmares that night, more nightmares in which he watched people die and was unable to help them. He would never get used to the things Seishiro-san did. Never. But his place was beside the man. He didn't think he could live away from him, and if Seishiro-san wanted to kill people... He swallowed. He couldn't help him do that. He couldn't. All he could do was try not to be a burden on him and... to stay close to him as much as he could.

* * *

Meanwhile, the teenagers known as Arisugawa Sorata and Kishu Arashi were watching as Kamui, Fuma and Kotori were walking away, while talking about what had happened.(3)

"That was the Sakurazukamori's special technique, the same he used under the parliament house," Sorata was affirming. "And even though we really wanted to help Kamui, we couldn't intervene at all. He's really amazing, like rumour says, that Sakurazukamori. We'd better contact the Sumeragi Ichimon quickly."

Arashi agreed with a nod.

"The assassination organization, Sakurazukamori, that is said to kill people with Onmyoujutsu, is said to be the polar opposite of the Sumeragi Ichimon. They are said to be the highest Onmyoujutsu masters of Japan," she reported.

"That's not all. I heard there is a running conflict between them. The rumours aren't clear, really, but apparently the current Sakurazukamori murdered the Sumeragi heir when he was only a child. All the Sumeragi Ichimon is hunting for him, and I can only imagine that their intentions toward him aren't exactly friendly." Arashi nodded, understanding fully what the other was implying, slightly amazed, even if nothing in her expression showed it, at his knowledge and clear analysis. Sorata-san was, more often than not, playing the role of the idiot, doing silly jokes that only he could enjoy but, when he dropped the act, she could see he was really the star the famous HoshiMi of Kouya had carefully raised, a star whose power matched the founder of KouyaSan.

* * *

Not many minutes later they had found a public phone and Sorata, who had volunteered to make the call, was talking with someone at the Sumeragi Estate in Kyoto while Arashi was waiting for him, unwillingly attracting admiring gazes from each male passing by.(4)

Sorata also left the phone to look at her, commenting on how pretty she looked. Arashi merely asked him why wasn't he phoning the Sumeragi Ichimon.

Sorata reported he was doing it but they had put him on hold. The Sumeragi no Chou was apparently not in Kyoto.

When Arashi suggested they merely didn't trust him because he sounded suspiciously like some weirdo, Sorata protested energetically, informing her that, before calling, he had asked Kouya's HoshiMi, whom he affectionately called _'Jiichan'_, to contact the Sumeragi Ichimon before him.

In Sorata's opinion, the absence of the Sumeragi no Chou was connected to the feud between the Sumeragi and the Sakurazukamori. As they reflected on it and on the fact that if the Sakurazukamori was one of the _'Shichi no Mitsukai'_ or _'Seven Angels'_ things were going to be troublesome for them, someone, on the other end of the phone started talking, announcing to Sorata that they were going to connect him with the previous KaChou, surprising Sorata quite a bit. The next voice he heard was the one of an old woman, with a calm but firm tone that announced her position despite the formal politeness she used. After a short introduction, she moved straight to the point.

"Our KaChou is in Tokyo right now," she said then paused as an old pain filled her voice. "As expected, it's beginning... the battle between Ten no Ryu versus Chi no Ryu... in Tokyo, the fight for the destiny of this world..." she made a strangled sound, maybe a sob. "As if our family hadn't mourned enough already... that girl will have to face all this in **_his_** place..."

"Sendai KaChou... Your family heir was murdered by the Sakurazukamori, wasn't he?" There was a pause, a sudden silence that Sorata thought caused by the pain the memory of her loss should have brought. When the woman spoke again her voice sounded cold and distasteful.

"Our current KaChou... is **_his_** twin sister. She's at Tokyo now. She... wasn't the one destined to do this, she will probably never have the power **_he_** had, but... Hokuto-san(5) is a strong girl and won't let the Sumeragi Ichimon down. She'll do what is her duty to do in **_his_** place. I'll give you the number at which you can contact her." After doing so the woman was fast in ending the conversation, not giving Sorata the chance to ask further questions.(6)

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. I know, I know, Seishiro's spell works in a confusing way. Basically Subaru obeys to Seishiro no matter what Seishiro says but he still conserves his feelings and instincts. So he can dislike Seishiro's orders and he can move out of instinct. Also, he's free to do what he prefers as long as it didn't contrast with Seishiro's wishes. Why is that? Because if Subaru was totally submitted to Seishiro's wills he wouldn't be able to move unless ordered so which is highly unpractical and might be dangerous for both.

2. In the manga, after fighting with Kamui, Seishiro blows up the Kekkai of the Nakano Sun Plaza dirtying it with the blood of his victim. It's the first Kekkai destroyed and Seishiro broke it before Kamui made his choice. It's unsure if he broke the Kekkai on purpose or it was merely a side effect of the fact he murdered someone there.

3. I used for this fic the names' transliterations used in **'CLAMP no Kiseki'** Vol. 8. My only exception is Arashi's surname. In **'CLAMP no Kiseki'** is transliterated as _'Kisyuu'_ but I prefer to use _'Kishu'_ that I had found used in official sources more often.

4. In the manga, Sorata and Arashi contact the Sumeragi Ichimon after Seishiro had fought with Kamui. In the original version they were informed that Subaru was in Tokyo. It's not said if she did to Sorata a way to contact Subaru, anyway Nakano's destruction follow short after and in Nakano (and not in Kamakura as in the Anime) Sorata and Arashi meet Subaru. Of course in this fic things will go differently since Subaru's under Seishiro's control...

5. According to the manga of **'Tokyo Babylon'** and **'X'** and to the **'X'** anime, Subaru and Hokuto's grandmother calls them _'Subaru-san'_ and _'Hokuto-san'_.

6. Since the Sumeragi Ichimon had lost Subaru they had trained Hokuto to take his place as KaChou. However, despite all their effort, Hokuto's power is still way less than Subaru's and, of course, she's not a Ten no Ryu since the title belong to Subaru and Subaru only.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
In the **'X'** anime the world used to mean _'Family Head'_ seems to be something that sound like _'TouChou'_. However I couldn't find it in my Dictionary, which instead offered _'KaChou'_, which will be the word I'll be using. This might be changed should I discover the exact word used in **'X'**.  
After the battle between Seishiro and Kamui many facts happen in the **'X'** manga storyline. However since they remain unchanged in this fic too I'm not going to retell them all. However they're partially different from the one showed in the anime so for who didn't have the chance to read the manga but only saw the Anime I summarize the most important ones here.  
After the fight with Seishiro Kamui follows the Monou siblings at Togakushi Jinja under Fuma's request. Short after, Magami Tokiko, Kamui's aunt, reaches the Togakushi Jinja and gives birth to the ShinKen in front of Fuma and Kamui. Her body is chopped to pieces as she does so and she, of course, dies. Kotori, joins Fuma and Kamui, sees Tokiko's pieces all around the floor, remembers that her mother died in the same way and goes within (or so it looks... it's not clearly explained). There she first met her mother who said she had given birth to the ShinKen in place of Kamui's mother because to her she was her most important person and that Kotori will also die for her most important person then she meets Kakyou who informs her that Nakano is going to be destroyed by an earthquake and helps her to return back to consciousness. She wake up but she's insane (well, she goes around holding Tokiko's head giggling happily...).  
What happens next?  
You'll find out in the next chapter!

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**HoshiMi:** "Stargazer". Who can see the future in stars  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Jiichan:** "Grandfather" or "Old Man"  
**Jinja:** Shinto Shrine  
**KaChou:** Family Head  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**KouyaSan:** Mount Kouya  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Sendai KaChou:** Previous Family Head  
**Shichi no Mitsukai:** Seven Angels  
**Shiki:** Short for 'Shikigami'  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji  
**ShinKen:** "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"  
**Sumeragi no Chou:** Sumeragi's Head  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**Togakushi:** Hidden Sword

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: i'm glad you liked the previous chapter also! I hope you will like this too!

To **Lady Samurai**: Subaru's born to belong to Seishiro! And vice versa! **'Tokyo Babylon'** rocks! I'll try to write this fic in such a way it'll be understandable even for who hadn't read **'X'**... Should something be unclear please, feel free to tell me!

To **Ruth**: I'm glad you like the situation I created. As for your question... Subaru hadn't been forced to protect Seishiro, in fact Seishiro didn't expect Subaru to try to protect him. To protect Seishiro had been an instinctual reaction. To be able only to watch while Seishiro murders people or breaks Kekkai is instead something Subaru's forced to do.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	4. Chap 4: A Night Like This

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 4: A Night Like This"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"Say goodbye on a night like this  
If it's the last thing we ever do  
You never looked as lost as this  
Sometimes it doesn't even look like you  
It goes dark  
It goes darker still  
Please stay  
But I watch you like I'm made of stone  
As you walk away... **_

__

**_I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night  
Can't stand here like this anymore  
For always and ever is always for you  
I want it to be perfect  
Like before..."  
(Professional Murder - "A Night Like This")_**

In another part of Tokyo a girl was using her Ofuda to give life to many bird-looking Tsukaima(1) that she planned to use to scan the city.

She was pretty, with bright green eyes that hid her pain in their depths and short black hair that, despite the girl's love for fashion and variety, had never known another haircut from the moment her twin brother had vanished. Her grandmother had declared her brother, her Subaru, dead. The old woman had worshipped him and even now she always compared the two of them, regretting he had been the one who had been lost, but had declared him dead anyway, without even having proof he really was.

Without wanting proof that he wasn't.

The truth was that the family wouldn't want him back after he had been in contact with the Sakurazukamori, and so everyone preferred to consider him dead.

Everyone but her.

Hokuto **_knew_** that Subaru should be still alive.

It wasn't something she could explain; it was just something she **_knew_** deep inside herself. They were twins after all. If he had been murdered, if he were dead, she would have known.

It was in order to find him she had accepted the position of KaChou; it was in order to find him she had seriously trained in Onmyoujutsu even if, as her grandmother constantly reminded her, she hadn't Subaru's talent; it was in order to find him she had tried to not alter her appearance so, should Subaru meet her casually, he would still be able to recognize her.

She knew time wasn't on her side.

After sixteen years from Subaru's disappearance she had grown up quite a bit from the cute eight years old she was the last time she saw him, before their grandmother took him to Tokyo for a year for the ceremony of succession.(2) She was definitely taller, even if petite compared to other girls, and had developed some more curves but still... they were twins. They couldn't be that much different. She would recognize him if she were to see him and he would recognize her if he were to see her. And maybe... hopefully... other people would notice their resemblance and unconsciously or consciously offer her a hand in her search.

As for the man who had taken Subaru away from her... Hokuto's gaze hardened. She had never been as kind and forgiving as Subaru but, before his disappearance, she had never believed she could hate someone so much, be so willing to put an end to someone else's life.

Subaru had been her baby brother, the joy of her life.

The Sakurazukamori was going to learn no one could touch Sumeragi Hokuto's brother.

**_No one._**

* * *

The Sakurazukamori currently had other things on his mind that didn't involved Sumeragi Hokuto's dead threats. To be honest he had never cared much about the hunt the Sumeragi had conducted from the moment he stole Subaru-kun from them. They had been the ones who had let the boy wander carelessly in Tokyo all alone and end up in his Maboroshi. They had served him Subaru-kun on a silver platter and now they had no right to complain. Their chase had never discouraged him from keeping the boy; on the contrary it had made his prize even more sweet and precious. Besides, Subaru-kun was worth all the troubles the Sumeragi's futile pursuit had caused him. He didn't think he could find anywhere another boy who could compare to him for beauty, kindness, sweetness and loyalty. No, he mused as he stared at the boy's lovely face, his Subaru-kun was really priceless.

He gave Subaru-kun a quick kiss on his lips, savouring their smoothness and softness, before walking toward his target, who was squirming helplessly trapped in his Maboroshi. From the corner of his eyes he noticed Subaru-kun lowering his gaze and refusing to look at the scene, biting his lower lip.

Seishiro knew it was a good thing he didn't have to work for _'Japan's well being'_ very often.(3)

He knew that murdering someone would mean that Subaru-kun wouldn't be in the mood that night. Even if he would never refuse Seishiro's advances, he would just... be there with his body while his mind would be in a world made of self-imposed guilt, refusing to leave it unless properly cuddled and coaxed, and only if Seishiro did things properly the boy would be willing the morning after. This, of course, only if those recurring nightmares he kept having hadn't unsettled him too much. Seishiro had never forced Subaru-kun to have sex with him when the boy wasn't in the mood. He was a murderer, but not a rapist, more because he was persuaded he wasn't so desperate as to have to use rape to get sex than because he was morally against it.

Of course, this didn't mean he enjoyed the forced abstinence he just... used it as a test of his will and a way to enforce Subaru-kun's obedience by offering him care and consideration in a moment in which he was vulnerable. An act of course, because Seishiro didn't really care for him or his feelings more than he would care for another of his belongings, even if he had no problem admitting Subaru-kun was his favourite and most precious, but the Sakurazukamori was a master of illusions and so far he had managed quite well with Subaru-kun.

As he prepared to strike his prey he started to consider which _'caring'_ acts he would use toward his Subaru-kun after his work was done, planning to best his personal record of shortest time he had to spend to get Subaru-kun back in his good mood again.

* * *

When the earthquake hit the shock was felt almost everywhere, from Togakushi Jinja where Kotori was cradling Tokiko's head under Fuma and Kamui's gazes, to the Mitsukai Headquarter under the Tokyo Government Office, then the Sun Plaza broke in two halves with a resounding crack and with it broke the Kekkai that protected Nakano. In such a pregnant moment, while the awakening of Kamui's Souhoshi was getting closer and the YumeMi were all busy with dreams about the incoming future, Sumeragi Hokuto was using a spell to get some clues about who was responsible for what had happened in Nakano.(4) When fragments of concrete fallen from the damaged buildings collected on the floor around her Ofuda forming an inverted star she got her answer.(5)

_'Sakurazukamori'_.

She recognized the symbol immediately, that star that placed straight represented the Sumeragi while reverted was the mark of the Sakurazukamori, and broke into a run toward Nakano. If the Sakurazukamori was there... if she could get to him... maybe she could find some clues about what had happened to Subaru... or, at least, get her revenge on the man that had taken her brother away from her. As she ran as fast as she could, jumping from building to building in a desperate attempt to speed up, she crossed two teenagers doing the same.(6) She knew they must be connected to the end of the world as well, she knew she should investigate but she couldn't bring herself to stop. She had to find the Sakurazukamori. He was her only clue to track down Subaru.

* * *

Hokuto reached Nakano in the end.

The place was in a terrible shape as buildings were still crumbling and burning, and people were screaming in fear and desperation or trying to escape from the devastation. Only one man was standing calmly in the middle of it all, amidst the clouds of smoke and dust, as if nothing had happened. She could see him clearly, right next to where the Nakano Sun Plaza had been, a tall figure clad in black clothes still surrounded by tiny, invisible sparks of Onmyoujutsu magic.

Sakurazukamori.

He should be the one.

She jumped gracefully into the open, straight in front of him but still at a safe distance, if there was a _'safe distance'_ when you were talking about a Sakurazukamori. He was tall, with broad shoulders, dark soft hair and a careless attitude and he looked very handsome in that dark coat and expensive black suit, but she didn't care. The only reason she was taking in every single detail of his appearance was that, should she lose him now, she needed to remember how he looked to track him down again.

As he had caught sight of her he had stared, surprise, disbelief and confusion clearly written on his features as if he was seeing something that just couldn't be. The man should have been in his mid thirties and yet he looked younger, he had an hint of childishness in his expression that gave him a look of innocence even now when his clothes smelled of blood. She frowned, her gaze hardening. This was the man that had taken Subaru away from her.

"Sakurazukamori," she muttered with hate. His expression settled into an amused smile and she felt rage running into her veins in place of her blood as she instinctively picked her Ofuda, ready to face anything the man could throw at her. She wasn't ready, however, to have a young man quietly joining the two of them, silently placing himself at the Sakurazukamori's side before turning to glance at her. As he regarded her, a tiny flick of confusion flared into his empty expression. He frowned while studying her, not really looking like he understood what was going on. She felt a sob rising in her throat and she forgot everything else as she stared at the young man as well, her attention completely captured by his presence, as she took note of the green empty eyes, of the pale skin and the thin shoulders, of the dark hair, cut shorter than hers but still of the same exact shade, that framed a round handsome face that was the male version of her own.

Subaru.

Her brother.

Alive.

Breathing.

Right in front of her.

They kept studying each other carefully, as if mesmerized, as if the world had narrowed to the two of them, until the moment was broken by the Sakurazukamori, who wrapped an arm around her brother's shoulders, pulling the young man closer to him possessively, making her feel as if he had ripped him from her again.

"Let him go, you bastard!" she screamed as she raised her Ofuda ready to do something desperate, she didn't know what exactly. The Sakurazukamori smirked as he held Subaru even tighter, even closer. Subaru let him as he just looked at her, saying nothing, doing nothing, and she felt rage and confusion bubbling inside her.

"Why should I?" the Sakurazukamori asked in a definitely amused tone. "He wants to stay with me, Sumeragi-chan, don't you, Subaru-kun?" he told her, turning to look at her brother as he stroked Subaru's hair in the same manner one would use with a loyal dog. Her eyes widened in shock as Subaru simply nodded, leaning into the embrace, apparently appreciating the Sakurazukamori's attentions.

"Subaru! What's wrong with you?" she screamed to her brother, near to tears. How could Subaru wish to stay with the Sakurazukamori? How could he? Subaru didn't turn toward her.

"Why does she know my name, Seishiro-san?" he asked to the Sakurazukamori instead, and she was amazed to hear how his voice had changed, becoming more manly, so different from the young child she had known and yet the tone was still her Subaru's, that soft spoken, polite manner of speaking she'd been so familiar with. The Sakurazukamori leaned his face toward Subaru's ear, a kind smile on his lips, a kind smile Hokuto just **_knew_** to be false.

"Of course she knows about you and me, Subaru-kun," the Sakurazukamori replied. "She's the young Sumeragi no Chou. You remember who the Sumeragi are, don't you, Subaru-kun? If I'm not wrong her name should be Hokuto-chan. She's a cute little thing, isn't she? Almost like you but not quite," he ended chuckling slightly. He had been speaking in a seductive, amused tone right in her brother's ear as he held him close, his breath brushing Subaru's hair, dealing with the boy in an intimate, confidential manner that Hokuto was finding disgusting. She would have fumed hadn't she been desperate from her brother's lack of recognition.

"Yes, she looks like me," Subaru agreed his empty voice sounding a bit more thoughtful than usual. "Seishiro-san... do you have to hurt her?" he asked then. He knew the rules about witnessing a Sakurazukamori in action, but still... somehow deep inside himself he didn't want that girl to be hurt. It was an imperative that was echoing loudly in his mind even if he didn't know why he felt so strongly for her.

"You don't want me to?" Seishiro asked in an almost wondering tone. The little Sumeragi was a nuisance but she couldn't pose a real problem to him. Subaru-kun had been the one with the power. She wasn't even a Ten no Ryu, the position belonging to Subaru-kun and Subaru-kun only. Seishiro had been stunned by her resemblance to him but, now that he had observed her coldly, he could sense she couldn't be a threat to him or Subaru-kun. Seishiro wanted her out of his way, but he didn't believe killing her in front of Subaru-kun would be a good idea. Her death could trigger the memories he had buried in the boy's mind when he had been a mere child.

Plus he was feeling magnanimous. Subaru-kun's display of loyalty before had pleased him greatly, and giving him a little gift such as sparing the life of the girl could help him to put Subaru-kun in a better mood and save the night.

"I won't do it if you don't want me to," he whispered in Subaru-kun's ear sensually, a note of complicity in his voice.

"Please, let her go," the boy requested as Seishiro had expected. Seishiro laughed and turned Subaru-kun fully toward him, wrapping his arms around the boy, pressing him against his chest. Subaru-kun immediately hugged him back, leaning against him as he did usually, a faint blush on his cheeks at the public display of affection.

"Whatever you wish, Subaru-kun," Seishiro agreed enjoying himself as Subaru-kun snuggled closer in thankfulness.

"What have you done to him, you bastard!" Hokuto sputtered in rage as she observed helplessly the display of Subaru's submission to the Sakurazukamori. How had the man managed to turn her sensible, caring, little brother into his personal slave?

Seishiro smirked at her. She had lost so easily. Subaru-kun was **_his_**.

Only **_his_**.

The boy would never belong to anyone else.

"Goodbye, Sumeragi-chan," Seishiro saluted her with a mock bow before vanishing before her eyes with Subaru-kun in a flurry of Sakura blossoms. He would wait and track her down later, when Subaru-kun wasn't around, and finish her off, just to avoid any possible danger. For now he could let Subaru-kun lull himself with the sensation he had saved a life. From the way the boy clung to him maybe, with just a little more coaxing, he could even get lucky and put him in the right mood in a quite short period of time, and that was all he cared about right then...

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. I know, I know... everyone in fandom calls the birds Subaru and Seishiro make with Ofuda Shikigami. However Seishiro didn't use a Ofuda to create his hawk Shiki and I think that Subaru used an Ofuda when summoning his Shiki in **'Tokyo Babylon'** (a Shiki who's quite different from the white birds he uses in **'X'**) only to have his Shiki dividing in three bodies... So I'll call Shiki only Seishiro's hawk or Subaru's one eyed bird while all the others will go under the name of _'Tsukaima'_.

2. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** is said that Subaru met Seishiro at nine but it's also said that he had been in Tokyo by a year for the ceremony of succession and that Hokuto wasn't with him so, even if Subaru had been kidnapped at nine, he and Hokuto were eight the last time they saw each other.

3. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** is clearly explained that the Sakurazukamori kills the people that threaten Japan's well being or who knows his true identity. I assume he would also murder whom he perceives as a threat to himself. In the **'Tokyo Babylon'** OAV Seishiro also murders who threatened Subaru's life. However it might be he perceives Subaru as a potential heir (or maybe just due to the bet terms and Seishiro's possessiveness).

4.I cut a quite large piece of what happened in the **'X'** manga just because exactly the same happened in this fic and I didn't want to bore who had already seen it in the manga. For who hadn't the chance to read it however here it's what had happened. After Kamui went to the Togakushi Jinja Kotori went to sleep in her room. Fuma tries to question Kamui. Kamui doesn't want to talk so Fuma remembers him that when they were children Kamui had promised to protect Kotori and Fuma had promised to protect Kamui. Kotori also had promised to protect Kamui. Fuma then hugs Kamui and says he wants to keep that promise. Meanwhile Kotori dreams there are two Kamui then sees her death. Then she sees herself falling on Earth. Fearing to break it she chooses that she'll prefer to die than cause Earth's destruction and so she breaks into pieces. Then she awakes and the same does Hinoto, who was watching Kotori's dream. Meanwhile Kamui says that he didn't mean to involve Fuma and Kotori. Fuma has another of his out of it moments in which he says: _'Our destines are connected, I'm born for you, I'm your...'_ before waking up. In that moment a severely injured Tokiko in Kimono joins them. She gives birth to the ShinKen and then her body breaks in pieces. Kotori comes, sees the scenes, remember her mother's dead and her dream and goes insane. She goes within, meets her mother who said she was in love with Kamui's mother and died for her and that Kotori's too will die for the person she loves then she meets Kakyou. Kakyou tells her that Nakano is about to be destroyed. Fuma is having another out of it moments in which he tells to Kamui to choose what he wants to be then he awakes. Kotori too awakes but she's fully insane and giggling happily while cradling Tokiko's head she informs Kamui and Fuma that Nakano is about to be destroyed. Seconds after Nakano is destroyed. As this happens Kanoe and Hinoto has a chat about the end of the world and for a second they enters in Kakyou's dream. Imonoyama Nokoru, Takamura Suoh and Ijyuin Akira reach Togakushi Jinja and carry Fuma, Kamui and Kotori to CLAMP Gakuen.

5. In the **'X'** Anime Ep. 1 Subaru uses a similar spell but in that case Sakura blossoms take the shape of a star. In the manga instead they seems to be fragments of concrete or little stones...

6. The two teenagers are Sorata and Arashi.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
I'm really sorry for the large bit of story I had to cut in this chapter however it was completely pointless to insert it in this story since there are no real changes with what you can see in the manga. I hope the note helped who hadn't the chance to read the manga. Should something be still unclear please feel free to ask me.  
For who's wondering if sweet, tender Hokuto-chan can be so murderous... yes, she can. She told Seishiro in **'Tokyo Babylon'** she would kill him if he were to hurt Subaru and she's the one who cast the spell that in the end kills Seishiro in **'X'**. Considering that in this AU she had never cared for Seishiro in the first place I can picture her wishing to rip his head off for kidnapping Subaru quite easily.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Jinja:** Shinto Shrine  
**KaChou:** Family Head  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Mitsukai:** Angel  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shiki:** Short for 'Shikigami'  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji  
**ShinKen:** "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"  
**Souhoshi:** "Accompanying Star" or "Gemini" or "Twin Star"  
**Sumeragi no Chou:** Sumeragi's Head  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**Togakushi:** Hidden Sword  
**Tsukaima:** "Familiar Magic" or "Messenger Magic" or "Useable Magic". A summoned creature created with a Ofuda specifically for a determinate purpose (pursuing targets, carrying messages, attacking enemies, spying)  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I'm so happy to hear you liked the previous chap!

To **Gray Wings**: (blushes) Thank you a lot!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	5. Chap 5: End Of All Hope

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 5: End Of All Hope"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"It is the end of all hope.  
To lose the child, the faith.  
To end all the innocence.  
To be someone like me. **_

**_This is the birth of all hope.  
To have what I once had.  
This life unforgiven,  
It will end with birth."  
(Nightwish - "End Of All Hope")_**

Hokuto desperately screamed her brother's name as she saw them vanish under her eyes, but there was nothing she could do to stop the Sakurazukamori from taking Subaru away. She wasn't a Ten no Ryu. She couldn't trap him inside a Kekkai powerful enough to hold him there. She couldn't do a thing. With a cry of anguish she left herself fall on the ground and hit it with her fists, trying to release in that simple gesture all the storming emotions that filled her. Subaru... Her brother... Subaru... Her Subaru... He couldn't... He couldn't even recognize her anymore... Subaru... That man... That man had taken him away... Again... How she hated him... How she **_hated_** him... That man... He... Her Subaru...

"Are you well, Neechan?" a concerned voice asked from behind her.(1) She stood immediately, hurriedly wiping away her tears, and turned, ready to face anything and anyone.

She was the Sumeragi no Chou in place of Subaru.

It wouldn't do to show her weakness in front of strangers.

She saw walking toward her the two teenagers that she had passed coming there. The girl was wearing a simple Sailor Fuku but with the same noble bearing a royalty would have. She had a sober yet elegant beauty and a serious expression, but she seemed detached as only a Miko could be. For a moment Hokuto's mind spun as she thought of the variety of clothes in which she would like to dress her.(2) The boy was wearing a black suit.(3) She supposed he had aimed to look elegant in it, or serious, but looked more casual than anything else, maybe also due to the partially loosened tie. He was tall, even if not overly so, and looked very friendly, yet there was a sharp light in his eyes. Probably it had been the boy who had spoken to her. She straightened her back and tried to regain her composure, her hands moving automatically to straighten her clothes.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," she replied, forcing herself to smile cheerfully when all she wanted was to bend down and cry. "You are?"

"I am Kishu Arashi," the girl replied, her expression so serious and formal Obaachan would have probably praised her for it. The boy behind her instead was keeping a sillier, almost cute attitude. Obaachan wouldn't have approved but it made Hokuto marginally more comfortable and she was glad for it.

"And I am Neechan's future lover, Arisugawa Sorata-chan," the boy announced enthusiastically, stealing a tiny smile from Hokuto. Arashi-chan however glared at him, causing him to look embarrassed. A couple in denial, Hokuto thought. Cute. Very cute, and for a moment this distracted her from her own dark thoughts.

"I am one of the Ten no Ryu summoned by the YumeMi, Hinoto Hime. Can you please tell us your name?" Arashi-chan continued formally, apparently trying to ignore Sorata.

"I'm Hokuto, Sumeragi Hokuto, but you can call me simply Hokuto-chan," she introduced herself with another forced smile. It was hard to smile after she had just found and lost Subaru, but she would do it. At least now she knew Subaru was still alive and well, and that was what really mattered. She still had hope. She still could save him. She would surely save him.

"You are the 13th Sumeragi no Chou!" Arashi and Sorata exclaimed together looking quite surprised. Hokuto didn't blame them. Many people hadn't wanted to believe the Sumeragi no Chou could be such a pretty, young girl.

"Yes," she replied bitterly, her gaze lowering. "In a fashion." Not so much the real KaChou, she was a mere substitute, someone who had taken the position that should have belonged to Subaru to save the appearances after the Sumeragi Ichimon had lost their chosen heir and most powerful member to the Sakurazukamori. She disliked the role and had taken it only for Subaru. To save Subaru, to get the power to help him, to protect him when she got him back. In Hokuto's world Subaru was all that mattered.

"So you're a Ten no Ryu too..." Arashi stated. Hokuto shook her head sadly.

"No. You're wrong. I've not that power. It... it belonged to another..." she replied simply.

"What? What do you mean?" Arashi asked, frowning. Why should the Sumeragi Ichimon give the leadership to this girl if she wasn't their most powerful member?

"It belongs to your brother, doesn't it? To the one who met the Sakurazukamori when he was still a child," Sorata said gently. He saw Hokuto biting her lower lip and tightening her fists and immediately understood he had guessed right. He felt sympathy for her. It would have been hard to lose a brother. "But the Sakurazukamori didn't kill him, did he?" he continued. "He just took him away. Is that Niichan who was with the Sakurazukamori your brother?" he asked then, even more gently. He had noticed the resemblance between them and how the girl had reacted to him. There could have been only one explanation for it, and from the look on Hokuto-chan's face he was sure he had found the right one.

"That man... he... he had took Subaru away... away from his home when he was only nine and then... then he must have done something to him... Subaru... Subaru doesn't recognize me anymore... He doesn't know he has a sister anymore... He doesn't know he's a Sumeragi anymore... He... He had always been such a kind person... I... I can't believe the Sakurazukamori managed to twist him so much he would wish to stay close to that... to that murderer... My Subaru... My Subaru..." Hokuto was babbling, her composure and cheerful appearance shattered and she knew it. All that pain she had kept inside for so long was slowly spilling out and she wasn't able to stop it. Not after seeing what the Sakurazukamori had done to her brother. All she wanted was to bring her Subaru back... To save him... To protect him... It was all she asked...

Sorata gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Please, don't cry. I'm sure Neechan and I will find a way to help you. For now, why don't you come with us to YumeMi Hime? Maybe she'll be able to give us some helpful information," he suggested with an encouraging smile. Hokuto dried her eyes again, nodded and rewarded him with another smile, this time more heartfelt. It has been so long since the last time someone had shown her some kindness... She definitely had to help that boy to get the love of Arashi-chan there!

* * *

Elsewhere Seishiro was quietly walking with his Subaru-kun under the full moon. The boy was in a better mood than Seishiro would have expected him to be in, even if he looked more lost in his thoughts than usual.

Seishiro was optimist.

He was sure he could get Subaru-kun in a good mood right after dinner. They had wasted more time than he would have liked in Nakano and now he was hungry. Since Subaru-kun was less upset now, he planned to allow them to have a good dinner at Sunshine 60 before going straight home.

Sunshine 60 was another of Tokyo's Kekkai. It was going to be destroyed soon, and before that day Seishiro planned to fully enjoy its many restaurants. Maybe he and Subaru-kun could even have a romantic dinner with candlelight, he mused as he wrapped an arm around the boy dragging him closer. Subaru-kun leaned obediently against him, his arms automatically going around his waist as Seishiro had taught him to do. Yes, Seishiro thought, it was going to be a good night.

It was then that fate decided to prove him wrong.

The surge of power hit them both, as well as every Ten no Ryu or Chi no Ryu no matter where they were or what they were doing. The two Kamui had been awoken.(4)

Seishiro cursed as he grabbed Subaru-kun and supported him as the boy screamed in pain. None of the other Chi no Ryu or Ten no Ryu were affected that badly by the two Kamui's awakening, but for Subaru-kun things were different. The boy was under a spell that controlled his will. That stupid power surge had probably tampered with the spell causing this evidently quite painful reaction. Seishiro held Subaru-kun in his arms protectively until the pain subsided and the screams turned into soft whimpers, rubbing Subaru-kun's back soothingly. Stupid, stupid power surge. Couldn't the two Kamui awake more discreetly? Did they really have to warn everyone in such a spectacular manner? If this was going to ruin his plans for the night Seishiro was going to be quite disappointed.(5)

"Are you well now, Subaru-kun?" he asked the boy gently when Subaru-kun calmed down, leaning limply against Seishiro.

"Hurt..." the boy whimpered wrapping with some effort his arms around Seishiro's neck and hiding his face against his chest. He felt weak and on the verge of fainting. The pain in his head was atrocious and he was starting to feel nauseous and scared. He had no idea what was wrong with himself. He didn't realize that what he had felt was due to the awakening of the two Kamui, he had just felt the pain. "It hurt so much, Seishiro-san..." he whimpered again, searching for comfort. Seishiro sighed. He just knew it; they weren't going to have their romantic dinner at Sunshine.

"It's okay, Subaru-kun. It'll pass soon. I'll take you home now," he said picking the boy up in his arms and starting to walk away. He didn't mind much carrying Subaru-kun around like that, he had plenty of years of practice and the boy didn't weigh much anyway. It seemed that they would have to eat at home. Oh well, they should still have some slices of cake...

Subaru slumped in Seishiro-san's arms as the man picked him up, leaning his head against his shoulder. There was a faint blush on his cheeks but the prevailing feeling was thankfulness for Seishiro-san's help. He wouldn't know what to do without the man. He saw Seishiro-san smiling down at him and sighed in relief. The man wasn't mad at him and, as he had said, it was getting better. Seishiro-san was always so nice with him... He tried to get closer to him, seeking his protection and warmth. To be close to Seishiro-san was all that Subaru wanted and needed right then.

Seishiro's smile widened at that. Now he was sure that, once the pain faded, Subaru-kun would be in the right mood. Maybe giving up on their romantic dinner wouldn't be so bad after all...

* * *

Elsewhere, the Ten no Ryu were facing a different problem. They had arrived too late, only in time to see Kamui pinned to a wall with broken glasses, while Kotori was bounded to a cross, and stabbed by the ShinKen. Fuma, or rather the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, was right next to her, his expression cold.

"Kamui, remember it... I will... kill you," he said to the stunned boy before leaving. Then... then the cross to which Kotori was bound started to collapse and the cables that had kept her bound to it started cutting into her skin, ripping her body into pieces. Kamui screamed, a desperate, wounded sound as the pieces of Kotori's body fell straight in front of him, and freed himself, uncaring of the pain it caused him. Crawling, he approached what remained of the girl and cradled Kotori's head, his eyes wide and empty as the shock of what had happened made him temporarily numb to the pain. Then, as what had happened sunk into him he screamed again, as his whole soul drowned in the pain.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Yes, I know, Sorata normally calls Arashi _'Neechan'_. However the word _'Neechan'_ can be used to call girls normally. It's a bit confidential (it would be more proper to use _'Neesan'_) but since Sorata called Subaru _'Niichan'_ the first time he saw him I figured it would make sense for him to call Hokuto _'Neechan'_.

2. For who hadn't had the chance to read the **'Tokyo Babylon'** manga in it is showed how Hokuto had a big fashion sense and loved to come up with new outfits for her and Subaru. I assume she wouldn't mind to dress other people too. Always in **'Tokyo Babylon'** she was also very focused in getting together Seishiro and Subaru. I assume she enjoys to play matchmaker.

3. For who hadn't had the chance to read the **'X'** manga I'll point out that, in it, differently from the anime, the guys changes their clothes. Sorata was wearing a black suit because that day he had took part to Kyougo's funeral.

4. I cut another piece of what happened in the **'X'** manga that happened exactly the same in this fic. For who hadn't the chance to read it however here it's what had happened. Once arrived in CLAMP Gakuen Imonoyama Noroku explains to Kamui that CLAMP Gakuen had been built to protect the ShinKen until the promised day then he shows to Kamui a tape in which Tokiko asks him to choose which destiny he would prefer, if he wants to be a Ten no Ryu or a Chi no Ryu. While Kamui is thinking at it Kotori, still insane, falls in a pool (yes, in the manga she is awake and not bed ridden as in the anime). Kamui and Fuma run to help her and she says them that she loves Earth and the fact that Kamui lives on Earth makes the place even more special to her. Kamui then said that he didn't care about Earth but he wants to protect the place in which Fuma and Kotori live. As he says so Fuma awakes as Chi no Ryu's Kamui and blows up the place. He then traps Kotori with cables on a cross shaped structure, stab Kamui's arms and one leg to a piece of concrete, tells him he'll murder humanity and then uses the ShinKen to kill Kotori. He'd like to do the same with Kamui but Kakyou manipulate Kotori's dead body so that Fuma couldn't retrieve the ShinKen.

5. In the manga, when the two Kamui awake, all the Ten no Ryu and Chi no Ryu became immediately aware of it. It might be because Fuma blew up part of a building but not everyone should have been that close to where the two Kamui were so I think they just felt Kamui's power. Also, in the manga, no one is hurt by their awakening. Subaru have a painful reaction to the thing due to the spell Seishiro used on him. Technically Subaru is a Ten no Ryu so something in him should react to the Ten no Ryu's Kamui who is the leader of the Ten no Ryu but this messed up with the spell that tried to guard his loyalty to Seishiro.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Again, I had to cut a part of the story because it was nothing different from what happens in the manga.  
About Hokuto... she's trying to be a tough girl but she's obviously suffering a lot for what happened to her brother. As for Sorata... Sorata in the manga is clearly a sharp person who hides it behind a playful façade. As for Seishiro... yes he's always kind to Subaru and treats him well. Why? If you'll ask him he'll reply that Subaru is his favourite possession and, due to this, he would never damage him and while he could easily force him to have sex with him using the spell and Subaru wouldn't manage to oppose, due to the fact that Subaru still have tiny flickers of will this fact would damage Subaru psychologically. Seishiro prefers to manipulate Subaru, so to have him willingly obedient to him than to force him into obedience.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Fuku:** School Uniform  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**KaChou:** Family Head  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Miko:** "Shrine Maiden" or "Priestess"  
**Neechan:** "Sister" or "Older Girl"  
**Neesan:** "Sister" or "Older Girl"  
**Niichan:** "Brother" or "Older Boy"  
**Obaachan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**ShinKen:** "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"  
**Sumeragi no Chou:** Sumeragi's Head  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings** and **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I'm glad you liked this! As for Seishiro and Subaru... It's still a bit too early to tell which will be their destiny in the end...

To **Ruth**: Yes, Hokuto will do all she can to get Subaru back. I'm glad you like the fics I've on the Livejournal however many of the fics there are just temptative versions of fics I don't know if I'll manage to end. When I'm sure one of them will be finished I'll immediately post it here. Yes CWWYW is a very long fic... but since the temptative version is almost finished I'm posting the definitive one here.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	6. Chap 6: Soul Diver

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 6: Soul Diver"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"When the hurting starts  
When the feeling stops - we die  
Will you care for me?  
Soul diver - Trading life for identity **_

**_Nevermind  
You And I  
Believe Me...  
Believe Me..."  
(Seabound - "Soul Diver")_**

It took time to take care of all the injuries Kamui bore.

The physical ones, anyway.

The wounds that had been given to his soul... those were still gaping open, painfully evident in the boy's empty stare or in his unresponsive behaviour as he cradled Kotori's head against himself, refusing to let it go or to react to anything that went on around him. Sorata had called him more than once, but it just hadn't worked. Kamui continued to stare at nothing as he sat in a large bed, all wrapped in bandages, like a broken doll.

In the end, Sorata gave up on trying to get a reaction from him and joined the others.

* * *

Outside Kamui's room Nekoi Yuzuriha-chan, the fourteen year old girl from the Mitsumine Jinja, was crying desperately, as Inuki, her Inugami, and Aoki Seiichiro-san, the Kazetsukai, were trying to comfort her.(1) Hokuto was trying to comfort her too, willing herself to not think of how it would have been better if her brother were handling this, how he would have known what to do. Subaru would have known how to offer comfort and how to deal with such a desperate situation.(2) Subaru... She shook her head, forcing herself to abandon that line of thought. Subaru wasn't there, she was, and, all in all, it was better this way. Subaru would have suffered seeing this situation, and she didn't want him to be in pain. Aoki-san's nephew, Saiki Daisuke-kun, was there as well. Arashi-chan ran immediately to Sorata, asking how Kamui-chan was, a concerned expression on her beautiful face.

"... He doesn't respond to my calls," Sorata admitted, causing Yuzuriha-chan to sob harder. "... But really, he watched the girl he loved get killed by the guy he loved just as much right in front of his eyes. He lost the two people he wanted to protect all in one stroke. I fear... he might not want to return to consciousness after all."

Loss. Hokuto knew about loss. About the responsibility to face what you didn't really want to. About the pain of losing someone, the pain of being left alone, the pain of being left behind. About seeing the person you loved the most looking at you like you were a total stranger.

No.

She couldn't allow Kamui-chan to also feel that horrible pain. She had to help him. Subaru would have agreed with her. Subaru would have surely thought the same. Determinately, she barged into Kamui's room.

Sorata called her back, asking her what she planned to do. She stopped in front of Kamui-chan's bed and took the poor boy's hand into hers. Such an empty gaze... he didn't even look alive anymore... She couldn't leave him like that. She **_had_** to help him.

"... I'm... I'm going inside Kamui-chan," she explained in reply to Sorata's question. She could do it. It was risky and she didn't have the ability Subaru had but... she could do it. She had already done it before and...(3)

"... Into his heart?" Arashi-chan asked.

"Going into his confused consciousness... it's very dangerous!" Daisuke-kun pointed out. Hokuto knew. Of course she knew, but she couldn't turn back. After all... there were no other choices. Tuning out the others' voices she started chanting, feeling the rush of power and then the disconcerting experience of being... inside someone else's soul. It was like a _'water ambient'_. She could either walk over it or sunk into it and reach a deeper level. It was unpleasant and disconcerting at best. She had to fight to control her fear. She would never get used to it. As if the situation wasn't bad enough, Kamui-chan's consciousness took the shape of a dragon and attacked her. She ignored the pain her wounds caused and sank deeper into the boy's heart, until she saw something.

It was a memory, Kamui-chan's memory of what had happened after he had chosen to become a Ten no Ryu, but it soon turned into a nightmare as Kamui-chan was forced to watch as a mirror of himself, and not Fuma-kun, was the one who murdered Kotori-chan. When Hokuto tried to reach him Kamui-chan started sinking, sliding into a deeper level.

That was bad.

If he went any deeper, she knew Kamui-chan's soul could break. Frowning she followed him, reaching a new memory.

Three kids were playing together, young Kamui-chan, young Fuma-kun, and young Kotori-chan. They looked happy but, suddenly, young Fuma-kun was cut into two halves by teenager Fuma-kun with one of the two ShinKen. Fuma-kun then stabbed the ShinKen into young Kotori-chan's heart under young Kamui-chan's gaze.

The child's eyes widened in shock filling with tears and he covered his ears in attempt to block Fuma-kun's cruel words out.

Unsuccessfully.

"I... will... kill you," the older boy repeated before vanishing, his whole body converting into white feathers as Kamui-chan screamed his denial and knelt there, broken hearted, unable to move further. Hokuto reached him and regarded him sadly.

"Kamui-chan," she called softly.

* * *

At the same time, Fuma, or better the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, was wandering around the city. When he had tried to murder Kamui he had been stopped by a YumeMi who had controlled his sister's dead body. Only a Mitsukai would be capable of controlling a corpse and he planned to track this particular Mitsukai down. He had no problems in finding the huge mansion in which the YumeMi was, avoiding easily being caught by the men in black, probably Yakuza, who were guarding it. He entered in the house through the window of the only room with the light still on and found himself trapped in a dreamscape.(4)

"... I've found you. You are the YumeMi who got in my way before," the Chi no Ryu's Kamui stated coldly. He could see the YumeMi right in front of him, sitting calmly on a glass ball shaped like the Earth, feathers fluttering all around him.

"... Your name?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked.

"... Kakyou," the other replied with some hesitation.

"This is... your dream?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked looking around at the dark place in which they were and that resembled a bit the space. "This is... your dream?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked, looking around dark place in which they were. It resembled some kind of surreal science fiction backdrop.

Kakyou didn't answer but pointed to the floor on which the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was standing, a floor made of water, and the teenager saw that, in place of his reflection, there was a young version of the other Kamui. The same young version with whom Hokuto was, and that currently was crying and desperately calling Kotori and Fuma's names.

The Chi no Ryu's Kamui showed no reactions at the scene.

Kakyou opened his hand showing him the feather that he was holding. Said feather took the shape of Kotori as she gave him her last message for Kamui and her brother.

_'I love you... and... the future... has not been... decided yet...'_(5)

"No," the Chi no Ryu's Kamui stated firmly after hearing the words of the girl who had been Monou Fuma's sister. "The future was decided when I became a Chi no Ryu. You should know since you're a YumeMi. There is... only one future."

After saying so he walked toward Kakyou. The YumeMi tried to block his way by raising a wall made of giant crystals, but the Chi no Ryu's Kamui broke them all too easily, shattering Kakyou's dream world and finding himself to face him in the real world now.

The real Kakyou wasn't much different from the one in the dream, only his white hair was longer and he wore a white Kimono.(6) He was sitting on a Futon in a scarcely furnished room. His golden eyes were amazingly sad and he looked like a man who had long ago lost all his hopes.

He had, in a fashion.

Due to his _'gift'_ he had always been kept there, in that room, forced to see the future for an important politician connected with the Yakuza. He was supposed to spend the rest of his life closed in that prison, dangling between the depressing reality of his cage and the future tragedies he could see in his dreams, if the end of the world didn't come first, to free him from that life.

"Is this what you really look like?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked him. Kakyou nodded, lowering his head in shame. Destiny had made him one of the Shichi no Mitsukai, but no one would have been able to tell it from his miserable, weak appearance. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui offered him his hand. "Come with me, Kakyou. Weave your dreams for me..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Hokuto was trying to get Kamui-chan's attention.

"... Who are you?" the child finally asked, looking up at her with confused, tearful purple eyes.(7)

"I am Sumeragi Hokuto, Kamui-chan," she replied gently in an almost motherly tone.

"... I don't know you..." Kamui-chan whimpered before hugging the fading figures of young Fuma-kun and young Kotori-chan. "Please, don't kill Kotori and Fuma... please... don't kill them..." the boy babbled as he panicked again, his sobbing increasing. Hokuto knew she couldn't allow it, she couldn't allow him to sink further in his desperation. It would kill him in the end.

"Kamui-chan! Kamui-chan, stop it! If you keep this up you won't help things! They will only get worse! Your tears and your screams won't bring back Kotori-chan and Fuma-kun!" she firmly told him, grasping his arms. Kamui stared at her numbly with his eyes wide open. Hokuto could almost feel his pain and her gaze softened at that. "I... I'm sorry, I know what it means to lose someone," she said in a softer tone as she forced a gentle, encouraging smile. "Do you know? Right now we are inside your heart. It looks weird, doesn't it?" she asked him.

"... In my heart?" young Kamui-chan repeated, confused.

"Exactly," Hokuto said, nodding. "Something sad happened... and you have refused to face it," she explained gently but Kamui-chan looked lost anyway. He was only a child after all. She sighed then turned toward her left. Kamui-chan followed her gaze. Two children came running out of the darkness, chasing each other and laughing. They had almost the same face, the same bright green eyes and the same fine black hair and wore identical white Shikifuku and identical haircuts. Their resemblance to Hokuto was impressive.

"Who are they?" Kamui-chan asked. Hokuto stared at the children sadly.

"Me and my brother when we were children," she replied with a sigh before turning to him. "Do you know what an Onmyouji is?" she added in a more serious tone. Young Kamui-chan nodded.

"Okaasan told me." She attempted another smile at his reply then her gaze turned serious again.

"We... my brother and I, I mean, we are members of the Sumeragi Ichimon that controls all the Onmyouji of Japan. Subaru... my brother... he was really gifted in Onmyoujutsu and had been chosen to become the next KaChou of our family," she explained, her voice serious and with an odd note of emptiness as if she was trying to distance herself from the story she told.

"So now your brother is the Sumeragi no Chou?" Kamui-chan asked curiously.

"No..." Hokuto replied sadly as a storm of Sakura petals fell on one of the two children causing him to vanish. "He disappeared when he was only nine, kidnapped by the Sakurazukamori," she said, doing her best to keep her pain for Subaru's loss and her hate for the Sakurazukamori out of her voice. In place of the disappeared child now there was a man, a man in a black coat who was smirking at them, looking very pleased with himself.

"I know that guy..." Kamui-chan whispered.

"You've met the Sakurazukamori?" Hokuto asked, surprised.

"The Sakurazukamori?" Kamui had already heard that name but it had never meant much to him. He hadn't know what a _'Sakurazukamori'_ was, only that the man had dared to attack him and Kotori. Kotori...

"The Sakurazukamori," Hokuto repeated, failing to notice Kamui-chan's sadder look, and her voice was cold, so very cold as she glared at the man who was responsible for Subaru's disappearance. "The one who kills people with Onmyoujutsu," she explained. "He... he kidnapped Subaru when he was only a child, making us believe he had murdered him. That's why I had to become the Sumeragi no Chou in Subaru's place even though I didn't have his talent," she reported lowering her head at the memory for a second, then raising it again determinately. "Only today I finally discovered Subaru is still alive, even if he's still in the hands of the Sakurazukamori and completely under his control. He doesn't even recognize me anymore..."

Her gaze saddened further but she didn't lower her eyes when, next to the Sakurazukamori, appeared the figure of Sumeragi Subaru as he was now. The young man was looking at them with the same empty gaze he had turned on Hokuto during their meeting. The Sakurazukamori moved behind him and wrapped his arms around the boy possessively, smirking at them cruelly.

"Yes, I saw him too!" Kamui-chan exclaimed excitedly, remembering the boy who had protected the Sakurazukamori during their meeting. So, had he been controlled? It could have been, he hadn't look like he had aggressive intentions and his eyes had been so empty... "So, now you and all the other Sumeragi will try to free him?" he asked then. Hokuto shook her head sadly.

"No. I will have to try to do it alone. After his disappearance, my family preferred to declare Subaru dead and to erase any trace of him from the family tree than to admit they had lost him to the Sakurazukamori. They won't lift a finger to help him, and they definitely won't have him back after he has been raised by... that man." Hokuto said the words _'that man'_ with disgust and hate. Kamui stared at her. They wouldn't have him back? They would abandon him?

"Subaru... Subaru was Special," Hokuto continued. "He was so caring and kind and gentle and... and everything and... and he was the only one Special for me, the only one who really mattered, the only one who really cared for me and accepted me for what I was. I... I can't abandon him to this destiny no matter what he did, no matter what my family would say. My Wish is to have him back and now I live to turn my Wish into reality. I will never give up my Wish," she stated firmly.(8)

"Because he's _'special'_ to you?" Kamui-chan asked. Hokuto nodded firmly.

"Yes. He's Special," she replied in an absolutely sure tone. "Now... you're in the same situation as me. You've lost Kotori-chan, but Fuma-kun is still alive even if he doesn't recognize you anymore. You... you can forget him and stay here forever or... or you can wake up and decide what you Wish to do about Fuma-kun. You... you don't want to abandon Fuma-kun to this destiny, do you?" she asked, and as she spoke Kamui-chan began to transform, growing before her eyes.

"I want to get Fuma back... I couldn't protect Kotori... so... I want to protect Fuma." The figure of Fuma holding the ShinKen appeared. "... That's not the real Fuma," Kamui-chan stated firmly and, as he said so, the figure disappeared, converting itself to feathers. Hokuto looked at Kamui-chan sadly.

"If you give him back his real personality... he will have trouble facing what has happened," she said, tactfully avoiding mentioning that Fuma-kun had murdered his sister and tried to do the same to Kamui-chan.

"... Even so... I... don't want to lose Fuma!" Kamui-chan exclaimed, near to tears.

"So... no matter what, you'll stay at his side? You'll face any sort of trouble to protect him, not caring what other people do or say?" she asked then.

Kamui nodded, as his figure grew further.

"Even if no one understands your Wish?"

Kamui nodded again as he finished changing back to the way he really was. Hokuto smiled at him, offering him her hand. He took it.

"... Then, for that Wish, please, come back," she said, hugging him.

* * *

At the same time the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, still in Kakyou's room, sensed the other Kamui's awakening. The room changed shape and a Shoji door appeared and opened by itself, showing them Kamui and Hokuto.

"... Kamui only wants the young man named _'Fuma'_ to return. He had awakened for that Wish alone," Kakyou reported.

"What about you, Kakyou... What is your Wish?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui asked, kneeling next to him. Kakyou lowered his gaze.

"I want to die," he said. It was the only way he could imagine to be free from his prison, from his _'gift'_, from his nightmares, from his loneliness and from his pain. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui smiled at him. It was strange, but he had known Kakyou's Wish even before the man had spoken it.

"Then I will grant you your Wish," and saying so he offered to Kakyou his hand again. Kakyou took it in the same way Kamui had taken Hokuto's. His dream fused with Kamui's internal world. The two Kamui stared for a moment to each other. The two Kamui's eyes met and for a second the younger Kamui reached out to try to grasp the one he still called Fuma before the two realities divided again and each of them returned to the real world as the sun was finally rising again in Tokyo's sky. So, while Kamui awakened in his bed under the gazes of the other Ten no Ryu and Hokuto fainted from exhaustion, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui effortlessly left the house in which Kakyou was kept prisoner carrying the YumeMi with him, and headed toward the Tokyo Government Office.

* * *

As dawn came Seishiro stretched in his bed, careful not to wake Subaru-kun, still sleeping right next to him. It was a rare sight to observe the young man sleeping peacefully. Normally Subaru-kun had too many bad dreams and slept too little. Exhaustion was probably the cause of this deep, quiet sleep. Seishiro smiled as he traced Subaru-kun's profile with a finger. The night hadn't gone so badly after all; on the contrary, after the pain had finally faded Subaru-kun had proven he could be far more interesting than a romantic dinner. If allowing the boy to keep those tiny flickers of will was what made him so... alluring in bed, Seishiro really had no regrets or complaints, even if he had to deal with Subaru-kun's depression and the risk that, one day, the boy could find a way out of his control.

He gazed at Subaru-kun appreciatively. The boy was a beautiful playmate, so obedient and compliant, caring and loyal, young and shy, but more important than anything else, **_his_**, only **_his_**.

He brushed Subaru-kun's lips with his thumb. The boy opened them and mumbled something that Seishiro didn't understand, than his green eyes fluttered open and turned toward Seishiro.

"Morning..." he mumbled.

"Good morning, Subaru-kun," Seishiro replied as he moved over the boy, and then lowered himself to kiss him fully on his lips. Subaru-kun sleepily wrapped his arms around Seishiro's neck, answering his kiss. Seishiro smiled as he felt his body brushing against Subaru-kun's and tried to calculate how much time they had before they should show up at the Tokyo Government Office to meet the Chi no Ryu's Kamui.(9) As Subaru-kun awoke a bit more and started to get seriously into... _'business'_, he decided that, after all, it wasn't going to be the end of the world if he made the Chi no Ryu's Kamui wait. They still had some time before the final day, and if they hadn't... well he couldn't think to a better way to spend his last moments.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. For who hadn't had the chance to read the **'X'** manga I'll point out that Yuzuriha and Seiichiro already knew each other. They had also met short after the Nakano earthquake.

2. That's just Hokuto's opinion. However in **'Tokyo Babylon'** Subaru was good at offer comfort to people while in **'X'** the only one he tries to comfort is Kamui and he keeps distant from the others.

3. Going within is a Sumeragi's secret technique. I've no idea how much ability require to go within someone else, I assume quite a bit but I figured that, since Hokuto is now the new KaChou, she had been forced to learn how to do it.

4. Since Kakyou never met Hokuto in this AU he is still trapped in that huge mansion in which we see him in his sidestory. I'm assuming the men guarding him are Yakuza. In Japan the Yakuza works often for politicians so it can make sense.

5. For who hadn't had the chance to read the **'X'** manga I'll point out that after her death Kotori's spirit had gone to Kakyou again. They had talked about what had happened. Kotori had thanked him for stopping her brother because if Kamui should die Fuma would never return back and that's the future she saw in her last dream. Then she asks him to tell to Kamui and her brother that she loved them both and that the future is still undecided before leaving.

6. For who hadn't had the chance to read the **'X'** manga I'll point out that in the beginning, when Kakyou showed up in a dream, he had short hair and normal clothes. Oh and yes, Kotori says that Kakyou has golden eyes.

7. In many CLAMP illustrations Kamui has purple eyes and not brown as in the anime. I will use purple as colour for Kamui's eyes.

8. Hokuto is not saying she's in love with her brother! He's just the most important person in her life. She died for him in **'Tokyo Babylon'** after declaring she couldn't live without him.

9. In **'X'** Seishiro shows up to the Tokyo Government Office right in time to meet Kamui as if he knew the boy would go there... Maybe he just had an intuition but still I'll go for the assumption the same YumeMi who, I assume, tells him who will become a threat for Japan, also told him when Kamui would show up at the Tokyo Government Office.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
It had been hell to picture how to get Kamui to awake again without Subaru. In the end I figured that since Hokuto's situation is still similar to Kamui's (a person they loved had been taken away from them and twisted) the thing could still work.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Futon:** Bed in Japanese Style  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Inugami:** "Dog God". A dog shaped spirit that someone control  
**Jinja:** Shinto Shrine  
**KaChou:** Family Head  
**Kazetsukai:** Wind User  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Mitsukai:** Angel  
**Okaasan:** Mother  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shichi no Mitsukai:** Seven Angels  
**Shikifuku:** Ceremonial Robe  
**ShinKen:** "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"  
**Sumeragi no Chou:** Sumeragi's Head  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**Yakuza:** "8-9-3". How is called the Japanese mafia  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: Happy to hear you liked the previous chapter! Yes, Hokuto is not exactly pleased with Seishiro's actions... She won't be for a long time...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I ddin't want people to think Subaru follows Seishiro around solely for the spell. He also cares about him and since he's been raised by him Seishiro also made him depends on him.

To **THopkins**: I'm sorry that chapters are short... but look at the positive side... I release them faster this way!

To **Ruth**: Well, I couldn't take away from Hokuto such a strong part of her character, could I? In this chap you also find out who substituted Subaru... Hokuto is a tough girl!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	7. Chap 7: Building A Mystery

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 7: Building A Mystery"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"You come out at night  
That's when the energy comes  
And the dark side's light  
And the vampires roam  
You strut your rasta wear  
And your suicide poem  
And a cross from a faith  
That died before Jesus came  
You're building a mystery **_

__

**_'Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully."  
(Sarah McLachlan - "Building A Mystery")_**

The world didn't end the day Fuma started calling himself _'Kamui'_ and joined the Chi no Ryu, nor did it end in the following three months.

For some mysterious reason, clear only to him, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui decided that the Chi no Ryu weren't going to destroy Kekkai for now, and that his fellows were free to do what they pleased while they waited for him to decide it was a good day to blow up a Kekkai.

The break gave the Ten no Ryu the time to rearrange their lives, and to Kamui the time to rebuild part of his psychological balance, balance that had been violently shattered by the tragic loss of Kotori and Fuma on the top of the death of his mother, his aunt and Kyougo-ojisan.

Now Kamui lived with three of his companions, Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha. Hokuto also, even though she wasn't a Ten no Ryu and already had an apartment in Tokyo, had, in the end, accepted an invitation to live with them. They now were all enrolled in CLAMP Gakuen and were all working together to help him cope with what had happened, and had regular meeting with the other two Ten no Ryu, Aoki Seiichiro and Kasumi Karen, the Honotsukai.(1)

It was a peaceful life and it would have been nice if they could continue like that.

As for the Chi no Ryu... they had no idea what was in the mind of their Kamui, but they didn't bother to complain. The boy left them free to do whatever they preferred and so they did.

Kanoe, who was the sister of the Ten no Ryu's YumeMi Hinoto and had started collecting the Chi no Ryu before Kamui showed up, even if she wasn't one of them, continued her work as secretary of the governor.

Yatouji Satsuki, the computer genius, continued to have her _'fun'_ with her computer, Beast, in the room under the Tokyo Government Office.

Kigai Yuto, the blond Mizutsukai, continued his work as civil servant at the government Ward Office, dividing equally his attentions between Satsuki-chan and Kanoe-san.

Shiyu Kusanagi Issou stayed on with the JSDN. He had shown up only once at the Tokyo Government Office, and that has been when their Kamui had first shown up. After that time the Chi no Ryu had not heard from him again.

Kuzuki Kakyou, their YumeMi, had taken possession of a room inside the Mitsukai's base and spent most of his time there, probably dream-gazing.

Nataku, the odd, male-looking creature that had carried the ShinKen to the Tokyo Government Office, followed the Chi no Ryu's Kamui around like a lost puppy.

As for Sakurazuka Seishiro, better known as the Sakurazukamori... oh well, he kept himself busy with his job and his Subaru-kun. More often with his Subaru-kun than with his job. Not that he complained.

Seishiro, with Subaru-kun in tow, also visited the Chi no Ryu's headquarters regularly.(2)

The other Chi no Ryu had effortlessly accepted Subaru-kun's presence in their midst. It wasn't as if anyone in their right mind could consider Subaru-kun a threat, or think to question the Sakurazukamori's decision, except maybe Kamui, but Kamui wouldn't have cared, not even if Seishiro had invited all the Ten no Ryu and had a picnic with them right in front of him. Seishiro was secretly curious to know what would faze the almost always mildly amused mood of their so-called leader.(3)

Of course Seishiro didn't pay visits to the place out of loyalty, but merely because he enjoyed the clingy behaviour that the Chi no Ryu's Kamui produced in Subaru-kun.

Subaru-kun didn't like the teenager, and that alone was saying a lot since he normally liked everyone. When Kamui was around Subaru-kun tended to cling to Seishiro in an odd mix of fear and protectiveness that amused Seishiro to no end. Seishiro's amusement, however, was destined to be short lived.

First of all, it bothered him that Kamui too was amused by it. The boy had no right to be entertained by **_his_** Subaru-kun's behaviour. Second, there was the fact that Subaru-kun was starting to interact with the other Chi no Ryu. Not that much, but Seishiro had **_never_** liked sharing and wasn't going to start right now. Third, there was what had happened during their last visit.

* * *

The Chi no Ryu's Kamui had just had Satsuki-chan steal some data from a computer, an action that had caused Ikebukuro to tremble, and now he sat on the throne that once was Kanoe's, happily bonding with his personal human-looking pet. Seishiro couldn't say that Nataku, or as Kamui had recently inexplicably started calling it, Kazuki, was bad looking because it wasn't, and also had a hint of innocence that made it look like a cute child, but it just... didn't interest him much, it looked like a boring playmate and definitely not as sweet as his Subaru-kun was.(4) He hadn't, however, expected that Kamui would realize what he was thinking.

"Comparing your doll with Kazuki, Sakurazukamori?" Kamui asked in that amused, teasing manner of his.

"I've no need to compare my Subaru-kun with your pet, Monou-kun," Seishiro replied, smiling charmingly. If the boy was going to be irritating then he could be as well.

"The name is _'Kamui'_, _'Seishiro-san'_," the boy reminded him with a sweet smile. Seishiro blinked. For a moment he though the boy had looked like... Seishiro however recovered quickly.(5)

"On my, how could I forget such a **_unique_** name? My old age must be getting the best of me," he replied cheerfully.(6)

"Oh, I'm sure you can still do just fine when you aren't distracted by... other thoughts..." the boy countered, returning to his normal teasing tone and giving Seishiro a knowing glance.

"You called for me, didn't you?" Seishiro asked, returning to business as he lit his cigarette. He had left Subaru-kun in the other room, sharing a cup of tea with Kigai, Satsuki-chan and Kuzuki. Recently, Subaru-kun's dislike for Kamui was starting to affect the boy's mood a bit too much. Seishiro wasn't really interested in having Subaru-kun upset for the rest of the day due to something Kamui did or said, so he hadn't brought him along to talk with the teenager. Yet, even if he knew that none of the others posed a threat to his Subaru-kun, he didn't much like leaving him out of his sight. In fact, he didn't like it at all.

"So eager are you to leave my company? I'm hurt," Kamui complained but his tone was all but hurt. In fact, the boy was still smirking his usual amused smirk.

Seishiro smiled charmingly but didn't deny it. The fun of the reaction the boy caused in Subaru-kun had faded when he had asked Subaru-kun if the reason behind it was that he was jealous and Subaru-kun had replied that _'that'_ was the last of his thoughts. When Seishiro had suggested so he had merely planned to tease Subaru-kun; he had no interest in a sadist teenager who probably suffered from schizophrenia, believed himself to be a Kami-sama and had the power to match that statement, but the fact that Subaru-kun didn't care at all had bugged him for a reason he couldn't identify. Anyway, it had made him start to consider it a waste of his time to be around Kamui. He tipped his cigarette letting the ash fall on the floor. He wasn't the one living there, anyway.

"I'm planning a trip to Sunshine 60 with Kazuki here. I though you'd be interested in being around with your dear doll..." Kamui said after a while, gazing fondly at his pet.

"I don't think I need you and your pet to blow up a Kekkai," Seishiro stated in a polite yet cold tone. He worked alone. End of discussion. It was almost insulting to think he would need help. Scratch that, it **_was_** insulting.

"Oh, it won't be you who will blow up the Kekkai. You and your precious Ten no Ryu will be mere spectators," Kamui informed him as he caressed Kazuki's hair affectionately in the same manner the Godfather pet his cat while planning a murder in that old American movie.(7) "I'm sure Subaru-kun will enjoy the show," the teenager added. Seishiro laughed.

"Then you don't know Subaru-kun at all. He's far too nice to like that sort of thing," he replied, pretending to be back in his good mood. _'And dragging him there to watch a show based on mass death and destruction will only result in putting him in a bad mood'_ he thought also, but that wasn't something he was going to share with Kamui.

"I think you're the one who doesn't know him at all. **_He_** has a Wish, Sakurazukamori, as do **_you_**. I'm merely inviting him there to help him to fulfil his Wish. And yours too, of course," Kamui stated graciously. Seishiro mentally complained over how arrogant teenagers had become in these last years. They all believed themselves to be omniscient. A kind, modest boy like **_his_** Subaru-kun was really a rarity.

"There's nothing Subaru-kun or I wish for. We're perfectly happy the way we are," Seishiro replied anyway, forcing a cheerful tone. Kamui recently had started babbling about knowing people's Wishes and planning to fulfil them all. Seishiro didn't care if the boy wanted to play _'Genie in The Lamp'_ as long as he did it far from Subaru-kun and himself. He didn't need anyone's help to get what he Wished for... as for Subaru-kun... he was the only one allowed to fulfil Subaru-kun's Wishes. Besides, there was nothing his Subaru-kun could Wish for. He always took care to keep the boy perfectly happy, therefore he would know if Subaru-kun wanted something...

No, his Subaru-kun couldn't want something for himself that Seishiro wasn't aware of. His Subaru-kun depended too much on his Wishes to desire something for himself and keep it hidden from him.

"Everyone has a Wish. You just haven't realized yours yet, but you will soon," Kamui announced, and Seishiro didn't know if it was a warning or a threat. "Unless, of course, you're too scared to..." the teenager teased.

"I'll be at Sunshine with Subaru-kun. You'd better give us a good show. I would be disappointed to see _'The One Who Hunts The Power Of Kami-sama'_(8) and his pet fail in destroying a Kekkai, when I could do it easily all by myself," Seishiro said and smirked as he regarded the boy with the cold gaze of the hunter, considering if he could kill his Kamui before the final day or if he had to wait until after it. No one implied that Sakurazuka Seishiro was a coward and survived. Maybe Subaru-kun was right in disliking the brat so much.

Kamui smirked back. His plan had been set into motion.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the manga and in the anime only Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha live with Kamui in that huge mansion. Seiichiro still lives with his family and Karen has her own house. Subaru has his own apartment as well, even if it's possible he had moved with the others after the destruction of the Kekkai of Shinjuku. In this fic Hokuto too had her own apartment but she had been invited to live with the Ten no Ryu and she had accepted. As for the meeting... I'm not sure if there were regular meetings but they met after the earthquake at Ikebukuro caused by Beast stealing information over Nataku from the Tojyo Seiyaku so it's not totally impossible.

2. In **'X'** is not clear if Seishiro visits the place or not. Here he does.

3. Actually I think that the Chi no Ryu wouldn't care about having Subaru in their headquarter because they are a bit... apathetic. Satsuki doesn't care of the world around her, Yuto takes the world as it comes, Kakyou is too deep into his depression, Nataku does only what Kamui tells him to do and Kusanagi is never around.

4. Yes, Seishiro uses _'it'_ to talk about Nataku since he knows that Nataku is an artificial human with no sex. The others however will use _'he'_ to talk about him.

5. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui can looks like the person one wants to see... I guess it's easy to guess who Seishiro had seen when Kamui had smiled at him...

6. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** Seishiro often referred to himself as old... and he was only 25...

7. **'The Godfather'** a movie based on the homonymous book from Mario Puzo.

8. Probably everyone knows this already but _'Kamui'_ means _'The One Who Represents The Power Of Kami-sama'_ but also _'The One Who Hunts The Power Of Kami-sama'_. The first meaning is used to talk about the Ten no Ryu's Kamui, the second is the one used for the Chi no Ryu's one.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Someone has an idea of why the Chi no Ryu's Kamui waits three months before attacking besides that they wanted to put the Ten no Ryu in CLAMP Gakuen summer uniforms?  
Not only, he also waits three months before retrieving Nataku's data... Nataku should feel himself lucky they didn't need them in those three months.  
Oh, yes, about Nataku... I know he's sexless but I'll refer to him as a male since he looks more like a male than a female. To call him _'it'_ sounds bad to me... On the contrary Seishiro won't have problems in doing it... but well, he already consider normal people as objects, artificial ones are even lower in his scale...  
As for Fuma... as long as he's the Chi no Ryu's Kamui he'll be called _'Kamui'_ or _'Chi no Ryu's Kamui'_ unless it's the Ten no Ryu's Kamui the one who's talking about it. Sorry, I know it can be confusing but in the manga too everyone except for the Ten no Ryu's Kamui call him _'Kamui'_.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Honotsukai:** Fire Caster  
**Issou:** Sergeant  
**Kami:** God  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Mitsukai:** Angel  
**Mizutsukai:** Water Caster  
**Ojisan:** "Uncle" or "Older man"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Seiyaku:** Pharmaceutical  
**ShinKen:** "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: At first I've been troubled by what Hokuto could say to Kamui to help him to get out from his state then I realized her situation too can be considered similar to his. Glad you like how Seishiro possess Subaru!

To **foreverbreathless**: Actually I too don't think that Hokuto has anywhere NEAR the abilities Subaru has and I stated it in this fic many times, starting from chap. 3. However in **'Tokyo Babylon'** she's not an Onmyouji. She just got some basic training as a child. Here she got an intensive complete training and therefore she's more powerful than in **'Tokyo Babylon'** even if still nowhere near Subaru or Seishiro.

To **Ruth**: I've checked both the **'Tokyo Babylon'** and **'X'** manga but they don't mention going within as a technique that requires a lot of power. It's risky because you enter in another consciousness that can attack you but you can't attack it or you'll might damage it and I guess that's also why the Sumeragi keep it as a secret technique but nowhere they talks about power required.  
When Subaru in **'Tokyo Babylon'** goes within Mitsuki he enters easily, has only some troubles when she attacks him and when he gets out he's perfectly fine.  
When Subaru in **'X'** manga version goes within Kamui there's only a small reaction of reject at the beginning that ends fairly soon. It's true that Subaru fainted when he gets out Kamui's consciousness but I take into consideration he had been previously injured by Seishiro when they fought so he wasn't in his best shape. In the Anime he struggles a bit more, that's true, but this work is mainly based on the manga.  
Hokuto might have caused an even smaller reject reaction because since she's less powerful she might be considered less threatening by Kamui's consciousness.  
Well, Subaru and Seishiro's meeting went a little different than from the manga and ended with Seishiro kidnapping Subaru.  
As for how the Sumeragi believed the Sakurazukamori to be responsible for Subaru's disappearance... when they found him missing they tried to track him down with a spell. They reached the place in which Subaru and Seishiro met and found they couldn't go further. In the place still lingered the Sakurazukamori's magic and there was also a discharged body nearby (Seishiro's victim). Since the Sakurazukamori is rumoured to kill whoever sees him into action they assumed that was what had happened to Subaru. They didn't find Subaru's corpse but their attempts to track him down where stopped by Seishiro's magic so they grew in the conviction the Sakurazukamori had to be behind this. I hope everything is clear now.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	8. Chap 8: Demon Days

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 8: Demon Days"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"Well these demon days are so cold inside  
It's so hard to live, and so to survive  
You can't even trust the air you breathe  
Cause Mother Earth has a soul to leave  
When lies become reality  
You love yourself because it's easy  
Pick yourself up it's a brand new day  
So turn yourself round  
Don't burn yourself, turn yourself  
Turn yourself around to the soul."  
(Gorillaz - "Demon Days")_**

Subaru was sitting quietly around the small table without paying much interest to Kigai-san and Satsuki-san's conversation as he stared at his still full cup of tea without daring to touch it.(1) He felt alone without Seishiro-san, and he didn't like it; he liked what was going on even less. Kamui had summoned Seishiro-san, he had requested specifically for him after three months of doing nothing. He felt certain something was up and he was sure that Kuzuki-san knew about it, but the man wasn't talking and Subaru didn't feel like he was allowed to ask.

Kuzuki-san.

Kuzuki-san wanted to die, to escape from a destiny he hated with all his heart, and the Chi no Ryu's Kamui planned to murder him in order to help him fulfil his Wish. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui believed he was doing him a favour by helping him fulfil his Wish. Subaru found that idea twisted and the logic behind that action flawed. While it was true that Kuzuki-san's life was miserable, dying wouldn't make him happy and maybe it wouldn't even give him the freedom he longed for. People who died a violent death too often remained bonded to the world of the living, unable to move over.(2)

He had tried telling that to Seishiro-san but Seishiro-san didn't really care about other people, and so he had listened to Subaru with a patient expression and then had effortlessly shrugged off Kuzuki-san's problem. They didn't affect him or Subaru so why should they get involved in them? Subaru hadn't been able to find words to counter his point and so he had never brought up the topic again.

Subaru glanced at the watch again, wondering anxiously when Seishiro-san would be back.

He didn't like Seishiro-san spending time with the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. The teenager was so set on fulfilling Wishes and plotting schemes in order to do so that he never stopped to think whether it was right to fulfil said Wishes, he never stopped to think of the consequences that their fulfilment could bring. Subaru didn't want the boy to hang around Seishiro-san. He doubted anything good would come of it, and he was terrified by the idea the boy could cause harm to Seishiro-san. Seishiro-san tended to underestimate Kamui. Subaru wasn't making the same mistake but, without Seishiro-san's support, there was nothing he could do besides try to quietly protect the man.(3)

He stole another glance at the still closed door.

He hated to be alone without Seishiro-san. He wasn't good at interacting with other people and they had never wanted him around in the first place.(4) No one had wanted him around; no one had showed interest in him except Seishiro-san and... that girl they met at the Sun Plaza.

He wondered about her sometimes.

He didn't mean to do it. Seishiro-san had told him to forget about her and he had tried to do so, he had tried hard but... he couldn't. Those sad green eyes filled with longing... that determined expression, those features so similar to his own and something, something inside himself, that had screamed that he had known her before, that there was a connection between them, that...

Subaru sighed. Nothing good would come from this either. Seishiro-san had never liked to share Subaru's attention with anyone else. Subaru had learned that the hard way. She was lucky that Seishiro-san had let her go that time, that he hadn't tracked her down and murdered her afterwards. Seishiro-san... He felt his need for the man's presence growing inside himself in an almost painful manner. He just wasn't used to being without him. He needed him more than the air he breathed. He... Seishiro-san...

The door opened suddenly and Seishiro-san entered the room, his walk a bit more hurried than usual. Subaru had known him long enough to realize immediately that something was wrong even if he had no idea what. The man gave him a cheerful smile, one that Subaru knew very well was faked, and asked him if he was ready to leave without even paying a second glance to the sweets that accompanied the tea despite them being among his favourites.(5)

Definitely something was wrong if Seishiro-san could ignore sweets in favour of leaving the place as soon as possible.

Subaru stood obediently, made his farewells to the others politely, and followed Seishiro-san out of the place unquestioningly. He rarely asked questions. He knew it wasn't his place to question Seishiro-san's actions. As soon as they were in the open Seishiro-san stopped smiling and wrapped an arm around Subaru's shoulders, drawing him closer.

"Subaru-kun... is there something you Wish for?" the man asked in a low tone as if he didn't want to be heard by anyone but Subaru as he gazed distractedly at the sky. Something he wished for... What could Seishiro-san mean? Subaru considered the time and decided to go for the most obvious thing.

"About dinner? Whatever you want is fine with me, Seishiro-san," he replied carelessly. He had never been a picky eater anyway. In fact, he had never been much of an eater. He always just tagged along when Seishiro-san chose what they were going to eat or where, and let the man fill his plate with whatever he decided Subaru should eat. If Subaru didn't feel like finishing it normally Seishiro-san would do so.(6)

"No. Not about dinner," Seishiro-san replied, contrary to Subaru's expectations, looking even more serious, as if he spoke of an extremely important matter.

Subaru blinked, failing to understand what the man could be referring to then. He knew that Seishiro-san liked giving him presents, in fact the man had often showered Subaru in gifts, but there was nothing Subaru really wished to get. What he had was more than enough for him.

"Seishiro-san... I... don't understand..." he admitted slowly. Seishiro-san looked down at him, sighed, and then slipped back into a pretence of his usual good mood.

"Never mind, Subaru-kun. It's just something that stupid Kamui said," Seishiro replied dismissively. He should have known that Kamui was wrong, that **_his_** Subaru didn't Wish for anything more than what he already had. He couldn't understand how he could have let that stupid teenager's words affect him.

"The Chi no Ryu's Kamui? He doesn't plan to fulfil your Wish, Seishiro-san, does he?" Subaru-kun asked with a certain apprehension, clinging to his coat anxiously. He was very cute like that, and that improved Seishiro's mood.

"Silly Subaru-kun, there's nothing I Wish for. I already have you," he replied in his normal teasing manner, lowering his head a bit to brush his cheek affectionately against Subaru-kun's hair.

Subaru said nothing. As well as the Chi no Ryu's Kamui he knew everyone had a Wish. Subaru had one, even if he didn't judge it important enough to mention, and Seishiro-san should have one as well. He only hoped the Chi no Ryu's Kamui didn't plan to try to fulfil Seishiro-san's... He didn't trust the teenager was capable of fulfilling Wishes. Not without causing more problems than the Wish he would fulfil was worth, and he didn't want Seishiro-san to have problems.

"By the way... we're invited to see Kamui destroy a Kekkai. No chance to turn down the invitation," Seishiro-san informed him, unaffected by the inner turmoil that gripped Subaru.

"Oh..." Subaru lowered his gaze. To destroy a Kekkai. To see more death and destruction and be able to do nothing but watch. It wasn't something he looked forward to. He felt Seishiro-san caressing his cheek gently and leaned into the touch, desperately seeking any form of comfort.

"Subaru-kun... you won't have to watch. We'll just be around and do nothing, I promise," Seishiro assured him, holding him protectively. He knew the boy was sensitive and that he would appreciate the gesture. Seishiro felt one could get more obedience with sugar than with a whip, and that method had always worked perfectly with Subaru-kun.

"As you want, Seishiro-san. If that's what you wish it's fine with me," the boy agreed tonelessly, leaning against him in an adorable needy manner. Kamui still made Subaru clingy, and it didn't help that he knew they were going to go to see a show that wasn't exactly to his liking. Seishiro tightened his hold around him and smiled softly, pleased by the boy's behaviour. That was his Subaru-kun, his beautiful, sweet, kind hearted, obedient and needy Subaru-kun. The most precious of all his possessions. Kamui was an idiot if he believed the boy could have a Wish that wasn't subordinate to what Seishiro wanted. Subaru-kun was **_his_**, totally **_his_**, in such a profound way that wasn't remotely comparable to what bonded Nataku to Kamui. No matter what Nataku did or said, it would always fall short compared with his Subaru-kun. Seishiro had put a spell on Subaru-kun and the boy would be his forever. Yes, he had put a spell on Subaru-kun. If he hadn't would Subaru-kun still...

Seishiro shook his head in order to dispel that though. It was stupid and he had no idea from where it came. Subaru-kun looked at him with those green eyes of his, green eyes that seemed to understand too much but longed for him only, and Seishiro rested his forehead against Subaru's watching them blur due to the proximity, becoming a single pool of green. The boy was his. Forever bound to him. He would never let him go. No one would ever break the tie between the two of them. No one.

* * *

The day after Shiro Kamui, better known as the Ten no Ryu's Kamui, announced to his housemates that he would have dinner with one of his classmates, a certain Segawa Keiichi-kun, an overly cheerful CLAMP Gakuen student who was also Kamui's class representative. Everyone in the house thought it was a good sign, that Kamui, who until then had been very introverted and closed in on himself, was finally starting to relate to people unconnected with the destiny of the Earth, that, maybe, just maybe, he was beginning to heal from the wounds Fuma's betrayal inflicted on his soul and spirit, and that was good.

Truth be told, Kamui wasn't coping that well with the situation, and the visit was more due to Segawa-kun's insistence than any real wish to spend time with him. He had never been very social, not even before 1999, and after what had happened to Kotori and Fuma... He was just... trying.

It was hard not to feel sympathy for Segawa-kun and his mother. They were so cheerful and kind despite the loss of Segawa-kun's father in the Nakano earthquake. It was people like them he had to protect now. People like Segawa-kun and his mother, people like Sorata, Hokuto, Arashi and Yuzuriha.

He had no idea why he felt the need to protect them, why he felt connected to them, people he had known for only three months, until Segawa-kun started questioning him about them.

"Are they some sort of relatives?" he asked innocently.

"Nope," Kamui replied immediately.

"Eh? Then siblings?" Segawa-kun asked then, surprised.

"No."

"Then, are they friends?" the boy offered. The question startled Kamui. Were they? Had he lived with them for three months without realizing he had started to consider them as such? Had he finally found other friends besides Kotori and Fuma?

"Friends...? Yes... maybe..." he had replied unsure. He really... didn't know... Besides Kotori and Fuma... he had never had any other friends... and he hadn't seen the Monou siblings for so long and... he wasn't sure how he had grown to consider them as friends, it had just happened naturally but, back then, he was only a child.

"If you're not connected by blood, but being with them makes you happy, then they're friends, aren't they?" Segawa-kun suggested to him gently, as if sensing his confusion on the topic.

"Yes... I think so..." he had agreed hesitantly while looking up at the taller boy. Segawa-kun looked relaxed and at ease, as if he enjoyed his company. Kamui couldn't really understand why. He knew he wasn't very social... or funny... or interesting...

"I'd like to be one too, you know?" the boy said all of sudden. "Shiro-kun's friend!" Segawa-kun explained with a smile, and it was weird but that statement made Kamui oddly happy. It made him happy that people might wish to be his friends.

His happiness didn't last. The earth began to quake and he felt the presence of a Chi no Ryu. Kamui abandoned Segawa-kun with some hurried explanation that really didn't explain anything and started running toward the Sunshine building, hoping to reach it in time.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the manga it seems that taking tea together is a ritual for Yuto and Satsuki. Kanoe also takes part to it. I assumed the _'tea break'_ is opened to everyone who's free and in the Chi no Ryu's Headquarter and that's why Subaru and Kakyou are with them.

2. I know, I know in **'X'** Subaru too wished to be killed... but here his situation is different and he believes people should be helped out not murdered...

3. Remember? Subaru's under a spell. He can't act against Seishiro's wishes and if Seishiro wants to hang around Kamui he can't stop him.

4. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** Subaru admits he's not good at dealing with people. Here he also didn't remember his family therefore he knows he only had Seishiro to care for him.

5. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** and **'X'** Seishiro looks like a bit of a glutton to me.

6. Always in **'Tokyo Babylon'** it's pointed out that, without Hokuto around, Subaru wouldn't even remember he has to eat.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
I particularly like to have Subaru surrendered by Chi no Ryu. No matter how many people he has around or which his situation is, he always searches for Seishiro. I also like to have Subaru and Kakyou _'interact'_. They are pretty similar, in a fashion.

**Dictionary:**  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: Sorry if I leave in the most interesting places... Here's what happens after...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I'm glad you liked the previous chapter. I hope you'll like the new one too.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	9. Chap 9: Predilection

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 9: Predilection"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"Can't get enough kotoba yori mo motto  
Don't let me down tashika ni misete hoshii  
One more night kusuka ni kizutsuita  
Kimi wo mitsumeru me sono saki ni  
Uragiru tame ni umaretekita  
Kuchibiru wo togisumase  
Muimi na rikutsu ni mata muragaru  
Orokashisa ni PREDILECTION."  
("Can't get enough, it's more than words  
Don't let me down, I want it to be revealed  
One more night, even if a scar remains  
The eyes you look into were the first you saw  
I was only born to betray  
My lips, in the end, feel sharp  
You're lost in a cloud of meaningless reason  
In your foolish predilection.")  
(Yamaguchi Kappei - "Predilection")_**

Sakurazuka Seishiro was bored. Watching Kamui and his pet while they were attempting to destroy the Sunshine was no fun at all. Not only was there no real battle but also they were taking things too slowly and without any care for artistry. It was messy and gruesome, and Subaru-kun, after a couple of minutes, had refused to watch the show any longer.

Not that Seishiro was complaining about that, since now Subaru-kun was hiding his face against Seishiro's chest as the man held him in a comforting embrace, occasionally sliding his hands over the boy or kissing his slender neck slowly. Well... it was not so occasional... maybe it was time to take their leave and find a room... Subaru-kun made another tiny whimper of distress, clinging to him more as he heard someone screaming in pain and Seishiro groaned and mentally cursed Kamui for the interruption. If the boy got Subaru-kun out of the mood again he...

Then, without any apparent reason, Subaru-kun raised his head and rudely broke their contact. Seishiro looked at him in surprise, still keeping his arms firmly around the boy, stopping him from moving further away. That sudden withdrawal wasn't like Subaru-kun at all.

"Someone is coming..." the boy announced without paying attention to Seishiro as he frowned lightly as if concentrating. "Someone... the Ten no Ryu's Kamui, I think," he concluded, returning his gaze to Seishiro, looking at him expectantly as if he was waiting for instructions.(1) Seishiro frowned and pulled the boy back against himself, holding him tightly. He didn't like being reminded that **_his_** Subaru-kun was connected to the Ten no Ryu's Kamui. He didn't like **_his_** Subaru-kun being connected to anyone but him. Subaru-kun was his after all. Why should he share him with someone else?

Subaru leaned into Seishiro-san's embrace obediently but he turned his head a bit to watch the little drama that was about to take place. He didn't really want to, but he had a feeling something important would happen and that he shouldn't miss it.

Reaching the Sunshine didn't take too long for the Ten no Ryu's Kamui. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui was waiting for him with an anticipating expression. Seishiro had no idea what he planned for the boy, but he was sure it wasn't going to be nice. He had heard tales about what had happened when the two Kamui awoke. Satsuki-chan had managed to watch the show thanks to her Beast and had reported the meeting in her calm, practical voice while they were all drinking tea around a table. Subaru-kun had refused to keep eating and had felt sick shortly after. Kigai had looked a bit impressed but not in the positive sense of the word.(2) Kuzuki had been his usual apathetic self. Kanoe had pretended to not care but she had been disturbed all the same.(3) Nataku, as usual, had no opinion on the matter. Kamui had entered just after Satsuki-chan had finished her tale, had smiled nonchalantly, had sat next to them, had poured himself a cup of tea and had asked for some sugar to put in his tea with the same calm one would have used had the others just been talking about meaningless matters and not of how he murdered his sister and nearly killed his best friend. Seishiro had handed him the sugar, smiling charmingly, and had immediately decided he would never turn his back to that boy. And leaving Subaru-kun unsupervised with that teenager was out of question. He didn't really care if Kamui tortured and destroyed the whole world's population as long as he kept away from Subaru-kun and him.

"Do you think they'll fight a bit, Subaru-kun, or will they go straight to the sadomasochistic sex?" he asked the boy as they watched the two Kamui just stare at each other as if they were waiting for some sort of signal before starting the battle. Subaru didn't reply as he stared at the scene as well. He had a bad feeling, a bad feeling he hadn't been able to shake since Seishiro-san had been summoned by the Chi no Ryu's Kamui the day before, and he desperately wanted to leave, to take Seishiro-san away, to make sure the Chi no Ryu's Kamui wouldn't be able to hurt him. Instead he was frozen there, his fear bottled up inside him, wishing he could snuggle into Seishiro-san's embrace and hide there, and yet unable to tear his way away from the scene in front of him. He took notice of how the younger Kamui looked like an helpless kid, nothing like the overconfident, unfriendly teenager they had seen three months before, and this gave him an odd sense of connection with the boy. He pitied him, but at the same time he wanted everything to end soon. He hated being able to only watch, and he knew he couldn't help in any way.

In the meantime, action had started. The Ten no Ryu's Kamui was trying to save an old guy while the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was throwing energy blasts at him and talking, probably trying to mess with his head as well.(4) Subaru knew that the teenager should have raised a Kekkai, really, but he didn't and, to make matters worse, lowered his guard enough to allow the Chi no Ryu's Kamui to grab him by his neck and raise him from the floor. It shouldn't have been a good situation. Seishiro-san leaned down on him and resumed kissing his neck. Evidently he didn't find the show the two Kamui were giving very intriguing.

"Do you think we can go home now?" Subaru asked, forcing the words out of his mouth. He wasn't really looking forward seeing more gruesome deaths or, as Seishiro-san suggested, the two moving into sadomasochist sex. In fact, the whole matter was making him sick.

"Well... definitely the whole show is rather disappointing," Seishiro commented as he took Subaru-kun's hand into his and then kissed it lightly, stroking gently with his thumb the Sakurazukamori's mark on the back of it, totally unaffected by what one Kamui was doing to the other. All he had noticed was that he had been presented with a definitely pitiful fight that couldn't possibly cause Subaru-kun to develop a Wish Seishiro was unaware of. And, as Seishiro had expected, Subaru-kun wasn't enjoying the show if the slightly nauseous expression of the boy was a hint. Why had he let the Chi no Ryu's Kamui's words bug him when they were so obviously an idiocy the boy had conjured up to annoy him? He should have remained home with Subaru-kun doing things much more pleasant then the ones he could do in the open, over the roof of a building that would likely crumble under their feet as soon as Kamui finished destroying the Sunshine. "I think as soon as our Kamui gets rid of the other Kamui we can leave," he decided after giving a gentle kiss to Subaru-kun's cheek, his arms securely wrapped around the boy.(5)

Subaru nodded then managed to turn toward him, trying to hide his face against his chest. He could feel the Chi no Ryu's Kamui's power collecting around the teenager and he didn't want to watch as it was released against the other helpless Kamui. Seishiro-san immediately caught the chance to involve him in a passionate kiss. Subaru didn't really approve of kissing while another was about to die, but he wasn't going to complain. He never really complained about Seishiro-san's actions, he just submitted to them obediently. Besides, he too needed a bit of closeness and some demonstration of affection. He leaned into the kiss, hoping it could erase the world around them, and felt Seishiro-san holding him even tighter and... and they both interrupted the kiss roughly as they sensed an Onmyoujutsu spell being used and immediately returned their attention to the battle.(6)

"It's that girl again," Subaru-kun stated, a hint of surprise and interest in his normally emotionless tone as he unconsciously moved closer to the scene, placing more distance between himself and Seishiro than the latter would have liked.

"Yes. Let's hope Kamui will get rid of her too," Seishiro replied annoyed as he passed his arms around Subaru-kun's midsection and immediately dragged the boy back against his chest. He didn't know why, but in that moment he felt the imperative need to not let go of him, as if Subaru-kun could be stripped from him at his first distraction and he would never allow that to happen.

Never.

* * *

Hokuto wasn't really enthusiastic about the situation she was in. She wasn't even a Ten no Ryu, and she couldn't create a Kekkai like them... not to mention she definitely didn't feel strong enough to take Fuma-kun and another Chi no Ryu. But she had seen Kamui-chan in trouble and she felt the need to help him. Being around Kamui-chan kind of reminded her how it had been to be around Subaru. She wasn't going to let Fuma-kun hurt Kamui-chan but when Fuma-kun turned toward her...

"Oh... a guest came to save him..." he said with a kind smile and a polite tone, and for a moment she though she was hallucinating. He had looked like... he had looked like her Subaru but that couldn't be... it couldn't be, right? And anyway, she had no time to waste. She had to buy time so the other Ten no Ryu would have the chance to join her, because there was no way she could win this battle alone.

Buy time.

Easier said than done, especially considering the precarious state of the buildings around them.

"Kazuki. Please, kill her," Fuma-kun said then, with another sweet smile that looked so much like the one Subaru had when he had been a child, and her heart ached for a long, full moment before her mind managed to take control. Great. Really what she needed. A Chi no Ryu set on killing her. Oh well, she decided as Kamui-chan screamed her name, she would prove to them that Sumeragi Hokuto was tougher than she looked.

* * *

Meanwhile Seishiro and Subaru were still watching the scene from the top of a nearby building.

"I'd say her plan is just to escape from Kamui's pet," Seishiro commented, mildly annoyed that Subaru-kun wasn't paying him any attention, no matter what he did, completely focused on the fight. He hated to be ignored by Subaru-kun and it was all that girl and Kamui's fault.

"She's not doing bad..." Subaru replied hesitantly. However he knew very well that, in the long run, what the girl was doing won't be enough. She was merely trying to buy time, hoping one of the other Ten no Ryu would come to help, but she was no match for her adversary.

"She won't make it anyway," Seishiro stated, not really pleased by the fact that Subaru-kun had praised her. "Let's go, Subaru-kun. We've watched enough and I'm bored," he added moving away while lightly pulling Subaru-kun in the direction he was taking. Subaru-kun turned to follow him, then paused all of a sudden and returned his attention to the battle, escaping Seishiro's hold as a new development took place.

"Kamui is going to fight her!" he exclaimed, and as he walked even closer to the scene he felt a weird sense of anxiety at the idea. He had no idea what had got into him, maybe he would have even tried to reach the Sunshine when Seishiro-san gripped his arm, stopping him. Subaru found himself trapped between an instinct he couldn't explain to himself and Seishiro-san's will. He looked from Seishiro-san to the battle in confusion.

"Subaru-kun. Kiss me," Seishiro-san said in a commanding tone. Subaru blinked, the idea seeming completely out of place considering what was going on, and yet not understanding why he should feel troubled when he had kissed Seishiro-san with no real problems not long before, when the younger Kamui was in a situation even worse than the girl's.

"If you want to..." he replied, moving to obey hesitantly. He would never disobey him, but he was still distracted by the battle as he kissed the man and Seishiro sensed it. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui's words came back to his mind, haunting him.

* * *

_'I think you're the one who doesn't know him at all. **He** has a Wish, Sakurazukamori, as do **you**. I'm merely inviting him there to help him to fulfil his Wish.'_

* * *

No. Subaru-kun didn't have a Wish. He couldn't possibly have one. Subaru-kun was happy with him. There was nothing else the boy Wished for. That girl held no place in Subaru-kun's heart or mind. **_He_** was the only one who mattered to Subaru-kun. He held the boy even tighter, deepening the kiss, stubbornly wishing to cut Subaru-kun out from the rest of the world, to be the only one holding the boy's attention and for all the rest to be meaningless to him, as it was supposed to be. As it should be.

"Seishiro-san..." the young man whimpered when Seishiro-san started to become a bit rougher. He didn't understand why Seishiro-san was behaving like this, as he didn't understand why one corner of his mind kept insistently worrying for that girl, refusing to be shut up. It wasn't like he knew her, she was a complete stranger to him, so why was she capable of making him feel so involved?

He gasped as, all of a sudden, he found himself laying back, Seishiro-san over him. The man couldn't be planning...

"Seishiro-san!" he called almost desperately as a blush coloured his pale cheeks.

"What?" the man asked in a husky voice, his golden eyes filled with something Subaru couldn't recognize. It wasn't lust and yet it seemed to burn even deeper and he had no idea how to deal with it.

"We're on the top of a building!" he exclaimed, embarrassed. Seishiro-san liked to embarrass him but he had never pushed him in such a situation before, never. He...

Seishiro-san frowned.

"So?" he asked as he stared at Subaru, his eyes burning into the boy's as if he couldn't comprehend Subaru's discomfort or didn't want to. Or maybe he just didn't care.

_'So?'_ he asked himself. So he didn't like it but Seishiro-san wanted it. He was behaving like the whole thing mattered a lot to him and what mattered for Seishiro-san mattered for him too. He could do it. He could do it even if he didn't want to do it.

"Okay. If it's what you want..." he replied uneasily looking elsewhere, firmly shutting up the corner of his mind that was screaming he didn't want it.

At his reply Seishiro released the breath he was holding and kissed him again.

Subaru tried to relax, tried to forget the world around him as he raised his arms to wrap them around Seishiro-san's neck. He wanted to make Seishiro-san happy. He wanted to make Seishiro-san happy. He wanted to make Seishiro-san happy so badly! It was just... Seishiro-san paused and stared at him.

"You **_don't want_** this," the man stated and his voice sounded distressed as he blinked as if confused. Subaru blinked too, confused as well.

"You **_don't want_** this. So why are you doing this?" Seishiro-san asked him and there was some distress lingering in his voice. Subaru didn't understand. Why was he asking him that? Which sort of question was that?

"Because you **_want_** this... don't you?" he replied simply. It was all that mattered to him. Seishiro-san's wishes. Even if they could hurt him he wanted to fulfil them.

Seishiro frowned.

A doll. His Subaru-kun was nothing but an obedient doll without will. A doll he had created. He wouldn't refuse him, not because he wanted him, but because he couldn't turn him down. He had no choice but to submit. Seishiro owned the doll-surface but not the man behind it. And, if Kamui was right and he was starting to fear he was, the man behind it had a Wish, a Wish over which he had no authority.

It wasn't fair.

Subaru-kun was **_his_**. He wanted to own every part of him, and yet that girl that Subaru-kun didn't even remember had managed to catch Subaru-kun's attention much more than him. He couldn't allow it and yet he knew he had no jurisdiction over the man behind the doll-surface. He could control Subaru-kun's will with his spell. He couldn't control his soul. He couldn't have it. He stood hurriedly, rudely dragging up Subaru-kun as well.

"Let's go home, Subaru-kun," he said hoarsely. He didn't want to be there one minute longer. He refused to further expose Subaru-kun to that girl's influence. He refused to share him with her.

**_His_**.

Subaru-kun was **_his_**.

His most prized possession, his greatest treasure. His only companion.

He wouldn't share him with anyone.

* * *

_'Why did I ask Satsuki to get all that data? Because Kazuki said he didn't want to return to the lab. He just Wishes to stay with me, and I'm going to fulfil his Wish. Surprised, Sakurazukamori? Some people don't need to put others under a spell to have someone who is willing stay with them...'_

* * *

The memory of Kamui's words coming to him suddenly didn't help to improve his mood, quite the contrary. Kazuki Wished to be with Kamui. Without his spell would Subaru-kun still...

He refused to try to answer to that question.

He noticed that Subaru-kun was looking at him, confused. He rested a hand on the boy's cheek gently.

"You're mine Subaru-kun, aren't you?" he asked. Subaru-kun rested his hand over his, leaning against his touch as he always did.

"Of course, Seishiro-san," he assured as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

That could have make things better, could have postponed the problem, hadn't a huge blast thrown by one of the two Kamui taken Subaru-kun's attention away from him again. Immediately Subaru-kun turned, trying to go to see what had happened, but before he could do so Seishiro grabbed his arm and started dragging him in the opposite direction.

"Let's go home, Subaru-kun. This battle doesn't regard us," he stated, walking away. Subaru didn't dispute Seishiro-san's request but tried to cast a last glance at the scene of the battle. Seishiro noticed and dragged him closer, wrapping an arm around Subaru-kun's shoulders, stopping him from turning, keeping him as close to him as possible.

Subaru-kun was **_his_**. He would never share him with that girl, no matter what. He was going to own him fully, mind, body and soul. He just... had no idea how to do it without removing the spell, and removing the spell wasn't an option. For once, Sakurazuka Seishiro was at loss about what to do.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. The manga isn't exactly clear on this but I assumed the Ten no Ryu might sense each other's presence. They might sense a Chi no Ryu's presence too but with a bit more difficulty. The same works for the Chi no Ryu. They sense each other and might feel a Ten no Ryu if they concentrate. This is why Subaru sensed the Ten no Ryu's Kamui's presence sooner than Seishiro.

2. In the manga Yuto looks like a person who cares for the ones who are his teammates. I assume he wouldn't approve what Kamui had done to his sister and to his best friend.

3. No, Kanoe didn't care for Kotori and Kamui but she said in the manga that the Chi no Ryu's Kamui gave her an unpleasant feeling and what he did was pretty gruesome...

4. The guy Kamui is trying to save is Tojyo Motoharu, owner of the Tojyo Seiyaku and Kazuki's grandfather. For who doesn't remember the lab in which Nataku was created was in Sunshine 60 underground.

5. Seishiro said _'our Kamui'_ talking with Subaru because even if the Chi no Ryu's Kamui is technically his only he assumes that since Subaru is his, he's also bounded to stick on the Chi no Ryu's side.

6. Subaru and Seishiro are the best Onmyouji of the whole Japan. It looks sensate to me they would feel interested should someone use Onmyoudo around them.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Let's make immediately clear two things.  
Subaru can't go to help Kamui or Hokuto. He's under a spell and while he might wish to do so since Seishiro didn't wish him to do it he can't do it.  
Second, Hokuto is definitely weaker than Kamui or Nataku. She has no chances against them. However she's not totally helpless. She'd been trained and so she can manage to hold on a bit against Nataku. Not long. Had the Chi no Ryu's Kamui be serious, she would have been killed at the first blow but he only wanted to toy with her.  
As for the rest... Subaru and Hokuto are somehow connected, Subaru more than Hokuto since he has higher spiritual powers.  
Yes, the manga is quite different from the anime and in the manga Nataku too is involved in the battle over Sunshine while Daisuke isn't even present. Always in the manga the Chi no Ryu's Kamui didn't immediately face Subaru but first tell to Nataku to fight with him. When Subaru does fairly well in the battle he decides to take Nataku's place. There are other differences but they aren't really important for the story.  
On a side note... Yamaguchi Kappei, the singer of **'Predilection'** had been Subaru's voice in the **'Tokyo Babylon'** OAV.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Seiyaku:** Pharmaceutical  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Subaru is the cuteness personificated. As for why there aren't many reviews... probably simply because this fic isn't good enough. I'm very happy when people tell me they like it but I'm aware there are lot of better fics with better English and more intriguing plot all around the web. I'll make myself happy with the fact that at least someone judge it worth a review. Thank you for alaways posting one!

To **Gray Wings**: (blush) Seishiro won't have an idea of his feelings for a long time... As for the ending... that will be a surprise!

To **LadyYeinKhan**: I'm glad you like my work and the efforts I put into it! Even if this is an AU I tried to keep it as close as possible to the original spirit of **'X'**. Subaru has always been the type willing to sacrifice himself for the people he cares for... I wasn't sure people would like him in this fic since he's a bit different from the manga. I'm happy you do! So you're in Japan? Lucky you!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	10. Chap 10: All The Things He Said

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 10: All The Things He Said"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"I keep asking myself, wondering how  
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out  
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me  
Nobody else so we can be free  
Nobody else so we can be free **_

**_All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
This is not enough  
This is not enough."  
(T.A.T.U. - "All The Things She Said")_**

Hokuto saw Fuma-kun smirking, satisfied, as he gazed into the distance at something she couldn't see. Her whole body hurt, she was panting and she had no energy left. She wouldn't even go into the state of her poor clothes. Kamui-chan had saved her life with that blow he managed to throw to stop Fuma-kun from striking her again, but now neither he nor she were in shape to fight further and she knew it. She couldn't even stand anymore and Fuma-kun had again trapped Kamui-chan in a net of cables with the same careless ease another person would use to restrain a child. She felt the bitter taste of failure on her lips. Fuma-kun was a too strong opponent, one who had easily defeated her using only a fraction of his power, but she couldn't, she wouldn't surrender, it didn't matter if, right then, she hadn't the strength to raise a single finger. She wouldn't surrender. Not yet. Not until she had freed Subaru from the Sakurazukamori's hold. Subaru... Subaru was the only one that mattered to her, she reminded herself as her gaze seemed to blur. Subaru... She had to live. She had to live to free Subaru...

"Don't you want to die?" Fuma-kun asked her gently in an almost caring, concerned tone, doing _'it'_ again, looking like her Subaru again, his expression not the apathetic one she saw on her brother's face when he was with the Sakurazukamori but the kind, caring, concerned one he had when he was a child and saw someone hurt, and she fought tears of desperation and grief. Subaru... Her Subaru... "You're obviously in pain and forced into a position you don't like. Why don't you Wish to be free from all this? Why don't you Wish to simply die?" the teenager asked her, his voice a perfect imitation of her brother's. She gritted her teeth against the pain, not from her injuries, but the pain that illusion brought and that was much stronger.

"Don't be absurd! I won't die! I can't die until I get Subaru back!" she yelled at him, hating the raw note of desperation in her voice. She was Sumeragi Hokuto. She would never surrender. She only wished it wouldn't hurt so much... He smiled down at her, another smile that was the mirror of Subaru's and she felt another wave of pain hit her even harder, wounding her more than one of the boy's blasts.

"It's impressive how that Ten no Ryu has got so many people obsessing over him," he commented discursively and yet with that hint of naivety only Subaru could have and it was so unfair... so unfair to have this boy pretending to be her brother and using it against her... "So is this your Wish? To get him back?" he asked, tilting his head in an almost curious, innocent manner as one who has caused mass murder and had been about to kill her and Kamui-chan shouldn't be able to do. No, that tone belonged to a caring soul that had been always more anxious to please others than himself and she...

"Of course this is my Wish! I want Subaru back, away from the Sakurazukamori, no matter what! I won't die before!" she screamed and physical pain merged with the psychological at her effort to try to summon the strength to stand and do something, what she had no idea and she would never discover since she fell immediately back down, spent.

"If that is what you truly Wish for, I guess I may help you. This way I will fulfil three Wishes with one single action!" Fuma-kun replied, still smiling innocently and she hated him for this, for resembling so much her brother and yet not being him, she hated him and yet her Wish to see Subaru still feed his illusion allowing him to continue that charade.

"Why? Why do you have to resemble him so much!" she asked in frustration, ignoring his statement, feeling the desperate need to cry and refusing to shed a single tear in front of him.

"Oh, that's easy," he replied carelessly, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's because **_you_** Wish it!" Her eyes widened in surprise at his statement and she gasped in confusion, unable to utter another word as she stared at him. What was that supposed to mean? What?

"Kamui. The other Ten no Ryu are coming," Fuma-kun's companion stated in an empty tone and a corner of her mind was slightly annoyed at hearing him call Fuma-kun _'Kamui'_. It was just... wrong. Anyway, she was grateful that help was coming their way but, considering the situation they were in, she doubted they would make it in time. One blow and she and Kamui-chan would be dead. And neither of them had the strength to stop it. Fuma-kun smiled down at her again.

"I guess, Hokuto-chan, I have to say goodbye," he stated, and she felt another stab of pain as he used exactly the same words Subaru told her before leaving Kyoto to go to Tokyo. Those had been the last words her brother had said to her and she had treasured them for such a long time in her heart... She lowered her head in sorrow and, as soon as she did it, Fuma-kun dismissed her, stopping to look and act like her Subaru, his attention moving to Kamui-chan.

"Kamui, we will meet again, soon, because I will come to kill you," Fuma-kun told the poor boy, seeming to savour the expression of absolute pain on his face. Then, to their surprise, the cables that had kept Kamui-chan trapped released him as Fuma-kun turned and left with the other Chi no Ryu. Kamui-chan didn't move from the point at which he had fallen after the cables had freed him, his head bowed in defeat and grief. Hokuto forced herself to find the strength to look at the poor boy.

"Are you okay, Kamui-chan?" she asked after Fuma-kun disappeared in a weak, pained voice that she attempted to make sound normal. Kamui-chan clenched his fists tightly before forcing himself to raise his head and to look at her with concerned eyes.

"I've been better, but I'll survive," he said dismissively in attempt to sound like a tough boy. "How... how are you?" he asked hesitantly, his toughness failing him as his voice filled with concern and fear.

"Alive and glad to be," she replied with a weak smile. Yes, she was glad to be still alive, still alive to fulfil her Wish... "Oh boy..." she added with a sigh as she tried to force her weak body into a slightly more comfortable position. "I don't know what got him into a talking mood but it had really saved our lives. Any idea what he saw when he stopped throwing blasts and got that _'I've finally managed to mess someone's life up badly'_ expression?" she asked Kamui-chan looking at him intensely. If there was one who might know the answer to that question, that person could only be Kamui-chan she was sure of it, and somehow she sensed the answer affected her. Kamui-chan seemed to hesitate.

"No I... I don't know... not really..." he murmured in a low tone, looking elsewhere but she picked up on it anyway.

"You're an awful liar Kamui-chan, do you know it?" she observed as a smile came unconsciously over her lips as she was reminded that Subaru too was a horrible liar. Kamui-chan looked tremendously nervous and embarrassed.

"I-think-someone-was-watching-us-and-Sorata-and-Arashi-are-here-now!" the boy said way too hurriedly and too low for Hokuto to understand as Sorata and Arashi hopped onto the roof of the building and hurried to help them leave as the structure started to crumble. Hokuto had no time to prod him with further questions then and Kamui was glad for it.(1)

He hadn't lied to her. Well, not really. He didn't know **_for sure_** but he had sensed two strong powers... one that had felt like a Chi no Ryu and the one who had felt a lot like a Ten no Ryu. And they were both pretty strong, probably the strongest Chi no Ryu and Ten no Ryu after Fuma and himself. It wasn't really difficult to guess who could be the only Chi no Ryu who spent his time watching them fight in the company of a strong Ten no Ryu without fighting him. However he doubted Hokuto would be happy to hear that her brother and the Sakurazukamori had been watching the show. Kamui didn't pay much attention as Sorata announced they were going to take them to the hospital and then continued to babble. His mind had switched over to thoughts of Fuma.

Fuma.

Fuma had said some pretty weird things that day.

Fuma.

What was he up to? Would he manage to fulfil his Wish and get the Real Fuma back? He could only hope so.

* * *

Subaru sighed as he considered his present situation. The trip back home had been silent and unpleasant, and now Seishiro-san was there, sitting on the couch, staring at nothing and looking like he was doing his best to think of nothing as well. Subaru had **NEVER** seen him in such a mood and had no idea how to get him out of it or what to do. Being like this just wasn't Seishiro-san's style. Subaru sighed at a loss. A tiny corner of his mind was still wondering about the girl, if she was well, if she had managed to escape from Kamui, if someone had rescued her, if he would see her again, but Subaru told it to shut up. To him, Seishiro-san was much more important than she was, and it pained him to see the man so... upset and not be able to help. He walked toward him and wrapped his arms around Seishiro-san's neck from behind, nuzzling against him affectionately like a tiny kitten would. He wasn't much for open affection, but years of cohabitation and the intimacy between them had helped him to loosen up a little when they were alone.

"I'm sorry for before. I just... don't like too much open space," he apologized quietly and very honestly, taking responsibility for Seishiro-san's bad mood. Seishiro-san rested his hand over Subaru's arm.

"That's not the problem, Subaru-kun," the man stated without looking at him. Subaru felt tempted to sigh again. He desperately wanted to help, to please Seishiro-san, to make him happy but he just had no idea how.

"Then I don't know what the problem is," he replied, and there was something in his normally apathetic voice that seemed to beg for help in understanding and made him sound tremendously helpless.

"What do you Wish for, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro-san asked instead of explaining himself. They were back to this? Fine, if Seishiro-san wanted to know then he could tell him.

"You. I Wish for you," he replied honestly. Seishiro-san laughed humourlessly, leaving Subaru even more confused.

"Flattering but not true," the man stated in a not particularly pleased tone. "What do you Wish for, Subaru-kun? What does your soul long for? What could Sumeragi-chan give to you that I didn't?" Seishiro-san asked him with rising intensity, turning to look at him. Subaru blinked, not following Seishiro-san's logic.

"How did Sumeragi-san end up in this?"

"Do you have to be so polite about her?" Seishiro-san countered in a clearly annoyed tone that made Subaru feel immediately guilty. He was polite with everyone, very formal and polite to be honest, but Seishiro-san had never been upset by it before...

"I'm sorry, I..." he tried to say, lowering his head in shame.

"Don't apologize," Seishiro-san calmly interrupted him, his hand now resting gently on Subaru's cheek and Subaru leaned into his touch. "Just answer me. What does she have that makes her so special? What sort of hold does that girl have on you?" There was an... anxious curiosity in the man's voice, an urgency that Subaru couldn't understand even if the tone was kind, or structured to sound as such.

"Hold on me?" he repeated weakly.

"Hold on you," Seishiro-san repeated firmly. "You couldn't tear your eyes away from her. I don't like to be ignored, Subaru-kun. You're **_mine_**. You're not supposed to ignore **_me_**," he reminded him, and this time he couldn't hide his annoyance from his voice. Seishiro-san had always been possessive of him, never tolerating even the thought of sharing him and Subaru knew this well.

"I wasn't!" he defended himself immediately. He had been paying attention to Seishiro-san. The man was always his first priority. Always. Seishiro-san had always been the most important thing in Subaru's life and nothing could replace him. He loved him, more than he could express, even if he doubted that Seishiro-san was aware of it. "I was just..." he continued, but words failed him. What had he been doing exactly? He... he was dismayed to discover he had no idea.

"What were you doing exactly?" Seishiro asked, echoing perfectly the question he was posing to himself.

"I... I don't know, Seishiro-san. I really don't know," he answered as his hold around Seishiro-san tightened out of fear more than affection. He didn't like not knowing what was going on with himself. In fact it terrified him.

"Do you Wish you never met me? Is that it, Subaru-kun?" Seishiro-san asked him in a deadly calm tone. Subaru blinked at the question.

"No. Why should I?" he replied immediately, not understanding how the man could think something so absurd.

"I put you under a spell, stole you from the rest of the world and from your destiny as well. I made you my own. It would be natural for you to Wish you never met me," Seishiro-san observed still in that same calm tone. Subaru knew all of that and dismissed it all with a shrug.

"I don't mind, Seishiro-san. I'm happy with you. I want to stay with you," he said simply in a very honest tone. He really didn't mind but that didn't matter and Seishiro knew it. It wasn't like Subaru-kun could leave him should he chose to. His will was entirely subordinated to Seishiro's. As long as Seishiro didn't want him to leave it didn't matter if Subaru-kun wanted to stay or to leave, he couldn't leave all the same.

"You almost never smile, Subaru-kun," he observed aloud. Before he hadn't paid much attention to it, considering it a mere artistic loss. Seishiro was so used smiling without meaning it that smiles didn't mean much to him anymore. He didn't know why he felt the sudden urge to have Subaru-kun smile again, to smile at him, to look happy. "If you never have reasons to smile how can you say you're happy?" he tried to reason with the boy.

"I didn't know you wanted me to smile..." Subaru-kun replied as if smiling was a mere act he could put up at will. Well, it was for Seishiro, but it shouldn't have been for Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun wasn't like him. Subaru-kun...

"That's not the point!" he cut him off a bit more sharply than he intended. "Why don't you smile, Subaru-kun?" he asked again, almost exasperatedly. He had no idea why but somehow he felt it was important.

"Because... I don't know why... because it won't matter, it won't make a difference... It's just... it seems a waste of effort..." Subaru answered, trying to put in words his feelings. It wasn't easy. He had never been good with words and the fact he had never been required to talk much didn't help.

"I don't think I understand this," Seishiro replied tiredly. He didn't. He didn't at all. He had no idea how they had ended up in this situation and why it seemed so important to get out of it.

"I don't think I know how to explain this," Subaru-kun continued, a hint of discomfort in his voice. "I never ever Wished that I had never met you, I swear it," he assured then and his voice was firm and totally honest. Subaru-kun wasn't good at lying and couldn't do it to him at all so Seishiro knew that what the boy had said had to be the truth, but...

"Then, Subaru-kun, promise me something. Promise me you'll never leave my side. Promise me you'll be mine and only mine forever. Promise me this **_again_**," he demanded.

"I promise, Seishiro-san," Subaru said simply and yet with all the honesty he was capable of. It wasn't like he wanted to leave, anyway. He loved Seishiro-san. He wouldn't be able to live without him.

"How heartfelt is the promise of a man who can't choose to disobey?" Seishiro replied bitterly, turning his gaze away from Subaru-kun, unconsciously quoting something he had heard from the Chi no Ryu's Kamui in one of their past meetings.

Subaru-kun didn't reply; he hadn't the time to do so. Seishiro turned toward him almost immediately and their lips met. A gentle kiss turned into something hungry and desperate and Subaru-kun found himself being dragged to the couch, next to Seishiro.

Control.

Seishiro still managed to be gentle as he pulled the boy next to him, no matter how badly he wanted him right there and then. Seishiro prized himself for his ability to control situations. He refused to lose control, not even in the heat of passion. Recently his control had been slipping, his balance going out of focus, disturbed by something he couldn't identify, but he could still manage to control things if he really put his mind into it. As soon as Subaru-kun was in his arms, against his chest, pressing up against him, everything started falling into the familiar dance of touches, kisses and movements they had danced so many times before. Their clothes ended up dropped unceremoniously on the floor as they focused only on themselves and the sensations all this was awakening in them. They really would do better to move to the bedroom but neither of them seemed to care. There was a weird sense of urgency in everything they were doing, as if this could be their last chance to be together. The couch wasn't exactly spacious but it wasn't like they planned to roll all over it. In fact they really needed very little space as they attempted to be as close as possible, as if they were trying to fuse their bodies into one. It was intense, it was good, and it ended far too soon for their liking, leaving them drained yet still strangely... thirsty, hungry, as if that hadn't been enough and they still needed more. However, getting more wasn't an option at the moment as that strange, excessive exhaustion that had fallen over them dragged them into a fast sleep.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the **'X'** manga Kamui is conscious while Fuma fights with Subaru. When Fuma destroys Subaru's eye Kamui frees himself and throws a blast in Fuma's direction trying to save Subaru. He then reaches an unconscious Subaru and calls him. The Kekkai starts to fade and Fuma leaves abandoning Kamui to cry over Subaru. There's no hint that someone helped them to leave Sunshine, which falls short after, and when the scene moves to the hospital there are no other Ten no Ryu with Subaru and Kamui. Sorata will also say later that they wanted to help but they came too late so I'm not sure they were the ones who managed to help Subaru and Kamui. Here however I supposed that, since Fuma toyed with Hokuto a bit longer, they managed to join them before Sunshine fell. Oh, Sunshine fell later even if there wasn't a Kekkai to protect it because Fuma went easy on it this time. Ah, Hokuto sees Fuma looking like Subaru as he is now but acting as Subaru acted before he had been kidnapped. Why? Because, of course, that's Hokuto's wish.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
For who's wondering this chapter's title was purposely a bit different from the title of the song I quoted at the beginning.  
Yes, Kamui and Hokuto are close, close in a different way than Subaru and Kamui in the **'X'** manga but still close and before someone will ask, no, they aren't going to fall in love.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Angel Lain**: Thank you for your kind words! I'm happy to hear this is the first **'X'** story that made it in your favourite list! You'll discover if Subaru will be back to Hokuto in chap 17... as for Seishiro's feelings... there should be already enough hints... the only ones who seem to miss them are Seishiro and Subaru...

To **THopkins**: I hope you aren't disappointed that Subaru, in the end, did nothing. He'll have plenty of action in the future, I promise. I'm glad you like Seishiro's possessiveness! I think Seishiro, despite everything, was very possessive of Subaru in the manga too... I'm trying to post a chap each week but I can't promise I'll always manage to do it, sorry. Thanks for reviewing!

To **Gray Wings**: LOL Well, you might say me what you hope will happen next or what you would like to see developed. Even if most of this is already written I'm still adding parts and so... Thank you for always reviewing!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Too many compliments make me blush! Thank you a lot for your words and for always taking time to review!

To **helo**: I'm glad to hear you like this! Subaru is adorable, isn't he?

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	11. Chap 11: You Are My World

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 11: You Are My World"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"There is nothing boy that can stop my course  
I will hold you tight never let you go  
Tomorrow's party will never end  
Like a bud in spring our love will bloom and grow **_

**_Your eyes to me are precious stones  
On a face that's made of a solid gold  
When I hold your hand I want to cry  
And your loving arms to protect me from the cold  
You are my world, you are my world  
You are my world, you are my world."  
(Communards - "You Are My World")_**

Subaru truly hated dreaming. It was a thing he could do without, it was a thing he wanted to do without, he mused as he forced his breathing to return to normal after he had been jolted awake by another of his nightmares. He should be used at them by now but he wasn't. The one he had just had was of the worst type, always showing him that battle the end of which he dreaded so much. He was terrified by the idea that it could be a prophetic dream.(1)

At least Seishiro-san was with him. The older man was still sleeping, laying sprawled over him, his head resting on Subaru's chest, his arms loosely wrapped around Subaru's waist and back as his legs intertwined with Subaru's. To Subaru he was a warm and reassuring presence even if the position they were in, with Subaru trapped under him, should have reminded him more of Seishiro-san's possessive behaviour. Subaru didn't mind it much, he had got used to it long ago. He was grateful that a blanket was covering them. Seishiro-san had long ago started keeping one next to the couch due to Subaru's tendency to fall asleep there while watching the television and now, considering their undressed state, the thing definitely was coming in handy.

Subaru was warm and wasn't alone and that felt good, that gave him some relief from the dark thoughts and fears his nightmare had awoken in him. He gently caressed Seishiro-san's soft hair, careful to not wake him up, just enjoying the man's silent presence next to him. Seishiro-san was the centre of Subaru's universe. He always had been, as far as Subaru could remember. The centre of a life that, to Subaru, seemed grey and depressing and wouldn't have been worth of living hadn't Seishiro-san been around.

Subaru's oldest memory wasn't as old as he would have liked it to be. It was in full colour but it was somewhat... damaged... ruined, pieces missing making it a confused mix, flashes of clarity that couldn't really be put together into something that made sense.

There was a Sakura tree. There was a body. There was a young Seishiro-san, around eighteen. There was him, barely nine, dressed in a white Shikifuku. He knew he had talked with Seishiro-san and he knew the topic of their discussion had been something important, something that involved a promise, but he really couldn't remember the words they exchanged. He remembered feelings, feelings of anger, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of fear, feelings of sadness, feelings of loneliness, feelings of liking, feelings of bonding, feelings of affinity. He didn't know how to sort them, he wasn't even sure they had been his feelings, yet they had been there, silent witnesses of what had happened that day between the two of them. He knew somewhere, in between those memories, there was the moment Seishiro-san had put him under a spell, a spell that had chained Subaru to Seishiro-san's will forever, a spell that had erased completely the memory of his past, a spell that had marked him as Seishiro-san's property.

Seishiro-san had never made a secret of what he had done to him, probably believing that it wouldn't make a difference, that Subaru could do nothing against it, just submit passively to it.

Or maybe it was just Seishiro-san's way to keep him at a certain distance.

Despite how possessive of him he was, Seishiro-san had always behaved as if he couldn't believe that a person, in his right mind, would stay with him knowing what he was, who he was. Not even Subaru. That spell gave to Seishiro-san the security that Subaru would never manage to escape from his grasp. Subaru knew it. At first, he hadn't been fully conscious of the presence of Seishiro-san's spell in his mind but, growing up, he had learned to sense it, to recognize its pattern and the way it wrapped all around his will, pushing him to follow Seishiro-san's requests without hesitation.

He would never have been able to overcome it at first but, with time, he had started to realize the spell was losing his hold on him. He had no idea if it was because the spell was old or because, growing up, he had got stronger, but he knew he could have broken it if he had truly put his mind at it. He had never ever tried. He hadn't wanted to.

After he had been put under the spell his world had lost its colours, becoming painted only in various shades of grey and Sakurazuka Seishiro-san had been, and still was, the only light, the only spot of colour, the only thing that gave his life meaning.

Now that he was twenty-five he was old enough to understand that Seishiro-san's behaviour toward him was exactly like that of a spoiled child with his favourite toy. Maybe spoiled child wasn't a perfect description since Seishiro-san had treated him with care and attention right from day one, as a very treasured, frail possession, and, after all, it wasn't hard to see why. He wasn't just Seishiro-san's favourite; he was also Seishiro-san's only toy.

Seishiro-san never truly interacted with anyone besides him. No schoolmates, no girlfriends or boyfriends, no family, no teachers.

Oh, unlike Subaru, who was painfully shy and reserved, he could deal with people quite well, charming them and manipulating them without being noticed, but they weren't allowed to enter his world. They weren't allowed to see him, to know him; they could only gaze at the surface of an illusion that Seishiro-san had built around himself, and they could do it only for a short time.

Right from the beginning, in Seishiro-san's world there had only been the two of them and no one else.

Subaru was Seishiro-san's only toy, his only pet, his only playmate. He couldn't have meant much to the man but he couldn't be replaced, and therefore he had been treasured. Spoiled badly. Coddled and protected and, at the same time, kept away from the world and from any possible contact. Because he was Seishiro-san's, and Seishiro-san wasn't the type who shared.

Subaru didn't mind.

He had no real memories of his past before meeting Seishiro-san but he still reserved some... feelings. He thought he had probably been happy and loved but still... that hadn't been enough, and it wasn't enough to make him to wish he could go back. That happiness and that love hadn't been enough, he still had felt... lonely, out of place, weird, not good enough.

Seishiro-san might not be able to give him the same love or happiness but he made him feel... well, as if he was the right person in the right place. As if he belonged in Seishiro-san's world and was welcome there no matter what, and he had loved Seishiro-san for it, for giving him a place to belong, for welcoming him into his world.

As he had grown up however their relationship had become more complicated.

He'd been a shy teenager the first time Seishiro-san had kissed him, truly kissed him, not one of those casual, affectionate kisses he had given him every time he got a scratch to make the pain go away.

It had been a sweet kiss and Seishiro-san hadn't forced him into it. He had just... caught him by surprise. Subaru... Subaru had... he had liked it.

He had been a teenager in the middle of a hormonal storm and he had liked getting that sort of attention from the only person he loved. He had liked not being hurried or forced into things but let free to move at his own pace. He had liked it so much that it hadn't taken them long to move from light kisses to something more intimate until they spent their first night together.

Subaru sometimes wondered if it would have been different if he had other people around to be with and not just Seishiro-san, if he had been manipulated into it, if that relationship wasn't twisted because it had been born from an almost _'brotherly'_ one, because they were both guys, because he was so much younger than Seishiro-san.

In the end it hadn't matter to him and still didn't, really. He was happy with it.

Maybe their first night hadn't been the typical one that you find described in books, nothing so smooth and perfect as in romantic tales and nothing so... so... _'excessive'_ like one could read in pornographic ones, but it had been good. Seishiro-san had made it good for him and even if he had been frightened and it had hurt, in the end it had been worth it.

However... however it had been the beginning of a new string of troubles.

He remembered waking alone in the bed the morning after.

Seishiro-san was taking a shower as usual, as he did every morning, and he had let Subaru sleep, sure he could appreciate it.

Subaru should have appreciated it, or at least he believed so. He was still hurting, even if not overly much, and he was feeling oddly cold, alone, abandoned. Numbly he got up, picked up his clothes and dressed. He went straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Then... that was the point at which his memories became confused. He remembered only walking into the kitchen and seeing _'it'_. Then there was a blank void that was interrupted by the moment Seishiro-san, still busy drying his hair with a towel, joined him and found him holding a knife, staring numbly at his blood-covered wrist. Seishiro-san had been the one who had shaken Subaru out of his daze and had demanded an explanation for what had happened.

Subaru could offer none.

He just **_didn't remember_**. He didn't remember at all. Seishiro-san had bandaged his wrist and had carried him straight to the hospital, uncaring of the fact his hair was still wet and the day was cold.

The doctors stitched up Subaru's cut. They could offer no explanation for Subaru's memory gap except that shock could have caused it. It was clear everyone believed he had cut himself but Subaru just **_didn't remember_**.

Seishiro-san had taken him home after his wrist had been fixed and had spent the day with him, cuddling him and fussing over him. He had also asked him, more than once, if Subaru was angry with him for what had happened. Subaru wasn't, he knew he wasn't, however Seishiro-san hadn't lifted a finger to touch him more intimately than hugs and light kisses.

It had solved nothing. Three days later Subaru found himself dealing with another cut without having any idea about how he got it in the first place.

At loss about what to do, Seishiro-san had checked the whole house suspecting a possible connection with an Onmyoujutsu spell, reworked the Kekkai posed around it, the various other protections, their own ways of deflecting Sakanagi, and he also threw away all their knives and bought new ones. That didn't help either. Two days later they were back in the same situation, still with no explanation about what had caused it.

Subaru had been terrified; Seishiro-san, frustrated beyond belief.

That night Subaru had squirmed against him searching for protection, human contact and... something else. He remembered Seishiro-san had stared at him for a while before deciding that, at that point, giving into carnal desires couldn't possibly make the situation worse. He had, however, been even more gentle and considerate than the first time. The morning after and the mornings that had followed Subaru had always woken up in his arms, skin against skin, legs intertwined and a lingering scent of sex and sweat on them both, and had felt content, safe and at peace.

For the following two years there had been no more _'incidents'_.

The forth time came unexpectedly, and Seishiro-san turned the whole house upside down searching for a cause. He found nothing. Subaru had waited for him curled on the couch as the man checked each corner. Subaru had no idea why it had happened. He still couldn't remember. He said nothing when Seishiro-san joined him on the couch and wrapped his arms around him, as if that could be enough to shield him from whatever was happening, and smoked a whole packet of cigarettes, one after the other, muttering death threats to whoever was causing this. In the middle of it Subaru had asked him to let him try to smoke too.

Seishiro-san had muttered something about him being too young and smoke being unhealthy.

Subaru hadn't remarked that Seishiro-san had also started smoking young or that smoke wasn't healthy for him either.(2)

"If this keeps up, I don't think it'll matter," he had said instead. Seishiro-san had stared at him, than had offered him the cigarette.

"Just a drag, Subaru-kun, and I don't think you'll like it," he had warned.

He hadn't. At all.

"Do you think I'm going crazy?" he had asked when he had stopped coughing. Seishiro-san had hesitated before answering.

"No," the man had said eventually. "You aren't upset at me for something I did, are you?" Subaru had shaken his head. He couldn't remember Seishiro-san doing something that had upset him. "Has something wrong happened I'm not aware of? Something strange?" Seishiro-san had asked then. Subaru had shaken his head again. He had thought about it too, but really he couldn't remember anything out of the ordinary. Seishiro-san had sighed. "I think I'll kill whoever is causing this. Slowly and painfully. No one has the right to touch what's mine," he had muttered.

"Seishiro-san... will you be lonely if I die?"

"You don't die. End of discussion. I won't allow it," Seishiro-san had stated with a tone of finality. Subaru could have had pointed out Seishiro-san might not have a say in it but instead had felt strangely reassured. He had simply blindly trusted him.

In the end Seishiro-san had shared a cigarette with him, and had never left him completely alone ever again. Maybe because of this, maybe for other reasons they couldn't imagine there had not been other _'incidents'_ and things had gone smoothly between them. Now Kamui had to mess things up due to his twisted conviction that fulfilling wishes was a good idea. Subaru didn't think so. There was a price to pay for each fulfilled wish. Sometimes the wish might not be worth its price. Subaru's Wish wasn't worth it in Subaru's opinion.

As he had said to Seishiro-san, he Wished for him. However, he wasn't stupid. He knew that Seishiro-san would shrug off whatever Subaru could do for him as an effect of the spell Seishiro-san had put on him. Sometimes Subaru also wondered if he was so drawn to the man only due to it. He didn't believe that was the case, but he knew that Seishiro-san would never realize it as long as the spell existed. Subaru's actions would never have meaning for him as long as the spell existed. Subaru knew. Subaru also knew he could manage to break the spell should he wish to. He was old enough, powerful enough. He would never do it.

The spell chained him to Seishiro-san; it was one of the many connections they shared, like the marks on his hands, and Seishiro-san would never understand were Subaru to choose to break the spell. He thrived on the power and in the security that the spell controlling Subaru gave him. He wouldn't understand how Subaru's wish for freedom didn't also mean that Subaru wished to be free of him.

The fulfilment of his Wish might cost Subaru what he had now with Seishiro-san. It was a price Subaru refused to pay.

Kamui, however, couldn't understand it. To him wishes were made to be fulfilled no matter the consequences.

Subaru couldn't allow him to fulfil his Wish, not at the price of losing Seishiro-san.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. According to the **'Tokyo Babylon'** manga who held a special spiritual power since birth like Subaru or Seishiro can have prophetic dreams.

2. I've no idea when Seishiro started smoking in the manga but I always had the feeling he should have been pretty young.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Subaru's past memories are deliberately confusing.  
Technically Seishiro put three spells on Subaru, one that marked Subaru's hands, one that erased his memory and one that bound him to Seishiro's will. Since they're all aimed to control Subaru and all connected together one way or another, both Subaru and Seishiro refer at them as _'a spell'_.  
One of the things I wanted to develop when I started writing this is that the fact that I don't think that Fuma's obsession for fulfilling Wishes of people who hadn't asked him to do so is nice, especially when said Wishes won't bring happiness. Actually I think it makes more damage than help.

**Dictionary:**  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Shikifuku:** Ceremonial Robe

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: Thank you for keeping rewiewing! Yes, it's not nice however Seishiro couldn't come up with another plan to keep Subaru all for himself... As for the happy ending... it's a secret!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: (Blush) So many compliments! I'm so happy you're enjoying this!

To **comixoriole**: I'm glad you like Seishiro in this. Poor Subaru has no idea of his place in Seishiro's life and the fact part of his wills had been crippled isn't making his life any easier...

To **Hatori Soma**: I'm happy to hear you like this, however I've to apologise but I can't e-mail to all the readers to warn them about the updates. A chance might be for you to join They offer an 'update warning' service for members.

To **Xelena**: I love and I've read both series (along with another bunch of stories made by CLAMP) so, of course I use elements from both! I'm glad to hear you like how this is turning out!

To **Momo**: I tried to get all the available info on the original background. Sadly I miss some background info that CLAMP gave in their doujinshi... As for using the Japanese correctly... I'm trying my best! I'm glad you like this!

To **TintAngel**: As you can see in this chapter I explained what Subaru Wishes for... beware of how Fuma will try to 'help' him...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	12. Chap 12: How Can I Be Sure

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 12: How Can I Be Sure"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"How can I be sure  
In a world that's constantly changin'?  
How can I be sure  
Where I stand with you? **_

**_Whenever I  
Whenever I am away from you  
I wanna die  
'Cause you know I wanna stay with you."  
(The Young Rascals - "How Can I Be Sure")_**

Seishiro awoke to the pleasurable feeling of Subaru-kun's fingers sliding gently over his skin and petting his hair lovingly. The boy's body was a warm, solid presence under him, Subaru-kun's heart beating right under his ear and, even if his position wasn't the most comfortable in the world, he had no complaints, really. He raised himself a bit and kissed Subaru-kun's cheek affectionately, than started trailing kisses down on his neck, kisses that weren't just affectionate anymore, causing the boy to moan softly at his ministrations. He grinned, then frowned as a though came to his mind.

"Am I too heavy?" he asked, raising himself a little to stare into Subaru-kun's perfect pools of emerald green.

"I don't mind," the boy replied with a careless shrug, then, almost hesitantly, caressed Seishiro's cheek gently. "However, you should shave," he announced in a serious and self-conscious tone.

Seishiro raised an eyebrow, pretending to give Subaru-kun's words deep consideration, than laughed.

"Subaru-kun, do you like me only if I'm shaved?" he asked playfully as he lowered himself to nip the boy's lobe. Subaru-kun moved away from him, freeing his ear from Seishiro's attentions with a sound of annoyance. Seishiro raised himself again to stare into the boy's face, amusement sparkling in his eyes. He knew it annoyed Subaru-kun to have his ear nipped. He knew everything about Subaru-kun, about what he liked and disliked, what he wanted and what he didn't.

He knew also there was something in the back of Subaru-kun's eyes, something deep and strong that people seemed to always fail to see, something alive and stubborn that couldn't be bent. One who knew where to look could see that the boy was a lot less empty and apathetic than he looked at first glance. His Subaru-kun merely accepted passively a lot of things, mostly because he couldn't oppose them, or because he was too considerate to oppose them. His apathy was more like a shield than anything else, a way to put everything that hurt him in the background. Subaru-kun had always been too sensitive, too caring. Living with him, a cold blooded murderer, and accompanying him at his work shouldn't have been easy for such a kind soul. Subaru-kun had put a shield between himself and the world to keep himself sane.

Seishiro had known him since Subaru-kun was a child and could see through it easily. He wasn't overly fond of that shield, but he didn't mind it that much since he knew where to look to see what he wanted to see.

"I don't care if you're shaved or not. I always love you, only you," Subaru-kun stated in reply, wrapping his arms around his neck and bringing him gently down for a kiss. Seishiro kissed back, groaning in Subaru-kun's mouth as he sensed the boy squirming under him and wrapping his long legs around Seishiro's waist, clinging to him, only him. Delicious, he decided, this boy was way better than cake. Subaru-kun really was his most prized possession, and he was addicted to him even more than to cigarettes, greedy for him even more than for cakes, he admitted to himself as he trailed kisses and touches, continuing their lovemaking.(1)

Subaru-kun was also frail, very frail, so very frail that the tiniest error in handling him could shatter him irreparably.

Precious, frail and his, only his. Forever bound to him, unable to refuse him anything.

A treasure. His treasure.

* * *

_'I think you're the one who doesn't know him at all. **He** has a Wish, Sakurazukamori, as do **you**. I'm merely inviting him there to help him to fulfil his Wish.'_

* * *

Damn Kamui. Why couldn't he forget his words? He bit Subaru-kun's shoulder in irritation, then, when he heard Subaru-kun's whimper and realized what he had done, he soothed the bite with kisses and gentle nipping.

"Sorry..." he mumbled.

"It's okay, don't stop..." Subaru-kun replied, holding him tighter. But was it really okay? Was it? Seishiro didn't know, and he realized he hated not knowing. Subaru-kun's presence, the boy's loyalty to him had been a constant in his life. He couldn't conceive the idea that Subaru-kun might not want to be with him. It just couldn't be possible. It...

* * *

_'He just Wishes to stay with me, and I'm going to fulfil his Wish. Surprised, Sakurazukamori? Some people don't need to put others under a spell to have someone who is willing stay with them...'_

* * *

Damn Kamui, damn Kamui, damn Kamui... Why couldn't he banish his words from his mind? Why?

"Do you want this, Subaru-kun? Do you want me?" he panted, his voice way too raw for his liking. It wasn't the best moment to start a conversation; his body's needs were affecting his ability to think clearly.

"Seishiro-san..." Subaru-kun moaned, not really pleased by the interruption but unable to articulate further. Seishiro found a bit of consolation in the fact that, at least, he wasn't the only one who was finding it hard to think clearly at the moment.

"Seishiro-san..." the young man whimpered when it became obvious that Seishiro would make no attempt to continue until he didn't got an answer. Maybe it wasn't fair to demand of Subaru-kun an answer at that point, but Seishiro couldn't help it. Besides, he had never cared much about being fair.

"You... I want you... only you... don't stop..." Subaru-kun managed to reply eventually, looking at him almost pleadingly.

That would have to do, Seishiro decided, because even though he could control himself usually, he couldn't do it for much longer. Not in that situation or at that point in time anyway.

The rest of the discussion was consisted of moans, whimpers and the repetition of their names, over and over as if that was all that mattered.

Then it was finished and they laid there panting.

* * *

_'I want you... only you...'_

* * *

It had felt good when Subaru-kun had said it. Very good. So good... Kamui could stick all his assumptions about Subaru-kun's Wish up on his...

* * *

_'How heartfelt is the promise of a man who can't choose to disobey?'_

* * *

No, he didn't need this, he didn't want this. Subaru-kun was **_his_**. He would be his forever. It didn't matter why or how.

* * *

_'Some people don't need to put others under a spell to have someone who is willing stay with them...'_

* * *

So he had put Subaru-kun under a spell. It didn't matter, it didn't make a difference, and it didn't make Subaru-kun less **_his_**. Did it? Would he still own Subaru-kun without the spell? Would the boy still want to be with him should he remember his family? Without the Sakurazukamori's marks he had placed on his hands would they still be here, one against the other, in the aftermath of an orgasm? Or would Subaru-kun be away from him, with the other Ten no Ryu, with his sister, Wishing nothing else but to fight him, his enemy, and his polar opposite?

He wanted to own Subaru-kun fully, mind, body and soul. He couldn't do it as long as the spell clouded Subaru-kun's judgement.

He didn't want to risk losing Subaru-kun. Not now, not ever. The boy was **_his_**. He couldn't remove the spell but... but... but he Wished it gone, he realized to his surprise. He Wished it gone for good. And he would never dare to fulfil that Wish. As Subaru-kun had said, the price for the fulfilment of some Wishes could be too high.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Seishiro has two known official _'weakness'_, he's a Mild Seven smoker and he loves food, sweets in particular.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, Seishiro is blindly oblivious to the fact that Subaru loves him but he doesn't understand love much and he knows that what he did was wrong. Mind you he doesn't care if it was wrong or not, his only worry is that it might cause him troubles, that it might stop him from getting what he wants.

**Dictionary:**  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Momo**: Well... I have a demo version of this fic and now I'm just fixing it so that's why I can update fast... I'm glad you like the explanation about Subaru's feelings!

To **Gray Wings**: Poor Subaru doesn't know what's going on with himself... and yes he almost always get the worst deal... but don't worry, Seishiro too will have his troubles!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I'm happy to hear you liked the previous chapter!

To **kurri-chan**: Here's the update! I hope you will enjoy it too!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	13. Chap 13: Catching The Butterfly

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 13: Catching The Butterfly"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"I'm gonna keep catching that butterfly  
In that dream of mine  
I'm gonna keep catching that butterfly  
In that dream of mine **_

**_In my lucid dreams  
In my lucid dreams."  
(Verve - "Catching The Butterfly")_**

After their little _'adventure'_ on Sunshine 60, Hokuto and Kamui were forced to spend the rest of the day at Shinjuku Hospital.

As soon as they were released Hokuto resumed work on helping Sorata to pair up with Arashi. It wasn't a purely altruistic act but rather dictated by the fact she adored to mess with love relations. Right then she really needed something to do to keep herself as busy as possible. The battle with Fuma-kun had confused her and had forced her to acknowledge her inability to fight a Chi no Ryu. She just didn't have the power. She was a mere substitute, after all. A substitute. A substitute.

Subaru...

Fuma-kun had looked like him and she couldn't understand how or why since Fuma-kun wasn't like her Subaru at all. They were completely different, and yet... yet... she would have sworn that...

She shook her head dismissing that line of thought.

Fuma-kun had also talked like he could knew all her wishes.

Hokuto knew she Wished Subaru back, she truly did.

Only... it wasn't as simple as that.

She wondered if Fuma-kun had grasped her whole Wish, and if he really planned to bring it true as he said. Somehow, she wasn't sure this would be good...

* * *

The immensity of the space was all around them in its dazzling beauty. They were suspended in that dark nothingness broken only by distant stars. Others might have been scared by that place, but his guest was not.

"Kuzuki-san? What can I do for you?" Subaru-san asked him politely after greeting him.

Kuzuki Kakyou stared at the young Onmyouji. The Ten no Ryu Subaru-san was always formal and polite. He didn't seem bothered by the fact Kakyou had entered his dreams uninvited or disturbed by how his dreamscape looked.(1)

"I'm sorry to bother you, Subaru-san," he said, bowing his head toward him. Subaru-san shook his head dismissively.

"It's no problem at all. How can I help you?" he asked again. Kakyou hesitated. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui was the only one who could fulfil his wish and, for this, he had gained Kakyou's loyalty, but this young man had always been kind and understanding with him. Kakyou believed the future was already foreordained but, sometimes, he wished he could change it. Some people didn't deserve what they were going to get.

"Kamui said you have a Wish," Kakyou began. He had never been very good at talking, maybe because he rarely had the chance to do it in that room that had been his cage.

"Everyone has a Wish," Subaru-san confirmed, nodding. Subaru-san wasn't a talker either. Kakyou was prone to think it was because he too, in a fashion, had been kept prisoner for long.

"So why don't you try to fulfil it?" he asked. Subaru-san lowered his head.

"Because it would make Seishiro-san unhappy," he stated.

"Does that man matter so much to you that you would sacrifice your happiness and your freedom for him?" Kakyou asked then, his voice bitter. He didn't like Sakurazuka Seishiro. The man cared for nothing and toyed with everything, was free to do whatever he wanted and considered the world his own personal amusement park, and yet Subaru-san would do everything for him and ask nothing in return. Kakyou didn't think the Sakurazukamori deserved all that love and devotion from a good person like Subaru-san. In his most honest moments Kakyou was ready to admit he was envious of the Sakurazukamori. Kakyou had spent his life trapped in a room without any chance to leave it, without ever knowing the meaning of the world _'fun'_, observing everything through his dreams, never really able to fully enjoy it, always alone, without anyone caring for him. In a fashion, he and Subaru-san were similar, both trapped in a situation they didn't deserve, only Subaru-san seemed to be willing to stay in his cage and Kakyou couldn't understand why.

"Seishiro-san is everything to me," Subaru-san admitted with a tone of supreme security. Kakyou shook his head. That wasn't what he wanted to hear. That wasn't something he could understand.

"Subaru-san, you're a Ten no Ryu. How can you protect a Chi no Ryu?" he reasoned.

"It's because I'm a Ten no Ryu that I want to protect the person that means the world to me," Subaru-san explained patiently. He seemed a bit embarrassed, even if it was hard to say because he didn't show his feelings much, however he didn't look bothered by Kakyou's questions.

"That's close to what the Ten no Ryu's Kamui said when he made his Choice and look at how that turned out," Kakyou reminded him.(2) Subaru-san didn't reply. The young man was polite and kind, but also tremendously stubborn. His mind was already set and Kakyou had no idea if he could influence him in any way. However, it was worth a try. "What about your sister, Subaru-san?" he asked then. Subaru-san blinked.

"My... sister?" he echoed. As soon as Kuzuki-san said it something he had long forgotten, or rather something he had been forced to forget, brushed his conscious thoughts, but the disturbance didn't last long, only the length of time he needed to remember he had, in fact, had a sister.

"The girl that you saw fighting Kamui on the Sunshine building. She is Sumeragi Hokuto, your twin sister. You surely hadn't missed the resemblance." Kuzuki-san went on. Subaru hadn't missed the resemblance or the... bond he had felt with her. He just hadn't wanted to dwell on it too much, knowing it would be pointless. He belonged to Seishiro-san. Whatever that girl wanted from him, he couldn't give it to her, even if this made him feel guilty.

"So... she's my sister... I didn't remember having a sister," he admitted. It made sense she was his sister. It sounded... natural.

"The Sakurazukamori didn't tell you she was your sister, did he? He doesn't even let you remember your full name, does he?" Kakyou continued. Why couldn't Subaru-san realize how the man mistreated him? Why couldn't he realize what sort of person Sakurazuka Seishiro was, and how he didn't deserve Subaru-san's feelings at all?

"It doesn't change a thing. I won't leave Seishiro-san," Subaru said stubbornly. Actually, Subaru knew what sort of person Seishiro-san was, even better than Kuzuki-san, and he loved him anyway. He understood how Kuzuki-san might not like Seishiro-san, but this made no difference to Subaru. No matter what, he loved the man and wanted to be with him.

"She Wishes you back. She told Kamui so," Kakyou continued. Subaru-san had to know he could choose a different life, a different companion, one who would deserve his affection. If Subaru-san couldn't realize it on his own, Kakyou would tell him. It was all he could do to try to help him.

"I won't leave Seishiro-san," Subaru repeated firmly. "I don't want to leave him, but..." Subaru-san hesitated and Kakyou allowed himself to hope that... maybe...

"But?" he prodded gently.

"Can you please talk with her for me?" Subaru-san asked with the look of one who's begging for a favour he didn't think he deserved. "Can you please tell her I'm fine this way, and to stop searching for me?" Subaru-san continued. "Seishiro-san... he wouldn't take it well if someone tried to take me away from him, and I don't want him to kill her."

Seishiro-san had never taken it well when people came too close to Subaru. There had been a time in which Seishiro-san used to allow him to have a puppy. In fact, he had bought several for Subaru when the boy had been a mere child.

They never lasted long.

As soon as Seishiro-san thought they were getting too close to Subaru he would use them to deal with the Sakanagi. He didn't mean with it to be cruel to Subaru. He only wanted to stop the puppies from coming too close to what he judged his own property. He would comfort Subaru after each death and try to explain to him that it was all the puppy's fault, and brought him a new one the day after. He didn't understand Subaru's pain over their deaths. To him they were the equivalent of toys to throw away and replace when they broke or didn't work properly. Subaru had tried to stop them from getting close to him, but all the puppies ended up liking Subaru a bit too much, and Subaru couldn't help liking them; Seishiro-san always noticed and hurriedly disposed of the pet who had tried to come between him and Subaru, then coddled and fussed over Subaru after. Subaru had been very grateful when Seishiro-san had stopped bringing them home.

"Subaru-san... Kamui will fulfil her Wish, one way or another. You'll save yourself trouble if you leave the Sakurazukamori on your own," Kakyou tried again. He wanted to spare Subaru-san from what destiny was planning for him, he really did, but he couldn't do it if Subaru-san didn't leave the Sakurazukamori.

"I'll never leave him," Subaru stated. No matter what Seishiro-san did, no matter what could happen to him, Subaru wanted to be with Seishiro-san.

Kakyou looked at him sadly.

"I'll talk to her if that's what you want. I'm sorry I can't help you more, Subaru-san. Of all the people I've met since Kamui freed me, you're the only one who has honestly cared about me and I'm grateful for it."

"I'm sure, if you would give the world a chance, you would meet more. You could even meet someone for whom you would think it would be worth it to die for, and she would think the same about you," Subaru-san told him gently. Kakyou smiled bitterly.

"I don't think that's possible, Subaru-san, but thanks anyway." Who could find him even remotely interesting? All he knew how to do was dream of a future of death and destruction. No, there was no one out there for him. He was born to live alone. He could only hope his lonely life would end soon.

The figure of Subaru-san faded as he left Kakyou's dreamscape soon after, and Kakyou's gaze lowered.

"You've been trying to persuade him to give in on his own," he heard the Chi no Ryu's Kamui saying, as the boy appeared in his dreamscape suddenly, catching Kakyou by surprise.(3) His tone of voice wasn't accusatory, more like... amused. Kakyou said nothing. After all, there was nothing to say. "He refused, didn't he? He's stubbornly set on ignoring his own Wish and we can't have that, can we?" Kamui continued in an almost patronizing tone.

"If it makes him happy..." Kakyou offered. Kakyou didn't approve of Subaru-san's choice, but he liked what Kamui had in mind even less.

"It doesn't make him happy," Kamui stated and Kakyou knew he was right. "It doesn't make the Sakurazukamori happy either. Or the Sumeragi girl. Wishes are made to be fulfilled. I'm merely helping them. They may not like it in the beginning but they'll appreciate it in the long run," Kamui explained with the confidence typical of a teenager before smiling gently in Kakyou's direction. "Now, Kakyou, I want you to do something for me. I want you to connect me with the Sakurazukamori. That guy is stubbornly refusing to answer the phone, even if I can't really blame him..." he commented, grinning slightly, talking about dreamscapes as if they were phones, and Kakyou couldn't find fault with that since he had used them often for the same purpose.

"I don't think he'll appreciate an intrusion into his dreams. And I'm positive I don't want to enter them. That guy's dreams are twisted," he replied, shaking his head in disapprobation.

"I think they're... interesting... Dreams tell you a lot about the person who's having them. Evidently he has an obsession with that Ten no Ryu and murdering whoever tries to go between them. Oh, and Sakura. But I guess that his Sakura-obsession comes with his title," Kamui observed. Kakyou didn't comment. Considering what Kamui had done to the Ten no Ryu's Kamui and to his own sister, and what Kakyou had seen he would do in the future it really didn't come as a surprise that the boy wasn't bothered by the Sakurazukamori's dreams. Probably his own dreams were even more twisted. Or maybe not. Kamui was hard to figure out, with all those personalities crashing inside him.

The boy looked always like the one the others most wanted to see, constantly changing to please them, to the point it was hard to say where Kamui ended and the illusion began.

Maybe even Kamui's twisted side was nothing but a mask. Kakyou didn't want to judge him. Kamui was, after all, the one who had freed him and the only one who could help him to fulfil his Wish. Kakyou was sure that, for this, he would always be loyal to the boy.

A door appeared in the dreamscape.

"You can enter in the Sakurazukamori's dream from there," Kakyou said simply. "If you don't mind, I'll wait here." Kamui smiled, a kind, innocent smile before opening the door and entering into the Sakurazukamori's dream. Kakyou didn't smile back. He didn't think he knew how.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. When Kakyou met Fuma in the **'X'** manga his dreamscape looked like the space. I assumed that, without Hokuto's influence, that was how it would look usually...

2. Probably everyone knows this anyway... Kamui became a Ten no Ryu to protect the ones he loved the most, Fuma and Kotori. As soon as he chose so Fuma became the Chi no Ryu's Kamui.

3. In the manga the Chi no Ryu's Kamui can enter in Kakyou's dreams at will.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
I know, many think Seishiro is a sadist. Actually I don't think so. He simply doesn't care about people and the consequences his actions could have. Plus a side of him would like for Subaru to view things as he did and that's why he kept murdering the puppies. Well, yes, a corner of him also wanted to warn Subaru to not get attached to other people...  
I assume that Subaru and Kakyou could get along fairly well. They have much in common.  
Kakyou tried to save Hokuto in **'X'** original plotline so I assume it would be in character for him to try and help Subaru, even if for him he won't go to the extends he went for Hokuto.

**Dictionary:**  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: I assure you Seishiro will have his own troubles to deal with... I feel almost guilty... I won't make his life easy...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Seishiro doesn't understand much other people's feelings. He somehow thinks everyone should think like him therefore he knows that if he had been in place of Subaru he wouldn't have been a happy boy. He is also starting to get insecure about how much of Subaru's affection for him is due to the spell and how much is due to just Subaru.

I find your fic adorable and very intriguing! Please write more!

To **kuraitsubasa**: I'm glad you liked the previous chapter. I think Seishiro's situation isn't easy to handle. He had some nice convinctions and now the Chi no Ryu's Kamui destroied them...

To **My Bloody Hell**: I'm happy to hear you like the story and find the characters IC. As for the reviews... well maybe it's also because I update fast. Maybe I should wait until I get... let's say... ten reviews before posting each new chapter but well... I don't want to force people to review if they don't feel like it and it wouldn't be fair toward the ones who had reviewed and should wait for others to do so.

To **Momo**: The plot will be different from the one of the original story even if it'll move on a parallel line and some things will stay just the same. It's a bit too early to talk about the ending since we're far from it but I hope you will like it. Good luck for the finals!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	14. Chap 14: Blue Desert

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 14: Blue Desert"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"Akaku hiroi sabaku  
Sora wa moeteiru doko made mo  
Hifu suberi ochita  
Tooi hibi no kioku  
Fureru beki karada sagashi aruite  
Dakedo mou mitasarenai kore ijou ni wa  
Ashi ato no kieta michi wo yuku  
Hateshinai Blue Desert  
Dakedo mou modorenai koko kara saki wa  
Dakedo mitasarenai kore ijou ni wa  
Itsuka koko wo nukedasu no yo  
Hateshinai Blue Desert."  
("A broad red desert  
The sky is burning everywhere  
They slipped off my skin,  
The memories of those distant days  
With this body that ought to touch, I walk, searching  
But I can never be satisfied with this  
Walking on a road where my footsteps disappear  
An endless Blue Desert  
But I can never go back, from this point on  
But I can never be satisfied with this  
Someday I will escape from this place  
This endless Blue Desert.")  
(Zelda - "Blue Desert")_**

At the moment Seishiro wasn't having a dream he would have considered _'twisted'_. It was a quite ordinary dream by his standards. He and his Subaru-kun were merely having a Hanami under a Sakura tree, eating Top's Chocolate Cake. Well... they had eaten chocolate cake. Right then they had finished eating and Seishiro was meticulously licking away the chocolate that had remained attached to Subaru-kun's slender fingers. Subaru-kun's cheeks were slightly pink in embarrassment, but he wasn't complaining, and Seishiro was wondering if the boy would consider the corpses scattered around them as an audience, or if he wouldn't mind and they could...

From the delicious moan Subaru-kun made and the way he was staring at him Seishiro was ready to bet the boy didn't care much about the corpses. Seishiro grinned. It was time to start licking something different other than his fingers...

Before he could put his plan into action he heard the Chi no Ryu's Kamui greeting him enthusiastically and a bit too cheerfully for his taste. That brat was having fun bothering him. Seishiro frowned and, for a split second, the corpses around them had features very similar to Kamui's. It didn't last long. Seishiro quickly regained control of his feelings and his dream. He allowed the corpses to return to their original faceless state as he smiled brightly at Kamui, in answer to his greeting. The dream world Subaru-kun pouted cutely and leaned against Seishiro, wrapping his arms around him. Seishiro petted him distractedly, his eyes never leaving Kamui. It didn't matter if they were on the same side, Seishiro would never trust him.

"Do you ever go anywhere without dragging with you your Ten no Ryu? I see you can't give up his presence, not even in your dreams... People might think you have the Linus' complex," Kamui observed amused. The boy was perpetually amused by something. It was annoying. Besides, Seishiro had no idea what this _'Linus complex'_ Kamui was talking about was, and that bothered him even more because it made him feel at disadvantage. Teenagers shouldn't know more than their elders.(1)

"Kamui. To what I own the pleasure of your visit?" he asked, deliberately ignoring the question. What he did with Subaru-kun wasn't Kamui's business. The teenager sat next to him and Subaru-kun. Closer to Subaru-kun than Seishiro would have liked. He continued smiling charmingly, but Subaru-kun stood and moved to his other side, placing more distance between himself and Kamui. Seishiro didn't care much if this Subaru-kun wasn't real. Subaru-kun was his anyway. Kamui wasn't allowed to get too close to him even if the boy was merely a creation of his dream.

"You're the only one I know who can have a dreamscape filled with Sakura," Kamui observed, still grinning.

"I like them," Seishiro said shrugging. "Are you here to talk about dreamscapes?"

"You're getting rude toward me, which makes me think you discovered I was right that your precious Ten no Ryu has a Wish you weren't aware of," Kamui observed. Seishiro considered the pros and cons of trying to kill Kamui in one of his dreams as he smiled charmingly and asked what exactly he wanted.

"Oh, nothing too difficult, really. I want you to fight the Sumeragi girl," Kamui asked, smiling innocently. Seishiro's eyes narrowed.

"You let her escape," he commented. He wasn't too pleased to hear the girl was still alive. She had some influence on his Subaru-kun and he hated that. For Kamui to have killed her would have been the perfect solution. She would have no longer been able to come between Subaru-kun and him, and Seishiro wouldn't have been responsible for her death, should it have upset Subaru-kun. On the contrary, he was sure that the boy would have appreciated even more to have some extra cuddling due to it...

"Of course I did," Kamui replied happily. "Her Wish wasn't to die. She Wishes to fight you in order to get her brother back! And you know how seriously I take Wishes..."

"You aren't suggesting that I should lose, are you?" Seishiro asked raising an eyebrow. He would start to doubt his so-called leader's sanity if he was.

"Of course not. I'm merely giving her a chance. If she fails and dies... Oh well, this will teach her to not get between Kamui and I," Kamui commented, still smiling angelically as Subaru-kun used to do long ago.

"So you want me to fight Sumeragi Hokuto..." Seishiro considered. "You should know I murder people in order to protect Japan, not in order to satisfy wishes... I honestly don't give a damn about her Wishes..."

"You're just making excuses because you think your Ten no Ryu wouldn't like you murdering his twin sister," Kamui said, waving off his reply. Seishiro frowned at Kamui's words. "Yes, I know who she is, Satsuki-chan checked it for me," the boy explained. "If you're so worried don't drag your Ten no Ryu along. Satsuki-chan is going to destroy Shinjuku's Kekkai today. Face her in Shinjuku and her death will merely look like another casualty of the earthquake."

Seishiro considered Kamui's suggestion. It sounded like a good plan, and that made him suspicious, but before he could consider it further Kamui spoke again.

"Afraid that if you leave him all alone he'll escape?" he asked, raising his hand to stroke Subaru-kun's hair. Seishiro instinctively dragged the dream world Subaru-kun out of Kamui's reach and closer to himself.

"Really, if he's so loyal to you, what do you have to fear?" Kamui teased. "You have him under a spell, after all. Besides, he'll probably need a break from your attentions. I don't think it's healthy to go at it so many times. You two have been spending all the day doing nothing but having sex and sleeping," the boy pointed out shaking his head in disapprobation.

Seishiro laughed at that.

"Those are the words of a frustrated, virgin teenager. What's wrong, Kamui? None of your admirers like you that way? Or it's only the Ten no Ryu's Kamui that you want?" Seishiro teased.

"Are you suggesting to an innocent teenager that he should get laid, Sakurazukamori?" Kamui asked, giving him an innocent glance.

"You're all but innocent, _'Kamui-chan'_. Too bad I've already my hands full..." No, not too bad. He was more than satisfied with what he got. And Kamui wasn't his type. Too tall. He couldn't help but compare him to how Subaru-kun had been at the same age. Well, he didn't even need to go that far back - Subaru-kun still blushed if he kissed him in public, thank Kami-sama in private he handled things pretty well... Seishiro allowed himself a self-satisfied smile, as he remembered what they had been doing not long before, and realized he wanted to go back to the real world and the real Subaru-kun...

"You're entirely too wrapped up in your plaything," Kamui commented, shaking his head. "It's a shame he's a mere puppet, isn't it? A puppet that could so easily be stolen by another..."

"No one can touch Subaru-kun. He's **_mine_**." And the threat in his voice was so obvious anyone else would have fled. Kamui, however, wasn't like anyone else.

"So, will you fight the Sumeragi girl, or do your professional ethics stop you from taking care of her?" the boy asked again. Seishiro shrugged.

"If you insist," he agreed in the end in a casual tone. Kamui smiled, satisfied.

"Very well. I'll leave you with your oh so loyal Ten no Ryu then," he said as he stood and vanished.

Seishiro frowned. He looked at the dream world Subaru-kun and found him... strangely unsatisfying. He wanted the real one, he realized. He wanted the real one as he had never wanted him before. He wanted the real one and he would never let anyone take the boy away from him. Never.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Linus is a character from **'Peanuts'** a comic made by Charles M. Schulz. He always wanders around with a blanket and he can't leave it not even for a minute.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Actually I enjoyed having Kamui and Seishiro talking together with each of them persuaded he knows better than the other.  
As for Kamui being manipulative... well, I think he is, in a fashion. Kamui has the dangerous habit to think that Wishes must be fulfilled and forces people to fulfil them, uncaring of the damage this could cause.  
Oh, by the way **'Blue Desert'** is a **'Tokyo Babylon'** image song.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kami:** God  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature **Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells **Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **kuraitsubasa**: Kamui of course is going to try to manipulate Seishiro... as for Subaru... you'll see...

To **Momo**: It's too bad you couldn't read the original... I'm glad you like this story!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Subaru is just born to love Seishiro... now... if only Seishiro would realize it he would save them both lots of troubles...

To **Lady Samurai**: As you could see Seishiro's dream was pretty innocent... kinda... Kamui didn't really give him the time to do more...

To **Gray Wings**: Well... Seishiro didn't mean anything bad killing puppies... to him they're on a step even lower than people... and he's deadly jealous of Subaru... even if he doesn't realize it yet... (sighs) I'm glad you like how I characterize them!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	15. Chap 15: When I'm Gone

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 15: When I'm Gone"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"Everything I am  
And everything in me  
Wants to be the one  
You wanted me to be  
I'll never let you down  
Even if I could  
I'd give up everything  
If only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here  
Love me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared  
You won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone."  
(Three Doors Down - "When I'm Gone")_**

When Seishiro awoke he found Subaru-kun still sleeping curled next to him in the same position in which he had been when Seishiro had fallen asleep. He shouldn't wake him up, the man mused as he stroked lightly Subaru-kun's cheek, the boy had got little sleep in the past few days due to some annoying nightmares and their lovemaking; he really shouldn't wake him, he told himself as he stroked his hand appreciatively over Subaru-kun's naked body. Subaru-kun moaned deliciously at the sensation of Seishiro touching him and squirmed closer. Seishiro grinned in the same manner as a child who was planning to steal some jam. He shouldn't wake Subaru-kun up but... how could he resist the boy's lovely charm? He wrapped his arms tighter around him, rubbing himself against the boy's naked body.

"Subaru-kun... Subaru-kun, wake up..." he whispered gently in Subaru-kun's ear before nipping it. Subaru-kun stirred faintly but that was all. Seishiro's grin widened, considering his plan to wake the boy like an amusing game. He kissed Subaru-kun's neck passionately then rolled him on his back and placed himself over him.

"Subaru-kun... wake up... wake up for me, Subaru-kun..." he said softly in the boy's ear before starting to trail kisses and gentle bites along Subaru-kun's neck. Subaru-kun merely mumbled something and rolled his head to the side, exposing his neck more. The boy must be really tired if he hadn't woken up yet. Seishiro smiled. Waking up Subaru-kun was starting to turn into a challenge in his mind. "Subaru-kun... Subaru-kun, wake up..." he called again, nuzzling against him. Subaru-kun rubbed his face with his hand tiredly and then cracked his green eyes open.

"Seishiro...-san?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun! Slept well?" Seishiro told him quite enthusiastically. Subaru-kun turned his sleepy eyes on him, not looking like he shared Seishiro's enthusiasm at all.

"What's going on?" Subaru-kun's voice was drowsy as the boy blinked further in an attempt to adjust his eyes to the light however, even as tired as he was Seishiro knew that Subaru-kun knew him well enough to know something was up.

"I want you," he replied simply. He wasn't the type who would expose all his motivations without an important reason. Subaru didn't complain, nor did he feel flattered.

"You already have me, Seishiro-san," he replied simply as he circled Seishiro's neck with his arms and Seishiro nuzzled again against him, pleased. Who else understood him so well?

"I want you, Subaru-kun. Every inch of you. Every part of you. Each corner of your mind, body and soul. I want you," he whispered in a husky tone in the boy's ear.

"You already have me," the boy repeated and Seishiro moved to kiss him, savouring those soft lips that had known no one else but him. It felt good to have Subaru-kun say that, but it wasn't enough. "You're the only one who holds my heart..." Subaru-kun continued once the kiss was finished.

Was he, Seishiro asked himself. For now he should be. For now. As long as Subaru-kun didn't interact with the Sumeragi girl... He frowned, feeling a pang of anxiety hitting him. He would never allow anyone to take Subaru-kun away... Never... The girl had to die... She had to... He would see to it. He would see to it that day.

"I will never allow you to belong to anyone else, Subaru-kun, never. I'll keep you forever. You're mine. Mine to do with as I please. Never forget it, Subaru-kun. Mine. You're only mine. You obey me only and you'll do all I say," he stated coldly, his breathing slightly faster than normal. No, he couldn't, wouldn't give up Subaru-kun. Never. Never, never, never, never...

Subaru-kun had no time to reply, as Seishiro bent down to claim his mouth again, possessed by a weird urgency to have the boy, to have him and never let him go, never let anyone else have him. Subaru-kun answered the kiss obediently, his arms hugging him even tighter. Subaru-kun. His Subaru-kun. His. Thoughts became blurry as their lovemaking progressed, and he soon became unable to think of anything but the body under him, and the fact he would never let anyone else have him.

* * *

In the end... Seishiro had been a little careless, a little rougher than he had intended and this had bothered him even more. Subaru-kun hadn't complained about his performance or his roughness, but Subaru-kun never complained, therefore this wasn't reassuring. He hadn't meant to be like that. He hadn't wanted to be that rough on Subaru-kun. He knew that the boy was frail and didn't really like rough treatment or aggression. It was all the Sumeragi girl's fault that it had happened. She was the one who was threatening his ownership of Subaru-kun, bugging him and distracting him enough to... well, to cause this. He couldn't allow it. He didn't like to be distracted, especially when he was with Subaru-kun, and he loathed to have his ownership threatened. No one should dare to do it.

He unwrapped himself from Subaru-kun and stood, leaving the boy alone in the bed as he started dressing. He wanted to solve the problem as soon as possible. To solve the problem was the only thing on his mind.

"Seishiro-san... where are you going?" Subaru-kun asked in a sleepy, tired voice, startling him. He sounded... unhappy, and he was probably sore too, and this was all the Sumeragi girl's fault. She had caused this and it irritated Seishiro even more.

"Out," he replied, more harshly than he had intended, turning away from the boy. He was angry, angry, angry and he had no idea how that girl had managed to irritate him so much. Normally he wouldn't care but each time he thought of how she was trying to steal Subaru-kun from him... He heard Subaru-kun sigh and then the creaking of the bed as the boy moved to get up as well.

"Stay where you are, Subaru-kun, it's pointless to get up. You're not coming with me," Seishiro stated, glancing at him. Subaru-kun froze in mid movement, his green eyes looking at him anxiously.

"Seishiro-san... what did I do wrong?" he asked meekly, his normally emotionless tone filled with an almost begging note. He felt... pushed away, abandoned, left behind, and he hated it. All he asked from life was to stay with Seishiro-san and if Seishiro-san didn't want him anymore...

"Everything. Nothing. It's just..." Seishiro trailed off, frustrated. He wasn't good at dealing with emotions or with this sense of impending loss. He turned and sat down next to the boy. "You're mine, Subaru-kun, all mine to do with as I please," he stated, leaning his hand against the boy's cheek. "I don't think I could forgive you should you ever forget this."

"I won't forget," Subaru-kun assured, but there was something wrong with the conversation and Seishiro couldn't figure what it was. What he had said wasn't what he had wanted to say and Subaru-kun's answer hadn't been what he had wanted to hear. Yet it should have been. They had had the same conversation many times and before he had always been satisfied by that answer. He couldn't understand why now it didn't seem enough. He took Subaru-kun's hand in his and kissed its back, stroking the star shaped mark he had left on Subaru-kun when he was still a child. His mark. Subaru-kun wore his mark; he was bound, chained to him without hope of freedom. He was **_his_**. The Sumeragi girl couldn't change this. So why didn't he feel satisfied? Why didn't this seem enough?

He felt Subaru-kun's hand sliding through his hair in a gentle caress. As long as they were alone Subaru-kun's attention was all on him and only on him as it was supposed to be. Yet that girl had managed to divert Subaru-kun's attention to her back at Sunshine, doing nothing really noticeable, nothing really important, and Seishiro couldn't understand how she had managed it.

Had it been the call of blood? The call of heart? Or the memory of affection, buried by his spell in Subaru-kun's mind and yet still present? Was the bond between the two siblings stronger than any chain he could put around Subaru-kun's neck merely because it wasn't spell induced? Merely because it had been instinctual, honest, born from love?

He didn't know.

He had never felt affection for anyone. Even Subaru-kun was nothing more than his prized possession, a possession he refused to share or lose. Yes, the boy was just a possession. Only a possession. His possession. Sure. That was it, and yet somehow, as he said that to himself it didn't sound true and he had no idea why. What else could Subaru-kun be if not his possession?

"I must go, Subaru-kun," he said, standing. Strange. It felt as if he was escaping from something, but what was there to escape from? "Subaru-kun, you will wait for me here, rest and behave," he instructed, then caught the boy's worried, confused expression and his voice softened a bit. "Don't worry, if you do as I say nothing will go wrong, okay?" he assured, forcing a smile and ruffling the boy's dark hair as he would have done with a child.

Subaru-kun nodded, but he didn't look persuaded. However, there was no way he would disobey to Seishiro's order. He was Seishiro's beautiful doll, after all. Strangely enough, the idea didn't comfort Seishiro at all, on the contrary it displeased him even more. Seishiro turned and left, determined to put a definitive end to the Sumeragi girl and to this madness, even if a voice deep in the back of his head was screaming at him it was the worst thing he could do.

* * *

Shinjuku in the evening was even more filled with people than during the day.(1) Seishiro's Shikigami needed a lot of time to track Sumeragi Hokuto down but, when it finally did, Seishiro allowed himself a smile of satisfaction. The girl wasn't that far from him, she was on her own and she was wearing a dress even more _'original'_ than the two she had previously worn and it surely would be a nuisance in a battle. How Subaru-kun could be related to a person with such an odd fashion sense was a mystery to Seishiro. It was going to be an easy battle, Seishiro assumed as he elegantly jumped from building to building toward his target. Everything was going smoothly, so smoothly that when he reached the girl completely undetected and prepared himself to trap her in his Maboroshi he was ready to bet that it was going to be his lucky day. He had no idea just how wrong he was.

* * *

Still in the Sakurazuka mansion, Subaru sighed for the nth time. Once Seishiro-san had left he hadn't even bothered trying to rest knowing that, now that he was alone, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again, and so he had got up, dressed and sat on the couch waiting for Seishiro-san to come back. If there was something that Subaru hated it was to be without Seishiro-san. He had no idea why, but without the man he felt miserable. Subaru knew he was a powerful Onmyouji, strong enough to knock down anyone who tried to attack him, with the exception of the two Kamui, of course, and he was capable of taking care of himself if he set his mind to it, but he simply... needed Seishiro-san. The man gave him a sense of security that he couldn't reach without him.

Seishiro-san knew Subaru didn't like to be alone and normally he didn't let him be. This was the first time in ages Seishiro-san left him **_completely_** alone, without his Shikigami or some harmless people around. Subaru liked it even less.

The _'incidents'_ had always happened when he was alone. He could never remember them but he had a bad feeling about them, similar to one of falling, falling, falling into a hole without an end. He didn't want another _'incident'_ to happen. It would upset Seishiro-san even further, and Subaru knew the man was upset even if he had no idea what was bothering him.

Subaru was sure something was up and that Kamui had a hand in it; only he had no idea what the boy was planning. He only hoped Seishiro-san wasn't going to get himself into something dangerous.

He sighed again.

It was then that the bell rang. It came as a surprise. Seishiro-san had never forgotten his keys before and he had been gone for too short a time to be back already. Other people didn't visit them and they didn't receive packages. Actually, no one else besides them knew this address or knocked on that door.

Subaru stood anyway and went to the door to check who it was as he had been instructed to do long ago when they still lived in Shinjuku. He was responsible for the house when Seishiro wasn't around and he always did his best to fulfil his duty as caretaker. Besides, a visit gave him something to do besides worry. However, as he opened the door, he immediately understood it would have been better to remain alone.

"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun. I'm here to turn the Sakurazukamori's Wish into reality."

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Shinjuku is a very populated district, a major commercial and administrative centre and the location of one of Tokyo's largest public transport interchanges, Shinjuku Station. In Shinjuku there's also the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building (yes the one under which the Chi no Ryu have their headquarters) and the headquarters for the Ground Self-Defense Forces (yes the one in which Kusanagi work) and its west area is one of the few in Tokyo with many skyscrapers. It also contain a famous red district (the one in which Subaru, Hokuto and Seishiro resided in **'Tokyo Babylon'**). I assumed that, with her attack, Satsuki had aimed to destroy only the west area of Shinjuku... but since Kamui hadn't said where Satsuki was going to hit Seishiro had to search through the whole place...

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, Seishiro and Subaru aren't into sado-maso therefore Seishiro normally doesn't aim to hurt Subaru when they're having sex. He simply... lost control of things.

**Dictionary:**  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: You know Seishiro... he didn't really care about puppies... As for Kamui... he'll do something even worst in the future...

To **Sunshine Pie**: Happy to hear you love this! Here's the update!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Seishiro's not even aware of it but he's amazingly protective of his Subaru...

To **My Bloody Hell**: LOL. Here's more! I'm glad you like this!

To **Momo**: (blush) I'm glad you like this fic so much! I hope everything went well with your tests. My time of tests is ended by a while but I still remember them with dread...

To **liz-chan**: Heya! Seishiro's amazingly possessive of poor Subaru... I try to update fast but sadly work doesn't let me much free time... Oh, Subaru and Kamui will have their chance to bond, don't worry...

To **helo**: (blush wildly) Thank you! I'm happy to hear you love this and the characters' characterization!

To **emerald**: I'm glad to know you like this! I hope you will enjoy the future chapters as well!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	16. Chap 16: Oh Fortune

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 16: Oh Fortune"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"Sors salutis  
Et virtutis  
Michi nunc contraria  
Est affectus  
Et defectus  
Semper in angaria.  
Hac in hora  
Sine mora  
Cordum pulsum tangite;  
Quod per sortem  
Sternit fortem,  
Mecum omnes plangite!"  
("Fate is against me And virtue,  
Driven on  
And weighted down,  
Always enslaved.  
So at this hour  
Without delay  
Pluck the vibrating strings;  
Since Fate  
Strikes down the strong man,  
Everyone weep with me!")  
(Carl Orff - "O Fortuna")_**

Hokuto's heart skipped a beat as she found herself trapped in that odd reality that was the Sakurazukamori's Maboroshi. From the look of it, this one seemed similar to the one used as a trap under the Diet Building and later to trap Kamui-chan when the boy had been alone with poor Kotori-chan. It wasn't exactly the battle ground she would have chosen but she'd gladly take any chance to face Subaru's kidnapper, she decided, straightening herself as she immediately took her Ofuda, ready to face everything the man could throw at her. Oh, and the Sakurazukamori had better not even consider ruining her dress. She particularly liked it.

As soon as he showed himself, still wearing the same black coat and a new, expensive suit she felt an odd mix of disappointment and relief when she noticed Subaru wasn't with him. She didn't want her brother to be involved in the battle but she found it scary not to know where he was.

"Hi. We meet again, Sumeragi Hokuto-chan. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui said you were dying from the Wish to see me," the Sakurazukamori told her in a heavy mocking voice. Without Subaru around he didn't even pretend to be nice, she noticed. He was a dangerous man, used to urdering whoever opposed him without a second thought and she wasn't even remotely close to his level of strength, agility or Onmyoudo, and she knew this. That wouldn't stop her though. Nothing would stop Sumeragi Hokuto.

"His name is Monou Fuma-kun," she replied harshly, determined not to show any fear or hesitation in front of him. This man believed everything should move according to his wishes. She refused to play his game, to follow his rules. "Where's Subaru?" she asked then, trying to keep the anxiety she felt out of her voice. He... he hadn't... hurt... her brother in the months since she'd seen them, had he?

The Sakurazukamori's smile widened maliciously.

"His home, where else? He was a bit tired due to our... recent activities and so I let him rest," he explained with a tone that implied she was retarded for not guessing it herself, and she felt her blood boil. Recent activities. Recent activities! She knew very well what that... that monster was talking about, he didn't need to sugar coat it as if she was a stupid, naïve child. He had... with her innocent brother he had...

"How gracious of you!" she spat with rage. "Subaru isn't your sex-toy and his home is surely not with you! His home is with his family, with the people who love and care for him and whom he loves and cares for in return! You merely warped his mind to make him believe you could mean something to him, that he must listen you, but in truth you're nothing in Subaru's heart! Nothing!" she screamed at him as loud as she could. That man, that horrible man had stolen Subaru from her, her beloved little brother, and now... now he was using him for his pleasure as if Subaru was a toy he could play with, not caring for him or his feelings at all. Her brother... Her sweet, innocent Subaru... Reduced to a mere plaything... No, she couldn't, wouldn't, forgive that man. No matter what, she would never allow him to have her Subaru. She had to kill him and free the world from such a monster.

The Sakurazukamori frowned, as if her words had stuck a nerve and she felt an odd sensation of pleasure at that. She wanted so badly to hurt him, hurt him how he had hurt her and how he surely had hurt Subaru...

"You'll see soon to whom Subaru-kun belongs. He is and always will be mine, not a pathetic girl's who can barely use Onmyoujutsu," the man stated coldly, then he grabbed up a handful of Ofuda and throw them at her, murmuring a spell. Hokuto did the same, determined to not let him win. Their battle had started.(1)

* * *

Elsewhere, while Shiro Kamui and Saiki Daisuke were visiting the KaiChou of the Tojyo Seiyaku, Nekoi Yuzuriha was finally enjoying some free time with her most special person, Shiyu Kusanagi. It was unfortunate that her appointment had to be interrupted by another earthquake. And it wasn't even a normal earthquake. Yuzuriha could feel clearly that behind it there was a Chi no Ryu. She sighed as life again reminded her the hard way that she wasn't a common person and that she had an important duty to fulfil. And sadly, duty always came ahead of pleasure, especially in life or death matters.

So Yuzuriha hurriedly made up an excuse, waved goodbye to Kusanagi with the same expression she would have used if nothing had been wrong, and ran away with her Inuki, ran as fast as she could toward the point where she believed the Chi no Ryu that was causing the earthquake was, then, once there, concentrated and created her own Kekkai, a cylindrical shaped structure, trapping inside it only the ones involved in the battle for the destiny of Earth and leaving everyone else out.

* * *

Not too far from there Seishiro was standing in the middle of his Maboroshi, alone and not exactly ecstatic to discover that, while he was trapped inside a Ten no Ryu's Kekkai, Sumeragi Hokuto-chan had been left out of it. Odd how his Maboroshi had held even inside the Kekkai, but its presence hadn't been enough to trap Hokuto-chan inside the Kekkai as well. He shook his head cursing fate, the Ten no Ryu and their Kekkai.

He was going to kill the Ten no Ryu who had done this to him!

He dispelled his Maboroshi and started moving toward the point at which a battle was already taking place. He didn't care if Satsuki-chan thought it was her battle, he was going to have that Ten no Ryu's head for ruining his kill like that.

He had had Sumeragi Hokuto-chan trapped and was about to murder her for crying out loud!

He was extremely disappointed when the Kekkai started fading before he managed to reach the Ten no Ryu who had raised it. When he finally was at the point where the battle had taken place, there were no traces of the Ten no Ryu's presence, and the place wasn't safe anymore. He was sure that, in the mess, he would never manage to track Hokuto-chan again. Feeling very close to sulking, he started walking toward home, uncaring of the building crumbling around him or of the people's screams, wondering how Subaru-kun was doing all alone. He shouldn't have let him alone, he knew that Subaru-kun hated it and that it wasn't even completely safe. Maybe he should hurry back.

He had no idea that, no matter how much he hurried, at that point he was already too late.(2)

* * *

The Chi no Ryu's Kamui observed the fading Kekkai with disappointment as well. He had completely missed the battle.

Shinjuku's skyscrapers, the one that generated the Shinjuku's Kekkai, would crumble soon.

Oh well, it was the disadvantage of being _'Kamui'_.

He had duties to fulfil before having his personal amusement. He should feel proud of himself, he had fulfilled three wishes all in one blow, and his night wasn't over yet. He should, but he wasn't. The worst part of being _'Kamui'_ was he always felt empty. Keeping himself busy destroying and fulfilling wishes didn't help much. Being _'Kamui'_ was making him feel as if he had no real identity, no real wishes of his own.

He wondered who he really was. Was he something more than Shiro Kamui's Souhoshi? He didn't know, really. Every time the other Kamui saw him he called him _'Fuma'_.

_'Fuma'_.

Who was _'Fuma'_, anyway? A substitute, someone born to fill the place the other Kamui would leave empty.

The other Kamui called him _'Fuma'_, said he wanted _'Fuma'_ back, but it wasn't _'Fuma'_ he wanted to see when he faced him. Not really, even if he wasn't conscious of this. He couldn't, wouldn't ever bear to fight Fuma, so he preferred to see someone else, someone who could represent the darkness in Shiro Kamui's heart. He gave him that.

Kotori had wanted a murderer. A murderer, because she preferred to be the one who died rather than the Earth of her beloved Kamui and Fuma. He had given her that.

Kazuki wanted a fatherly figure to replace the one he had lost. He gave him that.

The Sakurazukamori wanted a mix of his precious Subaru-kun and himself. He gave him that.

Kakyou wanted someone who would listen and understand so that he wouldn't feel so desperately alone. He gave him that.

He only gave people what they wished for.

All considered, he was a victim of destiny. He hadn't chosen his role, and he wasn't sure who he was anymore. His only purpose was to be the Chi no Ryu's Kamui and fulfil wishes. That was the only thing that defined him. However, he didn't enjoy it. He didn't dislike it either. He did it and that was all.

In a fashion, it was similar to what Sumeragi Subaru did for the Sakurazukamori. The boy gave him what he wanted, or tried to, no matter the cost.

What had happened that evening had proved it.

The boy hadn't complained when Kamui had beaten and raped him, persuaded that was the Sakurazukamori's Wish. He hadn't said a word or made a sound and not because he couldn't but because he didn't want to. He had just let him and had stared at him, watching him as if he was a bug. He hadn't cared about him or what he was doing. As long as it made the Sakurazukamori happy, he didn't care what happened to himself. Pain and humiliation hadn't been what had moved him to action. To him they were meaningless in face of the Sakurazukamori's wish.

Once Kamui was done with him the Ten no Ryu had merely stood and dressed, his movements stiff and a little awkward but calm and deliberate, as if nothing had happened to him.

It had been when Kamui had revealed to him that what had happened had not been the Sakurazukamori's Wish, and that what the man truly Wished for was to know if his Subaru-kun would ever allow someone else to have him, that the Ten no Ryu had finally reacted.

Sumeragi Subaru lived to fulfil the Sakurazukamori's wishes. He couldn't bear the idea of disappointing the man. Trapped between the impossibility of letting the Sakurazukamori known he had failed him and the impossibility of leaving the house without breaking the Sakurazukamori's orders, the boy's mind had unconsciously broken the spell that had been put on him so long ago. It was either that or go insane, and Kamui had known it. Than, still in shock, the Ten no Ryu had left, probably believing that Kamui was right when he had said the Sakurazukamori would reject him, should he find out what had happened.

Kamui smiled a bitter smile. He had tricked the boy using his only weakness; a weakness the Sakurazukamori had given him, that unconditional loyalty that pushed him into passivity even when his soul screamed at him to do something, and that had forced him to submit to something he didn't want.

He had no regrets. The Sakurazukamori and the Ten no Ryu had both Wished the spell removed, and the Sumeragi girl Wished for her brother back, no matter what. He had given them all what they Wished. Soon Sumeragi Subaru would be returned to his sister and to the other Ten no Ryu. Yet, in the state he was in, he wasn't going to pose a threat to the Chi no Ryu.

Spell or no spell, the young man had no Wishes beyond fulfilling the Sakurazukamori's. Without him he was a puppet whose strings had been cut.

Funny how the Sakurazukamori had never realized it, had never realized how much he mattered to the young man, how much he mattered even without a spell. Kamui had been sure that the Sakurazukamori was smarter than that but, apparently, when it came to feelings the man was lost.

His gaze darkened. It was so difficult normally for people to understand each other, to understand themselves, to understand their Wishes.

The Ten no Ryu's Kamui wasn't even aware of his true wish. Would he ever be? Hopefully before he had to kill him? He had no idea. A corner of his mind rebelled at it, rebelled at the idea of murdering Kamui, his childhood friend, but... but he was the Chi no Ryu's Kamui and he had a destiny to fulfil, a destiny that called him once more when he saw a boy with blond hair jumping from the window of a building. As soon as he had seen him he had just known he had another Wish to fulfil that night, and so he walked toward the unsuspecting boy silently.

"The Chi no Ryu! It's their work!" the teenager exclaimed, looking toward the rising smoke that came from Shinjuku's skyscrapers.

"Don't use the plural... it was only one," Kamui corrected him.

"Who's there?" the boy asked, turning quickly to face him.

"I believe we have met once before," Kamui replied calmly. The boy's eyes widened as he recognized him, wind starting to circle around him. A Kazetsukai. How interesting.

"You are the Chi no Ryu's Kamui?" the boy exclaimed. Kamui didn't reply, busy as he was studying what was in the boy's heart.

"The YumeMi Hime under the parliament house is the one you treasure the most, am I wrong?" Kamui said then quietly. "To protect the YumeMi named Hinoto, that is your Wish," he continued.

"... How do you...?" the boy started to ask, incredulity written in capital letters on his face.

"I know because I am Kamui, _'The One Who Hunts The Power Of Kami-sama'_," Kamui explained to him simply.

_'... And tonight I will fulfil your Wish... your Wish to protect her with your life...'_

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Okay, for who doesn't have the manga this is the time for a summary about what the other guys had been/are doing. Kamui, after hearing of the death of Segawa Keiichi's mother, had just chosen he's going to raise his own Kekkai. Due to this he visits Hinoto but she can't offer him any helpful advice. In hope to discover something more Kamui goes to visit Tojyo Motoharu, the guy he had saved at Sunshine 60, with Saiki. At the same time Yuzuriha is having a date with Kusanagi at Shinjuku. While she's chatting happily with Kusanagi at an ice cream parlour and Kamui is learning by Tojyo Motoharu that Nataku is a clone the man created, Satsuki attack Shinjuku's skyscrapers with Beast.

2. Second summary for who doesn't have the manga. When Yuzuriha reaches Shinjuku she raises her Kekkai. Kamui senses it and runs to help her leaving Saiki with Tojyo. Meanwhile Satsuki attacks Yuzuriha. When her attacks are deflected she talks to Yuzuriha through a giant screen. Yuzuriha would like to know why she's doing this. Satsuki asks her _'Why humans shouldn't be killed'_. Yuzuriha can't find the words to answer and, using her distraction, Satsuki attacks her again. Inuki jumps in front of Yuzuriha to protect her and he is _'killed'_. Lost Inuki Yuzuriha is too desperate to fight. Satsuki attacks her again. Kusanagi manages to drag her away but, at this point, Yuzuriha has fainted and her Kekkai is fading. Out of it Kamui sees it fade as well. Saiki too sees it and says to everyone in the room to leave because it's dangerous to stay there before jumping out of the window. Originally in the manga the Chi no Ryu's Kamui witnessed the whole battle but in this story he arrived on the place when it was finished.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
What had happened to Subaru had been planned long, long ago, when I started writing a demo version for this fic. I didn't chose this purely for being cruel with Subaru. Considering the relation between him and Seishiro, their respective characters, and the Chi no Ryu's Kamui's way to act that seemed the only possible development. Sure, it would have been nicer if Seishiro had broken the spell on his own or if Hokuto had mattered enough to Subaru to push him to break the spell but right now the only one that matters in Subaru's mind is Seishiro and Seishiro just won't turn back on his actions.  
The Chi no Ryu's Kamui monologue was inspired by the dialogue between Kusanagi and Yuzuriha, more precisely by the description that Kusanagi makes of Kamui: _'The person I know, rather than to say that he is like me, he is like anyone, and yet no one. It's as if he has given up himself and plays that someone the others wish him to be. But I don't think that's really a good thing.'_

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Hime:** Princess  
**KaiChou:** President  
**Kami:** God  
**Kamui:** "The One Who Represents The Power Of God" or "The One Who Hunts The Power Of God"  
**Kazetsukai:** Wind Caster  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Seiyaku:** Pharmaceutical  
**Souhoshi:** "Accompanying Star" or "Gemini" or "Twin Star"  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Lady Samurai**: The wait ends! Here's the update...

To **Gray Wings**: I'm really sorry for what Fuma did to Subaru and I swear I don't share his theory about fulfilling wishes no matter what. I hope you won't be too mad at me after this chap...

To **My Bloody Hell**: Sadly something had happened to Subaru. I feel so sorry for him... I wish you good luck for your exams!

To **kurai-tsubasa**: I don't know if this chap will fit your definition of good... I've the feeling many will be angry at me for it... Wishes will be deal in future chapters...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I wouldn't say to Seishiro he's being cute... however when he's not around... BTW I hope to see another chapter of **'Predator, Prey, Possession'** soon! You can't let me for so long in suspense! (However I'll understand if you say real life gives you no time to write... it tends to try and do the same with me too...)

To **helo**: As you could see Fuma did something way worst than telling Subaru that Seishiro was going to kill his sister. Sadly, since Subaru had no memories of her, his reaction wouldn't have been strong enough to break the spell. As for your question... Seishiro left his eye to Subaru (it's not said if it's the left or the right... since we assume the right one was destroied in TB he should have let him the left one and I've no idea how Fuma found it. He said that the eye was all that remained of the Sakurazukamori's body...). Technically Subaru should have eyes of different colour... however the manga is in black and white and since the transplant should have been magical (Fuma gives the eye to Subaru and few hours after Subaru's wandering around with a perfectly seeing eye) we can't know for sure. It's said that Subaru took Seishiro's place as Sakurazukamori and Chi no Ryu however we don't see him killing anyone (mind you, the Sakurazukamori killed people who threatened Japan's well being in the manga, might it be, that since Tokyo was evacuated, there was no one to threaten it...). CLAMP are pretty vague about Subaru's destiny. After Seishiro's death we see him talking to Kamui then he left and disappear for a month. Fuma finds him in the Sakurazukamori's estate garden (where Seishiro killed his mother) and give him Seishiro's eye. Short after with two eyes Subaru witness Nataku's death and talks with Kamui. The we see him during the final battle when Fuma is about to stab Kamui with the ShinKen. He says to Kamui that 'having Fuma back' isn't his true wish. The CLAMP stoped **'X'**...

To **Momo**: Well... from this point things will slowly grow always more different from the manga... Seishiro's very possessive of Subaru. It's his way of caring for him. He won't be happy to discover the boy isn't at home anymore...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	17. Chap 17: My Soul

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 17: My Soul"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"Anima mia  
Torna a casa tua.  
Ti aspetterò dovessi odiare queste mura.  
Anima mia  
Nella stanza tua  
C'è ancora il letto come l'hai lasciato tu..."  
"My Soul  
Get back home.  
I will wait for you even if I'll have to hate those walls.  
My Soul  
In your room  
There's still your bed as you left it..."  
(Claudio Baglioni - "Anima Mia")_**(1)

He was running, running, running, without knowing where, without planning to stop.

The world was spinning, trembling. He didn't care, he didn't want to care, it wasn't important.

Somewhere, in a corner of his mind, he had registered that things looked and felt different from before. His senses had gone into overload shortly after the spell had broken, and his mind, to shield itself, had kind of shut them down, refusing to deal with them. It had enough to deal with already.

A voice in his mind had been screaming so long it had become a kind of white noise that was almost like silence.

He knew it was still screaming wordlessly, he just wasn't hearing it anymore and yet he was. Not that it was making any sense to him. Nothing was making sense.

There was a single word echoing incessantly in his mind, a name to be exact, a desperate plea that wouldn't be answered, that couldn't be answered.

Fragments of information that he just couldn't put together anymore.

Need, so huge, so raw, it was driving him insane.

Desperation. Mindless terror.

Physical pain that just couldn't compare to that in his soul.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to scream, he wanted to scream.

He didn't remember how so he was silent, running, running, running, always running, as far as he could go and yet never far enough, as if he was running on Buddha's hand.(2)

It didn't matter, he had nowhere to go as well as nowhere to stay.

He wanted to escape from this situation, he desperately wanted to, only he couldn't escape from his own mind and therefore, no matter how far he went, he was trapped, forever trapped.

Exhaustion was falling on him as his mind, unable to deal with its trauma further, was slowly shutting down.

Only one imperative remained: run away, but that imperative too was losing its sense of purpose.

Soon he found himself running without knowing why, merely because he had no reason to stop.

He was just running, running, running, without knowing where, without planning to stop.

But that didn't matter anymore...

Without Seishiro-san nothing mattered...

* * *

After Shinjuku's buildings started crumbling everything turned into confusion.(3) Sorata was running with Arashi, carrying Kamui's unconscious body in his arms. Shinjuku Hospital was still standing but it would have been too difficult to reach it after more than half of Shinjuku was destroyed, and anyway it was likely already filled with patients, so they decided it would be better to take Kamui to the Clamp Gakuen Hospital.

It was on their way to CLAMP Gakuen that they ended up slamming against a young man running in the opposite direction. The older boy fell to the ground and didn't try to move further. Sorata and Arashi immediately paused and checked him for injuries. The boy didn't answer their calls, he just remained where he fell, perfectly still as if unable to move or react. Gently, Sorata turned the boy's head toward himself and stared at the youth's empty green eyes. It didn't take him long to recognize him for the boy they had seen with the Sakurazukamori in Nakano months ago, Hokuto's brother, Subaru. However now he seemed... empty, void of spirit, a shell, a broken doll who couldn't move anymore, and he was quite battered.

"Sumeragi-san," Arashi called again, trying to get a reaction from him but with no results.

Whatever had happened to him had been bad enough to send him into shock.

Sorata groaned. It was going to be tricky to carry two people instead of one but he couldn't abandon Hokuto's brother here, not while he was in this state.

As he concentrated on the problem at hand he didn't sense the Chi no Ryu's Kamui watching the scene with a satisfied look.

* * *

Sakurazuka Seishiro was sitting on the floor, staring at the wall without really seeing it. He was alone.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He wondered why that tiny little fact kept echoing in his brain as if it was a matter of life and death.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

Somehow the spell, the spell he had put on Subaru-kun to control him when he was a child, had been broken. The only one able to do so, besides himself, was Subaru-kun. He hadn't realized the spell had been broken at first, because the Sakanagi had been deflected perfectly and he had been inside the Ten no Ryu's Kekkai and couldn't perceive what happened outside of it. He wondered if Subaru-kun too had been shielded from the Sakanagi.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He couldn't track Subaru-kun using the marks. It was as if someone had put him under a shield, a Kekkai of some sort.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He had no idea where the boy could be, by the time he had gotten in the house, house, not home anymore, everything had already happened.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He wondered why Subaru-kun had broken the spell.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He wondered when and if Subaru-kun would return.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He wondered if maybe he was wrong and someone else had broken the spell and taken Subaru-kun away from him.(4)

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He wondered if he was going insane.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He couldn't understand why the whole matter was affecting him so much. Subaru-kun had been a mere plaything, an amusing and pleasing one certainly, but nothing more. He had been **_his_** plaything, but a plaything nonetheless.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home.

He just... wanted him back. Instead... he was alone.

Subaru-kun wasn't at home...

... And that... was all that mattered.

* * *

Sumeragi Hokuto had gotten out of her meeting with the Sakurazukamori and the destruction of Shinjuku alive. She was in bad shape of course but, after hearing the news, she was ready to swear she had never felt better and it would have been true. Subaru, her brother, her twin, her precious Subaru had been found by Sorata and Arashi-chan and now was in CLAMP Gakuen Hospital, away from the Sakurazukamori and, if she had a say in this, he would never be returned to that monster.

She hadn't been happy to hear what had been done to her brother, but after her little chat with the Sakurazukamori she knew she should have expected it. She was stubbornly sure he would recover. Kamui-chan was surely going to do the same, and Yuzuriha-chan... they would find her soon she was sure of this. Everything would go well. Her heart ached painfully when she reminded herself that nothing would go well for Saiki Daisuke, that the boy was dead and there was nothing she could do about it, but she didn't want to think about that. Her brother was back...

... And that... was all that mattered.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. _'Anima mia'_ is well one of the many pet names you can use to call your love/lover in Italian. I'm not sure it's used in English as well but well, it was fitting so I kept it...

2. In **'Xi You Ji'** better known as **'Saiyuki'** (_'Journey to west'_) an ancient Chinese tale written by Wu Ch'eng En, Buddha bet with Son Goku that he could not fly out of his palm. Goku, knowing that in one flip he could cover one-hundred and eight thousand miles, agreed but ended up losing the bet.

3. Summary again for who hadn't read the manga. Fuma fights Saiki. Saiki is about to lose so Hinoto tries to use her magic to save him. Fuma informs Saiki that, if he'll counter Hinoto's attack she'll die and that he knows that Saiki's true Wish is to die protecting Hinoto and that's the time to fulfil his Wish. Saiki threw himself at Fuma. Meanwhile, unable to find Yuzuriha Kamui returns back to find... Saiki's head rolling in front of him (CLAMP must have a thing for disembodied heads... first there's Saya, then Tokiko, then Kotori now Saiki...). Then Saiki's body fall in front of him and Fuma cheerfully tells him he had just finished murdering Saiki. Kamui looses it and attacks Fuma. Fuma doesn't even attempt to defend himself however Kamui didn't kill him, merely wounds his shoulder. Fuma tells him that, if he wants to kill him, he must hit his heart then hit him in return. Minutes after Sotara and Arashi arrive and Fuma tells then that, had he killed Kamui, Kamui would have been very happy. Sorata tries to raise his Kekkai but it's too late. Shinjuku's Kekkai starts falling and they are forced to escape with Kamui. However I assume that this didn't destroy the whole Shinjuku. The Chi no Ryu's Headquarters is, after all, in Shinjuku as well and it's still standing...

4. Seishiro didn't see any sight of what Fuma did. Subaru hadn't fought back and the sheets had been a mess before he left so they hadn't looked suspicious. If you want the only thing out of place was the open door but it didn't look that suspicious since he believes Subaru had left...

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, yes, I know, the sentence _' Subaru-kun wasn't at home.'_ after a while became quite annoying. The effect I wanted to get was kind of like the one of the famous drop of water continuously falling in the silence of the night. Something quiet that drive you to insanity. At least, that's the effect it's having on Seishiro.  
I pondered over keeping the first part of this chapter or deleting it for days. In the end I left it even if I'm not satisfied with it at all.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Hime:** Princess  
**KaiChou:** President  
**Kami:** God  
**Kamui:** "The One Who Represents The Power Of God" or "The One Who Hunts The Power Of God"  
**Kazetsukai:** Wind Caster  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Seiyaku:** Pharmaceutical  
**Souhoshi:** "Accompanying Star" or "Gemini" or "Twin Star"  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Lady Samurai**: Sorry for the cliffhangers... but they should be part of the fun of reading the fic!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Fuma is actually persuaded he had helped Kamui since he had helped him to fulfil his Wish to be free of the spell... yes, he has a weird idea of helping people... I'll be waiting for another chap of 'Predator, Prey, Possession' anxiously!

To **Ryouko Masaki**: Maybe it signalled an updated because I substituted the unbetaed chapters with the betaed ones... I'm glad you were happy to see an update!

To **kurai-tsubasa**: (blush) Thank you so much! I didn't want to portray an evil Kamui even if the things he did are evil he didn't mean for them to be evil. I do think Kamui doesn't really have the same moral values of normal people... Seishiro's not going to take well Subaru's absence... As for Subaru's eye... in the manga he lost it on Sunshine 60 that had been already destroyed and here he has no real reason to wish to lose it. After all Seishiro has both his eyes...

To **Hatori Soma**: That's kinda... threatening... but don't worry... this fic will be finished!

To **helo**: Try joining the community 'Clamp 2 Share' for more material over the manga... I'm sorry this chap came out so late... Sadly I had a big workload recently and I couldn't decide if to keep a scene or not... Thank you for suggesting to your friends to read this fic! It was very nice of you!

To **kazuchan!**: Here's more!

To **emerald**: (blush) Thank you! Here's more!

To **alkun**: Actually poor Subaru's thoughts aren't making much sense at the moment... but I hope you enjoyed the chap anyway!

To **Moonstar**: Here's more!

To **pisatower**: I'm happy to know you enjoyed my work! Just wondering... are you Italian?

To **tamakun**: (blush) I'm glad you enjoyed it as well!

To **Momo**: I'm happy you appreciated the plot idea! I've a demo version of this already written, yes, so I know where this is heading and, if worst came to worst and I won't have time anymore to write, I will still be able to put up the raw chapters so readers can at least know the ending. Thanks for reviewing!

To **night aya**: (blush) I'm sorry you had to wait for the update but here it is!

To **penguinie**: Here's the new chapter! I hope you will enjoy it too!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	18. Chap 18: In The Shadows

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 18: In The Shadows"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"I been watching  
I been waiting  
In the shadows all my time  
I been searching  
I been living  
For tomorrows all my life **_

**_Lately I been walking, walking in circles, watching waiting for something  
Feel me, touch me, feel me, come take me higher."  
(Rasmus - "In The Shadows")_**

Kakyou's dreamscape was looking its usual self, a vast and silent reproduction of the universe. Stars were shining far away from him, beautiful and unreachable. He was used to this, to watching without ever being able to touch, to hold, to possess. He was a YumeMi, after all. He wasn't supposed to live, merely to watch life as it followed its path, a path that currently was carrying the world toward its destruction.

Kakyou closed his eyes with a sigh. He was tired of merely watching, watching without being able to change anything. So tired. Watching others as they lived was the only thing he was capable of doing, the only thing that made him useful. He had tried to do more, to help a person who had been kind to him. He had failed and that failure confirmed his incapacity. He could only wait, wait for the world to end, for Kamui to kill him off and put an end to the pointless thing that was his existence. He looked forward to it.

However, he reminded himself as he opened his eyes and raised his head, willing a door to appear in his dreamscape, he still had something to do, a promise to keep, even if he didn't really look forward to it.

It didn't matter, really, he decided as he walked toward that door. After all, apart from his death, there was nothing he looked forward for.(1)

The change between his dreamscape and the one he found himself in was marked.

Sumeragi Hokuto-san's dreamscape looked very... nice. Happy. Beautiful.

So different from the infinite space that characterized his own, different from the colourless void that was Subaru-san's dreamscape, different from the visions filled with Sakura and assorted horrors that the Sakurazukamori saw, different from the half glassy, half watery world in which the Ten no Ryu's YumeMi resided.

Sumeragi Hokuto-san's dreamscape was sunny, welcoming, fresh and breathtaking, such a pleasurable change from the others he almost wished he could reside there forever.

He wondered if it was because the girl believed she had fulfilled her goal.

He felt hesitant to bother her here, to reveal his presence in her world, but she sensed him anyway making his hesitation pointless.

"Huh? Who are you? Why is it that you can enter my dream?" she asked in a curious tone. She was wearing a gentle, friendly expression as she spoke, one that made him felt almost welcome, but then her eyes widened and he could read fear in them.

"You are... you're one of the Chi no Ryu, aren't you?" she asked, taking a couple of steps back as her eyes hardened and she seemed to prepare herself for a battle.

"I'm Kuzuki Kakyou, their YumeMi," he replied simply, inexplicably further saddened by her reaction. He should have expected he wouldn't be welcome in such a beautiful dream. Why should he be? To her he was just an enemy... "I'm really sorry to bother you, but I've been asked to deliver a message to you," he said in an apologetic tone, politely bowing his head toward the girl. He really hadn't meant to bother her. She was the last person he wanted to bother, even if he had no idea why.

Sumeragi-san shook her head, her stance relaxing slightly.

"It's okay. What can I do for you?" she asked, her friendly smile back. Kakyou was stricken by how markedly she resembled her brother, but at the same time she didn't look like him at all. It was... disconcerting. He hadn't expected this. He knew she physically resembled him, he had seen her in his dreams before and had judged her merely a more active female copy of Subaru-san. Now... now he could see how her kindness matched perfectly her brother's and yet... she was different from him, not his copy but her own person, and he somehow felt drawn to her in a manner he had never felt before.

"You're so similar to Subaru-san and yet... you're not," he couldn't help but say. He didn't know how to put his feelings into words, really. Subaru-san... was a friend he had wanted to help. Sumeragi Hokuto-san... seemed to him a special person that needed to be protected.

"What about my brother?" she asked suspiciously, her gaze turning wary, causing him a new wave of sadness and reminding him of his state. He was her enemy and even if he hadn't been he would be of no use to her. Really, why was Kamui waiting to kill him?

"He... he'd been kind to me. The closest thing I had to a friend," he replied softly, lowering his gaze. "He asked me to bring you a message," he explained in an apologetic tone, wishing he knew how to explain that he would have never dared to bother her if it hadn't been for this reason.

"Now? You've been in Subaru's dream now and he asked you?" she asked eagerly, her wariness forgotten, and she truly looked beautiful in her childish excitation. He shook his head, feeling guilty at disappointing her. He didn't want to disappoint her but he didn't want to lie to her either.

"No, not now. This afternoon. I had to wait for you to fall asleep to deliver it to you, and I'll have to wait for him to be asleep to enter his dreams again," he explained, still sounding apologetic. Sumeragi-san frowned, causing him to feel like a naughty kid.

"Subaru is asleep," she stated.

Kakyou frowned as well at her statement, temporary forgetting Sumeragi-san's displeasure to turn his attention on his own power. He concentrated but he just couldn't locate Subaru-san in a dreamscape. The boy was out of his reach.

"I can't reach him," he admitted, feeling uncomfortable with it. "That's not good. He has never kept me out. He's too polite and kind to refuse me entrance and..." he trailed off. He knew Subaru-san was powerful enough to have some means to block him out if he wanted to, but... but he would sense something anyway, an echo of his presence in a dreamscape. Instead there was no trace of him, no trace of him at all.

"They... they had to sedate him," Sumeragi-san admitted hesitantly. She didn't seem too pleased with that. Kakyou could sympathize. Probably it was hard for her to cope with what had been done to her precious brother.

"That explains it then," he replied nodding. Sedatives could tamper with Subaru-san's mind and Kakyou's powers as well, keeping Subaru-san in a level of sleep that Kakyou couldn't reach.(2) "Sumeragi-san, your brother had asked me to tell you that he was fine and not to search for him," he said then, reporting Subaru-san's message. He noticed her frowning and felt like sighing. He had displeased her again. It seemed he couldn't help it. "I've heard what happened today," he admitted, lowering his head again. "I suppose referring his message to you now was unnecessary, but I promised your brother and so I did it anyway. He's a kind person. I didn't want something... like that... to happen to him," he said very honestly. He had no idea why he was telling her all this. It just... came out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Sumeragi-san smiled at him again, a smile tinged with sadness yet gentle. A smile he would treasure in his memories.

"I... I appreciate it, Kuzuki-san, really, I... oh, calling you Kuzuki-san is so formal! Do you mind if I call you simply Kakyou? You can call me Hokuto like everyone else!" she offered and Kakyou blinked.

Maybe the differences between the Sumeragi twins were even more marked than he had supposed in the beginning. For all his kindness Subaru-san was totally unable to get that... close... to another human being with the exception of the Sakurazukamori. He always kept himself at a certain distance, politely avoiding stepping in other people's personal space more than necessary. Sumeragi Hokuto-san... she just stepped in, brightening and warming everything in such a wonderful way he was amazed.

"No, I don't mind Hokuto-san," he assured her. He definitely didn't mind. He didn't think his name had ever sounded better than when Hokuto-san had said it. It was another memory he was going to treasure.

"Just Hokuto is enough," she stated with a cheerful smile, then became serious again. "Kakyou, did you know my brother was under the Sakurazukamori's influence?" she inquired then.

"In which sense?" he asked blinking. The more he was in the presence of Hokuto the more it was difficult to think of Subaru-san. It was odd, but strangely pleasing as well.

"He put him under a spell!" the girl exclaimed.

"I know. Subaru-san said that and I've heard the Sakurazukamori and the Chi no Ryu's Kamui talking about it as well," Kakyou replied quietly. He didn't approve of what the Sakurazukamori did to Subaru-san but he knew it hadn't been the spell that had stopped the boy from leaving the Sakurazukamori.

"Then, if you were Subaru's friend why didn't you help him to escape from the Sakurazukamori's hold?" she asked, giving Kakyou more credit than he deserved. It wasn't like Kakyou, despite being Subaru-san's friend, could have done more to help him. Kakyou sighed.

"I told him to leave that man; he didn't want to," he explained. Warning Subaru-san had been all he had been able to do and it hadn't worked. Really, he was such an useless being...

"He couldn't! He was under a spell!" Hokuto countered heatedly.

"Hokuto... your brother is a strong Onmyouji. A really strong Onmyouji," he reminded her in a gentle tone. "If he's free from the spell now it's because he broke it. He could have done it before. He **_didn't_** want to do it. He wanted to stay with the Sakurazukamori, no matter what." He saw her about to speak and raised his hand to stop her. "However, before this afternoon, he had no idea he had a sister. His only family was the Sakurazukamori. He'd been with him all those years. Somehow that man has grown to mean the world to him, whether he deserved to have such a high place in Subaru-san's heart or not. I don't like the Sakurazukamori or the way he treated him and I told Subaru-san so, but when Subaru-san chooses something there is no way to change his mind."

"He had always been stubborn... even when he was a child..." she admitted. "But now he's free from that evil man and he won't have to ever see him again!"

He frowned. She didn't seem to understand the nature of Subaru-san's bond to the Sakurazukamori. She only saw the spell. Kakyou knew there was much more than that. Much, much more. He had no idea if that bond could be broken and he was sure the Sakurazukamori wouldn't let go of Subaru-san easily, nor would Subaru-san be able to give up on the Sakurazukamori just because the spell wasn't there anymore.

"Hokuto... may I give you some advice?" he asked hesitantly. He really didn't know how to put all this in a manner that wouldn't displease her, but he didn't want to lie to her either. She nodded and he took a large breath before speaking. "Your brother... I know in the past years he has had his own problems and his balance isn't... perfect. Somehow he's very dependent upon the Sakurazukamori. In a twisted way he gave him stability. If you face the matter with him be careful. He doesn't remember you. Right now he depends more on the Sakurazukamori than what would be better for him. It won't help you if you portray the Sakurazukamori as an evil man when Subaru-san isn't ready to see him as one."

"He couldn't have that much influence on my brother..." Hokuto whispered, worry rising inside her.

"Hokuto... you'll be surprised..." he replied sadly. They stared at each other in silence for some minutes.

"I like Subaru-san," Kakyou said eventually. "As I said, he has been nice to me. I want him to be happy. He said he was happy in his own way, but I know that his so called _'happiness'_ wasn't enough. He wasn't free. He was trapped. Forced to depend on someone else's will. And that wasn't fair."

Hokuto nodded, fully agreeing with him.

"Thank you for your advice, Kakyou. I'll take good care of Subaru from now on. You can be sure of it!" she assured, smiling again.

He nodded in reply. They remained in silence some more minutes.

"Then... I'll say goodbye..." he said softly in the end. Somehow he was hesitant to leave. He liked here. He liked to be with her as well. He liked it very much.

"Goodbye..." she replied, sounding hesitant as well. "Maybe..." she added.

"Maybe?" he prodded.

"Maybe you can visit me again?" she offered. "And Subaru of course. I'm sure he would be happy to talk with a friend!" she added as an afterthought.

"If I have the chance I'll do so with pleasure..." he assured her. She smiled. He smiled back, his first smile in... he couldn't remember how many years, and, just this once, he though he understood Subaru-san's talk of how a person could make life worth living.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Kakyou doesn't really need to open a door to enter from a dreamscape to another. It just seems fitting to have him doing it to enter in Hokuto's dream. It's... well, more polite than fuse the two dreamscapes.

2. No idea about the whole extent of power of YumeMi in general and Kakyou in particular. I tend to think it's huge but it has its limits.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
It had been fun to write about Hokuto and Kakyou's first meeting. I liked to have the two interacting, they're kind of cute. I wanted Kakyou fall in love slowly. At first to him Hokuto is nothing more than Subaru's twin sister. Then he starts to notice that, while she has things in common with Subaru (whom Kakyou considers as a friend), she has something different as well, in a not unpleasant manner. In the end in his eyes she's definitely much more important than Subaru...  
Oh, despite the large use of the nickname _'Kyou-chan'_ in fandom Hokuto never used it in the manga so I won't use it as well...  
Also, Kakyou in the manga always called Hokuto just _'Hokuto'_. This too will be left unchanged here.  
As for the relation between Hokuto and Seishiro... for a while Seishiro will be a bad guy in Hokuto's book. She had spent years hating him for stealing Subaru and she is persuaded he's the one who hurt Subaru... so whoever was waiting for her to support the relationship between Subaru and Seishiro will be in for a waiting...

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **penguinie**: I know it's annoying for us who know that Subaru and Seishiro belog together to see Hokuto wishing to keep them parted... but all she knows about Seishiro is that he's the Sakurazukamori, a guy who kills people and that had kidnapped her brother when he was a child... and she believes it had been the Sakurazukamori the one who hurt Subaru... so her behaviour is comprehensible...

To **Lady Samurai**: (blush) thank you!

To **Gray Wings**: Those two just don't know how to stay parted. After all they had been spending their lives being always together for 16 years... They just don't know what to do with themselves when they're alone...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: (blush) Thank you so much! Don't worry if you've no time to update. I understand you fully! But it's still a lovely fic and I've an insatiable unger for lovely fics!

To **THopkins**: Well, you'll have to wait a bit for their next interaction. Seishiro is sadly in complete denial and Subaru... the poor boy has his own problems as well...

To **ryuu**: And the worst part is that Kamui doesn't even realize he has done something wrong as long as it has fulfilled a wish... Well... it's a bit too soon to spoil the ending, isn't it?

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	19. Chap 19: Breaking The Habit

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 19: Breaking The Habit"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"Memories concern  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safer in my room  
Unless I try to start again **_

_**I don't want to be the one  
Who battles always choose  
Cuz inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused **_

**_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight."  
(Linkin Park - "Breaking The Habit")_**

When Seishiro got over that, for him inexplicable, sense of loss enough to think coherently the first thing he did (after tearing the house up just because he felt like that) was to go straight to the Chi no Ryu's Headquarter.

There, between YumeMi and computer experts, someone **_should_** know where **_his_** Subaru-kun was, someone should be able to do what all his Onmyoujutsu couldn't. Someone had better to be able to find him.(1)

He had no idea what he would do if he didn't get Subaru-kun back. It wasn't as if Subaru-kun was important to him... it was just he was so used to having him around he simply couldn't bear to be without him. Besides, Subaru-kun was **_his_**. Subaru-kun was supposed to stay with him, always with him, forever with him, until the world fell down with him; in this life and in the next and in the one after it with him, with him, with him, with him...

There was no way he could accept this separation from Subaru-kun! No, the boy had to be returned to him; surely that was what Subaru-kun wished as well, wasn't it? Because Subaru-kun was surely wishing to be back with him as well, wasn't he?

But when he reached the Chi no Ryu's Headquarters it turned out it wasn't his lucky day. As if that hadn't already been made abundantly clear... Anyway, Kanoe had no dreams about Subaru-kun, Beast couldn't track him down, and it was out of question to ask Kuzuki for help since he knew the stupid YumeMi would never help him, no matter what Seishiro did to him. Actually, the stupid YumeMi would be happy if Seishiro were to kill him.(2) As for Kamui...

"Sorry, Sakurazukamori, to have your Ten no Ryu back isn't your Wish," the Chi no Ryu's Kamui stated nonchalantly once questioned over it.

"What do you mean? Of course I want to have Subaru-kun back," he had replied in a low tone, his eyes narrowing dangerously, hating how the boy could be so casual over the whole matter. Not that it was an important matter exactly, but still, Kamui wasn't allowed to be casual over Subaru-kun's absence! No one was! Subaru-kun didn't know what to do without him. The boy needed him. Seishiro had no idea what kind of messes Subaru-kun could get himself into without him. And not that he cared, but he needed Subaru-kun returned to him immediately because Subaru-kun couldn't bear to be without him... could he? "Subaru-kun is **_my_** property. **_No one_** can have what's mine," he stated, chasing away that tiny flicker of doubt which ate at him. After all, it was just a matter of property for him, wasn't it? Yes, it was merely that... Subaru-kun meant nothing. It was the boy who needed him, not the other way around. Yes, it was surely that...

Kamui had looked at him with an amused expression as he spoke and Seishiro had wished he could strangle him, but he couldn't waste his time strangling stupid teenagers that believed they knew everything. Not when he had to search for Subaru-kun. Not that searching for Subaru-kun was on his priority list; after all, Subaru-kun was probably already searching for him, but Subaru-kun had no sense of orientation which must be why he hadn't found him yet. Yes, that must be it. There couldn't be another explanation. Subaru-kun liked to be with him, he would never leave on his own... Once Subaru-kun was back he would probably tell Seishiro how much he had missed him. Yeah. That was for sure. Because Subaru-kun was like that. Subaru-kun would miss him... wouldn't he?

"You may say you want him back but you don't Wish for it, and as long as that Want doesn't turn into a Wish I can't help you," the teenager clarified, wearing still that stupid amused grin, and that had been all the help he had offered. Only at a certain point it hadn't looked like Kamui's grin but like Subaru-kun's gentle smile, and Seishiro knew it wasn't but he just couldn't bear to see it because... because it was a poor illusion and he couldn't stand sloppy works, could he? A poor, tasteless illusion. The original was nothing like that. He wanted the original and he was sure Subaru-kun wanted him as well. Once he had him back the boy would tell him just that. Wouldn't he?

* * *

Kakyou hadn't been pleased with what Kamui had done to Subaru-san and he had said so in his hesitant way. Kamui was his saviour, but there were some things of which Kakyou couldn't approve. Kamui had shrugged his complaints off carelessly, without taking offence but without giving them any consideration either.

"They both Wished that spell be broken. I merely helped to accomplish it," he explained as though he had done nothing wrong, and Kakyou was ready to bet Kamui couldn't understand that he had, that fulfilling that Wish just wasn't worth such a price, that Subaru-san hadn't deserved to be hurt that way, and even if now he was safe and back with his sister as Kakyou believed was right, what had been done to him was just... wrong.(3)

"Yes, but Subaru-san..." he tried to reason.

"He's tougher than he looks," Kamui stated and there was a faint trace of admiration in his voice. "Trust me, what truly upset him wasn't what I did, but the idea he displeased the Sakurazukamori. The Sakurazukamori is all he cares for." Kakyou frowned, not sure if he was more displeased by Kamui's lack of care and understanding or by the dependency Subaru-san still had on the Sakurazukamori. Besides, he wouldn't say that Subaru-san, after what had happened, had been merely _'upset'_.

"It might be," he conceded. "But Subaru-san didn't Wish to be hurt or parted from the Sakurazukamori, and the Sakurazukamori says he Wishes him back." Not that Kakyou cared about the Sakurazukamori's Wishes. Actually, if Kamui had done _'that'_ to the Sakurazukamori he wouldn't mind much. It was due to that man's actions and lack of care that everything had happened, and now he had the audacity to come and complain that he wanted Subaru-san back as a child would over his favourite Teddy Bear.

"No one is keeping them apart but themselves. The Sakurazukamori is too scared by the idea that his doll might not want to stay with him to really Wish to have him back. As for the Ten no Ryu... he's also too afraid the Sakurazukamori might not want him anymore to Wish to return to him. **_They_** are keeping themselves parted," Kamui explained in a patient tone, as if he was a parent talking with a child.

Kakyou lowered his head in defeat. Kamui wouldn't listen him, and no matter what Kamui said Kakyou still couldn't approve of what Kamui had done, but there wasn't much he could do. He was a mere YumeMi bound only to be able to dream of the future and, worryingly, he still couldn't find Subaru-san's dreamscape. Either they were keeping him still heavily sedated or something very wrong was going on.

* * *

Hokuto was spending most of her days staring worriedly at her brother. Clamp Gakuen Hospital had released Subaru but the boy... just wasn't reacting to anything. Imonoyama-san had offered him a room in the same place where she and the other Ten no Ryu were and Subaru spent his days there, curled on the floor beside the bed, staring at nothing, refusing to talk, to eat, to sleep or to be comforted. People had to be wary of getting too close to him. After the doctors had tried to undress him to take care of his injuries Subaru had begun to react violently against those who tried to touch him, even if they were only trying to help him or hug him as Hokuto desperately wanted and was unable to do. That day they had had to sedate him to treat him and they had kept him sedated the following days as well because Subaru tried to rip off the bandages, refusing to allow anyone else to take care of him and refusing to do so himself.

Post abuse reaction the doctor had called it.

When left quiet Subaru was apathetic most of the time spending his time all curled on himself like an hedgehog and looking like he didn't plan to uncurl anytime soon.

Kamui-chan, naïve child that he was, had asked her what she planned to do with her brother now that she had him back, if she would return to him the title of Sumeragi no Chou once he had recovered fully. Hokuto knew very well that she couldn't, that she couldn't even send him back home, because even if the Sumeragi Ichimon could, by some miracle, overlook that Subaru had lived with the Sakurazukamori for all those years, the last _'happening'_ would seal the boy's fate in their eyes. They would never accept him again after there was secure proof from the hospital of what had been done to Subaru over the years. They would consider it more merciful and proper to kill him. They would probably try to do so, unable to accept that one of them could have been tainted in such a way.

So Subaru was her responsibility and her's alone, yet she couldn't help him.

He still behaved like he didn't recognize her and kept her away like he did everyone else. She could plead, she could scream, but Subaru just wouldn't do what she told him, wouldn't even let her brush his cheek.

He planned to let himself die, she could see that. He planned to let himself die of starvation and exhaustion.

She refused to accept that.

He **_had_** to live. One day he would forget the incident and learn to appreciate life again, she was sure of it.

So she continued to try coaxing him to eat or sleep or talk without success. So far, the only thing she had heard him say was _'Seishiro-san'_. She remembered that was the Sakurazukamori's name and wasn't pleased. She so wanted to rip away from Subaru any memory of that man and of the horrible things he had done to him, and yet she could only witness her brother's pain.

Kamui-chan and the other Ten no Ryu were trying to help as well, especially Kamui-chan. He said he felt an affinity with Subaru. It was probably because he had been molested by the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. The young boy would sit with Subaru and talk to him for hours, and Subaru's eyes sometimes would turn on him as if Kamui-chan had managed to get past the wall of apathy that trapped her brother's heart, but that was all; the biggest reaction they got from him and Hokuto couldn't help but grew more worried each day.

* * *

While Subaru's way of dealing with the whole problem was passivity, Seishiro had turned his sulking into continuous activity, be it murdering someone or blowing a Kekkai.(4) It really didn't matter what he did as long as it gave him a way to fill the time, as long as it stopped him from turning in search of a certain someone and finding an empty space where his Subaru-kun should be, as long as it stopped him from wondering why, why,why,_why_ Subaru-kun hadn't returned yet, why, why, why, _why_ Subaru-kun had left in the first place. It didn't really work but Seishiro didn't know what else to do and so he continued, day after day, until each moment started to blur with the following, and only keeping himself busy mattered, only keeping himself busy could numb that oppressive feeling for which he had no name and that was slowly devouring him from the inside.

Subaru didn't know, of course; no one dared to mention the Sakurazukamori near him and even if they did Subaru wouldn't have known or understood the reason behind the Sakurazukamori's action so it wouldn't have really helped. However, not hearing the name of the Sakurazukamori mentioned wasn't helping Subaru either. Lack of sleep and food were messing further his already compromised mental balance. His perception of the world had been altered after the spell under which he had been put was broken. The spell had numbed his senses for many years but now that it had been broken everything was... more vivid, more intense in Subaru's mind, so intense it hurt, but something had remained constant. He still wanted Seishiro-san, needed Seishiro-san, couldn't bear to be apart from him especially after what had been done to him.

However... however the Chi no Ryu's Kamui had told him Seishiro-san wouldn't want him anymore after what had happened. Subaru could believe it easily.

Now that he thought about it he remembered Seishiro-san had **_NEVER_** wanted to share him with anyone else. He had always been jealous of his favourite toy, loving to show him off but never allowing others to touch him. He had been stupid to believe Seishiro-san might have wished to share him with Kamui, but Seishiro-san had been behaving too oddly for him to understand. When Kamui had told him that he was there to fulfil Seishiro-san's Wish he hadn't stopped to think about it, he had just submitted to what he had believed was Seishiro-san's will.

And when he had realized he was wrong... that what he had done was the farthest thing from Seishiro-san's Wish... he had broken the spell.

That spell was the only reason Seishiro-san had let him be close to him. No one should stay close to the Sakurazukamori but, since Subaru was nothing more than a puppet in his hands, he didn't count. He didn't count, he didn't matter and so he was allowed to stay.

Subaru had been stupid. He had wanted to count, he had Wished to count, to matter and Kamui had fulfilled his Wish. Now, whatever Subaru did for Seishiro-san would be on his free will and not dictated by a spell and would have meaning. Too bad Seishiro-san would never keep him now, would never allow him to do things for him now. Too bad. Too horrible. Too horrible to bear.

Maybe Seishiro-san would kill him. At that point Subaru didn't care. At that point Subaru thought he going insane. All he wanted was to escape, to escape from this situation.

One day, while _'they'_ were distracted, he had tried to kill himself. He had been caught and stopped before reaching his goal. _'They'_ had bandaged his wounded wrist, wondering at the other scars on it and murmuring empty words of comfort that made no sense to Subaru. He didn't want to forget Seishiro-san. He didn't see how he could find comfort in that idea. What would make his life worth living if he couldn't be with Seishiro-san? What was making his life worth living since he couldn't be with Seishiro-san?

_'They'_ didn't understand. _'They'_ claimed he was one of them, a Ten no Ryu, but he really didn't care. All he had to protect in the world, all he wanted to protect in the world, was Seishiro-san and he couldn't be with him and if he couldn't be with him his life made no sense.

That girl who looked like him, Sumeragi Hokuto-san was her name, didn't understand either. She claimed to be his sister, confirming what Kuzuki-san had told him. Despite her words, despite Kuzuki-san's words, despite the sense of affinity he felt with her, he didn't remember her, yet she insisted on claiming that odd _'ownership'_ on him. He didn't understand what she could want from him, an useless broken creature. He didn't understand why she wanted to keep him apart from Seishiro-san, why she kept saying he would be better now that he was away from him. He'd been happy while he was with Seishiro-san. He didn't think he would be anymore.

He wanted Seishiro-san, he **_needed_** Seishiro-san and yet he knew better than to try to return to him. He didn't want to see hate and disgust in the man's eyes. He couldn't bear to see hate and disgust in the man's eyes.

He couldn't stay there either, with these people that kept saying he was one of them when he didn't feel one of them at all. His family had always been and would always be Seishiro-san, and Seishiro-san might track him down while he was here and... and tell him what he though of him and Subaru... Subaru couldn't bear the idea.

He had to leave this place, this trap, this prison. He didn't know that Clamp Gakuen was shielded in such a way that no Jushi could make his spells work in it from outside. He only knew he had to leave.

_'They'_ thought he couldn't make it. _'They'_ thought the wards Sumeragi-san placed around his room were enough to keep other people out and him in. _'They'_ underestimated him. Those wards were mere child's play even now, in his confused state.(5) All he had to do was to wait for them to be out of the house. All he had to do was to wait to be alone. All he had to do was to murmur some words, open the window and then jump out. All he had to do was run, run and never look back. All he had to do...

He knew how to do all he had to do. He knew it and so he did it, and found himself physically free. Too bad it wasn't that easy to escape from the prison in his mind...

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. I suppose CLAMP Gakuen can work also as a shield to hide Subaru from Seishiro's power.

2. In **'X'** manga version Kanoe can't actually see the future in her dreams, merely spy her sister's one about it. She can however move from a dreamscape to the other so she could get into Subaru's dream. As for why Satsuki's Beast can't discover Subaru in CLAMP Gakuen... Imonoyama Nokoru is supposed to be a computer genius. I supposed that his ability matched Satsuki's so she can't pass through his defences as he can't pass through hers (actually in **'X'** is never said who's better between the two and it's possible that, should the two compete, Satsuki would win since she's loved by computers, but for this fic's purpose I'll keep them even...). As for Kakyou... he wants to die so should Seishiro threaten to murder him... well that would only encourage Kakyou to keep his mouth shut...

3. Kamui has no sense of moral. For him the only thing that matters are Wishes. He can't see nothing wrong doing something that fulfil a Wish.

4. I assume that the Kekkai destroyed by the Chi no Ryu were more than the ones showed in the manga. So far Seishiro is just destroying those _'unknown'_ Kekkai.

5. Subaru is a great Onmyouji, way better than Hokuto so her ability can't compete with his.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, Seishiro is in full denial and somehow very vulnerable. He had Subaru at his side for 16 years. Subaru was part of his life, one he had never supposed to lose. Only now that he had he's realizing Subaru's importance in his world...  
Subaru is not gone within but he's seriously traumatized and very confused.  
As for the Sumeragi... they aren't being deliberately cruel. Subaru's been shamed and Seppukku is usually how traditional families deal with it. Since Subaru doesn't seem in the mental conditions to perform it Hokuto fears they would do it for him.  
Hokuto has no idea it wasn't Seishiro the one who abused Subaru. After what the man told her in their last meeting she's sure he'd been the one doing it. Since Subaru isn't talking he can't clear the mess.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Jushi:** Magic User  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Seppuku:** "Stomach Cutting". Ritual suicide by disembowelment.  
**Sumeragi no Chou:** Sumeragi's Head  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **penguinie**: Who didn't prefer Subaru and Seishiro being together? They're just... perfect for each other! I wanted Kakyou and Hokuto have some space as well because... well, they're unlucky lovers as well in the original storyline and they'll be very important in future developments...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I'm glad you liked the past chapter. I hope you will like this one too.

To **Momo**: Don't worry. Seishiro and Subaru will be back together soon. They can't really stay parted for long...

To **ryuu**: Subaru and Seishiro are back in this chapter as you can see! The fic is mostly about them so you don't have to worry too much about their absence... however sometimes other characters will request some space for plot reasons...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	20. Chap 20: The Loneliness

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 20: The Loneliness"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"La solitudine fra noi  
Questo silenzio dentro me  
È l'inquietudine di vivere  
La vita senza te.  
Ti prego aspettami perché  
Non posso stare senza te  
Non è possibile dividere la storia di noi due."  
("The loneliness between us  
This silence inside me  
Is the uneasiness of living  
My life without you.  
Please, wait for me because  
I can't stay without you  
It's not possible to part the story of the two of us.")  
(Laura Pausini - "La solitudine") **_

Kigai Yuto frowned and put down his cup of tea as he watched Sakurazuka-san walk back and forth through the room like a caged wild animal. There was something wounded and angry in the man, something that hadn't been there before, when Subaru-san had been around, something that made him even more dangerous that he normally was, and Sakurazuka-san was a **_very_** dangerous person.

And he looked horrible.

The man, who before had always been the picture of self-confidence, charm and elegance, now definitely needed some sleep, a bath, a change of clothes and to quit smoking so obsessively. Apparently he couldn't finish a cigarette without immediately lighting another...

None of the Chi no Ryu seemed fond of him, really, with the possible exception of Kamui, whose dealings with the lot of them didn't really seem driven by feelings of _'liking'_ or _'disliking'_, but for himself Sakurakuza-san seemed the type of person who could act as your best friend and then effortlessly and without regret stab you in the back or even in the front for no other reason than that you had bored him, as if you were nothing more than trash to him. Only Subaru-san seemed to escape this relegation.(1)

To be honest, Yuto believed he didn't know the man well enough to judge him, but he was good at forming an understanding of people at first glance and his instinct was telling him that it was a smart idea to keep away from Sakurazuka-san. As much as he could. Especially just then. And Yuto normally trusted his instinct and did what it suggested.

However...

However, Sakurazuka-san was a fellow Chi no Ryu and Yuto believed firmly it was his duty to help his mates.(2) Plus Yuto liked Subaru-san, liked him enough to consider him a fellow mate, even when he knew the boy was born to be a Ten no Ryu. Subaru-san, despite his affiliation with Sakurazuka-san, was a good person totally unlike the Sakurazukamori. Subaru-san cared, cared for everyone despite who they were or what they did, and honestly wanted to help them despite his delicate situation as, in Satsuki-chan's none too gentle words, _'Sakurazukamori's plaything'_. Subaru-san cared. Especially for Sakurazuka-san. He cared for Sakurazuka-san the most, in Yuto's opinion. Yuto was sure the young man hadn't left Sakurazuka-san of his own free will; he must have been pushed or forced to do so by something external. That conviction had made him ask that red haired Ten no Ryu if she knew where Subaru-san was.(3)

She'd been evasive.

He was ready to bet it meant she knew.

However, Satsuki-chan's Beast, despite many attempts (the girl was taking it as a personal challenge), couldn't infiltrate CLAMP Gakuen's system, and to point Sakurakuza-san in the dirrection of the Ten no Ryu's headquarters then let him loose seemed a bad idea. He knew Kanoe-san couldn't care less about Subaru-san as long as Sakurazuka-san kept performing his duties as a Chi no Ryu, so he had tried talking with Kuzuki-san. The man was a YumeMi far more powerful than Kanoe-san and he should have ways to track Subaru-san down or to contact him. Plus Kuzuki-san had some sort of fondness for Subaru-san.

Kuzuki-san had been evasive, too.

All he had said was that he had tried to contact Subaru-san but... couldn't. Yuto was ready to bet that Kuzuki-san knew where Subaru-san was, but that he wouldn't lift a finger to help Sakurazuka-san. Kuzuki-san hadn't approved of how Sakurazuka-san treated Subaru-san and had never made a secret of it, even if Sakurazuka-san didn't pay it any attention, irritating Kuzuki-san even more. Actually, Yuto didn't approve either, but that was beside the point. No matter how twisted the relationship between Sakurazuka-san and Subaru-san was, Yuto was sure there was more to it than just a spell and a strong sense of ownership. It was something deep, complicated, and that couldn't be broken or ignored, and now that they were apart it was... destroying Sakurazuka-san from the inside, and Yuto feared it was doing the same to Subaru-san as well.

Yuto hadn't missed how Kuzuki-san, too, was worried for Subaru-san, a sign that wherever Subaru-san was, something was wrong.

Yuto sighed. He was the kind of person who believed one shouldn't oppose destiny but merely follow the flow, but he also believed mates should be helped, and Sakurazuka-san and Subaru-san were his mates.

Yuto saw Sakurazuka-san finally start to walk toward the exit, a haunted look in his eyes as if he simply could no longer stand being cooped up in the room, and without paying even a small glance to the assortment of pastries placed on the table in front of Yuto. A bad sign, really, and Yuto surely didn't look forward talking to the man while he was in this state, but... He sighed. He had too soft a heart. With a soft smile he stood and quietly followed Sakurazuka-san, hoping Satsuki-chan and Kanoe-san wouldn't miss his presence too much when they chose they wanted a break from their work and that they needed a friendly ear to listen to them and clever conversation to entertain them. Soon he was sharing the elevator with Sakurazuka-san as it rose toward the first floor. Sakurazuka-san smoked and constantly tapped against one of the walls with his fingers as if he couldn't keep still, and he smelled of blood so much it was impossible to miss it. Yuto could also see the reddish stains on his dark clothes. Yes, a bath and a change of clothes were definitely in order, but he doubted Sakurazuka-san would appreciate his suggestion.

"Sakurazuka-san, Subaru-san wouldn't appreciate seeing you like this," Yuto decided to say in a casual tone, as if he spoke of an unimportant topic. It was probably the most foolish and risky thing he had ever done in his life, since, at the moment, whatever regarded Subaru-san was probably the most important topic in Sakurazuka-san's mind and he was pretty touchy over that matter, but Yuto had to start somewhere. Sakurazuka-san's eyes narrowed into slits and the man literally radiated a murderous aura. Since Subaru-san's disappearance he had stopped smiling cheerfully and now always frowned, glared and even snarled. He was tense, tremendously tense, Yuto could clearly see it, as if he was always searching a way to vent his emotions, emotions too raw for him to keep bottled inside himself, and failing. Yuto remembered that the Sakurazukamori was supposed to be emotionless, or so Sakurazuka-san had said once, when Subaru-san had still been around. It couldn't be easy for Sakurazuka-san to discover that he had emotions, and that he had to deal with them on his own, without Subaru-san's support, especially when they looked so raw. Yuto weathered the glare, looking at him with a serious, yet calm, expression.

"Sakurazuka-san, I really hope you don't believe even for a second that Subaru-san left you on his own will," he stated.

"Subaru-kun is no longer under my spell and he's a Ten no Ryu," Sakurazuka-san hissed, fists clenching so tightly he destroyed the cigarette he held between his fingers. Yuto shook his head.

"Subaru-san vanished from the face of the Earth. No one seems to be able to find him, not Beast, not Kuzuki-san, not even you. It's not normal," Yuto said in a reasonable tone. "You'd do better to worry about what happened to him that took him away, not that he could have joined the Ten no Ryu," he suggested, putting into words the man's worst fears.

Seishiro blinked as he processed Yuto's words through his tired brain, his eyes bothered by the elevator's too bright artificial light. Recently he couldn't sleep. He had no idea why. Could what Kigai said be true? Could someone have forced Subaru-kun to leave? Could Subaru-kun be in trouble right then, trapped somewhere, maybe needing his help and with no way to contact him? But if that was so, why had the boy broken the damn spell in the first place? Why?

Sumeragi-chan couldn't have forced him to leave; her power couldn't remotely compete with Subaru-kun's, and she surely didn't know where they lived. Unless she had been helped by the other Ten no Ryu and their YumeMi...

It made a certain amount of sense, even if it sounded a bit ridiculous to imagine the Ten no Ryu kidnapping Subaru-kun. Maybe they aimed to force him to join their side... Maybe he should capture one of them and slam him or her against a wall until he or she told him if they were the ones behind Subaru-kun's disappearance...

* * *

_'You may say you want him back but you don't Wish for it, and as long as that Want doesn't turn into a Wish I can't help you.' _

* * *

He wanted Subaru-kun back. He wanted him back, no matter what. At this point he didn't care if Subaru-kun didn't want to be back. He wanted him back. He needed him back. He would make up for Subaru-kun's possible displeasure at being with him later. He would spoil and coddle him more if that helped, or buy him whatever he wanted, and maybe, if that didn't work, he could even risk putting him under a spell again. But he had to have Subaru-kun back or he would go insane, even if he had no idea why Subaru-kun's presence was indispensable to his sanity, and the though that Subaru-kun, too, might be in need of him right then made everything even more urgent.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. I know that the Chi no Ryu's Kamui acts affectionate with Nataku/Kazuki and Yuto witnessed it. I'm just saying he didn't take that behaviour for an actual favouritism from Kamui for one of the other Chi no Ryu. What really matters for Kamui are Wishes. He acts according to them not according to his own personal liking. He might have had feeling of affection for Kazuki but his behaviour was dictated by the fact that Kazuki wished him to act that way and Yuto, who's normally perceptive, guessed it.

2. Yuto protected Nataku in the **'X'** manga when he got in troubles during the fight with Karen, taking his place against her when he normally doesn't seem interested in fighting. It gave me the impression he cared for his mates.

3. Some summary **'X'** manga here. After Yuzuriha went missing Karen decided she would be the next to fight because she has no one who cares for her. So when Nataku attacks Yamanote line she drugs Seiichiro's tea (he was visiting her) so he falls asleep and then goes to face Nataku. She manages to send him on the ground but Yuto shows up to protect him. The two fight when Seiichiro (who had stabbed himself in a leg to stay awake) joins them. Yuto suggests they quit because both their partners are injured and it would be troublesome to protect them. Karen agrees and Yuto takes Nataku away as she runs to help Seiichiro.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, I don't think Seishiro is emotionless, at least not in this fic. I merely believe he doesn't care for the rest of the humanity. Subaru excluded even if Seishiro hadn't realized it yet...  
As for Yuto... he's one of my favourite characters. I like how he's so calm and yet he understand more than he lets out and how he cares for the other Chi no Ryu. I know the Anime gave him a mean side during his second fight with Karen but that was entirely made for the Anime and didn't happen at all in the manga so I flatly ignore it.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: You'll have to wait next chapter for a meeting... I'm glad to hear you still like this fic! BTW will you update **'The Good Sides of Insanity'**? I really love that fic!

To **Ori**: Well, things can't go always well for them... but I'm happy to hear the past update made you happy. I hope you will enjoy this update as well!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: (sighs) I'm so sorry part of your review went lost... but I'm happy you liked the past chap!

To **ryuu**: well, **'X'** has so many chara we're bound to not like them all... Here there's some more S&S and a lot of it will be in the future chap, I promise!

To **Hatori Soma** & **brinachan**: Sorry if I made you wait but work keeps me quite busy... here there's the next chap!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	21. Chap 21: Don't Go Away

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 21: Don't Go Away**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

**_"So don't go away  
Say what you say  
But say that you'll stay  
Forever and a day in the time of my life  
'Cause I need more time  
Yes, I need more time, just to make things right"  
(Oasis - Don't Go Away)_**

Shibuya was about to fall. With it the Yamanote line. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui was looking at his work with a smile of approbation. One more Kekkai was going to fall and it had been even easier than that time at Ebisu. This time he didn't have to wait for a little girl, one of the few people in Tokyo who wanted to live no mater what, to be out of the area.(1) But after all, people who wanted to live, wanted to live no matter what, were a rare breed nowadays. Humans' will to live depended on too many factors and they got discouraged almost too easily. They were losing the ability to adapt to things, they were developing many self destructive Wishes, they were caring too little for the consequences of their actions, and all that made them particularly weak and inclined to surrender. Even Kamui... Even Kamui hesitated to fight him, and he often wondered if the boy would manage to arrive to the final battle and if he would Wish to fight that day or... or if his Wish would be different. He would grant it anyway, no matter his own personal Wish.

He shrugged. There was no point in letting the future trouble him now. That was what Kakyou and the other YumeMi were for, not him. He existed to fulfil Wishes; he existed to fulfil Mother Earth's Wish. He surveyed the area one last time. His work here was basically done and now he was indulging himself with ice cream before breaking the Kekkai, causing everything to start crashing down with a pretty pattern reminiscent of dominos. He was quite surprised when, raising his gaze, he spotted the Sakurazukamori walking hurriedly through the area with the haunted look of a man who must be in a certain place and had to reach it as soon as possible even if he had no idea where said destination was or how to get there. Lost. The man was totally and utterly lost without his Ten no Ryu to look after him. People might miss it, but Kamui **KNEW**. The exchange was mutual. The Sakurazukamori depended on his Ten no Ryu as much as the boy depended on him. They completed each other, depended on each other. Trusted each other and only each other. They didn't know how to live when they were kept apart. They were the perfect example of what he was thinking before: humans who needed a reason to live and found it in each other. Apart... they were nothing, and the fact the Sakurazukamori didn't normally show his dependence to the Ten no Ryu didn't make him less vulnerable. On the contrary, he was even more affected by it, affected because he never realized that weakness in himself, and so never prepared himself to face it. Kamui hadn't expected to meet the man there, in Shibuya, but it didn't really matter to him, he wasn't the type to waste a chance. The man wanted to see his beloved Subaru-kun, and Kamui could play the part just for him. He frowned slightly as he moved closer to the Sakurazukamori. It was odd. That day the man's Want to see his Ten no Ryu was stronger than usual. It was almost a Wish.

Almost.

Kamui frowned. He didn't like to deal with contradictory Wishes. The girl Wished the Sakurazukamori away from her brother. If the Sakurazukamori started Wishing to have the Ten no Ryu back their Wishes would clash. The Sakurazukamori had to remain too confused and scared to Wish for the boy. Maybe he could taunt him enough to lessen that Want a bit so the situation would remain balanced.

* * *

Seishiro sensed Kamui coming closer later than he would have liked. He was tired and it was hard to keep wary and concentrate. Odd how before, when Subaru-kun had been around, that had never happened. The boy had always required a lot of care and attention but, at the same time, Seishiro had always known Subaru-kun would watch out for him should he get distracted. Not that Seishiro had ever counted on Subaru-kun covering his back, but... but it had been reassuring all the same. Now... now all rested on him and, while he was sure he could handle it just fine, it was getting exhausting. He only wanted to rest for a while but... but somehow he couldn't. Now that he had the bed all for himself he found the damn thing too large and uncomfortable and he kept tossing and turning, unable to find a comfortable position. The few times he had managed to close his eyes... he had awakened suddenly as if he had had a nightmare, a name he didn't dare to call on his lips, one of his arms stretched as if to grab something that was being ripped away from him. He never tried to remember those dreams. He was sure he was better off not knowing, not remembering.

"I've no time for you, Kamui," he replied harshly as the boy called him, trying to not look at the youth but doing it anyway. Kamui didn't reply to his words; he merely gave him the _'Subaru-kun's smile'_ but it wasn't working on him. He was a master of illusions; he wouldn't let himself be caught in that teenager's illusions, simple childish games that wouldn't work on him at all. He wouldn't. He wouldn't. He...

"Where did you hide my brother, you bastard?" a slightly panting voice exclaimed suddenly, the tone filled with rage, interrupting their staring contest. They turned to see a minute female figure facing them, back straight and gaze fierce and dangerous.

Seishiro recognized her immediately.

Sumeragi-chan.

Searching for his Subaru-kun apparently.

So she didn't have him either.

Too bad for her she had caught him in a really bad mood. As soon as he saw the girl he mentally assigned her the blame for all that was tormenting him and wished to see her destroyed, as if that would magically solve all his problems. It was time to settle their unsolved matter. He could sense that the Ten no Ryu were coming as well but, in that moment, he didn't care about them. All he wanted was the girl's blood. She had been the one who had separated him from Subaru-kun and she would pay for it. It was all her fault.

The next second Ofuda were being exchanged with increasing fury.

Seishiro should have had the advantage, great advantage, Sumeragi-chan was normally nowhere near his league, but his lack of sleep and his current _'tense state'_ weren't playing on his side. On the contrary they were almost balancing the match.

Hokuto, on the other hand, was using her desperation to fuel every power and ability she had. She had panicked when she had entered Subaru's room and found it empty, then she had been possessed by a cold determination. She would get Subaru back at any cost. It didn't matter the price. She would never, **NEVER** leave him in the hands of the man who had kidnapped him when he was a child and abused of him so harshly. So, all in all, in that fight she was doing far better than one could have expected her to be capable of. Impressively better.

In the long run it wouldn't have been enough. In the long run, she wouldn't have been able to keep up such rhythm, such intense use of power and such concentration, but so far she was doing very well and it showed.

And for a moment, for a full second, she had the perfect chance to hit the Sakurazukamori with one of her Ofuda. One second. One beautiful, full second to injure the man, to return to him some of the pain she and Subaru had suffered. One second. Her chance.

Seishiro saw it coming, he saw it coming but he was too late o do anything other than brace for the impact. He damned the fact he couldn't concentrate; his mind felt heavy and fuzzy, his eyesight confused and his body slow, as his brain complained loudly of its tiredness.

Hokuto's heartbeat sped up and for a second she tasted the sweet anticipation of victory over her hated enemy. She never got to fully savour it as a white bird, undoubtedly a Tsukaima, came between them suddenly, intercepting her Ofuda and stopping its action before it could do any damage.(2)

Both Onmyouji turned in the direction from whence the bird came.

Sumeragi Subaru and Sakurazuka Seishiro's gazes met for... they haven't been able to say how long, an hour, a day, but likely only an instant, then Subaru lowered his head and started running away as if he was trying to escape from Seishiro.

The moment his Subaru-kun turned away from him Seishiro felt as if someone had hit him.

Hard.

No, he realized numbly, he'd never experienced a blow that hurt so much.

"Subaru-kun!" he called before running after him, uncaring of the fact he was leaving Sumeragi-chan behind him alive, uncaring of the fact that running after Subaru-kun like this would leave him completely exposed to her attacks, uncaring of everything except the fact he had finally found Subaru-kun. He should have considered himself lucky that the girl had been so shocked by her brother's sudden appearance and intervention to help the man that she had frozen on the spot and she _'woke up'_ only when the chance to attack the Sakurazukamori had been lost.

Seishiro didn't have to chase Subaru-kun for long. Normally the boy would have been faster but Seishiro didn't pay it any attention. Actually, he wasn't paying attention to anything but at the fact that he had Subaru-kun in front of him and he couldn't let him escape. He managed to grab the boy's arm and when Subaru-kun tried to free it Seishiro didn't let go, on the contrary he pulled the boy even closer to him and then pushed him against the near wall, trapping Subaru-kun between it and himself.

The boy struggled to get free, but his trashing seemed more a hysteric crisis than anything else, as if he believed he had been captured by some sort of nightmarish creature and was unable to recognize Seishiro.

"Subaru-kun! Subaru-kun, look at me!" the man called again, trying to get his attention, trying to get Subaru-kun to recognize him. The side of him that wasn't hurt at Subaru-kun's attempt to escape from him realized that there was something seriously wrong in the boy's reaction, that it wasn't normal for him to panic in this way and thrash in his grip in such a messy, ineffective way. Subaru-kun was a way better fighter than this. In his right mind, if he didn't want to be held, Subaru-kun would have put up a much more effective fight. There was something wrong with Subaru-kun, something really wrong, but until he calmed down Seishiro couldn't help him.

"Let him go, you rapist!" a shrill female voice yelled, interrupting his attempts to calm Subaru-kun.

Seishiro groaned. Sumeragi Hokuto-chan had the worst timing in the world but he had no time to play with her right then. He glared at her in irritation. This wasn't the time for interruptions and she had no right to intrude between him and Subaru-kun.

"Get lost, girl. This is private business," he hissed in a threatening manner. He knew she wouldn't risk attacking him while he was so close to her brother, and he wouldn't hesitate to kill her should she try to part them again, even if he had to do it under Subaru-kun's eyes.

"As if I would leave my brother with the man who raped and beat him!" the girl yelled almost crumpling the Ofuda in her hand due to her too tight hold but not daring to throw it at them.

"I never lifted a finger against Subaru-kun, and surely I never forced him to have sex with me when he didn't want to!" he yelled back, still doing his best to restrain Subaru-kun. He was growing considerably annoyed with her. How could she get those idiotic ideas in her head? Was she really that stupid? Really, that girl was nothing like his Subaru-kun...

"So "what do you call what you did to Subaru that kept him in hospital for three days straight? Love taps?" she hissed with venom and disgust in her voice.

"**I DIDN'T...**" he started to say before his own mind interrupted him.

_'But someone else must have done it if the boy needed to be hospitalised. Someone else did it and that's what made Subaru-kun escape.'_

He turned toward Subaru-kun noticing that the boy had stopped fighting, that he wasn't moving anymore, his head lowered. He seemed void of energy, void of life and about to slump to the ground as if he really couldn't take standing any longer.

"Subaru-kun..." he called gently, loosening his hold on him a bit. "Subaru-kun, look at me. Subaru-kun... Has someone... hurt you? Is that the matter?" He felt the fine tremor running through the boy's body and eased his hold further, turning it from restraining to gentle. "Subaru-kun... talk to me..." he asked softly, so very gently as if afraid to scare him.

Hokuto glared furiously at him, on the point of telling him that after what he had done to her brother it was impossible to get a word of out of Subaru when his hand moved slowly to grip the Sakurazukamori's jacket. His trembling was more like shaking now, his hold on the Sakurazukamori's jacket almost convulsive.

"Subaru-kun... talk to me, Subaru-kun..." the Sakurazukamori prodded her brother again, in the same gentle tone, with no hurry, no reproach in his voice, just gentleness and care, a tone that couldn't belong to the man that had done those horrible things to her poor brother.

"He... he..." Subaru babbled as if struggling to talk and failing.

"Who hurt you, Subaru-kun?" the man asked him, letting Subaru go to rest his hands on Subaru's shoulders almost comfortingly. "I'll kill whoever dared to lift a finger against you, you know that."

"He said... he said it was your Wish... He said... He said..." Subaru-kun began. Seishiro blinked. The boy was crying. He could count on his fingers the times Subaru-kun had cried in all their years together and they were all in the past when Subaru-kun had been a kid, and now here the boy was, crying and sobbing so badly he had trouble forcing the words out. Seishiro didn't waste his time but immediately pulled Subaru-kun against himself, holding him tightly as if he could shield him from the pain.

"Subaru-kun... I never, ever wished for you to be hurt. Never," he assured. In the confusion of the moment it didn't dawn on him to ask who said such idiocy to Subaru-kun. In the confusion of the moment all he wanted to make sure was that the boy knew he had never wanted him to be hurt, never, never, never, he would never allow someone to harm Subaru-kun. The boy was his, his most precious possession, and no one could do so much as scratch him.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, Subaru raised his arms to wrap them around Seishiro-san, as if deathly afraid he would be pushed away. Seishiro-san not only let him do it but held him even tighter, so tight the hold seemed almost unbreakable. Subaru's fingers touched the familiar texture of the man's coat shyly, wrapped around it and then gripped it as tightly as they could as Subaru buried his head against Seishiro-san's shoulder and started crying even harder.

"I'm sorry, Seishiro-san... I'm so sorry... Don't hate me... Don't hate me..." he repeated over and over in an endless litany between one sob and the next.

Seishiro inhaled. It was Subaru-kun's scent that he was breathing. It was Subaru-kun's warmth that he was feeling. It was Subaru-kun's weight that he was supporting. It was Subaru-kun's hold that was squeezing him. It was Subaru-kun's tears that were soaking his coat. It was Subaru-kun's voice that was whispering in his ear. Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun was back. The boy was back. He was finally back to him. Subaru-kun. Him. They were together. Together again. Finally. His tiredness hit him in full force like a brick wall but he felt at peace, as if the world had finally started going in the right direction, as if he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

"I don't. Subaru-kun, I don't. It's okay, you're safe now, I'll keep you safe. I shouldn't have left you alone," he murmured in reply to Subaru-kun's babbling. The rest of the world could go fuck itself for how much he cared. He had Subaru-kun back. Nothing else mattered. Not even the stunned Sumeragi-chan who was watching them in confusion unable to believe her eyes.

"Odd how Wishes can change so quickly, isn't it?" a well-known teenager's voice broke the moment as said teenager held the Ten no Ryu's Kamui by his neck breaking the moment. Sumeragi-chan screamed _'Kamui!'_ without bothering to explain which one she was referring to and ran to help the younger Kamui when the older threw him on the ground. Subaru-kun's hold around Seishiro tightened convulsively, becoming almost painful as he noticed the teenager's presence, and something clicked in place in Seishiro's mind.

* * *

_'He said... he said it was your Wish...'_

* * *

Now... who in the world went around saying he was doing things to fulfil other people's Wishes if not the Chi no Ryu's Kamui? Who?

"You... you were the one behind all this! **_You_** are the one who hurt Subaru-kun! You're the one who caused him to escape!" he spat, looking at the boy in rage, holding Subaru-kun to himself even tighter. Sumeragi-chan gasped but he didn't pay her any attention. Kamui or not, he was going to kill that brat. No one touched his Subaru-kun and lived to tell it.

"No. You three were the ones behind this, I merely fulfilled your Wishes," Kamui corrected, not looking impressed at all.

"**I NEVER WISHED FOR SUBARU-KUN TO BE HURT!**" Seishiro stated in an uncharacteristically loud voice. He was normally better controlled than this but at the moment he couldn't find the will to care. He wanted to murder the brat. He wanted to strangle him as slowly and painfully as he could, watching him as he struggled for breath, watching him as his face turned blue... and then rip his body apart, piece-by-piece slowly and then burn everything at such a high temperature that not even ashes would remain. He wanted to destroy him, to erase him from the face of Earth and he wanted to make him suffer as he did it. Never before had he felt so murderous. However Kamui simply shrugged, as if Seishiro's rage was not a thing worth his concern.

"You Wished that stupid spell of yours removed and so did your precious Ten no Ryu and his sister," he reminded him. "I merely fulfilled your Wishes, even if I admit that the girl was the one responsible for the way I used. She Wished the Ten no Ryu away from you **_no matter what_**, and so I gave your precious Subaru-kun a reason to Wish to stay away from you and you a reason to Wish to stay away from him. You were both too scared of what the other's reaction could be after what had happened to effectively try to face each other. However, I have to say that destiny decided to have a hand in this matter and help the two of you. If you hadn't met him today the Ten no Ryu probably wouldn't have lasted long away from you and you would have been even more devoted to our cause. For the short time you would have managed to last without him anyway. Those self destructive Wishes were already there, even if only barely brushing your consciousness," Kamui explained to him calmly.

"You..." he began, all his muscles contracting. He wanted to attack, to murder that brat, to wipe him from the Earth's face, but as he attempted to move Subaru-kun's hold on him tightened convulsively, stopping him from moving.

"Don't leave me, please, Seishiro-san, don't leave me..." the boy begged in a desperate tone.

Seishiro gritted his teeth in frustration as he found himself trapped in the middle of two Wishes, to stay with his Subaru-kun and keep him safe or to leave and get revenge for what had been done to the boy. He glared at Kamui angrily, but really it wasn't a difficult choice.

He had already learned the hard way that without Subaru-kun around his life was pretty miserable; he wasn't going to let the boy out of his sight ever again. His arms wrapped more securely around Subaru-kun's shoulders, holding him closer, shielding him from the rest of the world. He would deal with Kamui later. So far, protecting Subaru-kun was all that mattered. This time the boy would stay with him. No one would part them.

Kamui smiled that annoying self satisfied _'I know what's going on in your mind'_ smile and, for a second, he considered again dumping everything and showing him exactly **_what_** was going in his mind. In detail. But it was only a second, it didn't last. Subaru-kun's warmth against his body, the way the boy's shoulders trembled as he sobbed, the boy's painfully tight hold around him, and that broken voice as he begged him to stay, to not leave him, those were things that exercised a bigger influence on his own will. Those were the things he couldn't give up. He wouldn't move, he wouldn't leave him.

Problem was, what was he going to do should Kamui chose to attack him? Would he manage to protect Subaru-kun from the teenager? In this state he doubted Subaru-kun would be able to protect himself from a fly; would he manage to keep him safe against such a powerful opponent as Kamui?

He never had to face that possibility.

Apparently Kamui sensed another Ten no Ryu coming and left to avoid being trapped in a Kekkai. Seishiro released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and turned toward Subaru-kun. The boy was still crying in his arms but he was there and that was enough for Seishiro. He leaned his head against Subaru-kun's, tiredly ignoring the world around them, ignoring the fact that another Ten no Ryu had just joined the party and was now at the younger Kamui's side, checking his status. Seishiro needed a shower, some sleep and some decent food and, except for perhaps the shower part, he believed Subaru-kun needed the same.

"Let's go back home, Subaru-kun. Let's go back home," he murmured. He sensed the boy's shudder. He'd been attacked while he was at home. He'd been... It was normal he didn't want to return there, really. "Maybe home's not the right place," he corrected himself. "Would you like to go to a hotel, Subaru-kun? A big, expensive one maybe? One that'll offer great desserts?" he suggested.

"You'll take my brother nowhere!" Sumeragi-chan screamed as she sustained the Ten no Ryu's Kamui. The boy looked quite battered but Seishiro didn't really care about him. The only one he cared for was securely held in his arms, repeating over and over he didn't want Seishiro to leave him as if he didn't realize Seishiro would **_never_** leave him in someone else's care. The girl's words merely caused Seishiro to groan in annoyance. He was so going to kill her. How could she think to tell him what to do with his Subaru-kun?

"Can't you hear him, Sumeragi-chan? Do you really think he wants me to leave him with you? And anyway, do you really think your opinion would matter to me?" he asked her. Subaru-kun's hold had tightened again at his words and he hurried to caress the dark hair soothingly and assure the boy he wouldn't leave him. Somehow that clingy behaviour reminded him of when Subaru-kun was still a child. Back then he was almost always clinging to him, seeking his presence constantly, afraid to be left alone even if only for a second.

"You... you must take him back to CLAMP Gakuen," the Ten no Ryu's Kamui said in a firm voice despite the fact he was panting, unable to stand on his own due to his pain and injuries. The other Ten no Ryu who had just joined them and was helping Sumeragi-chan to sustain Kamui, was now looking at Seishiro puzzled, unsure if to consider him an enemy or not.

Seishiro glared at the wounded boy. Who did he think he was to dare to order around Sakurazuka Seishiro, Sakurazukamori?

"You have to. He'll be safer there. You want him to be safe, don't you?" the younger Kamui continued. Safe. The boy had a point here. CLAMP Gakuen was the most shielded place in the whole of Tokyo, even more than Seishiro's house. If there was a safe place in the city that held the battle for the end of the world, that was it. However...(3)

"Subaru-kun... where do you prefer us to go? CLAMP Gakuen or a hotel?" he asked. He wouldn't go to CLAMP Gakuen if Subaru-kun didn't want to. Actually, he wasn't sure he would go there if the boy wanted to. He didn't like when Subaru-kun showed attachment or even interest in something else that wasn't him. Subaru-kun, however, didn't even attempt to choose and merely repeated he didn't want Seishiro to leave him, trying to squirm even closer to the man if possible. The boy didn't care where they went as long as Seishiro didn't leave him. Even hell would be fine for him as long as he was allowed to remain with Seishiro-san. Somehow that reassured Seishiro.

"Fine. We'll come to CLAMP Gakuen. Let's go, Subaru-kun," he stated carelessly. As long as he was with Subaru-kun and was the boy's main and only concern he didn't care about where they were heading either. Subaru, however, didn't move. It was like he had forgot how to do it. All he wanted, all he cared for, was to be with Seishiro-san, and so all he was capable of doing was cling to the man, unable to let him go. He wouldn't be able to let him go, not even if he wanted it. Seishiro sighed, smiling at him fondly then, with a quick movement, bent down, passed one of his arms under Subaru-kun's legs and picked him up, holding him securely in his arms then followed Kamui-chan, Sumeragi-chan and the other Ten no Ryu, Arisugawa Sorata-kun was his name, while Subaru-kun still clung to him, crying over his shoulder as Seishiro murmured soothing words to him.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Before blowing up Ebisu Fuma had met a little girl. Since her Wish was to live no matter what he suggested her to leave the place as soon as possible with her mother. I assume he had waited to blow up the place until she was out of there.

2. I know, I know... everyone in fandom calls the birds Subaru and Seishiro make with Ofuda Shikigami. However Seishiro didn't use a Ofuda to create his hawk Shiki and I think that Subaru used an Ofuda when summoning his Shiki in **'Tokyo Babylon'** (a Shiki who's quite different from the white birds he uses in **'X'**) only to have his Shiki dividing in three bodies... So I'll call Shiki only Seishiro's hawk or Subaru's one eyed bird while all the others will go under the name of _'Tsukaima'_.

3. CLAMP Gakuen is the most secure place in Tokyo and the only one that wasn't considered dangerous when the city had to be evacuated.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
For who's wondering if Seishiro would actually go to CLAMP Gakuen... well, why no? he's confident he can handle the Ten no Ryu, the place is safe, the Ten no Ryu are honest and, usually, not murderous and he doesn't really feel an allegiance or loyalty with the Chi no Ryu especially now that he has discovered what Kamui did.  
Poor Subaru is still heavy traumatized, which is why he's so clingy. Actually being with Seishiro did him some good because he finally cried, venting out part of the stress he must have been suffering in the previous days.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shiki:** Short for 'Shikigami'  
**Shikigami:** "Ceremonial God". Summoned creature that attends an Onmyouji  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**Tsukaima:** "Familiar Magic" or "Messenger Magic" or "Useable Magic". A summoned creature created with a Ofuda specifically for a determinate purpose (pursuing targets, carrying messages, attacking enemies, spying)  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". Who can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: I'm glad you liked the previous chapter and I'm delighted by the fact you updated!

To **Hatori Soma**: Thank you, I will do it!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: As Kamui said Seishiro and Subaru just depend too much one from the other... and you know I adore your work as well!

To **xxHanyanxx**: I'm happy to know you enjoied my fic. I really don't understand how Seishiro could pass up the chance to steal adorable chibi-Subaru... I try to keep this as an AU close to the manga so it won't go too far from it even if tehre will be definite changes... for the end you will have to wait quite a bit...

To **ryuu**: I hope your exams went well. I'm happy to know you like the chara description!

To **Raebef**: (giggles) I hope the librarians weren't too angry at you! Yeah, Seishiro can't quite realize the difference between living people and objects... even if he's going to realize Subaru's not quite like the others for him...

To **Cyan Sephir**: Yes, there's a similarity between Gollum and Seishiro... they're both very possessive of something in an almost loving way. Due to work troubles I've not the free time I'd like to have and so I can't post as often as I want... I'm sorry...

To **scelerus animus**: Seishiro and Subaru are the best!

To **Poi-chan**: Well... it's a bit too early to give away the ending, don't you think?

To **Jenniyah**: Who can not like Subaru?

To **yumemi**: Seishiro acts often like a little child in TB... and little children see people as objects that exist for them to use... so he fits as one... he just can't realize Subaru's special to him... well... Hokuto needs to know Seishiro and to discover he wasn't the one who abused of Subaru. We know it wasn't him but she doesn't and, in her place, her reaction is pretty normal.

To **Miss Midori**: (blush) First of all I catch this chance to thank you for reviewing all my works. Yes, it would have been so nice if S&S had the chance to spend their life together... they doesn't manage to do it not even in Tsubasa... Well... Seishiro also took good care of Subaru but, really, their relation was a very base one at the beginning. Seishiro didn't believe he could feel something so he reduced everything to a physical matter. As you can see now the lovebirds are together!

To **Rhode Camelot**: Seishiro'll be a bit slow in realizing what he feels for Subaru... but I hope you will continue to liket the fic anyway.

To **Misoka Mine**: (blush) Thank you a lot! I hope you'll keep enjoying this!


	22. Chap 22: Time Of Your Life

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 22: Time Of Your Life**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"Another turning point; a fork stuck in the road.  
Time grabs you by the wrist; directs you where to go.  
So make the best of this task and don't ask why.  
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. **_

**_It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right.  
I hope you had the time of your life."  
(Green Day - "Time Of Your Life")_**

It took quite while to reach the Ten no Ryu's western-looking and rather large residence in CLAMP Gakuen(1) and, when they reached the place, Seishiro didn't really pay much attention to it. Actually, he didn't care about it at all. He was completely worn out and all he wanted was to be left alone with his Subaru-kun, snuggle against him and kiss him and caress him and make sure the boy was really there with him in any way he could. He shouldn't have left him alone. He would never do it again.

Once inside the Ten no Ryu's residence all Seishiro did was ask where was Subaru-kun's room was and, once he got his answer, he went right there, carrying Subaru-kun who was still clinging to him with all the neediness and cuteness only a child should posses, then he closed them both inside (likely to the great disappointment of Sumeragi-chan, who seemed to not be fond of the idea of them being alone together, and began yelling obscenities at him while the Ten no Ryu tried to calm her down) and set Subaru-kun down on his feet. The boy continued to hold onto him, leaning on him, refusing to let go, as if Seishiro was the only thing that could sustain him. Seishiro just stood there with him, right in front of the door, just hugging Subaru-kun back, holding him close, stroking his hair, clinging to him, feeling his presence in his arms, the boy's body pressed against his. Subaru-kun was still sobbing like a little child, sniffling and hiccupping, and he didn't seem to plan to stop anytime soon, and so Seishiro continued repeating to him over and over whatever he could think of that would reassure him, not quite sure if he was making any sense but knowing that Subaru-kun, in that state, was likely not going to pay any attention to the words he was saying, but merely to his presence and the tone of his voice.

His Subaru-kun...

Finally his Subaru-kun was with him again...

His Subaru-kun.

His precious, little Subaru-kun...

His Subaru-kun, his most favourite possession, his... his Subaru-kun. His.

They would never be parted again. Never. Never, never,never_never..._

He kissed the top of the boy's head, then moved to his temple, then slowly, gently, he moved lower, brushing Subaru-kun's cheek with almost feather lightness as his fingers caressed and rubbed Subaru-kun's shoulders. He savoured each touch, each kiss as if trying to make sure the boy was real, as if this was a completely new experience for him, trying to file each of them in his memory, to imprint the perfection of that moment so that he would never forget it, so that it would always be with him, so that he wouldn't feel anymore that maddening and inexplicable longing he had felt when Subaru-kun hadn't been around... Because he had missed this... he had missed... this... so much... so much... he had... missed... this... no, not this... he had missed... so much... he had missed... missed...

"So much... I missed... you... so much... so much..." he whispered in Subaru-kun's ear over and over, as if that was the only thing that mattered, that he could think of in that moment. He had missed the boy. As absurd and unreasonable as it was to miss a possession so desperately, he had missed Subaru-kun. Madly. And he was so infinitely glad he had him back...

Subaru didn't reply to Seishiro-san's declaration, he merely buried his face against Seishiro-san's shoulder, nuzzling against him and clinging to him as if his life depended on it, mumbling Seishiro-san's name between his sobs continuously, like a mantra, as if that was the only thing that made sense in his broken world, finally expressing the desperation he had kept bottled inside himself and that had been tearing him apart from the inside since that day, the day in which... in which... He clung to Seishiro-san even tighter at the memory, fearing the man would disappear from his grip, fearing it was all just a dream and that, when he woke up, he would find himself holding an anonymous pillow instead of the only person that mattered in his life. He was too desperate and too worn out to think rationally, and all he was aware of, at first, was how badly he needed Seishiro-san, and how deadly scared he was to be without him. It didn't matter that he was holding the man as tightly as humanly possible, it didn't matter that Seishiro-san was doing the same, it didn't matter that the man was telling him soothing words, assuring him he wouldn't leave over and over and repeating how badly he had missed him as well; Subaru was too desperate and hysteric to understand any of it. He really couldn't do anything more than cling to the man, cry and call for him, desperately hoping that would suffice and fearing it would not.

In the end his tiredness and Seishiro-san's attentions seemed to finally calm him, to soothe him, to relax him a bit, bringing him back to a familiar pattern, a pattern he knew to be safe, a pattern he loved and needed desperately, a pattern in which Seishiro-san would hold him and take care of him and make sure that everything would go well, and Subaru wouldn't have to worry about messing up or being left alone. Subaru needed it so much... He needed the man to be here, with him, holding him, caressing him, kissing him, murmuring reassuring words over and over as he had always done every time Subaru had a nightmare or had felt sick or had... simply needed it. Seishiro-san had always been the focal point of Subaru's whole world, his anchor to sanity, his only truth and reassurance. When Seishiro-san was with him he was safe, nothing would go wrong, Seishiro-san would take care of everything, because deep down Subaru knew, Subaru was sure that, while he was completely useless and unable to do anything even remotely useful, Seishiro-san knew how to do everything right, how to handle everything, and all Subaru wanted was to be with him, protect him, be of some use to him so he could be allowed to stay with him. Slowly, as Seishiro-san continued to comfort him, reassuring him he was there and wouldn't leave no matter what, Subaru's sobs subsided and he began to enjoy what Seishiro-san was doing to him, almost searching for it in a childish, needy manner, as he offered his neck to Seishiro-san's lips and snuggled closer, seeking contact and comfort, making soft whimpering sounds in which his pain mingled with the physical pleasure of the act. They had never been good at talking to each other, and so they had always relied mostly physical contact to communicate. A hug, a kiss, a caress, an embrace for Subaru had always been unspoken messages he roughly translated with _'I'm here'_, _'It's okay'_, _'I'll take care of you'_, _'I'll protect you'_...

As Subaru-kun began relaxing in his arms Seishiro moved to kiss him even lower, slowly but steadily, he too needing desperately close contact with the boy, the reassurance Subaru-kun was really there, in his arms, and not some illusion his mind conjured up. He hooked his fingers in the collar of Subaru-kun's shirt in order to move it out of his way and expose a bit of the boy's shoulder, just some more skin he would kiss with something akin to... to a feeling too intense for him to recognize and label, when Subaru-kun moved away from him roughly. The boy didn't go far, not really, Seishiro's other arm was still circling his waist, holding him close, but that rejection had hurt and... and...

He looked at the boy with a hurt, confused expression and stared at Subaru-kun's wide, frightened eyes for a full second, before those eyes filled with new tears and lowered in shame as the boy began trembling again, panting so much he seemed to struggle to breathe, his arms leaving Seishiro to wrap around himself protectively, shoulders hunched as if he wished to curl in a tight ball and disappear.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Subaru-kun began repeating, apparently on the verge of a nervous breakdown or an hysteric crisis, shaking so hard his teeth rattled and abruptly reminding Seishiro what had been done to him by Kamui, forcing him to witness the extent of the damage. His Subaru-kun... His Subaru-kun... So... So desperately scared... How had dared Kamui to touch him with his dirty hands? To ruin the simple perfection that Subaru-kun was like that? He... He... He took a large breath and forced himself to calm down as he pulled the boy back against his chest, rubbing his back reassuringly with one arm while the other held the boy close.

"Subaru-kun, calm down," he told him gently, soothingly, doing his best to sound reassuring and comforting. "It's okay, Subaru-kun, I didn't mean to push you, it's okay, calm down, I'm not angry with you. It's okay, none of this is your fault, it's okay, I'll protect you from now on, Subaru-kun, I swear, you don't have to worry anymore..." he repeated over and over.

Subaru-kun had tensed at first when he had touched him and even if he had let Seishiro hug him, if one were to ignore his shaking he had remained still and stiff in Seishiro's arms, then... then the boy had slowly relaxed again and had returned clinging to him, at first hesitantly then back in that tight desperate manner he had used before. He was sobbing again, but at least his trembling was calming down and he didn't look so scared anymore just... desperate.

Seishiro kissed the boy's temple comfortingly. To return to how their life had been before... before that _'incident'_... was going to need time, more time that Seishiro had expected. No, if he had to be honest, he hadn't expected it to need time. He wanted his old life back and, as soon as he got Subaru-kun back in his arms again he had expected he would have it. He'd been an idiot, he admitted privately to himself; he hadn't considered that what had been done to Subaru-kun by the Chi no Ryu's Kamui could have more consequences than just some scratches, and that he had to be very careful with the boy if he didn't want to make things worse. No, from now on he would do better to handle Subaru-kun with much more care than before, lots and lots of it, and never let anyone else get close to him again. No, from now on, no one would even be able to so much as brush against his Subaru-kun ever again. No one but he knew how to handle the boy, and no one but he would be allowed to come close to him. Subaru-kun was too precious to let him be damaged further by some idiot who didn't knew how to handle him.

"You need rest, Subaru-kun," he stated gently, turning Subaru-kun's face so that the boy would look at him. The boy's eyes were circled with dark rings and filled with tears but underneath there was a spark of liveliness and this for Seishiro was enough. "Subaru-kun, you look absolutely worn out. When was the last time you slept a little?" he asked, smiling fondly at those needy, green eyes that looked so much like those of a child.

Subaru-kun merely stared at him without replying, then lowered his head as if ashamed, as if he believed he had disappointed Seishiro and that the man was reproaching him. Subaru-kun had always made such a big deal of not disappointing Seishiro's expectations that Seishiro knew very well a simple harsh word would break him and had always refrained from using them. He knew that every time the boy did something displeasing a tiny comment would be enough to get him back in line, followed by a lot of cuddling and fussing to assure him Seishiro wasn't angry with him anymore. Subaru-kun had never dealt well with the idea he might have angered Seishiro. Besides, Subaru-kun had always been such an obedient, good boy... His Subaru-kun had always been such a perfect boy...

"It's okay, Subaru-kun," he hurried to reassure, kissing the boy's forehead, enjoying the tiny needy sound that escaped from Subaru-kun's lips. "Don't worry, I didn't get much sleep either in the past few days and I likely look horrible too. I guess that makes a pair of us, doesn't it?" he asked. Subaru-kun merely snuggled closer, without replying, like a puppy in search of affection. Adorable. Seishiro caressed his dark hair affectionately. He was sure it would be worth it. It would be worth waiting for Subaru-kun to be ready to get back into their old life, it would be worth taking care of him and with him to an even greater extent. Subaru-kun was worth it and much more. Now that Seishiro had him back he didn't plan to lose the boy ever again. Subaru-kun would stay with him **_forever_**, he would spend the rest of his life with him, never leaving him, never. There was no hurry. Soon they would be back to the way they were before. He only had to be a bit patient and give the boy time and care... He felt Subaru-kun gasp as he picked him up in his arms again and carried him to the large bed that was in the room. Carefully, he set Subaru-kun down to sit on it, then knelt in front of him to remove the boy's boots as he had done so many times when Subaru-kun was still a child. It was strangely odd to do it in a bedroom and not in their Genkan. It was weird how the Ten no Ryu could live in a western house in which shoes weren't left at the entrance.(2) Oh well, he could live with it. Subaru-kun merely stared at him as he removed the boots from the boy's feet, saying nothing, doing nothing, just... staring, as if afraid he might mess up should he move or say something. Once done, Seishiro freed himself of his own shoes, which he set neatly to the room's entrance with Subaru-kun's boots, of his jacket and his tie that were placed on a chair, and sat near Subaru-kun, who, in the meantime, had curled up on himself. Seishiro studied their situation. The bed seemed comfortable and was definitely spacious enough for the two of them. Not that they would take up that much space normally. They had shared smaller spaces and felt perfectly comfortable with it. Now the problem was: would Subaru-kun be willing to share it with him?

Normally there wouldn't have been any question but after the last developments he knew better than to take it for granted.

He observed the boy carefully. Subaru-kun was still staring at him in silence, curled up on himself like a tiny child, arms wrapped around his knees. Thank Kami-sama he wasn't crying anymore, and Seishiro decided to consider that a good sign. He wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders pulling Subaru-kun against himself. The boy allowed him, docile, and Seishiro sighed in contentment as he felt the boy's weight settle against him and nuzzled the youth slightly. It felt so good to have Subaru-kun there, in his arms, against his chest...

"I have really missed you, Subaru-kun," he admitted in a very honest tone, realizing with some surprise he meant each world. He wasn't used missing something that much. Actually he wasn't used to missing anything. He wasn't the type that let himself miss things and, if he **REALLY** couldn't find a way to get what he wanted, he would, at best, feel annoyed. He didn't understand how it had been possible for him to miss Subaru-kun **SO MUCH**, so much that he hadn't been able to think of anything else but how bad he had missed him, but he had and there was no point in discussing it. Seishiro didn't like to dwell on things he didn't understand, especially when he was sure the problem would never arise again. He and Subaru-kun would **NEVER** be parted again. **NEVER**. He sighed again as he nuzzled against the boy, gently caressing Subaru-kun's dark hair. He was confused. And tired. Very tired. Completely worn out, really, as if he'd gone through too much and he didn't quite understand the feeling because, even if he had been working a lot recently, this exhaustion was really inordinate. At least Subaru-kun was there, snuggling against him, and that was giving him an odd sense of peace and rightness despite his confusion and tiredness.

"Subaru-kun, how about curling up on this bed and trying to get some sleep? Everything will look better after we have had some sleep," he asked, feeling slightly annoyed by how the tiredness in his voice was honest. He hated to show weakness, but since there was only Subaru-kun in the room with him... well he could deal with it. Subaru-kun would never use his weakness against him, he just knew it. Subaru-kun, however, didn't reply immediately. Then...

"I'm okay, I don't need to sleep, Seishiro-san," the boy murmured in a tone even more tired than Seishiro's. Seishiro groaned. He had heard those words from the boy on more than one occasion before so knew what they really meant. They were a lie, Seishiro knew it very well, but he also knew Subaru didn't perceive them as such. Subaru was firmly sure he was always okay, even when he obviously was not, and, as for saying he didn't need to sleep... He turned Subaru-kun's face toward him gently.

"Let me guess: you don't want to sleep because you had nightmares, didn't you?" he asked, smiling fondly as Subaru-kun turned his face away, proving Seishiro right. As cute and childish as it was that Subaru-kun still might be scared by nightmares, it was highly unproductive. Since nightmares unfailingly woke Subaru-kun up and made him feel even worse than when he'd gone to sleep, and making it hard for him to resume his sleep, Subaru was persuaded he could be spared it by not sleeping at all. Seishiro's many talks about him needing sleep had never been interiorised. Subaru-kun had always obeyed him, but apparently he had always considered Seishiro's words on the subject a joke or something similar, and, unless Seishiro would be there to hold him, he would diligently go to bed and do everything he could to stay awake or so it seemed to Seishiro. Actually, Subaru was simply so very scared by his nightmares that his fear caused him to unconsciously oppose to his instinct to obey Seishiro-san, making it hard for him to fall asleep unless the man's reassuring presence was with him, holding him and keeping him safe. "I'll be here, Subaru-kun," Seishiro-san stated, caressing Subaru's hair soothingly. "Maybe I can't chase your nightmares away but I won't leave you alone, you know that, don't you? I'll be here. I'll hold you and keep you safe so they'll only remain what they are: stupid nightmares, nothing worth worrying about."

At first Subaru-kun simply stared at him, then...

"You... you promise?" he asked in such a childish, adorable manner Seishiro couldn't help but bend down to kiss his forehead as he had always done when Subaru-kun had been a child in need of reassurance. As he still did when the boy needed reassurance. Really, the dynamics between the two of them hadn't changed that much.

"I swear it. Let's lay down, okay?" Seishiro suggested. Subaru-kun let himself to be pushed down, then Seishiro lay next to him and wrapped them both in the covers. Neither of them actually worried about the fact that they weren't wearing pyjamas or that their clothes would be a mess once they woke up. They were together again. It was all that mattered. The second they were under the covers Subaru-kun curled against Seishiro, safely hidden in the man's arms as they hugged each other, and neither of the two would have been able to say who was the first to reach for the other. They just clung to each other tightly. This time they wouldn't be divided. Shortly after they were both asleep, both lost in the same dream, a dream of a time long ago, a dream about a promise, a promise that decided their destiny.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Actually I'm not sure the house in which Kamui and the others resides is inside CLAMP Gakuen.

2. Normally in Japanese houses shoes are left at the entrance. However I've spotted Ten no Ryu wearing them inside the house... since the house is western looking I've assumed they don't follow the Japanese tradition of leaving them at the entrance.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, I know, Subaru is tremendously whiny and clingy in this chapter. As I've said in the previous chapter he had gone thought a very bad experience. Just having Seishiro back didn't magically fix things.  
Seishiro instead is mostly back to himself now that he has Subaru back. As for why Subaru's scared by nightmares so much... remember that the dreams of who has high spiritual powers like Subaru can be prophetic... so he's right at being scared by them...

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Genkan:** Entry hall  
**Kami:** God  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Raebef**: Seishiro's not the type who would worry about others... even if Sumeragi-chan would like to steal Subaru from him anyway... she's not completely persuaded Seishiro hadn't hurt Subaru... she still has to learn to know him...

To **Jenniyah**: Yep, Seishiro's going to reside a bit in the Ten no Ryu's house... It'll be more awkward for the Ten no Ryu than for him... He really doesn't mind them much... as long as they stay away from Subaru...

To **Gray Wings**: Fuma would like to point out he merely fulfilled their wishes... I would like to tell me my opinion about the way he chose but... well, that's dark Kamui for you. Trust me, your story is lovely and I can't wait to read a new chapter!

To **scelerus animus**: I'm glad you do!

To **Miss Midori**: S&S in this fic don't know how to be one without the other... you'll see that every time they're parted they're miserable... I'm happy to hear you like the chapter!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Seishiro's starting to learn which are the real priorities in his life (in other words Subaru). It'll be a slow process but he'll grow up in the end! I'm very delighted when you compliment my work also!

To **Sessho**: I'm glad you like how the characters are portraied. Poor Hokuto got a bad role... she needs to learn to know Seishiro before she'll be willing to trust Subaru with him.

To **Hatori Soma**: I'm glad you like this fic. However I'm really sorry but for various reasons I don't have a 'warning update' list. If I can give you a suggestion why don't you try getting an account at Whoever has an account can ask to to be warned about updates over fics...

To **Misoka Mine**: (blush) S&S&H will have quite a bit of problems in dealing with each other... actually Seishiro & Hokuto will have problems with sharing Subaru... poor Subaru will have to deal with the both of them which won't be an easy task...

To **Shikakutenri**: (blush very red) Hokuto will have to learn to know Seishiro and to get over to years of worry for Subaru and hate for the Sakurazukamori who stole him from her... As soon as she will understand Seishiro's good for Subaru and that he's not the type who would hurt or abuse her brother she'll stop trying to tear them apart.

To **shuu**: I'm glad you like it! Here it's the next chap!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	23. Chap 23: I'll Take The Rain

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 23: I'll Take The Rain**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"I knew you when  
I loved you then  
The summer's young and helpless. **_

_**You laid me bare  
You marked me there  
The promises we made. **_

**_I used to think  
As birds take wing  
They sing through life so why can't we?  
You cling to this  
You claim the best  
If this is what you're offering  
I'll take the rain  
I'll take the rain."  
(R.E.M. - "I'll Take The Rain")_**

The place was vast, silent, endless and yet dramatically small. A lone Sakura was standing in the middle of it, high and proud. One of its branch was currently being used as a seat by a teenaged boy wearing a black Gakuseifuku.(1) He was resting on it comfortably, his eyes closed as if he were asleep. Then, for no clear reason, they opened lazily, their golden irises focusing sleepily on the world around him. Distractedly, he noticed an abnormal amount of Sakura petals that gracefully fluttered everywhere. He didn't mind them; on the contrary, he rather liked them. This place was his Maboroshi, after all, and, since he liked Sakura petals, he filled it with them. He had decided long ago they were proper company for him, for the Sakurazukamori, and now he was here, watching them fall from his position on one of the Sakura tree's branches. He knew they were the only company he could have. They, and the corpse of the little girl he had just murdered, and that still had his arm encased in her chest. She was a warm little bundle to hold against himself... even if her warmth wouldn't last for long. He couldn't figure out how this tiny girl could be a threat to Japan at such a young age but, to be honest, he didn't care either. He had merely done his job, merely eradicated the threat. He didn't see why he should worry over his actions further.(2)

He frowned, not quite sure why, sensing something missing yet unable to guess what it was. Nothing was missing, and he needed nothing, anyway. He was perfectly content being here, alone, alone, alone...

Suddenly he realized he wasn't alone in his Maboroshi anymore.

A child had somehow entered his artificial world.

A child was with him.

A beautiful child who looked really adorable in that white Shikifuku.

He spied his guest, feeling a mix of amusement and curiosity, and saw how the child looked up at the tree, unable to see him, and stared at the little boy's beautiful, green eyes, so serious and determined yet filled with a kindness he didn't know people could possess. Then he saw those lovely, small hands moving gracefully as the little boy picked up some Ofuda, placed them around the tree and then tried a spell. He observed intently as those lovely, little hands traced perfect Ketsu-in patterns, as a lovely voice repeated a spell with absolute precision, completely unable to turn his eyes away from the young Onmyouji.

Such a lovely little child...

Predictably, the spell failed and lashed back violently, causing the child to whimper in pain.

How cute, he thought, tilting his head as he continued staring at him.

That child was so cute, so... fascinating... so... charming...

It was... it was amazing how he felt tempted to remain there forever, perfectly content with just observing that child, hidden in between the Sakura's branches, but then something... something went wrong.

Something caught the child's attention, something that revealed his presence.

Red droplets of blood dripped from the broken corpse he was holding and fell to the ground with the Sakura petals. The little boy noticed when they fell on the pale skin of his adorable hands and, automatically, looked up again, managing to look past the illusory branches that were supposed to hide him from the child's gaze, and, as he had seen the child, the child finally saw him. Their gazes met, emerald eyes staring into his golden ones, soft, red lips opening in surprise as more droplets of the dead girl's blood dripped on the child, staining his pure, white skin, tainting it and... and... he frowned, displeased at that, then freed himself from the corpse he was still _'holding'_, causing it to fall gracelessly to the ground, then he jumped down from the branch.

It all happened in a matter of seconds, really.

As soon as his feet touched the ground the child tried to back away, to escape, but he wasn't fast enough and the teenager managed to grab his arm, stopping the little boy's attempt to leave that place, to leave him. Then... then they stared at each other in silence again, as if mesmerized while time seemed to freeze around them.(3)

"It's the first time someone's seen me kill..." the teen admitted, finally breaking that silence that was starting to become oppressive. "Well... What should I do with you?" he asked, with the amused smile of a young boy that had just got a new toy. The child didn't reply, just stared at him, tense in his hold even if he wasn't trying to escape anymore. "Are you scared of me?" he asked in a gentler tone, his hold loosening slightly so that it wouldn't be painful and wouldn't risk bruising what looked like delicate skin.

"I... don't know..." the little boy stammered hesitantly. Somehow he wasn't. He knew he should be, but he wasn't. Somehow it felt right to be with this strange teenager, as if he was supposed to be with him, as if this was his place, even if that teenager had just killed a little girl. There was something in that teenager... something that pulled at him, making him wish he were free to remain close to him, however... He turned to look at the body the teenager had discarded, the corpse of a little girl around his age, a pretty, little girl in a cute dress that would never have the chance to return to her... _'place'_ wherever that was.

"Was it you? The one who hurt her?" he asked, his voice laced with pain and distress. He knew the answer even before asking the question, yet he did it anyway, hoping against hope that he could be wrong.

"Sure, it was me," the teenager replied carelessly, as if for him to hurt a little girl was an everyday occurrence, as if to him it meant nothing, as if he could see nothing wrong in that.

In fact the teen hadn't hesitated a single second in replying to the child's question, unable to see the point in denying that obvious truth, really. His golden eyes were studying the child curiously as if he were another child who had just found a weird object, one he didn't quite know how to use. He felt intrigued when he noticed the child's expression saddening at his reply.

"But... but... why did you hurt her?" the little boy asked him quietly. He couldn't understand. Why hurt a little girl? Why? The teenager shrugged. The little dead girl didn't interest him anymore, and he didn't see why they should waste their time over her.

"She was a threat to Japan," he replied absently as though that could justify such a gruesome death. The child blinked as he stared at the girl's corpse. Such a little girl? It sounded so unbelievable...

"How?" he asked in almost a whisper.

"I don't really know. It's not like I care," the teenager admitted, not understanding why they were having that conversation and not liking how he was feeling... ignored by the child. Why all those questions about the corpse? Wasn't he much more interesting than it? Why wasn't the child asking about him?

The child continued staring at the little girl, tears slowly filling his eyes. Even if the teenager didn't care about her, he did and he felt honest pain for her fate. "Poor girl..." he murmured softly. The teenager seemed confused by his behaviour.

"Why do you care?" he asked. "You don't know her, and, since she was a threat to Japan, it's better for you too that she's dead. Japan is like..." he paused, searching for the words that could explain his actions to such a young child, not really knowing why he felt the need to justify them. "Japan is like Sakura trees. You know the legend, don't you? Sakura trees feed on the bodies buried under them, drinking the blood of the corpses until their blossoms turn pink, and in the same way Japan feeds on the people I murder, drinking their power to increase its own. Japan and Sakura trees are the same. Both are nourished on the blood of the dead, both need it to remain as beautiful as you see them."

"But the people... the people who're sacrificed for this... they..." the child began hesitantly. "They don't want to die... They suffer, and the people they leave behind suffer even more because now they're alone. Nobody should be left alone," he continued, encouraged by the fact that the teenager hadn't tried to stop him but was listening to his words with an attention and a patience no one had shown him before. "Wouldn't you feel sad if you were forced to leave someone you love all alone? Wouldn't you feel sad if someone who cares for were to leave you alone?" he reasoned.

The teen stared at him, remembering his mother's words.

* * *

_'You have nothing to fear about death, right? That's because you have nothing precious, nothing you would regret losing. You have nothing that would be painful if you left in this world.'_(4)

* * *

He frowned in annoyance at the memory that he found somewhat unpleasant, then shrugged, dismissing it. It didn't really matter if he had no one, did it?

"Sorry, kid, but there's no one I care for and no one cares for me. Death doesn't really matter to me," he admitted in what was supposed to be careless tone. The child stared at him, studying him carefully, then raised one of his little hands and gently touched the teen's cheek in a hesitant caress, startling him.

"I'm sorry..." the little boy murmured softly and his little hand felt so warm and soft against his cheek, so very nice...

"Why?" he asked, frowning in confusion, not attempting to escape to the contact. Why should the little kid be sorry? Why? What reason could he have?

"Because you're alone. Nobody should be alone," the child explained.

The teen blinked. Alone. Was he really? Did it matter? Did he care? Yet that gentle, little hand on his cheek felt so nice... he had never felt anything like that before... never... not even when his mother had touched him... a sensation so good, so sweet... he didn't want to give that feeling up. He studied the child carefully. A spirit the opposite of his: gentle, pure and sincere. A spirit that, he was sure, would remain pure even when the child became an adult. The teen didn't think himself capable of love, but this child would be capable of loving him anyway, loving a cold hearted murder that deserved no love or care. He liked the idea of being loved, of having someone who would care for him. He liked the kid, liked him as he had never liked anything else, not even chocolate cake. He liked the child, and what he liked he got. No matter what. What he liked he kept. Forever. Or at least until he stopped liking it. As soon as he made his decision he smirked down at the kid.

"Then stay with me," he said simply, as if he couldn't see anything wrong in his request, as if he thought it would require no effort from the child to accomplish it. At his words it was the child's turn to look startled.

"But Obaachan... and Hokuto-chan..." he murmured, realizing immediately that, despite the fact he wanted to be with the teen and try to ease his loneliness, he couldn't abandon the people who cared for him, not without causing them pain. He hated the idea of causing them pain, of hurting them for his selfish wish to be with the teen.

"You don't want them to be sad because you're dead, do you?" the teen asked him, tilting his head slightly, his innocent tone a complete contrast to the words he said. "If you stay with me, I won't have to kill you, and therefore they won't be sad," the teen continued as if he could see nothing wrong in his reasoning. "Or do you think death would be better than staying with me?" he asked darkly, feeling a foreign emotion grow inside him at the idea the child might prefer death to a life with him. No, his mind stated firmly. The child wouldn't die this day. His. The child would be his, the child should be his whether the child liked it or not. He wouldn't let the child go.

The child studied the teen's golden eyes, considering. To his young, innocent mind it seemed that if someone were to come up with such a request, they must be feeling really lonely and he... he didn't think it was fair to leave the teenager feeling alone. He knew loneliness, he felt it everyday. He felt lonely because he was different, because people had expectations of him that seemed too high for him to fulfil, because he was a child in a world of adults, because he tried to behave like an adult in a world of children, because he was too good at Onmyoujutsu, because he wasn't good enough at Onmyoujutsu. Everyone wanted something different from him, and what he was, what he accomplished, was never enough, never right and he knew it. This teenager... this teenager was lonely like him. And this teenager wanted him, needed him, just him, not an Onmyouji, not an Ichizoku no Chou, not an heir, not a dress up doll, not a diligent student, just... him. His company. He needed him. Maybe the teenager needed him even more than Obaachan, Hokuto-chan or his whole Ichimon. Maybe he also needed the teenager more than he needed Obaachan, Hokuto-chan and his Ichimon.

"I'll stay with you. I promise," he agreed in a firm tone, nodded, and, had the teen known him, he would have known the child wouldn't have been capable of taking back those words. Ever. But the teenager didn't know him, and just felt surprised at how easily and calmly the kid had agreed. However, he didn't dwell on it much and his surprised expression turned into a satisfied smile.

"Good. Then what's your name, kid?" he asked.

"Subaru. Sumeragi Subaru," the little boy replied quietly. He knew he would miss Hokuto-chan, Obaachan and the others. He knew that, but it didn't seem polite or gentle to said so to the lonely teenager who seemed to have no one else but Subaru, so he kept his pain to himself.

"Sumeragi, eh? That'll make this even more interesting," the teenager commented, pulling him closer. Subaru let him, docile. "Well, Subaru-kun, since you agreed on your own to stay with me I'll make you a gift," the teenager announced.

"A gift?" he repeated, surprised.

"A gift. Well, two gifts actually. One gift to keep you happy, and one gift to keep you mine. You think you'll miss your family, don't you?" the teenager asked. Subaru looked at him surprised, then nodded shyly. That teenager had understood his feelings even if he hadn't voiced them. No one else, except Hokuto-chan sometimes, had ever guessed his feelings or bothered trying to. It felt... nice to have someone who understood him. "Then I'll put a spell on you, a spell that will bind you as mine, that will mark you as mine, and another one that will keep you from being sad for your family's absence. I shouldn't let anyone be close to me, but... I'll make an exception for you, and, in order to do so, I'll put a mark on you that will identify you as mine and mine only, that will make you obedient to me and me only. My first gift to you. And, since from now on you're my most precious possession, I won't allow you to be sad. Ever. I'll always make you happy, Subaru-kun, and you'll love me for it. Me and only me. There will be space for no one else in your heart. That's why you won't remember anyone but me. That's what my second gift will be. Forgetfulness."

Subaru blinked, not understanding what the other was saying, but it was too late already to protest or ask questions. The teenager pulled his small hands toward himself and then kissed their back gently, first one and then the other. As soon as the teenager's lips touched his skin he felt something, an intense pain hitting him, making his hands burn, as a spell wrapped all around his mind, causing him to slip into numb darkness and, at the same time, into the waiting arms of the other, arms that held him gently and yet possessively, as if wishing to preclude the unconscious boy from any possible avenue of escape.

Later, much later, when Subaru awoke again, he had no recollection of his past or of who he was, and star shaped marks were now printed on the back of his hands, identifying him as the Sakurazukamori's property.(5) When Subaru awoke again he was in a warm bed, a teenager, whose name was Sakurazuka Seishiro-san, holding one marked hand gently in his and looking like he planned to never let it go. When Subaru awoke again his first thought was that he wasn't alone, and even though he didn't remember his identity or his past, it didn't matter because he knew with absolute clarity that he belonged to that teenager, to Seishiro-san. He was **_his_**. And Seishiro-san would **_never_** leave him alone. And he would **_never_** leave Seishiro-san alone. And that... was all that mattered.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Yes, I know that in the **'Tokyo Babylon'** manga and OAV Seishiro's Gakuseifuku seems grey and not black. In the **'X'** manga and anime is black. I favoured black so I chose to follow the **'X'** colouring.

2. The Sakurazukamori kills for Japan's well being. Due to this I assume the little girl somehow represented a threat for Japan. In the **'Tokyo Babylon 1999'** drama cd Seishiro had to kill other kids whose powers, in the future, would be a threat for Japan.

3. In the original meeting Seishiro put Subaru under a sleeping spell. This however is an alternate universe so things went differently.

4. That's what Setsuka said to Seishiro in the **'X'** drama cd.

5. I know, I know, the marks should identify Subaru as the Sakurazukamori's prey but, prey or not, they mean he's Seishiro's property so I think the definition can still be considered acceptable. Oh and I know the marks apparently never controlled Subaru's will. Actually the spells Seishiro used are three, the one that marks Subaru, the one that controls his will and the one that makes him forget. Since the spells had been performed together you can consider them as a single spell with three parts or just three spells.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, this is supposed to be the first meeting between Subaru and Seishiro as it happened in this fic. Originally it was also supposed to be Subaru and Seishiro's dream, a dream in which they would remember it. Now... I let it to your interpretation. You can also consider it a side story or a flashback.  
As for why things went this way... in **'Tokyo Babylon'** and **'X'** Subaru is told that loneliness causes people to do bad things and to be sad and it's rather obvious both Subaru and Seishiro feel lonely. Had Subaru known sooner that Seishiro was alone... I think he would have tried to do something. I also think that, for Subaru, Seishiro is the only one who could feel his loneliness. As for Seishiro... I don't know if he's aware he feels alone... but should he catch a tiny glimpse of the idea... and of the fact Subaru is the only one who can make him feel _'not alone'_... I don't think he would have let Subaru go. Besides Subaru is such an obedient, adorable little boy I doubt it would be a problem to raise him...

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**Gakuseifuku:** Student Uniform  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Ichizoku no Chou:** "Family Head"  
**Ketsu-in:** "Mudra". Special ritual gestures formed by knotting the fingers in various complex patterns  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Obaachan:** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakura:** "Cherry Tree" or "Cherry Blossom"  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Shikifuku:** Ceremonial Robe

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **0ri**: Yes, the boys are rather disturbing in their relation... Seishiro knows what had happened to Subaru... Hokuto had inadvertitely told him when she thought he was the one who had hurt Subaru... and trust me he's not happy with wht had been done to his Subaru...

To **Raebef**: Glad you like! Yes, poor Subaru is very clingy. Being raised by Seishiro made him clingier than he was and, after what had happened...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Glad you like!

To **haru**: Fuma is back to the Chi no Ryu's Headquarters...

To **Miss Midori**: It's odd how they can be considered in a disturbing relation (they depend too much one from the other and they have this weird sibling relation since Seishiro also raised Subaru...) and yet they manage to be adorable... (or maybe it's just I'm weird...) Well, before Seishiro will UNDERSTAND he loves Subaru many things are going to happen... Do I have to mention a certain bridge?

To **Hatori Soma**: Glad to see you've an account! Don't worry, I rarely log too! Hokuto will have a nice talk with Seishiro... and the two will begin an odd relation even if they would never get along as they did in TB. (Seishiro's too jealous, Hokuto fears he wants to kidnap Subaru again...)

To **ryuu**: Banned from computer? Horrible! Sorry for the long waiting but I've been on holiday and away from net connection so...

To **krol yuki**: (Blushes) I'm glad to know you like it so much!

To **Gray Wings**: Thank you to you for your kind review! For a while it'll be hard to part S&S!

To **Xelena**: You mean he has to suffer because he's too lucky? LOL Well, you're right. He has the best boy in the world who loves him desperately. World wouldn't be fair if he doesn't have to suffer a bit...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	24. Chap 24: If That's What It Takes

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 24: If That's What It Takes**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain  
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name  
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above  
You've given me your love  
When your smile like the sun that shines through the pain  
That's why I'll be there **_

**_When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend  
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end  
I will stand like a rock, I will bend till I break  
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes  
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed  
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need  
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make  
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes"  
(Celine Dion - "If That's What It Takes")_**

Warm sunlight was filtering through the window and filling the room slowly waking Seishiro from the best sleep he had had since... since... he didn't quite want to think of that, he decided, burying himself under the covers as he tried to return to sleep and... His whole body tensed as he realized this wasn't **_his_** bed. He was in an unfamiliar place and...

His muscles relaxed again as he noticed whom he was holding tightly against himself.

Subaru-kun.

Subaru-kun slept curled in his arms, looking as adorable as a kitten. Subaru-kun. His Subaru-kun was with him. Subaru-kun. He wasn't alone anymore. Not alone... Not alone...

He snuggled contentedly against the boy, who moaned deliciously and, as expected, tried to move closer to Seishiro, seeking his presence even as he slept.

Not alone, not alone... So good not to be alone... Not alone... Not alone for how long? The question caught him by surprise, and he stilled, frowning slightly as he looked at Subaru-kun. Not alone for how long? How long would Subaru-kun be willing to stay with him now that the spell was gone? How long? The boy had seemed so willing to stay with him the previous day, but... but...

He raised himself a bit to observe better the sleeping boy. Subaru-kun was curled next to him as if nothing had happened, as if he had never left, as if nothing had changed, as if his absence had been only a bad dream, but Seishiro knew it had happened and didn't want to go through it a second time. No, never again would Subaru-kun be allowed to leave him. The idea of losing Subaru-kun again was a threat he didn't want to face. He... he didn't want to lose him again, he couldn't bear the idea of losing him again, he should put Subaru-kun back under a spell, or... or... or he could kill him, kill him so no one else could have him... so he would be his and his only again... but then he would never, never see those green eyes looking at him again... never... and... and...

Seishiro's thoughts descended into frantic confusion, quieting down only when Subaru-kun stirred in his sleep, unconsciously reaching for Seishiro again in that adorable manner of his, his hands clinging Seishiro's shirt in an almost needy manner.

Seishiro stared at him then sighed.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't kill the boy. He just... couldn't bear the idea of seeing him stilled forever. He couldn't put him under a spell either. Now that Subaru-kun was older and his will stronger it just wouldn't work, he knew.

He would have to work with what he had then. The day before Subaru-kun had said he didn't want to let go of him, so maybe... maybe he could still find a way to keep the boy, to bind him so close, so tightly to himself, that Subaru-kun would never be able to leave him.

He returned to hug Subaru-kun tightly, pressing him against himself. He couldn't lose him. He just couldn't.

Subaru-kun stirred again then froze for a second.

"Seishiro-san?" he called in a weak, whimpering tone that seemed to belong more to a child than to a man of twenty-five.

"I'm here," he replied caressing Subaru-kun's hair and then kissing the top of the boy's head.

He felt Subaru-kun relax in his arms as the boy snuggled closer.

"You're here," Subaru-kun repeated. For five full minutes that was the only topic they were willing to talk about. Them being here. Together.

Then Seishiro considered it might not be bad if they had breakfast. He couldn't remember the last time he ate and Subaru-kun seemed in even worse shape than him. The boy was too pale, thin and weak for it to be normal.

"I'm not hungry," Subaru-kun stated when Seishiro suggested getting up and going to eat something. Seishiro fought down the urge to roll his eyes and smiled instead.

"Why am I not surprised?" he asked in a fond tone. Spell or not, it had always been troublesome to get the boy to eat. However, he was... happy somehow. The loss of the spell and the forced separation from Seishiro hadn't really changed the boy that much and that was good.(1)

Subaru-kun didn't answer him though, his gaze downcast but his expression determined. Before it wouldn't have been a problem to impose his wishes over Subaru-kun's own, but now...

"Subaru-kun... you have to eat something..." he insisted in a gentle, yet wary tone, not quite sure how Subaru-kun would react to it. He didn't want to argue... **_right then_**. They could do that later. Maybe. When Seishiro was surer about his position in the boy's life. Not right then.

"I am **_not_** hungry," Subaru-kun repeated even more firmly, then looked up at him. There wasn't a real challenge in that gaze just... the will to see what Seishiro would do. Seishiro guessed it was logical for Subaru-kun also to wish to know the limits of their relationship after what had happened. Subaru-kun was only trying to understand how things were between them now. Only... Seishiro was flying blind and had no idea what to do with the boy. Before it hadn't mattered if he occasionally gave in to Subaru-kun's wishes because he knew that, if he really wanted to, he could impose his own; now... Now everything needed to be redefined.

"You're not hungry," he acknowledged. Subaru-kun nodded, looking at him expectantly. Evidently he wanted him to do something but what? Show concern? Get angry? Ignore his will? Give in? What was he supposed to do? Which was the right answer? It had been so much simpler when there weren't any wrong answers... when no matter what he did Subaru-kun would stay with him anyway... He was confused and he didn't like that. Not at all. He wasn't supposed to be confused over Subaru-kun's behaviour. He wrapped his arms tightly around the boy and rested his cheek against Subaru-kun's head. "Subaru-kun, have I lost you?" he asked quietly. Subaru-kun didn't reply but made no attempt to escape, his arms wrapped around Seishiro in an equally tight manner.

"Is she... my sister? Sumeragi-san. Is she really my sister?" the boy asked in reply. Unconsciously, Seishiro tightened his hold around him. What was he supposed to say? He wasn't sure he knew how to deal with this Subaru-kun. Where was his own Subaru-kun, the boy who would obey his every whim?

"Has she told you so?" he asked, staring intently at him, trying to judge his reaction. Subaru-kun's expression, however, didn't change. It remained a mix of tiredness and confusion.

"Everyone has told me so. Everyone but you," he answered. There was no blame in Subaru-kun's words. He was merely reporting a fact and there was something in his tone that seemed to imply that, should Seishiro deny it, he would believe him, or try to, despite Hokuto-chan's obvious physical resemblance to him and everyone else saying the contrary.

"Yes, she's your sister. Twin older sister," he replied honestly. After all, what would be the point in trying to hide it? But why was Subaru-kun asking him this? Why did he seem to need him to confirm this?

"I don't remember her," the boy admitted turning his eyes away from Seishiro, almost curling in on himself more. "I **_know_** I knew her but... I don't remember her. I can't remember her..." There was a pained note as he said so, as if Subaru-kun had tried to but had only met failure. Seishiro didn't particularly want Subaru-kun to remember but...

"Do you want to?" he asked anyway. It was curious how Subaru-kun had had no problems removing the binding spell but was finding it hard to remove the memory blocking one. The memory ones should have been the easier to break, but for Subaru-kun the contrary seemed true. Maybe it was merely because those memories were old. Even without a memory spell people tended to forget old childhood memories.

"No..." Subaru-kun's voice sounded raw, as if the mere idea was painful. "I don't want to. She won't be what I would remember, and I'm not what she remembers, and... I don't want to remember... I don't..." the boy repeated, clinging to Seishiro and curling up more as if trying to hide against him. Fear. That was fear. That was why Subaru-kun couldn't overcome the memory spell. He was scared to. He didn't want to. But what exactly did Subaru-kun fear? Was he scared to remember a past he couldn't have back? To have changed too much to fit in it? Or merely to not be able to accept what had been done to him if he remembered? Seishiro had no idea. He needed to know this new Subaru-kun, to figure him out before knowing what he could do next with him.

"Okay, Subaru-kun," Seishiro agreed in the end. "Just let me know if you change your mind."

"Why?" the boy asked in confusion, raising his head to look at him again.

"Because it's easier if I remove the spell than if you try to do it. Safer as well," he explained rationally. He didn't want the spell to be removed, but, should Subaru-kun wish it to be gone he wouldn't have trouble removing it on his own. However... the consequences of removing a spell that had been performed on him... those might be dangerous. There would be no way to deflect the Sakanagi and, anyway, a person's memory wasn't a thing one should play with. Not that Seishiro normally cared, but it was one thing for Subaru-kun to forget his sister and another entirely to forget **_him_**.

"Would you do it?" the boy asked him, blinking. Again no bitterness, no taunt. Just... curiosity. Was Subaru-kun studying him as well? Trying to figure out what Seishiro would allow him to do and what he would not?

"Yes, Subaru-kun, I would do it," he confirmed. Silence fell. Then...

"If she's my sister... do I have to live with her? Do I have to go back to the Sumeragi Ichimon?" the boy asked anxiously and this was a question Seishiro didn't like in the slightest. He didn't want Subaru-kun to leave him. At all. He wouldn't let Subaru-kun leave him. But... He knew Subaru-kun should go back to his family. He knew Subaru-kun might wish to do so. And... if Subaru-kun wished to leave him... could he stop him? Wouldn't he lose him just the same should he try to force him to stay now that there wasn't a spell to chain Subaru-kun to him anymore?

"Is that what you want?" he asked a bit coldly, trying to come up with ways to chain the boy to him that wouldn't change things between them.

_'Do you? Subaru-kun, do you really want to go back to them and leave me here, alone? Do you? After you promised you would never leave me?'_ his mind was protesting in the meantime, but he refused to say that out loud.

"I..." Subaru-kun began hesitantly, sounding troubled and confuse. "No, I... All I want... is to stay with you... but beyond that... it's all confused... and I don't understand... and it hurt... and my head hurt... and I hate here... and... and I don't want to leave you... and I don't want to go back to my family... and I don't know what I want anymore... I just... don't understand... and I don't know what to do and... Seishiro-san... don't send me away... don't leave me in their hands..." Subaru-kun whimpered, his voice muffled as he clung Seishiro, and Seishiro suspected the boy was crying, but Subaru-kun had said he wanted to stay with him and right then it was all that mattered to Seishiro. Nothing was wrong if Subaru-kun wanted to be with him.

"Then you'll stay with me. There's no need to cry. I won't allow anyone to harm you or to take you away," he stated as if that would solve everything, nuzzling against him slightly. Subaru-kun was so very cute when he was so clingy...

"But I don't know what to do!" the boy complained, frustrated. "Everything hurts and I just don't know what to do! I..." Seishiro kissed Subaru-kun's forehead and that seemed to calm the boy, but, after all, he'd been raised with the belief that one of Seishiro's kisses could really take the pain away... or something close to it.

"Me neither. We make a pair," he said cheerfully, trying to brighten the boy's mood. It really didn't work. Subaru-kun always had this bad habit of worrying too much... "We'll figure out something, Subaru-kun, don't worry," he murmured softly in a fond tone. Now that he knew Subaru-kun would stay with him he really couldn't see any trouble on their way... no matter the world might be about to end and everything else.

"We always made a pair," Subaru-kun said quietly, nuzzling against him as if searching for reassurance in his presence. "Right from the beginning. We always have been."

"Maybe so," Seishiro agreed, not really sure what Subaru-kun meant. Not that it mattered. Besides, now it was definitely breakfast time. "Let's get up, Subaru-kun. I'll prepare you your favourite breakfast. You can't think with an empty stomach," he tried again in a more enthusiastic, tempting tone. He was hungry. And Subaru-kun needed to eat. He had the sneaking suspicion the boy hadn't touched food since the last time he had seen him and that wouldn't do at all. Subaru-kun hesitated a little before answering.

"I... I can't eat... I... I'll throw up everything if I do... I..." he stammered nervously, lowering his gaze again.

"Subaru-kun..." Seishiro began patiently. The boy had no reason to worry. He would take care of him and... and Subaru-kun wasn't listening to him anymore. He had his hands over his ears as if to block out sounds and his eyes were wide and unfocused. Seishiro could only stare at him as the boy stammered in an almost incoherent manner.

"_'He'_... _'he'_ ate an apple after... _'he'_... I keep seeing _'him'_ and _'he'_... _'he'_ is saying... I... _'him'_... no, I don't want to... Seishiro-san..." he whimpered.(2)

"Subaru-kun!" Seishiro called for the third time, shaking the boy a bit more roughly that he had intended, pulling Subaru-kun out of those memories. The boy turned to look at him, eyes filled with pain, distress and unhappiness but focused again as if what was tormenting him had been pushed back in a dark corner of his mind again. Seishiro wasn't sure that was good. It was like unresolved business between them. He didn't want it stored away, he wanted it away entirely. "Subaru-kun. He won't ever be able to lift a finger to you. Ever. I promise," he assured. Subaru-kun looked at him but rather than reassured he seemed simply tired. Too tired.

"I... _'he'_..." the boy tried to explain but apparently couldn't put in words what he was feeling. "Seishiro-san, don't leave me..." he begged in a pitiful whimpering tone.

"Never," Seishiro stated, holding him close and stroking his hair fondly. "I'll never leave you, Subaru-kun. Never. You've nothing to fear."

"But _'he'_ said... _'he'_ said you won't keep me after..."

"He lied. He knows nothing about us. He lied, Subaru-kun," Seishiro said in a firm tone. Subaru-kun just buried his face against him and snuggled closer as he used to do when he was a child and scared. Cute. "Silly, I'll never let go of you, Subaru-kun, never," he told him in a fond tone. "That's why you left? Because he said I didn't want you and you were scared it could be true?" he asked gently. A tiny nod was all he got in reply. Seishiro kissed the boy's forehead fondly. "He lied, Subaru-kun, he lied. I always want you. I'll always want you. I'll never send you away. I'd been..." he paused, sighed, then continued. "I'd been afraid you didn't want to be with me," he admitted. Subaru-kun blinked at that.

"Why? I told you I wanted to stay with you," he asked.

"You told me **_before_**," Seishiro said slowly. Before, before that mess started and before everything Subaru-kun had said didn't matter to Seishiro. Before Subaru-kun had no choice and therefore his words weren't to be taken too seriously. But now... "Why should you want to stay now?" Seishiro asked him. It was something he didn't grasp, something maybe he would never grasp. He wanted Subaru-kun to wish to be with him, but he couldn't figure out why the boy should do it without a spell keeping him bound to Seishiro.

"I told you that day also. When we met. I still don't remember much now but I remember more... I told you I would stay... I meant it. I... I don't remember much of before but I know... We were a pair back then too. You were lonely, I was lonely... And... And I've been happy with you... no _'happy'_ is not the right word I... I _'belonged'_ with you... I was... it was my place... I wasn't in my place before... Maybe happier... but sadder also... and I was wrong and it was wrong and it was never right and I was so lonely... Always lonely even with lot of people around... but you didn't let me feel lonely... I belonged... and it was good... and it's good... and it'll be good forever... if you don't leave... don't leave Seishiro-san... don't leave me..." Subaru-kun asked in an anxious tone. He was trying to explain himself but he had never been good with words and, in his state, it was simply too complicated and he was just too tired and stressed to make sense.

"I won't," Seishiro countered calmly in the tone one would use to say an absolute truth. "I promise. I won't. You promised you would stay with me and I promise I'll stay with you. We won't be alone, ever again." Subaru-kun curled against him and Seishiro cuddled him for a while, repeating over and over he would never let go of him until Subaru-kun seemed to have grasped the concept.

Shortly after it was amazingly easy to coax Subaru-kun to get out of the bed and follow Seishiro to the kitchen to have breakfast.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** Hokuto said that, without her, Subaru would forget to eat. I assumed this also implied Subaru isn't the hungry type.

2. The mind can connect traumatic experiences to the most innocent things... in this case, seeing Kamui eating after what he had done to him, ended up connecting the idea of eating to something bad in poor Subaru's mind.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, Subaru's clingy. Skipping the fact he's traumatized and that he was by nature a timid and shy boy, for fourteen years Seishiro had been his whole world. Also, before, he had faced the outside world with his feelings numbed by Seishiro's spell. Right now he just isn't ready for the world. Plus he's facing also other issues...  
As for Hokuto and his family... well he sees them mostly as strangers and he's afraid to fail their expectations.  
Due to the bizarre environment in which he had grown a side of him is still a child of nine that met Seishiro in his Maboroshi...

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Gray Wings**: (blush) Thank you! But to be honest I wish I could be even faster... I hope we'll see an update from you soon!

To **Kara Marie**: Oh, the boys will end up on a bridge for sure! I'll let you wonder how things will go! Actually I've been writing this while checking the manga, to make sure scenes would match... and I'm happy to hear you saying I mnage to make it flow smoothly... I've been afraid to make it a bit... jumpy since it's mostly focalized on S&S...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I wanted people to know how the boys ended up together and so... a flashback was required... especially because it'll turn of some relevance in the future...

To **Sessho**: Next part is here... even if there's not lot of action in it. For a while things will be quiet... I'm happy to hear you enjoied the flashback!

To **Hatori Soma**: (blush) Yes, sadly there are still many chapters to go...

To **whitesakura-rain**: LOL I'll update, I'll update! Which problems did you have with the first chapters? Maybe I can fix them...

To **yamikagewriter**: Here's more!

To **rain angst**: I'm glad you do!

To **krol yuki**: Subaru's the most adorable thing in the world! And don't worry for the English. I'm not English myself!

To **nachan**: Happy to hear you like it. Here's the new chap!

To **Crazzy**: Thank you!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	25. Chap 25: Welcome To Wherever You Are

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish" - Chap 25: Welcome To Wherever You Are**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Warning over notes:** This fic has notes. You will find them at the bottom. Each time you see a number between brackets it means there's a note connected to the word/sentence that preceded it. However I suggest you to read the notes **_AFTER_** you finished the fic unless the word/sentence connected to the note is really troublesome for you to understand. Anyway the fic should be still understandable without the notes. Notes are merely extra explanations for who wants to know more.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"Maybe we're all different but we're still the same  
We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins  
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see  
You're caught between just who you are and who you want to be  
If you feel alone and lost and need a friend  
Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end. **_

**_Welcome to wherever you are  
This is your life; you made it this far  
Welcome, you got to believe  
That right here, right now  
You're exactly where you're supposed to be  
Welcome to wherever you are."  
(Jon Bon Jovi - "Welcome To Wherever You Are")_**

When Sorata entered in the kitchen and found the Sakurazukamori busy cooking breakfast while Hokuto-chan's brother leaned against him, arms wrapped around his waist and head buried against his shoulder, he believed he was suffering a hallucination. Skipping the fact that a professional assassin cooking breakfast in the kitchen looking perfectly ordinary wasn't something that happened everyday (especially if said assassin wasn't just any ordinary assassin but the Sakurazukamori and a powerful Chi no Ryu also), the most amazing sight was to see Subaru-san out of his bedroom, arms tightly wrapped around the Sakurazukamori as if the man was his only salvation.

Sorata knew love was a weird, powerful thing but that was... he just had no words for it. Those two should have been enemies by birth and instead...

He smiled and decided he would take the situation at hand as philosophically as possible.

"Good morning! I hope you two slept well! It's nice to see you up, Subaru-san!" he exclaimed cheerfully. Subaru-san didn't reply. Not that this was unexpected. In the previous days it had been impossible to get a word out of him except for the Sakurazukamori's name.

"Good morning to you too, Arisugawa-kun. I hope you won't mind if we use your kitchen. Subaru-kun and I are starving," the Sakurazukamori replied. The tone was friendly but Sorata was sure the man had heard him approaching from the exact moment he had made the first step to come downstairs, and was ready to attack wearing the same natural look with which he cooked breakfast should Sorata make the wrong move. Dangerous fellow...

"Not at all! Wow! It smells delicious! What is it?" he asked, grinning. For a couple of minutes the discussion diverted over what the man was cooking. Apparently it was _'Subaru-kun's favourite'_. However, despite the harmless, ordinary conversation Sorata was sure the man hadn't lowered his guard, not even for a second. He wondered if acting so naturally despite the predicament in which he was, was one of the Sakurazukamori's skills or just the man's natural gift. Hadn't Sorata known who he was facing he would have never imagined he was more than an ordinary person. "Isn't it a little complicated to cook like that? Not that I would mind if Neechan would allow me to do the same with her..." he asked then as he noticed the man kept an arm around Subaru-san's shoulders and rarely moved it. Somehow it made Sorata think of a mother bird protecting its youngling. The Sakurazukamori shrugged carelessly as if he couldn't see nothing out of the ordinary in it.

"I'm used to it. Subaru-kun was a bit clingy when he was a kid and growing up he didn't change much," he explained as he turned to gaze fondly at Subaru-san. Subaru-san didn't move. He didn't act as if he'd even heard them. The Sakurazukamori frowned; evidently he was expecting some sort of reaction to his words, and nuzzled his head against Subaru-san's as if trying to get the young man's attention. At that Subaru-san merely tightening his hold against him. The Sakurazukamori's frown stayed. Sorata frowned as well. It was evident Subaru-san wanted to be with the Sakurazukamori, but also that the young man's problems were far from solved.

"Are you well, Subaru-san?" Sorata asked. Subaru-san said nothing, even if, if possible, he clung even more against the man.

"Subaru-kun is never very social in the morning..." the Sakurazukamori replied, but he seemed unsure, as if he was wondering if the boy would ever be social again after what had happened. Sorata couldn't blame him.

However, Sorata was a perceptive person.

Despite what rumours said about the Sakurazuka Ichimon and the Sumeragi Ichimon, despite Hokuto-chan's fears or what others would say, these two had a bond, something that ran deep inside them even if, right then, it seemed like the two were trying to... redefine it. It was likely normal, Sorata decided. After what had happened to Subaru-san even the most ordinary of couples would have some trouble coping.

The Sakurazukamori... Sorata decided that from now on it would be better to call him Sakurazuka-san... well, Sakurazuka-san managed to make Subaru-san eat what he had prepared once breakfast was ready. The intimacy in their relationship was almost embarrassing... they were eating from the same plate and Sakurazuka-san was feeding Subaru-san... and yet they had an air of absolute normality in it, as if there was nothing out of the ordinary in what they were doing. Apparently it was a habit and Subaru-san's tiny complaint about knowing how to feed himself hadn't been heartfelt at all, merely another habit between the two of them. Subaru-san looked comfortable around the man and, despite being still very withdrawn, diligently ate his breakfast and then sat with Sakurazuka-san on the couch, curling on his side and letting the man pet his hair as one would do with kitten's fur, while Sakurazuka-san kept up a harmless discussion with Sorata, a discussion in which Subaru-san didn't seem to be interested in taking part. However he was listening, a thing that had seemed impossible in the previous days. No, his condition had definitely improved with the man around, there was no doubt about it.

Things started going downhill when a panicked Hokuto-chan entered the room at a run demanding to know where her brother was. She calmed for a moment when she saw Subaru-san was still in the house, only to grow angry again when she noticed with whom he was. Sorata sighed.

The previous day it had been hell to persuade her there wasn't any need to blow up the door and free Subaru-san because Subaru-san was perfectly fine where he was, especially with whom he was. Sorata could understand how years of worrying about) how her brother was, the Sakurazukamori's reputation combined with the fact he was a Chi no Ryu and what had happened recently to Subaru-san made her over-worry, but that wouldn't help, especially considering that Sakurazuka-san had, apparently, a very jealous temperament. As soon as he had sensed her coming downstairs, he had dragged Subaru-san closer, almost into his lap, as if to challenge her to try to divide the two of them. Subaru-san at that moment looked like a man caught in the crossfire and Sorata wouldn't want to be where he was.

In fact, when Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan's gazes locked they began bitching immediately. Okay, they were trying to be tactful about it, likely only due to Subaru-san's presence, but it was bitching all the same, both trying to establish in a not so veiled way which of them knew better how to take care of Subaru-san. Their growing argument was interrupted by Subaru-san himself.

"Please, stop this! I've a headache!" the young man almost yelled, before taking his head in his hands. From the pain in his voice and in his expression, and the fact he had never complained before, no matter how he felt, everyone thought it had to be one hell of a headache. Sakurazuka-san pulled him closer and rested his hand on Subaru-san's forehead. The boy leaned into the touch with a needy sigh, apparently appreciating the gesture.

"There's no fever," Sakurazuka-san observed, his hand moving to rub Subaru-san's temple gently.

"I'll go get you an aspirin, Subaru..." Hokuto volunteered but the Sakurazukamori told her to not bother. Her eyes narrowed and she was about to challenge the Sakurazukamori's denial of her the chance to help her brother, but the man anticipated her.

"Subaru-kun doesn't like medicines," he said simply, and all of sudden she was caught by an intense flow of memories of Subaru as a child, making a face because he had to take this or that medicine.(1) However, back then he had always swallowed them obediently without complaint and, for a moment, she saw no reason for things to be different this time. Then she realized that Subaru wasn't a kid anymore and that he was already distressed enough. Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to try to force him into things... even if they were for his own well being.

"In this he hasn't changed..." she murmured softly, and noticed the quiet wonderment and curiosity in the Sakurazukamori's gaze as she said so. She could see clearly how the man was so set on owning Subaru, on owning everything of her brother but, all of sudden, she realized she knew sides of Subaru the Sakurazukamori hadn't even heard about and could never possess. He hadn't been there when Subaru had been a small kid and he had erased Subaru's memory of the past so he couldn't even have heard Subaru talk of it. All of sudden she discovered she owned a piece of Subaru the other didn't, couldn't own. A piece of Subaru that was hers only. She smiled down at her brother and sat next to him, taking his hand between hers gently, careful to not startle him because now Subaru normally reacted badly when he was touched suddenly... and felt relief when he didn't rip it away. Before he had never allowed her, or anyone else for that matter, to touch him. Right now he seemed... calmer than usual, more at ease, as if he finally understood no one here would hurt him. As if he was starting finally to realize he was safe.

"Would you like a cup of tea, Subaru? I'm still the best at preparing it!" she asked in a soft voice, doing her best to sound cheerful, despite the worry she felt for him. Subaru turned his eyes to her, a first since normally he just didn't react to her words, and his eyes looked tired and pained as they seemed to try to sort her words out, as if he needed to translate them in his mind before understanding them, then he turned toward the Sakurazukamori and his wasn't a begging glance as she had feared it would be, just a _'studying glance'_ mixed with a bit of questioning, not like that of a person who had to ask for permission before doing something, but that of someone who was simply too confused about what to do to chose and was asking for help. She couldn't translate the Sakurazukamori's gaze as the man looked back at Subaru; it was deep but that was all she could tell, then Subaru turned toward her again and she completely dismissed the Sakurazukamori.

"Tea would be nice. Thank you," Subaru answered softly and yes, Subaru had finally spoken to her, yes, yes, yes and she fought down the urge to cry, to laugh, to hug him, to scream her joy to the whole world and she simply squeezed her brother's hand tighter.

"Then I'll make you the best tea ever," she assured. "Just wait here for me!" Subaru simply stared at her then nodded slowly. As she left to prepare tea, he returned to fully lean against the Sakurazukamori as if he had finished all his energy. From the corner of her eye she caught the Sakurazukamori beginning to rub Subaru's back slowly, with a tenderness an assassin wasn't supposed to possess causing Subaru to lean into his embrace even more. _'Cute,'_ a corner of her mind whispered but she wasn't ready to deal with it yet so she squashed that voice inside herself as she moved to the kitchen. At the moment the only important thing was Subaru's tea. She would worry about everything else later.

* * *

Once in the kitchen Hokuto busied herself into that task as best she could, singing to herself and trying to be cheerful. After all finally, **_finally_**, Subaru was beginning to react. Then she frowned as that annoyed voice in the back of her mind spoke again, telling her he had reacted only because the Sakurazukamori was around him now. And it wasn't the only indicator that had suggested there was a bond between her brother and... _'that man'_.

* * *

_' Hokuto... may I give you some advice? Your brother... I know in the past years he has had his own problems and his balance isn't... perfect. Somehow he's very dependent upon the Sakurazukamori. In a twisted way he gave him stability. If you face the matter with him be careful. He doesn't remember you. Right now he depends more on the Sakurazukamori than what would be better for him. It won't help you if you portray the Sakurazukamori as an evil man when Subaru-san isn't ready to see him as one.' _

_'He couldn't have that much influence on my brother...' _

_'Hokuto... you'll be surprised...'_

* * *

Kakyou, too, had warned her. He had told her that Subaru depended on the Sakurazukamori, needed him as if he... was family, maybe even more. Subaru, her Subaru, depended on... _'that man'_, a man capable of doing horrible things without even blinking if the tales over him were true. And they probably were, considering what she had seen in Nakano. And right then she couldn't help it.

* * *

_'Hokuto... your brother is a strong Onmyouji. A really strong Onmyouji. If he's free from the spell now it's because he broke it. He could have done it before. He **didn't** want to do it. He wanted to stay with the Sakurazukamori, no matter what. However, before this afternoon, he had no idea he had a sister. His only family was the Sakurazukamori. He'd been with him all those years. Somehow that man has grown to mean the world to him, whether he deserved to have such a high place in Subaru-san's heart or not. I don't like the Sakurazukamori or the way he treated him and I told Subaru-san so, but when Subaru-san chooses something there is no way to change his mind.'_

* * *

She closed her eyes and sighed as she forced herself to swallow that truth.

Okay.

So Subaru believed that... _'that man'_ was his family. Not exactly a pleasing thought. There was nothing in her brother that was related to... _'that man'_. Nothing. She had no idea how Subaru could have got such a silly idea.

However... she had noticed something else too. The way the Sakurazukamori held Subaru, how he seemed to try to take care of him, the intimacy between them, the way Subaru was relaxed in his hold when nothing before had seemed to relax him... Subaru trusted him and all this seemed to point out that the Sakurazukamori had said the truth when he had said he didn't mistreat her brother... all this seemed to point out the man had taken care of her brother... but... but that man had also kidnapped Subaru when he was a mere kid of nine... and he was a murderer... A murderer for Japan's well being her mind reminded her, but a murderer all the same.

She didn't want this for Subaru, Subaru deserved so much better, someone who would care and love him, who would provide for him and keep him safe, someone who would never hurt him with his words or actions, only...

Only Subaru didn't seem to want better. He seemed to want that guy. To need that guy. To wish for that guy. Even if he was his kidnapper, a murderer and a Chi no Ryu.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. For Subaru, just for Subaru and no one else, she would try to see if there was something in that man that was worth being appreciated, that deserved her brother's affection despite who he was and what he did. If there wasn't, and she really didn't think there was, she would find a way to eradicate him from Subaru's life and then slice him to bits for stealing her brother from her. If there was... well, she would think of what she would do in that case should she find it. For now it was time to bring Subaru his tea. And biscuits maybe. It could be that his headache was merely due to the lack of food and sugar in his system. She smiled, trying to be optimistic. Yeah, everything would go well... she hoped.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. I've no idea if Subaru disliked taking medicines or not however in **'Tokyo Babylon'** Hokuto said his health wasn't good from when he was a child.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, Hokuto isn't very supportive of Subaru and Seishiro's relationship. She'd been hating him for ages and she doesn't trust him. Besides Seishiro's reputation among the Sumeragi Ichimon's members is definitely not good. Even if she's starting to realize how he and Subaru are close she first have to let go of years of hate and diffidence bottled inside her. And she has to learn to trust him, she has to see he didn't hurt Subaru and isn't interested in doing so. It'll take time.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **rain angst**: Subaru can't really live without Seishiro... He's the only person he wants to be with!

To **nachan**: (blush) Thank you!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: The boys live in a tiny little world just from the two of them... and Seishiro more often than not tries to kill who tries to intrude in it. Poor Subaru's life want be very easy...

To **Hatori Soma**: (blush) You're too nice!

To **Momo714**: I don't think Subaru submitts to Seishiro's will because he's weaker... I think he does because to Subaru Seishiro is his most important person. Mn... sounds confuse to explain but technically Subaru could oppose to Seishiro's will... he just chooses not to most of the times... As you will see Subaru will also do things his own way in the future... (blush) I own a lot to my beta. Without her this fic would be filled with mistakes!

To **Francesca Akira89**: Mi fa piacere che ti piaccia! E no, non è finita... non siamo nemmeno a metà...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	26. Chap 26: Have A Nice Day

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 26: Have A Nice Day"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"Why you wanna tell me how to live my life?  
Who are you to tell me if it's black or white?  
Momma, can you help me try to understand  
Is innocence the difference 'tween a boy and a man?  
My daddy lived a lie, that's just the price he paid  
Sacrificed his life just slaving away _**

Subaru kept his eyes closed as he leant on Seishiro-san, enjoying the man's presence against himself. He had learned early in his childhood that when Seishiro-san was next to him, nothing wrong would happen. However... something wrong had already happened and he couldn't chase that memory away despite all his attempts to push it in the darkest corner of his mind. Being held down, being touched, being hurt, being violated and submitting passively to it all because... because he believed it was Seishiro-san's Wish... and Seishiro-san's Wishes should always be fulfilled, no matter how he would feel afterward... To discover it wasn't Seishiro-san's Wish at all... that he had gone through all that when he wasn't supposed to, when Seishiro-san didn't want him to, when Seishiro-san would end up hating him for that... Maybe more than Subaru hated himself for that... He made a tiny whimpering sound and pressed himself even more against Seishiro-san, trying to ignore it, trying to ignore how, just remembering, was making him feel sick. He suppressed a sigh when he felt Seishiro-san's hand caressing his hair soothingly and tried to force back his rising sense of nausea and a strong wish to begin to cry as if there was no tomorrow. He had never wanted to be a cause of trouble for the man, but he didn't know how to handle this situation anymore. Something inside of himself had broken and it was only thanks to Seishiro-san's presence he was managing to keep the fragments together. He felt Seishiro-san pulling him even closer. Seishiro-san was warm. So warm... and he was the only one allowed to enjoy that warmth... to be shielded by it... he gazed up at the man and mentally prayed that they would never be parted again... because he wouldn't survive it...

While Sumeragi-chan prepared the tea Seishiro noticed that another Ten no Ryu had come downstairs. She was a serious looking, silent girl that, no doubt, was the one Arisugawa-kun had been referring as _'Neechan'_. Seishiro, after giving her a once-over just to make sure she couldn't be a threat, busied himself studying Subaru-kun, trying to understand why the boy was unwell. Yes, it could be the result of the boy's previous ordeal, the effect of a combined lack of sleep and food, but somehow... it seemed different. Lingering Sakanagi? Doubtful. That from breaking the spell should have dissipated long ago. The spell Subaru-kun used the day before wouldn't affect the boy so badly. Subaru-kun had never been that healthy, but also he had never been that frail either. He looked so weak and pale right then that it seemed the lightest breeze would shatter him. And Subaru had complained about not feeling well when usually it took lot of careful prodding before Subaru-kun would be capable of admitting he wasn't fine.

Could it be a combined effect of all of that?

Maybe, but Subaru-kun had got food and sleep and so he should be feeling better; instead he looked as if he felt worse. He didn't have such a strong headache when he woke up... and he hadn't been so pale either, while now he looked as if all his energy had been depleted.

He was still pondering Subaru-kun's state, administering careful, gentle petting, when Sumeragi-chan came back with the tea, interrupting his thoughts. He wasn't really happy to have her doing anything for Subaru-kun; before no one but him had been allowed to do anything for the boy, but Subaru-kun seemed to have a weak spot for her and he didn't want to upset him right then, not while Subaru-kun was feeling so sick. If Sumeragi-chan continued to grow as a threat he could deal with her later.

Subaru-kun hesitantly accepted the cup she offered, his hands trembling minutely. Seishiro eyed him carefully, automatically helping him to steady the cup. Subaru-kun sipped the tea slowly, warily, as if even getting it down was an effort. Seishiro was surprised when the girl wordlessly pushed in his direction another cup of tea. He felt everyone's eyes on him as his own settled warily on the cup, and he was tempted to ask if it was poisoned. He refrained merely because he guessed that, as he would prefer to not murder Subaru-kun's sister in front of him, in the same way she likely wouldn't try to murder him in front of Subaru-kun. So, if there was no poison in the cup... was it a peace offer? Hum... more likely a truce offer, but a truce could be useful at the moment. Plus, Subaru-kun was eyeing him curiously, so, maybe, showing good will in being nice with Subaru-kun's sister could help the boy to feel reassured somehow. Determinedly, Seishiro took the cup in hand and drank from it as if it was medicine he had to swallow. He felt slightly annoyed at noticing her tea was better than his.

"That's good," he admitted, trying to not sound as reluctant as he felt at praising the girl's tea, and Subaru-kun nodded in agreement to his words. Sumeragi-chan smiled brightly at him, a fake smile with no doubt, and sat next to them (even if she had the good sense to not get too close to Subaru-kun) and started talking to Seishiro casually, as if he was an ordinary guest, about... small things, like when she learned to make tea or other personal yet still unimportant things. Seishiro didn't need to be a genius to understand that, even if the girl was addressing him, the one she was trying to talk to was Subaru-kun, who listened attentively but apparently didn't feel up replying. After finishing his tea, he returned to leaning limply against Seishiro. Seishiro kept up the conversation for him and, after a while, Subaru-kun seemed to feel marginally better... at least he looked a bit stronger and more alert.

Somehow the conversation turned to the fact that Seishiro should go buy some new clothes, since the ones he had weren't exactly in good shape, and clothes for Subaru-kun as well since those also were a mess after he had slept in them; they were still the same clothes the boy had worn since before the mess started. Sumeragi-chan pointed out Subaru-kun had clothes; she had brought them to him. The idea didn't please Seishiro; no one, apart from him, was allowed to buy things for Subaru-kun, but, before he could comment, Subaru-kun spoke up for the first time.

"Those clothes aren't mine," the boy said simply without looking at them.

"Subaru-kun?" Seishiro called but the boy didn't reply, just snuggled closer as if he were finding the idea of those clothes being associated to him deeply disturbing.

"Sure they're yours, Subaru, I've bought them for you, they're yours now," Sumeragi-chan told him in the gentlest and most persuasive tone she could muster.

"They're not," Subaru-kun insisted stubbornly, frowning slightly, and while Subaru had always been firm in his ideas, that... childish stubbornness was a side of him Seishiro didn't know yet. Even if Subaru rarely changed his mind he had always been so prone to give in before in fear to disappoint others...

"But, Subaru... why?" the girl protested, sounding hurt. Subaru-kun glanced at her and looked he was feeling guilty but... he didn't change his mind.

"They're not mine..." he repeated in a softer tone. "They're not," he said again, looking at Seishiro as if asking for support.

"Well, if you don't like them you don't have to use them..." Seishiro began, ready to agree to reject Hokuto-chan's clothes. He really didn't like the idea of Subaru-kun wearing something someone else had bought.

"It's not that... it's just... they're not..." Subaru-kun insisted, looking at Seishiro as if Seishiro should understand why, but Seishiro didn't. However he saw no way to push Subaru-kun to elaborate further, nor could Sumeragi-chan make him understand that, since they were a gift, they were his now. It was then that Arisugawa-kun suggested the most insane thing ever heard before: to have Seishiro and Sumeragi-chan go **_together_** with Subaru-kun to get him new clothes.

Sorata said that he was sure that between the two of them they would manage to get something that would please Subaru-san, but in truth he wanted to push them to try to find some sort of agreement. In his opinion that was the best thing he could do to help Subaru-san, since they were probably the two most important people in his life, and the young man probably wouldn't be happy if they ended up ripping each other's throats out in an argument over who knew Subaru-san best, or something equally silly. Plus he had the feeling that, if Subaru-san didn't want to accept the fact that the clothes were his, it was because they didn't come from Sakurazuka-san and that, in refusing them, he was trying to tell the man how special he was for Subaru-san... but that Subaru-san just didn't know how to express it better. Subaru-san probably hadn't been much of a talker even before this mess had started.

However, Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan's eyes went so wide at the mere suggestion that their eyeballs might have popped out.

"I believed the Ten no Ryu's duty was to try to avoid the end of the world, not to encourage it," Subaru-san commented quietly. Hokuto-chan and Sakurazuka-san looked at him, confused. Evidently neither of them expected him to display a half pessimistic, half sarcastic side, even if, from Subaru-san's expression you wouldn't have said he was being sarcastic or pessimistic, merely realistic. And that it pained him that that was how things were.

"Come on, Subaru-kun, you know I can be a perfect gentleman when I **_really_** have to," Sakurazuka-san commented in a hurt tone, clearly implying he wasn't looking forward to being a perfect gentleman with Hokuto-chan. Probably the hurt tone was faked, but there seemed to be some honest dismay in his voice as well. Subaru-san gave him a dubious look.

"Sure, Subaru, how can you think a pretty girl like me would go looking for a scuffle with... him?" Hokuto-chan asked with a sweet smile. Sorata would have groaned. Evidently she hadn't planned to use simply _'him'_ to refer to Sakurazuka-san but corrected herself just in time, even if the way she said _'him'_ gave away her not too nice opinion of Sakurazuka-san. Subaru-san turned his eyes on Sorata.

"What did I tell you?" he said simply before lowering his gaze.

Hokuto-chan and Sakurazuka-san complained simultaneously.

"Give them a chance, Subaru-san," Sorata said encouragingly. He knew Neechan also was looking at him as if he'd gone completely insane, but he pretended to not notice. If they wanted Subaru-san to have any chance at being happy then they had to make sure Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan would be as friendly as was humanly possible.

"Who should give a chance to whom?" Kamui asked, entering in the room slowly. He was still in bad shape after his meeting with Fuma but seemed stubbornly determined to go to school anyway.

"Subaru-san should go to buy clothes with Sakurazuka-san and Hokuto-chan!" Sorata explained cheerfully, as if he could see nothing wrong in his plan.

"Sorata, I didn't know you started working for the Chi no Ryu as well..." Kamui replied, shaking his head, even if a smile tugged the corner of his lips.

"Kamui! That's not fair!" Sorata complained immediately. Hokuto-chan suppressed a quiet giggle. Sakurazuka-san merely stared at Kamui, pulling Subaru-san even closer to himself as if to protect him... or maybe assert his ownership of him. He must have noticed that Kamui and Subaru-san's gazes had crossed for a second. Too bad Kamui didn't seem to notice the man's possessive behaviour, and smiled gently at Subaru-san, asking him how he was feeling, a bit of anxiety in his voice. Sorata knew that, so far, Kamui was the only one who had managed to establish... anything resembling a bond with the younger Sumeragi, but he didn't judge it smart to show it in the face of Sakurazuka-san. The man might tolerate a sister, but he surely wouldn't be as indulgent with someone he had immediately perceived as a love rival. Subaru-san, however, didn't immediately answer Kamui's question, merely studied the boy in silence.

"I'm... better than you I guess..." he said softly as soon as he had finished his scrutiny. "Are you going to school because you promised to Segawa-kun to not make him worry?" he added, almost tentatively.(1) Kamui smiled, unaware that all the attention from Subaru-san got him a very jealous gaze from Sakurazuka-san and a melancholic one from Hokuto-chan.

"Yes. You were listening then?" the boy asked. Whenever Kamui had felt well and had free time he had spent it talking to Subaru-san. As far as Sorata knew Subaru-san had never answered him, but, apparently, Kamui had been content with that and everyone had hoped it would be therapeutic for Subaru-san as well.

"I listened to you," Subaru answered simply. Kamui couldn't know, but Subaru had spent a great part of his life listening. A good part of the life he didn't remember listening to his grandmother and his sister, and all the one he did remember just listening to Seishiro-san. He was used to listening to people, and he was way better at that than speaking his own mind.

"Sorry, I wasn't sure. You never answered," Kamui replied, lowering his head in embarrassment.

"You never seemed to expect an answer," Subaru explained, automatically snuggling against Seishiro-san as if afraid he'd done something wrong and seeking protection. "Or need one." There was no reproach in his voice. He didn't mind if people didn't want his opinion; he was used to it. Seishiro-san never really needed his opinion. Besides, he hadn't felt like talking to Kamui back then. What could he have said to Kamui that would have made him feel better in a moment in which Subaru had felt so bad he wouldn't have minded if he'd dropped dead?

He felt Seishiro-san's hold around him tightening and looked at him questioningly. There was worry and something close to regret in the man's eyes and Subaru felt confused. Had he said something wrong? Seishiro-san just caressed his hair gently and Subaru felt even more confused. Understanding Seishiro-san had never been easy, but he saw regret in his eyes so rarely that he really didn't know how to react to it. His headache, which had returned full force, wasn't helping. Keeping up the conversation with Kamui, as short as it had been, had been tiring.

"Well, do you want to go shopping with those two?" Kamui asked and Subaru blinked, confused. Was he the one who had to choose? He'd made choices before, but never over something he knew Seishiro-san absolutely didn't want to do. He didn't want to displease Seishiro-san. However... he was reluctant to displease Sumeragi-san too... And he didn't like to have everyone's eyes on him...

"We'll behave, Subaru-kun," Seishiro-san said softly to him, a serious expression on his face, and Subaru couldn't really understand what was going in the man's mind. Subaru blinked. He knew Seishiro-san didn't want this, so why was he agreeing to this?

"Sure. We'll be really nice to each other," Sumeragi-san said cheerfully, and he made a startled gasp when he felt her touching his arm, instinctively squirming against Seishiro-san. She hurried to apologize to him, an amazingly sad look in her eyes, and he felt guilty. What was he supposed to do? He was the one who had to make the choice...

"I..." He closed his eyes. "If everyone is fine with this, I'm fine as well," he said in the end. Something determined settled in his expression then. "But I'm not up to listening to you two argue again like before," he stated and there was a pained note in his voice as his headache seemed to throb even more at the mere thought of the two of them arguing. "If you'll do, I... I'll dump you where you are." He had no idea why he said that. Never before he had felt capable of dumping Seishiro-san somewhere. Now there was something inside him, a will that was claiming his need to be acknowledged. He wanted to be with Seishiro-san. He wanted to be with him more than anything else, but... but he wanted to do so by his rules, even if he didn't understand why yet. Was that egoism? He had no idea. He felt tired, and very, very nauseous. He stood, ignoring Seishiro-san and Sumeragi-san's promises of good behaviour and went straight to the bathroom where he threw up, then slumped on the floor, energy spent. He knew it had been a bad idea to try to eat. He noticed vaguely Seishiro-san joining him, supporting him and picking him up, and Sumeragi-san making him drink something... water maybe? He had no idea... his world was getting darker and he found it hard to remain awake. Numbly, he realized he was being carried, moved, and then he was placed down on a bed... likely his, and... and a wet cloth was rested on his forehead, probably by Sumeragi-san. Subaru tried to stand, mumbling that if they had to go shopping they'd best go now, but he was pushed down gently and assured they could wait until he felt better. Then he had the odd sensation of having both his hands held, one by Seishiro-san and the other by Sumeragi-san, and then... nothing except an odd sense of peace, as if he had finally found his home.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. After the earthquake at Ikebukuro Kamui said to Segawa Keiichi they would be friends.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Subaru's behaviour is odd and out of scale on purpose. It'll stabilize soon, don't worry.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Neechan:** "Sister" or "Older Girl"  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!  
I apologize for posting this chapter so late but sadly, real life takes precedence over writing fics and just telling me to update won't solve things... while a review can be a bit more encouraging.

To **ryuu**: Glad you like it. I like to have the boys interacting...

To **Momo714**: Sei-chan and Hokuto-chan will find a way to get along... kinda...

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Seishiro considers Subaru to be his own property and his biggest treasure. He has no clear idea why but, with Subaru's disappearance he had learnt he doesn't cope well with his absence so he's even more obsessed in protecting him from everything.

To **Francesca Akira89**: Purtroppo quei due sono fatti cos? Sono molto simili in un certo senso.

To **Hatori Soma**: Obviously it isn't finished! We've still a lot to come!

To **0ri**: Hokuto still has to learn Seishiro's not devil incarnate. All she knew about him was he was a murderer and her brother's kidnapper and she feared he was also his abuser. With such premises everyone would like to keep him as far as possible from his brother... she'll learn he's not so bad... slowly.

To **rain angst**: Subaru will need lot of time and attentions to get better... and when he'll do, since he's Subaru, he'll get head down into troubles... but yes he's very clingy toward Seishiro.

To **rain angst**: Subaru's making progresses... and yes, Seishiro and Hokuto will find a way to interact... kind of. I'm glad you love this!

To **Lemonysh**: I'm glad you like this story and I'm sorry it took so long to update. This is planned to be long... maybe you'll feel better if you don't know how much long... but it'll follow the **'X'** storyline more or less so you can calculate at which point we are... slowly the other chara will have more space. I've decided to move on them the scene only when there are differences between what happens in this fic and what happened in the manga so, the more this storyline differs from the manga, the more they'll have space.

To **krad**: Obsessing over Subaru is Seishiro's way to be sweet!

To **Sai.**: Happy to hear you like it. Here there's the update.

To **Diabounda**: Honestly I hadn't thought at making sidestories for CWWYW but, if people's interested, I might consider it. I'm really glad you like this story!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	27. Chap 27: Cross Over Time

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 27: Cross Over Time"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Jennifer** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"Ima futari wa deai  
Toki wo koete yume wo miru... _**

Haikyo no naka de kimi wo mitsuketa  
Furueru kata wa katakuna de...  
Sekai wa nido mo kowarete shimai  
Erabareta futari dake ga... 

Yoru no yamima no zawameki ni  
Obieru kimi wo dakishimeru yo 

Yokotawaru matenrou fukinukeru kaze ni nosete  
Kuchibue no REKUIEMU wo... 

Itsu no hi ka futatabi umarekawatta jidai wa  
Yasuraida YUUTOPIA sa..."  
("Now we've run across each other again  
I've crossed over time to watch over your dream... 

Hurry find it inside of yourself  
Lie your trembling shoulder upon mine...  
Our worlds have twice shattered apart  
Only we have yet been chosen...  
The darkness of the night is frightening  
I'll keep holding you tight 

Lying down, looking up at the wax sky  
The wind begins to blow carrying a requiem... 

When the day comes once again We'll be reincarnated  
into and era, a peaceful Utopia..."  
(Furuya Tohru - "Toki wo Koete") 

Shortly after Kamui-chan left to go to school. Arisugawa-kun and his _'Neechan'_ apparently had a meeting planned with a certain Imonoyama-san instead. Seishiro supposed it was one of the members of the Imonoyama Zaibatsu that had founded CLAMP Gakuen.(1) 

That was how Seishiro found himself alone in the house with a sleeping Subaru-kun and Sumeragi-chan. Not exactly an ideal situation. He didn't like Sumeragi-chan on the basic principle she wanted to steal Subaru-kun from him and, anyway, he wanted to be alone with the boy. He threw a quick glance at the girl, reminding himself that, even if it would have been extremely easy to kill her right then, Subaru-kun probably wouldn't have enjoyed waking up to the sight of his dead twin sister, and the boy seemed to feel sick enough at the moment. He sighed. The things he did in order to please Subaru-kun... 

Hokuto wasn't pleased to be with the Sakurazukamori either, however... Subaru was cute, sleeping like that. He resembled the little boy he had been and she unconsciously smiled as she stared at his sleeping face. Her brother squirmed a bit, mumbling something in his sleep in a whimpering tone, his hair falling over his eyes. However, before she could reach to push it back, the Sakurazukamori took care to smooth it back gently, soothing Subaru's sleep as well. Hokuto was an observant person by nature. She could clearly tell that that had been a natural gesture, a habit that hadn't required the man to pause to think. He had reached out instinctively, as if he had done it tons of times. No cruel kidnapper would bother to soothe his victim's sleep so gently. 

* * *

_'Don't leave me, please, Seishiro-san, don't leave me...'_

* * *

Subaru wanted this man. For reasons beyond her understanding her kind, caring, gentle brother liked the Sakurazukamori. A killer. A Chi no Ryu. His kidnapper. She didn't like this. She didn't like to think of what the man could have done to Subaru during all those years, to tie her brother to him in that way. 

* * *

_'I never lifted a finger against Subaru-kun, and surely I never forced him to have sex with me when he didn't want to!'_

* * *

Maybe she was being unfair to him, she wondered, remembering his words. Maybe he hadn't hurt Subaru. Maybe he was better than she could believe. Maybe he was better than she had always been told. However, in the face of all those years in which she hadn't known if her brother was alive or dead, and all those tales she heard about the Sakurazukamori, it was hard to believe it. Very hard. But if Subaru needed her to get along with this man... 

"I apologize for calling you a rapist," she said in a low tone, forcing the words out of her mouth. The man shrugged, dismissing her apology as unimportant. 

"Honestly, I don't care much about your opinion about me, Sumeragi-chan, as long as you don't try to use it to get between me and Subaru-kun," the man said in an equally low tone, but with a hint of threat in his voice as he stared at Subaru possessively. 

"Subaru is my twin. My only brother. I won't allow anyone to hurt him," she replied firmly, looking straight at him. 

"I haven't hurt him," the Sakurazukamori replied, annoyance transparent in his voice. "I never lifted a finger against him," he added slowly, as if he believed her a very dumb child that wouldn't have been able to understand his words had he spoken at a normal pace. 

"Maybe you didn't hurt him physically, but you kidnapped him and put him under a spell," she gritted through her teeth, wondering how that man could ignore or pretend to ignore this obvious fact. 

"Would you have preferred I had killed him because he interrupted my work?" Seishiro replied sarcastically. "That's the rule, to kill whoever witness the Sakurazukamori at work. If you want to blame someone, blame your own family who left a child wandering alone through Tokyo's streets. I'm not the only danger in Tokyo, and others might not have been..." he would have liked to say kind, caring, considerate, but in that moment he didn't feel up to praising his own actions. He'd been listening while Kamui-chan spoke to Subaru-kun... 

* * *

_' I listened to you.' _

'Sorry, I wasn't sure. You never answered.' 

'You never seemed to expect an answer. Or need one.' 

* * *

... And that had reminded him of something, a discussion he'd had with Subaru-kun not long ago. 

* * *

_'You almost never smile, Subaru-kun. If you never have reasons to smile how can you say you're happy?' _

'I didn't know you wanted me to smile...' 

'That's not the point! Why don't you smile, Subaru-kun?' 

'Because... I don't know why... because it won't matter, it won't make a difference... It's just... it seems a waste of effort...' 

* * *

Had Subaru-kun stopped smiling simply because he thought Seishiro didn't care if he did or not? He didn't like that thought. 

Add to it that the Chi no Ryu's Kamui had said he was responsible for what had happened to Subaru-kun... Even if he didn't plan to take responsibility for what that idiotic teenager did in his omnipotence delirium, he knew he could have spared Subaru-kun from it. Subaru-kun had promised he would stay with him. Subaru-kun was always loyal to his word. Even if he hadn't wanted to stay he would have done it anyway, so had he really had to strip him of his will and leave him defenceless to that brat's manipulation? Couldn't he have ignored that boy's provocation and remained with his Subaru-kun that day? Seishiro frowned, caressing Subaru-kun's cheek gently. He didn't like the idea he might be considered... responsible for what had happened to Subaru-kun, he didn't like it at all. 

"No... I... I wouldn't have preferred you kill him, but..." Sumeragi-chan began to say in a pained voice, interrupting his thoughts. "But why? Why take him away? Why take him away from his family? Why take him away from **_me_**? You erased completely the memory of his family... he can't remember me anymore..." She suppressed a sigh at that. "Couldn't you have erased the memory of your meeting instead? Couldn't you have left him to a family that loved him?" There was something pleading in her voice, as if she truly believed she could own Subaru-kun just because she loved him, because she was _'family'_. 

"No," he stated firmly. "I couldn't do that." 

"Why not?" Hokuto insisted. Why not? Why not leave her brother to her? 

"Because **_I_** wanted him," the man replied simply, looking at her as if he believed her really stupid for not understanding it on her own; and there was something childish in that statement, the stubbornness of a kid who found something and wanted to keep it no matter what, uncaring of everything else. She would have liked to yell at him that Subaru wasn't a toy, that he had no right to take him only because _'he wanted him'_, that the world didn't turn around him, and yet something stopped her. The Sakurazukamori had met a child while doing his work and, rather than following traditions and murdering him as any member of her Ichimon would have expected, he took him, raised him, cared for him, allowed him to be close to him, uncaring of any of the troubles this could cause. It hadn't been just a temporary whim, it had to have been a deep wish, a wish to have the company of her brother all for himself. All of sudden the Sakurazukamori looked to her eyes like a bratty, lonely kid, who owned only a single Teddy Bear and treasured it more than everything because it was his only friend and companion. Subaru wasn't a Teddy Bear but... 

"Subaru isn't a Teddy Bear for you to play with," she forced herself to say, fighting back the blossoming sympathy she felt for that man. 

"Subaru-kun said he would stay with me. He said so and I thought it would be easier for him if he didn't remember his past." Safer as well, but Seishiro wasn't going to share that with Sumeragi-chan. "It was his choice. He promised. He promised he would stay and keep me company. I won't let anyone take him away from me," he added possessively and yes, to Hokuto he sounded exactly like a lonely child defending his Teddy Bear. She thought back to her brother as he had been when he was a child. Sweet, caring, gentle Subaru... Had he promised he would stay with that man because he had sensed his loneliness too? Was that why Subaru wouldn't abandon him, wouldn't try to undo the spell? 

* * *

_'Don't leave me, please, Seishiro-san, don't leave me...'_

* * *

No, it wasn't just that. It wasn't merely pity. She had seen it, Subaru liked this guy, wanted this guy, this guy who was a murderer, a kidnapper, a... 

"Subaru likes you," she conceded, closing her eyes. "He wants to be with you. Why is beyond me," she couldn't help but add. Then she opened her eyes again and fixed on him a firm stare. "As I told you, I won't allow anyone to hurt my little brother," she continued firmly. "I saw the cuts on Subaru's wrist. Those are hardly a sign of happiness. I want to know what happened to Subaru that caused him to... to..." the trailed off, lowering her gaze, her hand clenching around Subaru's. The Sakurazukamori stared at Subaru, frowning. 

"I don't know what caused them. Subaru-kun said he didn't know either. They never happened when I was around him, and he never remembered how he got them in the first place. I pondered any possible cause from psychological to magical but... I never discovered the truth... His wrist is bandaged..." he pointed out, then running his fingers on the soft texture gently, as if afraid his touch could hurt Subaru. "Has it... happened again?" 

"The doctors said it was a post abuse reaction..." she replied sadly. "I thought... I thought he would die... there was so much blood... and we couldn't persuade him to let himself be healed..." she added and fought back tears at the memory. Subaru, his hand clenched on a piece of broken glass... his wrist dripping blood... her running to him, trying to help him, trying to get him to tell her what was wrong... Subaru refusing to be touched, helped... trying to curl in a corner and... and die there... and that blood, all that blood, her brother's blood... 

"Did he remember how it happened?" Seishiro asked simply, interrupting that horrible flashback. 

"You should ask him. Before we couldn't get out of him a single word besides your name," she informed him bitterly. It was the only things Subaru had said in a quiet whisper, over and over like a mantra... or a prayer. _'Seishiro-san, Seishiro-san, Seishiro-san.'_ He was either saying that or being silent. The Sakurazukamori smiled at hearing this, looking very pleased, and she felt the imperious need to smash something into his face, but then the man caressed Subaru's cheek, and there was tenderness, affection and care in the gesture and she... 

"I don't like you," she admitted in a raw tone. "I don't think I'll ever be able to like you. But if you can make Subaru happy... I won't get between the two of you," she conceded. "In the contrary case... I'll kill you, be sure of this," she stated firmly, glaring at him darkly. The man looked at her and nodded, as if approving her words.(2) 

"Sounds like a good deal," he commented and somehow she couldn't shake from her head the impression she was talking to a little kid, to someone that couldn't truly grasp what she was saying, the implications of what she was saying. She would kill him if he were to fail... and he seemed to find it some sort of game! "Only... you know I'll kill you first if you try to get between the two of us, don't you?" he asked tilting his head and looking at her confidently, a smirk on his lips, the look of a brat sure things will go his way. 

"Subaru won't forgive you, if you do. Whatever you mean for him now will be lost. Forever," she replied, smiling back with confidence. Subaru might not remember her, but he was still connected to her. He still felt the pull between their souls, she was sure of it. They were twins after all. He wouldn't like to have her killed by the Sakurazukamori. The man frowned at her words. 

"I **_hate_** you," he stated in a very honest tone, and she grinned because yes, he really looked like a little kid. 

"You'll deal with it, Sei-chan," she answered, trying to not laugh out loud for fear of waking Subaru. It wasn't a real laugh, more like an hysterical one, but it was the closest thing to a real laugh she'd been capable of in days. 

"Sei... -chan?" he echoed looking at her with an expression of deep disbelief. 

"Since, apparently, you're going to be my brother in law we should start having friendly relations. Or trying to," she informed him. It would be hell to try, but nothing had ever stopped Sumeragi Hokuto when she decided something. 

"Not even Subaru-kun calls me that," Seishiro complained, feeling very annoyed. In fact Subaru-kun had always called him _'Seishiro-san'_ and he had always called him _'Subaru-kun'_. It had seemed normal before, perfectly acceptable, but in face of the liberties Sumeragi-chan was taking with him it seemed, all of a sudden, too formal. Maybe he and Subaru-kun would need to talk over it... 

"Your loss," the girl commented and Seishiro wondered how it could be that Subaru-kun was so polite and formal and sweet and **_adorable_** and this girl, who was his twin sister, was the exact opposite. 

"Fine, Hokuto_-chan_, let's give this a try," he agreed in the end, faking a bright smile. Who knew, maybe this faked friendship could turn useful and even help his relationship with Subaru-kun... 

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the manga there's no mention of a meeting between Nokoru, Sorata and Arashi at this time but there might have been one... and anyway it makes sense to have one considering the last developments. 

2. I know in the manga Hokuto was very supportive of the Seishiro/Subaru relation but in it Seishiro didn't try to kidnap Subaru and now she'll need a bit more of time to get used to deal with him as Subaru's boyfriend. 

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Seishiro and Hokuto are having a little, temporal truce. I guess it was hazardous from the seal to leave them alone in the house with a sleeping Subaru but it's important for them to learn to get along. And yes, quiet won't last for long... You can go check the manga and see the next place the Chi no Ryu are going to attack! 

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Neechan:** "Sister" or "Older Girl"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Zaibatsu:** "Plutocrats" or "Rich Clan"

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me! 

To **Francesca Akira89**: Beh you will have to wait the next chap to see them... and don't worry Hokuto won't influence much Subaru's look... LOL. Well, the Subaru/Kamui bond is canon after all... and Fuma's going to show up soon... don't worry... or better... worry... I think KAMUI can be defeated only by Kamui... 

To **rain angst**: Hokuto and Seishiro are similar in a fashion... so they could get along if they were to make an effort and get over their possessiveness of Subaru... Subaru trying to take control of his life might not be a thing as good as it can seem... Until Subaru doesn't learn his own worth also... 

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Glad you liked it! 

To **Lemonysh**: I'm happy the update made you happy! Seishiro's trying to win Subaru over with kindness now that the spell is gone... and he'll remain jealous till the end. Subaru's HIS. Mn... no, the fic is a bit different from the canon but it follow it close enough so Kamui's most precious one will remain Fuma. Oh, and since you left reviews you can pester me for update as much as you like! The comment was about those who wrote me without leaving a review just saying 'Update!'.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	28. Chap 28: Crawling In The Dark

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 28: Crawling In The Dark"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"Help me carry on  
Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes  
To navigate the darkness  
Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?  
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story? **_

_**Show me what it's for  
Make me understand it  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Is there something more than what I've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer."  
(Hoobastank - "Crawling In The Dark")**_

Maybe going out with Seishiro-san and Sumeragi-san didn't necessary mean speeding up the end of the world but, in Subaru's opinion, it was dangerously close to it. Subaru had lost count of all their arguments, minor and major, all had with a cheerful smile on their lips and a heavily sarcastic tone, that clearly implied they couldn't stand each other. They had started arguing even before setting a foot out of the house, when Seishiro-san had said he wanted to have his shower with Subaru and Sumeragi-san had _'sweetly'_ pointed out that Subaru wasn't Seishiro-san's rubber duckie and that Subaru would wait for him. Seishiro-san had stubbornly wrapped his arms around him, refusing to let him go. Subaru had wondered if he couldn't just go back to sleep and ignore them since it apparently didn't occur to them to ask for his opinion on the matter and Subaru really didn't feel like keeping Seishiro-san company in the shower, anywhere else but the shower... or the bathtub for the matter. After some more _'talking'_ (and likely finally understanding that, after what had happened to him, Subaru wasn't really feeling ready to be naked around anyone, no matter if this someone was Seishiro-san) Seishiro-san had decided his shower could wait until after their shopping trip, since he had nothing clean to wear anyway. He wasn't very pleased, now that he had Subaru's back he _**definitely**_ felt the need for a shower, but he gave in graciously. Sumeragi-san commented about it not being hygienic and he suggested she wait here for their return if she was so worried about hygiene. Sumeragi-san, of course, hadn't bothered considering that option.

From that moment on it was all a constant arguing over any decision, no matter how insignificant.

Subaru wondered what he had done wrong in his life as he found himself walking trapped between the two of them, Seishiro-san keeping his arm around Subaru's shoulders and Sumeragi-san having wrapped both her arms around Subaru's. If Subaru were to be honest with himself he would have admitted it wasn't a bad feeling to be with them both, only he couldn't stand the noise their constant arguing was causing. To be honest he couldn't stand the noise or the too bright light or the too garish colours or the feeling of being touched, whether by a person or by an object. He should have never agreed to go on this shopping tour, once he had awakened, never claimed he was fine and therefore they had nothing to worry about. Right then... even his own clothes felt weird on his skin, yet... he wanted to be touched, to be held close by Seishiro-san, to be treated with care by Sumeragi-san and yet... He couldn't explain it, it was just as if every time it happened it was... too much as if each of his feelings was amplified somehow. Even Seishiro-san's breakfast had felt weird... as if the food all of sudden had too strong a taste. All that excessive sensitivity was tiring him and... it hurt.

All of sudden he realized he didn't want to go to shopping, he wanted to go back to bed and curl up next to Seishiro-san and he couldn't find a reason for why he had agreed to come in the first place. He wanted to please Seishiro-san, of course but... but it wouldn't have been the end of the world if they had waited a day at least before going shopping, would it? However he couldn't understand why he felt like that... before his feelings had never mattered much... so why did he now felt he overpowering need... to yell at the whole world he wanted to go back?

His two companions seemed to sense there was something wrong with him but they didn't know how to help and their concern for him only made Subaru feel worse, their concern turning into another thing he had no idea how to deal with and that was getting oppressive.

It was then he felt it.

He froze as the ground started to tremble slightly and raised his gaze.

"Kazuki-san is here," Subaru informed the others as he stopped walking and stared at Kazuki-san's figure standing on the top of a building. He heard Seishiro-san cursing and muttering about the unfairness of having Kazuki-san devastating that place while they were in it as he dragged Subaru closer to him and put up a Kekkai to shield them from the results of the earthquake.(1) Subaru also felt Sumeragi-san gripping his arm even tighter as if afraid she would lose him, her nails unconsciously pressing against his skin through the clothes he was wearing.

Subaru felt strangely numb, unable to think about the consequences the earthquake was going to have around them, the notions that Seishiro-san's Kekkai was strong enough to keep them safe and that there wasn't time enough to save anyone else echoing in his head creating an unpleasant dissonance, as all he could do was merely stare at the escaping form of Kazuki-san.

As the earthquake stopped and he was left to face the devastation it had caused he staggered, feeling nauseous, his head beginning to pound. Seishiro-san caught him and asked him how he was feeling and Subaru stammered something he hoped was reassuring as a voice inside him was now screaming _'you should have done something'_ but he had grown so used to just watching he had no clear idea of what he could do when the danger didn't threaten Seishiro-san. Sumeragi-san looked at him concerned then turned when two other figures on the top of another building called her. She waved back and the two jumped down easily from the roof and joined them.

Subaru had vaguely sensed their presence before, when he had spotted Kazuki-san.(2) They were Ten no Ryu and, if he remembered correctly, they had been previously introduced to him as Aoki Seiichiro-san and Kasumi Karen-san, even if at the time Subaru had been too out of it to pay to them any real attention.

Someone must have informed them of the... latest developments because they recognized Seishiro-san for what he was, but merely behaved politely toward him even if with a hint of wariness. Seishiro-san acted politely as well, until he noticed Subaru staring at Karen-san.

"Subaru-kun. You're staring," he pointed out annoyed. Subaru-kun had never showed much interest for women, in fact he had never showed much interest for anyone who wasn't Seishiro, but that didn't change the fact that Seishiro wanted to be the only one whom Subaru-kun stared at. Plus he knew that Hokuto-chan had noticed it as well and was about to open her mouth to make some comments she would do better to keep to herself if she enjoyed breathing.

"Kazuki-san was staring at her," the boy offered as an explanation. Seishiro didn't feel particularly pleased with this explanation but it was better than hearing Subaru-kun had developed a sudden interest in buxom women. Subaru-kun liked to try to understand people and help them if he could. If his interest in Karen-san was merely due to the fact that he was curious to know why Kamui's pet was interested in the woman, he could deal with it. After all, it was something worth pondering. Kamui's pet had never shown interest in any other being besides the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. However Seishiro doubted Kamui would care much about his pet or where its interest lay.(3)

"Kazuki-san?" the woman asked in a gentle tone, looking at Subaru-kun with an expression that mixed curiosity and interest. She had something... motherly in her whole attitude, a certain confidence and a hint of sadness. However she didn't seem to be sexually interested in Subaru-kun and that was all that mattered to Seishiro.

"Kazuki-san. He blew up this place," Subaru-kun clarified but, as he talked, he instinctively shrunk closer to Seishiro, as if afraid the woman would try to reach for him. Subaru-kun had never been comfortable around people and, after being parted from Seishiro, it seemed he was even less if possible. Seishiro wrapped his arm tighter around him, protectively. He didn't sense any danger from that woman but if Subaru-kun wanted comfort and protection he could easily offer them to him. Hokuto-chan's annoyed face, as she noticed that Subaru-kun preferred to turn to him for protection instead of her, was an added bonus but he made sure to hide his grin, burying his face in Subaru-kun's fine dark hair.

"Do you know him?" Karen-san gently asked Subaru-kun, keeping her distance as if sensing his discomfort. She seemed to be a perceptive woman who, unlike from Hokuto-chan, had a sense of elegance. Pretty, even if not as much as his mother had been, Seishiro observed, paying her the same attention he would have given to a piece of furniture. Never let be said that he didn't appreciate beauty. He merely didn't care for the life that generated it, for the person who owned that beauty. Should Karen-san drop dead at that moment he would merely kick her aside and continue his walk toward a shopping centre.

"He's a Chi no Ryu," Subaru-kun replied in the meantime as if that explained everything but Subaru-kun had never been much of a talker...

"More exactly it's Kamui's pet and only Kamui calls it _'Kazuki'_. For the others it is Nataku," Seishiro clarified, fearing the woman wouldn't let them go until she got more information. By the way, why should Subaru-kun use the pet name Kamui gave to Nataku? Had he missed something in the relationship between the two? He frowned as he turned to look at Subaru-kun as if trying to read what was in his mind.

"He says he prefers to be called _'Kazuki'_," Subaru-kun replied simply in answer to his gaze.

"It's a bioroid, Subaru-kun. It doesn't have a sex. It's not even a real person with a real life or real tastes," Seishiro insisted cynically. "Just Kamui's pet." Hokuto-chan made some comment about him being an insensitive jerk but he didn't really pay much attention to her. After all he had already told her that he didn't care at all about her opinion. The only one who mattered to him was Subaru-kun.

"He loves Kamui," the boy stated. "If someone loves someone else, he has feelings. If he has feelings, he's alive," Subaru-kun reasoned looking at Seishiro as if searching for confirmation. It was unusual for Subaru-kun to defend someone against Seishiro's pronouncement, however he didn't seem all that interested in Kamui's pet, he was merely being nice and caring as he was with everyone.

"If you say so, Subaru-kun," Seishiro conceded, stroking his hair. As long as Subaru-kun left Kamui's pet to Kamui he could wonder about it all he wanted. Well... possibly not too much. Karen-san smiled gently at Subaru-kun with a look that clearly implied she wanted more information. Seishiro wanted to groan in annoyance. She was wasting his time.

"Subaru-san... did you talk to Kazuki?" Karen asked Subaru-san in the kindest way she could, aware of the boy's discomfort. She didn't want to scare him or push him too much. It was already amazing that he was out of his room and talking. The effect the Sakurazukamori's presence had on him was astonishing. Evidently he must share a very close bond with him and from the way they both behaved it wasn't one-sided.

"Sometimes," Subaru-san replied uneasily. "He doesn't talk much. He doesn't know he's alive," he added and there was a sadness in his voice that touched her too. Despite everything Subaru-san must have a caring soul as his sister had told them. How such a caring soul could long for someone like the Sakurazukamori, who not only was a killer but also behaved like a spoiled child that only cared for his own interests, was a miracle only love could create.

"I've talked with him once and he said something weird to me," Karen continued. She could still see Kazuki lying on the ground, looking up at her as she talked to him.

* * *

_'You don't want to die, right? And all the people who were crushed under the train you destroyed thought the same. That's why you shouldn't do such things anymore...' _

_'Why do they not want to die? I don't have such emotions...' _

_'... How odd. You appear to be just like a little kid. You are alive, aren't you? There are no living things without emotion, you only think that is so.'_(4)

* * *

"Subaru-san... do you know why he's... doing this?" she asked then, referring to the destruction around them. She wanted to help Kazuki. Somehow she felt a bond with the youth. Almost a motherly feeling. Kazuki's eyes were filled with the same pain and loneliness that hers had and she couldn't help but wish she could help him. Subaru-san, that quiet young man who also had so much pain and loneliness in his eyes and such a strong attachment to a Chi no Ryu, seemed to be able to know and care about Kazuki too. If there was someone who could help her help Kazuki, it was him. He seemed to be the only one who could understand her in this. The other Ten no Ryu... and Aoki-san too... seemed to fail to grasp how Kazuki needed help.

"Kamui probably asked him to," Subaru-san replied quietly in answer to her question.

"Just that?" she asked confused. Just because another person had asked him, he would cause that much destruction? Was he really so much like a child, so easy to influence? Hokuto-chan and Aoki-san showed a similar surprised reaction. Only Sakurazuka-san seemed unaffected by Subaru-san's answer.

"Kazuki-san's Wish is to be with Kamui. That's his way to be with him," Subaru-san explained uneasily. Karen noticed his discomfort.

"You don't approve," she tried to guess. Subaru-san frowned.

"Kamui isn't the one Kazuki-san truly Wishes to be with. Kazuki-san Wishes to be with his father, Kamui is merely pretending to be him," he explained. Subaru would be okay with it if Kazuki-san was doing it for the person he wished to be with. He would do everything to make Seishiro-san happy. He could understand doing everything for the person you cared about the most. But that... was self deception. It would never bring true happiness to Kazuki-san... only advantages to the Chi no Ryu's cause. "Kazuki-san identifies Kamui with his father but... he's not. It's... a lie, an illusion. It's a twisted way to fulfil his Wish and it's not fair... I don't like Kamui's way of fulfilling Wishes... it's... dangerous..." the boy continued unconsciously wrapping his arms around himself. Seishiro wrapped both his arms protectively around him. Before he had underestimated Kamui's obsession for fulfilling Wishes but after what the teenager had done to Subaru-kun he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Soon he would personally castrate the brat and make him swallow his balls. Then he would proceed to rip him into tiny little pieces. Slowly. Then... then he didn't know but whatever he would do he would make sure it would be painful.

"Subaru-san..." the woman continued. "There's no way to explain this to Kazuki? To separate him from Kamui?" she asked. Seishiro wondered why she cared. Probably because it would help the Ten no Ryu's cause and yet... it seemed there was something more personal only... it wasn't physical attraction, he was sure of this. Her interest for Kamui's pet looked more like the way Hokuto-chan fussed over his Subaru-kun... If the woman felt some physical attraction, it was all for the quiet-looking guy she was with, who, apparently, was already married. Oh well, her problem, not his.

Subaru shook his head.

"False Wish or not, it's still what Kazuki-san believes is his Wish. Having it fulfilled is the only thing that gives him the sensation of being happy. He won't give up the only thing he has. Yet... he looked at you. I wonder why. Before he had never been able to relate to anyone else besides Kamui," he admitted. Subaru had tried to make friends with Kazuki-san. Kazuki-san looked... lonely. He hadn't been able to. Kazuki-san hadn't understood why he was talking to him. He just... didn't know how to relate and Kamui did nothing to help him with that. It didn't help that Subaru was also very bad at dealing with others. "Maybe you'll be able to help him," he offered.

Kasumi Karen-san stared at him and Subaru had the impression that this woman, this woman whom Kazuki-san had looked at with such a longing expression, cared for Kazuki-san and would find a way to help him and he was glad for it.

He felt Seishiro-san's hug tightening around him and he leaned into the man's embrace, wishing for a moment that he too could be helped, wishing for a moment he could stay in Seishiro-san's embrace forever. All that talking had worn him out and his headache and sense of nausea were coming back full force. He sighed. Somehow he doubted it was possible for him to be helped, to remain with Seishiro-san forever. It didn't matter. He had made his decision long ago. No one would stop him from going through with it, not even the Chi no Ryu's Kamui.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Of course Seishiro didn't raise a Ten no Ryu's Kekkai. Just a banal, small Kekkai created with an Onmyoudo spell.

2. I'm assuming Ten no Ryu can sense each other's presence. In Subaru's over-sensitive state he could felt them even better than a normal Ten no Ryu could.

3. While Subaru was missing Nataku and Karen had a fight. Karen won, Yuto came to help Nataku and Aoki to help Karen so they called it a draw. Anyway, during the battle Karen and Nataku exchanged some words and kind of developed some sort of mother/son bond.

4. Kasumi Karen and Nataku from **'X'** Vol. 13.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
While this chapter is important for the plot development it's definitely not one of my favourites. Subaru's rather hard to deal with at the moment and Karen... to my shame I've to say I'm not that used to portraying her.  
Oh, for who's wondering why Subaru didn't raise a Kekkai... even if the spell is broken he's not yet used to being free of any control and to dealing with his own instincts.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Neechan:** "Sister" or "Older Girl"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Lemonysh**: Hokuto and Seishiro needed to find a way to... kind of get along... Well, yes, a storm is coming but there's still a little bit of time...

To **Francesca Akira89**: Well, since this fic is in the English sector I thought it was fair to use that language so everyone would understand. Hokuto hadn't fully got yet how much Subaru loves Seishiro. She grew up believing the Sakurazukamori a villain unworth of anyone's love. She need's time to adjust to this new reality. And yes, Subaru's the only one who can raise a Kekkai...

To **ryuu**: I'm glad you liked the previous chapter. Sadly there's still a long way to the ending...

To **Sessho**:) Slowly Subaru will learn to get a will of his own. He still needs to adjust to have a free will first. Subaru's bound to have some sort of bond with Kamui and Seishiro... well he's growing up!

To **Hatori Soma**: Sorry for the long wait but here there's the new chapter!

To **Chocolate-980**: LOL Poor Seishiro!

To **rain angst**: Seishiro and Hokuto will have a temporary truce, even if only to please Subaru. LOL Seishiro should have let Subaru take more confidence, shouldn't he?

To **recipe for insanity**: I'm glad you too think they both were feeling lonely that day! I fear the real problem lies in the fact Seishiro needed to learn to make the right wish... getting himself killed by his beloved wasn't a smart choice in my opinion. I'll try to keep everything updated but sadly I've lot less free time out of late... :(

To **RoxasIsReal13**: I'm glad you liked this fic!

To **Firehedgehog**: Even if it took quite a while here there's the continuation.

To **SpiritKitsune**: (blush) thank you! I'm glad you like how Sei&Su are characterized. I'm sorry for the long wait but here tehre's the new chapter.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	29. Chap 29: Pretty Green Eyes

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 29: Pretty Green Eyes"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"Pretty green eyes,  
So full of wonder and despair  
It's all right to cry  
For I'll be there to wipe your tears  
And in your arms  
Together we're in paradise,  
And it's so nice,  
You'll never have to be alone"  
(Ultrabeat - "Pretty Green Eyes")**_

Subaru was exhausted. The earthquake had made their shopping trip shorter but, apart from that... Subaru couldn't think of it without feeling sick and guilty. He didn't understand why. He'd been in the middle of Nakano's earthquake and had seen the one in Ikebukuro and had felt miserable at witnessing the destruction it had caused but now... now it had been almost unbearable as if he should have done something, as if it was all his fault, as if all that death around him hurt hundreds times more. He tried to deal with it, force himself not to think of it, to think of something else, anything else. It wasn't that easy but he was trying, attempting to focus his thoughts on the other events of the day and forget that one.

He'd been impressed to discover that even if Sumeragi-san and Seishiro-san couldn't stand each other they had, surprisingly, quite a lot in common. For example they wasted a lot of time over choosing clothes, even if their tastes were completely different.

Seishiro-san liked them expensive and elegant, Sumeragi-san original and extravagant. Subaru, who liked them practical and monochromatic didn't exactly have the best time with the two of them. He should have dumped them and he had felt tempted to do just that, to escape from them, to shout his frustration at the world but instead he had borne the increasing sickness and headache patiently, unable to leave Seishiro-san or Sumeragi-san alone and unwilling to hurt their feelings. Mercifully Seishiro-san seemed to get the hint that it wasn't a good day to try to instil some fashion sense into Subaru and he stopped trying to push him to pick this or that and simply went searching for what he knew Subaru would like. Sumeragi-san found it a bit harder to deal with Subaru's fashion sense or lack thereof but, in the end, she surrendered too.

Once back at... _'home'_ Subaru lay down on the bed he'd been given, finding it hard to stand up straight any further. Yet, despite his distress he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with Seishiro-san. The man had been attentive to each of his movements all day, giving in to Subaru's wishes a lot faster than usual and Subaru had constantly felt supervised as if he was a child again. It was normal for Seishiro-san to keep an eye on him but not to that extent. And Seishiro-san had been gentler, gentler than usual as if he envisioned him as something frail and was worried he could break.

Subaru feared that Seishiro-san wasn't that far from the truth. In all his life he had never felt so bad, so messed up, so weak, so... hypersensitive... so... confused... He only wished he could curl up in a corner, or even better in Seishiro-san's arms, and sleep, sleep and forget everything. Only he knew that, if he were to sleep, he would only have nightmares so that wasn't an option he could truly consider.

"How do you feel?" Seishiro-san asked him, brushing his hair gently, reminding Subaru of all the times when he had had a fever and Seishiro-san had taken care of him, sitting next to him for hours, fussing over him until Subaru was back to health. Seishiro-san had never claimed to love him... but Subaru had always been his favourite toy and no one, not even sickness, had the right to intrude between them.

They were alone in the room. Somehow Seishiro-san had persuaded Sumeragi-san to stay out of their bedroom. Subaru liked Sumeragi-san, liked her in an odd way he didn't quite understand and that was completely different from the way he liked and had always liked Seishiro-san. It was as if they had some sort of bond he couldn't explain to himself and maybe they had since they were related. However, when she was in the same room with Seishiro-san, he felt the odd urge to strangle them both. Well, no, not exactly, he wasn't the type to resort to violence, but their arguing made him wish he could scream, and the creepiest thing was that they addressed each other in that odd, friendly way and seemed to have fun insulting each other...

"Subaru-kun... how do you feel?" Seishiro-san asked him again and Subaru realized he had spaced out and had no idea how. Before he had never spaced out when Seishiro-san was waiting for an answer. He frowned as he considered what answer he should give. What exactly did the man want to hear? He didn't know anymore and secretly it bothered him that he couldn't simply tell the truth. He just wanted... to spill everything to him but that wasn't how things had been between them. Subaru had never lied to him but he had always been careful to never give him an answer that would have displeased him.

"Subaru-kun. Honestly. How do you feel?" the man asked as if reading his thoughts. Subaru looked up at him, chewing his lower lip nervously before finally answering.

"Horrible," he admitted, hoping it was the right answer.

"You know, you should try to eat something," Seishiro-san suggested. Yes, he knew. This time he wasn't going to. He felt bad enough. He had already thrown up twice, once after breakfast and once after the lunch they had while they were out. He didn't need a third time, he thought bitterly.

"I guess... your sister would blame me for this... since it's kind of my... my spell's fault if you feel bad..." Seishiro-san said uneasily, looking elsewhere. Honest apologies had never been his thing. H didn't like the idea of being wrong and automatically refused it, putting all the blame on the most convenient option. If he was admitting some responsibility for Subaru's state... that had to mean he was rather worried.

"What?" Subaru asked weakly, looking at him numbly. He wasn't sure he had understood him correctly. Maybe Seishiro-san didn't want to take responsibility... just complain about how Sumeragi-san seemed to accuse him of everything that was wrong with Subaru.

"I think that's the side effect of you breaking my spell..." the man admitted, a childish, guilty expression on his face.

"A side effect? I don't understand..." Subaru admitted, feeling confused as he tried to mull over Seishiro-san's words. Sakanagi? But the Sakanagi should have hit him by long and be gone by quite a good time.

"That spell numbs a person's feelings in order to exercise better control. Any kind of feeling," Seishiro-san explained patiently, continuing to caress Subaru's hair. "Remember how you felt when you started living with me?" Subaru tried to think back. In his tired, stressed state it wasn't exactly easy. However he remembered the odd sensation of... not feeling enough, of the world being too cold, its colours too weak, its sounds too muffled, its palpability too fleeting, its taste too bland as if... all of a sudden, his senses were failing him somehow. Nothing had seemed real enough back then, nothing except for Seishiro-san. He had clung to him like the scared child he was, refusing to leave him unless ordered to. If Seishiro-san left him he just felt miserable to the point of feeling sick. To the point of wishing to die. With time he had stopped paying attention to his lack of perception. With time that had become the aspect the world had to have. Now... the situation was reversed. The world was too real and now it wasn't simply scary. Now it hurt. Now it was too much. He didn't like it.(1)

"I see..." he whispered.

"Subaru-kun... I'm sorry..." Seishiro-san said and he seemed honest only Subaru had no idea what he was apologising for and he realized he disliked that uncertainty. It wasn't as if he had liked not knowing what Seishiro-san wanted before; it was simply that before his feelings over it had seemed unimportant. Now he still believed they were unimportant but they were too strong for him to ignore and that hurt too. He whimpered, feeling his headache getting worse. Somehow he ended up laying his head on Seishiro-san's leg as the man sat next to him, still stroking his hair gently. Subaru liked that. He liked it when there were just the two of them. If only they could stay like that forever...

"It'll get better, Subaru-kun," Seishiro-san said encouragingly in a low tone, mindful of his headache. "It's just a matter of getting used to all this again and finding your balance. In the meantime we'll be careful so all this won't over-stress you," Seishiro-san continued in a soothing tone. Then there was a long silent pause. "Subaru-kun..." the man continued in the end. "Why don't you come have a bath with me? You liked having baths before, more than having showers. It'll be like when you were a kid. I won't... bug you, Subaru-kun... I promise..." There was something pleading in the man's voice and Subaru-kun wanted so badly to give in and give him what he wanted, only... a bath... a bath... a bath... Being naked... Trapped... Wrists pinned... Pain... And that voice saying those things to him as he squeezed his eyes shut because he didn't want to see, he didn't want to see those features on a person who wasn't...

He cringed and pressed closer against Seishiro-san.

"I... I don't know if I can... I... I'm sorry, Seishiro-san I... I..." He buried his head against the man's leg, trying to not start crying again. He had no idea why he was so... emotional either. Was that also a post reaction to the broken spell?

"It'll be okay, Subaru-kun. I'll take good care of you. It'll be okay..." Seishiro-san murmured soothingly and he wished he could believe it...

* * *

In the end Subaru-kun had a bath with Seishiro. è It had been an awkward matter and the younger man had trembled the whole time, his teeth clattering no matter how badly Subaru-kun tried to stop them. Seishiro had no idea how he had managed to convince him or why Subaru-kun had finally agreed to it. Seishiro had been tremendously gentle and careful with him, and tremendously controlled. Subaru-kun was so damn tempting when he looked so vulnerable... and it had been so long since their last time... However, if he wanted Subaru-kun to keep wishing to remain with him, he had to remember that mostly depended on Subaru-kun being able to trust him, and forcing him to do something he didn't want definitely wouldn't help. Only... it was hard to understand what Subaru-kun wanted. Seishiro believed not even Subaru-kun knew for sure.

* * *

_'No, I... All I want... is to stay with you... but beyond that... it's all confused... and I don't understand... and it hurts... and my head hurts... and I hate here... and... and I don't want to leave you... and I don't want to go back to my family... and I don't know what I want anymore... I just... don't understand... and I don't know what to do and... Seishiro-san... don't send me away... don't leave me in their hands...'_

* * *

Well... as long as Subaru-kun's main wish was to stay with him, Seishiro thought as he gently dried Subaru-kun's hair with a towel, he was pretty happy to help the boy fulfil it. Subaru-kun was still, patiently submitting to Seishiro's care, wearing the new pyjamas they had bought that day and that looked so damn good on him, even if Seishiro knew the boy would look even better without them... He forcefully dismissed that thought. He had no idea if Subaru-kun found all his attention pleasing or not. He frowned and decided that direct approach was the best way.

"Does it bother you?" he asked.

"What?" the boy replied.

"Me drying your hair," he clarified. He was pretty sure it would have bothered Subaru-kun to know he had been having not exactly pure thoughts on him but as long as the boy didn't know no harm was done, was it? Subaru-kun shook his head.

"I'm used to it," he replied simply which wasn't really encouraging because it didn't necessary mean he liked it. "Besides..." the boy added softly, blushing slightly. "You're being gentle." Seishiro wrapped his arms around Subaru-kun's form, pressing them close. Subaru-kun's arms wrapped around him automatically and Seishiro caught his chance to press a gentle kiss against the boy's forehead.

"I'll never allow someone to hurt you again, Subaru-kun, I promise. You're my most precious possession. This time I'll keep you safe," he whispered into Subaru-kun's ear, hoping that was what Subaru-kun needed to hear. The boy didn't reply, merely squirmed closer. Seishiro proceeded to warily trail kisses slowly on the boy's cheek careful to not upset him. He didn't want to upset Subaru-kun, he merely... needed him. He needed him so badly... Subaru-kun submitted docile to the kisses, to the gentle touches but he froze immediately when Seishiro tried to slide his hand under his pyjama shirt. Their gazes met and then Subaru-kun lowered his, ashamed. Seishiro felt like groaning. That had already happened once; he really didn't need a re-edition. He had hoped that a bath together would help the boy to understand he didn't have bad intentions but evidently it wasn't that simple. He held the boy close.

"Subaru-kun... you know I would never hurt you, don't you?" Subaru-kun didn't answer immediately and that made Seishiro tense. Could the boy believe that he would... No, Subaru-kun had to know that he would never...

"I know you would never hurt me on purpose..." the boy said in the end.

_'On purpose'_.

Did it mean he had hurt Subaru-kun? Hurt him without being aware of it? Well, of course the boy thought so, he had put him under a spell and kidnapped him, after all. He could silence Hokuto-chan over this, not Subaru-kun.

"I only wanted to keep you. It was just that," he murmured slowly, caressing Subaru-kun's hair. Somehow it was... displeasing, almost painful to know he had hurt Subaru-kun. He didn't understand why. He didn't really regret putting the boy under a spell since he believed there was no other way to have him, he merely regretted... hurting him in doing so. It was scary also. He didn't want to lose Subaru-kun but people normally didn't want to stay with a person that had caused them pain. He... Subaru-kun clung to him and that somehow made things better.

"Seishiro-san... what are you saying? I wanted to stay with you, don't you remember?" the boy asked, confusion in his voice.

"Subaru-kun... then... what went wrong?" he asked, confused as well. If Subaru-kun wasn't holding against him the spell that had trapped him and that was still upsetting him, then what did he mean? When had he hurt Subaru-kun without being aware of it? He had always been so careful with the boy...

"I don't want you to leave me. I don't. It might be egoistic but I don't want it. I don't. I..." Subaru trailed off, unwilling to express his thoughts, his eyes darkening. _'I don't think I'll be able to let you do this now. I don't think I would be able to let you go. Before... it would have simply killed me. Now... I won't be able to let you leave. I'll never allow Kamui and his obsession for fulfilling Wishes to take you away from me. This is a sick, possessive kind of love... and I'm really sorry about it Seishiro-san... but I can't help it... I want you to stay with me... and I won't let you go... I'm not able to...'_

"Subaru-kun. Be as egoistic as you want to be. I don't want you to leave me either and I promise I won't let you out of my sight ever again. I promise," he whispered. He didn't mind Subaru-kun being egoistic over that at all. He shared the same feeling with the boy. However he had no idea what he was encouraging Subaru-kun to do or how he wouldn't be able to keep that promise. He only cared for Subaru-kun, for the way the boy let him resume trailing kisses on his cheek. Maybe it was still too early for Subaru-kun to have sex with him but apparently, as long as he was careful and gentle, cuddling and kissing were allowed and he planned to enjoy this fully.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Seishiro's spell had numbed Subaru's perception. Now that the spell is broken Subaru's perception is returned to a normal level... only Subaru isn't used to this. He feels oversensitive and this causes him to feel very sick.

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
As you can see Seishiro and Subaru are adjusting to their new situation and Seishiro has decided the best course of action is to be more agreeable and gentle. And he's also beginning to realize the consequences of what he did to Subaru. He still has a long way to go.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **recipe for insanity**: Subaru isn't good at applying at himself what he knows is being done to Kazuki... but there's to say he truly loves Seishiro so he thinks it's okay. And thank you for being so patient with the updates!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Yes, wishes are really powerful! And I don't think they will ever learn it.

To **Lemonysh**: Seishiro can be violent sometimes... :) Subaru's slowly growing into a free person... as much as it's possible for him to be one.... The fight between Fuma and Subaru's coming closer as we speak! And I'm glad you keep reading this fic even when I'm so slow at updating it! Yes, Seishiro and Subaru here are true soulmates... only they don't know it yet...

To **Firehedgehog**: Glad you like it!

To **RoxasIsReal13**: Yes, even if slowly we're walking forward. I hope the explanation about why Subaru's 'hyper sensitive' will please you! And I'm glad you like this fic!

To **Francesca Akira89**: I hope this chap will make up for the fact the revious was short... Well, the story follows the manga... more or less... so I had to devote a part of it to Karen and Nataku... or future developments be stay unclear... and Seishiro's very jealous no matter who's facing...

To **Kyou-chan2**: (Blush) Thank you for your beautiful review! Since their relationship is so twisted I've been trying to follow the point of view of the both of them carefully so that readers could understand that, despite everything, they love each other. Subaru needs to return to be a person with an independent will. Only in this way his decisions will truly matter... even if he still has a long way to do...

To **the youngest was the mostloved**: Don't worry, the relationship with Hokuto will slowly improve! I'm glad you like this fic!

To **Sessho**: Slowly all the characters will get their own space since the plot will continue to differ from the original storyline. Some funny moments are required... even if Subaru wouldn't really agree with me! And yes, Seishiro's hopelessly jealous.

To **Anna**: I've updated!

To **kingleby**: Please, feel free to review each time you want! You didn't sound stupid at all, don't worry! And I'm very happy to know you like how I characterized them!

To **seregilrocks**: And I'm truly happy you like how I portray the boys! The update is here, I hope it was worth the long wait!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	30. Chap 30: Broken Road

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 30: Broken Road"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

"_**I think about the years I spent  
Just passing through  
I'd like to take the time I lost  
And give it back to you.  
But you just smile and take my hand.  
You've been there, you understand,  
It's all part of a grander plan  
That is coming true. **_

_**Every long lost dream  
Led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart  
They were just northern stars  
Pointing me on my way  
Into your loving arms.  
This much I know is true  
(That) God blessed the broken road,  
That lead me straight to you.  
Straight to you."  
(Melodie Crittenden - "Broken Road")**_

Kakyou sighed as he watched Hinoto fighting her dark self. She had managed to hold onto herself but… how much longer would she be able to resist? He sighed again.(1)

"The future… cannot be changed. All the dreams I've seen have all become reality. A YumeMi's dream is never wrong and yet…" he whispered slowly to himself in his dark reality. He raised his palm and a tiny ball of light took shape. The ball shifted and morphed into the figure of a white-winged Kotori.

* * *

'… _Tell… Oniichan… and Kamui-chan that… I love them and the future has not been decided yet…'_

* * *

Kakyou sighed again, lowering his gaze. Kotori had told him there was another future.

One that might not end in tragedy.

Kakyou couldn't see it but he feared it. He wanted to die. He couldn't see any other future for himself that he might wish for and yet… he remembered Sumeragi Subaru-san standing in front of him as he used to when he had visited his dreams before the spell that had trapped him was broken.

* * *

'_I'm sure, if you would give the world a chance, you would meet more. You could even meet someone for whom you would think it would be worth it to die for, and she would think the same about you.'_

* * *

The young man now was back with the Sakurazukamori. Kakyou didn't like the Sakurazukamori and didn't want Subaru-san to be with him but… but Subaru-san was definitely happier now that he was back with the person with whom he wished so desperately to stay and his happiness somehow made Kakyou feel better.

It was an odd feeling. Before he had never been able to understand how, being with a person with whom you wanted to be, could make you happy. It was a feeling he had never experienced and that, to him, looked very unfamiliar. Now… now however…

* * *

'_Huh? Who are you? Why is it that you can enter my dream?'_

* * *

He lowered his gaze in embarrassment as his dream showed him a memory of his previous meeting with Sumeragi Hokuto. He hadn't meant to think of her and yet…

* * *

'_Oh, calling you Kuzuki-san is so formal! Do you mind if I call you simply Kakyou? You can call me Hokuto like everyone else!'_

* * *

He sighed as he stared at her cheerful and energetic personality. Sumeragi Hokuto was simply someone hard to forget, someone that could get under his skin as easily as she breathed. She was so different from her brother, she was so… so sunny, so optimistic, so full of warmth that she gave freely to everyone.

Subaru-san was a caring person, very attentive to the feelings of others but he was shy, quiet and reserved. He didn't express his feelings much and was fast to put aside his wishes should they bother someone else. Yet there was something in the way he behaved when the Sakurazukamori was in the room, in the way he looked at the man, in the way he leaned into his touch…

When Subaru-san had said that the Sakurazukamori was everything to him he had meant it. He loved the man, he loved the man who constantly demanded things from him, demanded things like a little, spoiled kid, even demanded things that Subaru-san couldn't, wouldn't approve of or that hurt him, while he in turn asked little or nothing at all from the Sakurazukamori and Kakyou hadn't understood.

Kakyou couldn't grasp how someone would be willing to love someone else like that, how someone would be willing to allow another to trap him, to treat him like that just… to stay close to him. No company was worth that much to Kakyou. However… Sumeragi Hokuto… He… He wanted to see her again… He… Just for a moment he… Would it bother her?

* * *

'_Maybe you can visit me again? And Subaru of course. I'm sure he would be happy to talk with a friend!'_

* * *

Kakyou didn't feel like visiting Subaru-san right then. He liked Subaru-san, Subaru-san had been kind to him, the closest thing he had to a friend but… he didn't feel like seeing him right then. But… but he would like to see Hokuto, even if just for a moment.

He hoped she wouldn't mind. He hoped she would be happy to see him. He hoped she would be asleep and dreaming. He hoped the Chi no Ryu's Kamui wouldn't bother them. He hoped they… she…

He shook his head. It was time to stop hoping and try entering her dream. Kakyou forced himself to straighten his back and face the risk of being rejected. He had suffered worse things in the past and… catching even only a single glimpse of Hokuto would be worth it anyway.

* * *

Kakyou wasn't rejected. On the contrary, as soon as the girl saw him in her dream she ran to hug him quite tightly and enthusiastically. Kakyou couldn't remember being hugged in his whole life so it was quite an overwhelming experience that left him completely without words and totally and utterly confused. It was good Hokuto didn't seem to expect him to keep up the conversation. Instead she immediately began to inform him in a delighted tone about her brother's status. Apparently Subaru-san was a lot better and that was a big relief for Hokuto, only, the girl complained, he was spending way too much time with the Sakurazukamori, and if that jerk was doing something to her baby brother… She trailed off but her gaze spoke volumes.

"He's sleeping now," Kakyou hurried to say as she paused for the first time to think of what she would do to the Sakurazukamori should he touch her brother.

"Uh? Who's sleeping?" she asked looking confused.

"The Sakurazukamori. He is sleeping. So is your brother. I can sense them," he clarified. She gave him an intrigued look.

"Can you see what are they dreaming of?" she asked him.

"I try to not look at the Sakurazukamori's dreams when I can avoid it," Kakyou admitted, blushing slightly.

"Are Sei-chan's dreams that perverted ?" she wondered, tilting her head.

"Sei…-chan?" he repeated, feeling strangely hurt by the familiarity she used to refer to the Sakurazukamori. Hokuto sighed.

"I'm trying to call him that. Since he's kind of my brother-in-law we should have a good relationship, at least in front of Subaru. It seems he can't stand us arguing. It's just… not very easy. I still… can't forgive him," she admitted. "And seeing Subaru loving him so much kind of hurts. He… he doesn't remember me yet," she confessed.

"He's scared," Kakyou said quietly.

"Scared? Of his only sister? I would never hurt him!" she exclaimed. The she froze on the spot, remembering what Fuma-kun had said.

* * *

'_You three were the ones behind this, I merely fulfilled your Wishes. You Wished that stupid spell of yours removed and so did your precious Ten no Ryu and his sister. I merely fulfilled your Wishes, even if I admit that the girl was the one responsible for the way I used. She Wished the Ten no Ryu away from you __**_no matter what_**__, and so I gave your precious Subaru-kun a reason to Wish to stay away from you and you a reason to Wish to stay away from him.'_

* * *

She wanted to place the blame of what had happened to Subaru entirely on Sei-chan but Fuma-kun had said… he had said… Unconsciously she began trembling and let herself slide down to sit on the floor. Did Subaru blame her for what had happened to him? Did he hate her for what had happened to him? Did he…

She realized she had wrapped her arms around herself and had started rocking to and fro like a child. Only when Kakyou gently rested his hands on her shoulders, she stopped her motion.

"Hokuto, please calm down," he told her softly, his eyes filled with concern. "Subaru-san doesn't hold you responsible for what Kamui did, I'm sure of this."

"So why…" she whimpered, sounding like a scared child. All her life she had tried to be strong and brave. Strong and brave in order to save Subaru. And now she had caused Subaru to…

"Hokuto, Subaru-san is a shy person who always tries to fulfil other people's expectations. You remember a child you loved. He's now a young man with little or no memory of that child and so different from what he once was," Kakyou continued gently. "You loved the child he was but… are you capable of loving the man he is? He doesn't know how to return to the person he was, a side of him doesn't want to and the other is scared to learn what he has lost. Among all this he has to deal with all that has happened to him, which hasn't been pleasurable to say the least." He smiled gently. "Don't you think it's comprehensible if he's scared?"

"I love him, I would love him no matter what, he's always my brother my sweet Subaru, I know he is, I can always see it. And he can't even call me by my name…" she said softly.

"Give him time. From what I can see the Sakurazukamori isn't doing much better than you. If Subaru-san were okay, if things were as they had been before, they wouldn't be sleeping at this hour…" Kakyou lowered his head embarrassed as he realized what he had said.

"This means he and Subaru have…" Hokuto exclaimed, her eyes growing wide. Kakyou nodded. "He told me he had never hurt him or forced him to have sex with him! That liar! I… I…"

"Hokuto… I think he meant he had never… hum… forced Subaru-san when he was unwilling…" Kakyou stammered nervously. "But they definitely…"

"But… but… I admit Sei-chan's not bad-looking but he's older! And Subaru is so young! And he does horrible things! Why should Subaru …" But the answer was obvious for her too. Her shy, sensitive brother loved that guy. She would have liked to say it was all the spell's fault but she had seen the way they looked at each other and… "He's so young…" she whispered to herself, then shook her head. No, he wasn't, not anymore. He wasn't a child anymore. Maybe Subaru was right. Maybe she wasn't seeing him for who he was now, merely for the memory of who he had been. She remembered many little facts, many little things she said that could have made him think she still considered him to be the old Subaru, many moments in which he must have felt uncomfortable, even on that same day, and yet he had never complained, just accepted that she wanted someone he wasn't anymore.

Maybe that was also one of the reasons why Subaru preferred Sei-chan's company. At least the man knew him for who he was now… Well… even Sei-chan seemed to have his own problems. What had happened had upset Subaru quite a bit. Changed him. Maybe it wasn't easy for the man either.

"Kakyou… I think I'll learn to know this new Subaru. I know I'll love him just the same anyway. And I think I'll let him know me again. I'm changed too. It'll be fun, like rediscovering each other," she added with a nice smile. Kakyou smiled back. He couldn't remember smiling that much before.

"I'm sure he'll love you too…" he said softly, then lowered his head again as he blushed and decided he would do better to leave before he embarrassed himself further. Hokuto smiled at him.

"Kakyou… thank you. You always help me," she said softly. "I can't understand how a person as gentle as you can wish for the end of the world."

"I…" 'I just want to die' he thought but that wasn't something he could say to Hokuto. Especially because he completely forgot his wish while he was with her. "It's… complicated…"

"Will you tell me one day?" she asked gently.

"Maybe. One day," he replied. He didn't want to. He feared she would be disappointed in him but…

"Promise!" she exclaimed, offering him her pinkie. He blinked, then hooked his with hers unable to say '_no'_ to her.(2)

"I promise," he agreed seriously.

"Then I'll be waiting to meet you again here in my dreams to fulfil your promise! Or maybe even outside them!" she exclaimed cheerfully and he realized he'd been just invited to visit her again. And he had no idea why but the mere knowledge made him happier than he believed a man could be.

* * *

'_I'm sure, if you gave the world a chance, you would meet more. You could even meet someone for whom you would think it would be worth it to die for, and she would think the same about you.'_

* * *

He had no idea if Sumeragi Hokuto was the one about whom Subaru-san had been talking but he was sure about one thing. She was special.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. After Saiki's death Hinoto started to be tormented by her alter-ego which Wishes for the Ten no Ryus' death, slowly taking control of Hinoto's actions.

2. Twining pinkies together is a children's way to make promises in Japan.

**JJ's Extra Notes:** I know, I know, very few people care about Hokuto and Kakyou but… but all the '**X'** characters have a role in this story so this piece was necessary. Focus will return on Seishiro and Subaru soon.

**Dictionary:** **-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". One that can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Firehedgehog**: Glad you liked it!

To **laustic**: They're messed up boys but they love each other... their own way...

To **recipe for insanity**: Out of late I'm very, very busy... and yes, I'm a bit of Code Geass obsessed recently. It's not quite Sakanagi per se... it's just like... learning to handle again what the spell blocked. Kind of like re-learning to walk after having been stuck on a wheelchair. He's not used to feel SO MUCH. He doesn't know how to handle all that, especially considering he's in a situation emotionally difficult to handle even if he were to be used at handling his emotions. I try to update them but really, this period is kind of a busy hell... Sorry...

To **Lemonysh**: Oh, the first part of the moment you dread will come soon... *evil smirk* Subaru (and Seishiro) still has a long way to go....

To **kingleby**: Subaru's not so glad they're squabbling but I guess it's better than having them trying to kill each other...

To **I-wanna-go-to-a-place**: (blush) I'm glad you like this story! Well, in this fic I've been trying to follow the same pace as the manga and 'X' in the beginning was really slow... so, even if I cut out all the piece that didn't regard the boys, the pace of the fic was affected anyway...

To **Vyersdra**: I'm glad you still like it!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice **: (blush as red as Subaru) They're cute in their own twisted way so it's easy to make them be tender. And yes, if they only tried to speak to each other things would go a lot better... but I hope you'll continue to find future developments interesting!

To **Francesca Akira89**: Yes, Subaru's life is not easy since he's caught in between Seishiro and Hokuto... but they both love him... their own way... as you can see here there's a bit of Hokuto/Kakyou quiet moment... but from the next chapter the boys will be back in action and soon action will kick in... and Seishiro really should learn what he should say and what he shouldn't...

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	31. Chap 31: Danger On The Track

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 31: Danger On The Track"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"I knew that you were waiting  
For me to share your life  
Cause I told you when I left, that  
When I come back you'll be my wife. **_

_**But someone was waiting  
In the shadows of the night  
Someone was waiting  
It just didn't feel right. **_

_**Danger on the track  
Something told me there were  
Strangers on my back  
Danger on the track  
Something told me there were  
Strangers on my back  
And I was so right."  
(Europe - "Danger On The Track")**_

Once awake, Hokuto stretched slowly and looked out of her window with a slight smile. The sun was shining in the sky, birds were chirping in the trees, a gentle breeze was blowing and she felt good. She wanted to believe that feeling would last, that things would only get better. After everything that had happened, this looked like nice morning, one of those days when everything is bound to go just fine. Subaru was back with her, he was starting to react, Kakyou had paid her a nice visit in her dreams and, even if she knew she would have to deal with Sei-chan being around her brother, she wanted to try not to resent him so much. She wanted to focus on Subaru, on getting to know him again, on rebuilding the bond between them. She wanted to focus on the two of them being happy and together as they had been in their childhood.

Not much later Hokuto was ready and when she entered the kitchen, she was greeted by the wonderful scent of freshly backed pastries coming from the delicious-looking beignets Sorata was serving at the table, while he was explaining cheerfully to Arashi and Kamui-chan how they had cooking competitions at Kouya-san and how he had always been one of their best chefs.(1)

"I don't believe a single word you just said," she informed the teenager with an amused smile after apologising because she was a bit late. A long time ago her dream had been to become a perfect housewife, of course, after she had saved Subaru from the '_evil'_ Sakurazukamori, and so she had worked hard to learn how to cook perfectly. She knew _**_everything_**_ about cooking and cooking competitions and, if there were a competition at Kouya-san, she would have known.(2)

"Oh, I guess I've been found out," Sorata exclaimed, laughing carelessly and she happily laughed with him. It felt so good to be carefree and without worry again … to laugh freely without fighting down the overwhelming fear in the back of her mind that Subaru might be mistreated and needed her right then. Sure, Subaru wasn't that well but he was safe and well cared for and that was what truly mattered.

"You mean, it isn't true?" Kamui and Arashi said surprised. They had been completely fooled by Sorata's story.

"Eh? Neechan, you thought it was true too?" Sorata asked, smiling softly at her confused expression that, in his opinion, was truly adorable. He had expected Kamui to be naïve and believe him but… Something warm filled his heart and he raised his hand to caress her face gently, as if she were a child. "Neechan, you're really beautiful, but recently I've noticed you're very cute too."

"Ah, lovebirds at play! So cute!" Hokuto exclaimed happily, clasping her hands together, a dreamy expression on her face. She saw Arashi-chan flipping her head aside fast to hide her blush and she wondered how Kakyou would react, should she offer him something she had cooked just for him… to thank him for his help with Subaru, of course. No other reason. Really.

"Got myself into trouble again," Sorata said with a casual look, as if that was a common occurrence to him, nothing to worry about and yet… she could hear a twinge of pain in his voice. He seemed to truly Wish to make things between him and Arashi-chan work. She smiled at him and walked closer to him to whisper right in his ear.

"I don't think so, she's just shy…" she told him confidentially with a wink. "Give her time, keep on trying hard to charm her and she'll end up falling right into your arms!" she added in a tone low enough not be heard by the girl. By then she knew better than to tease Arashi-chan. The girl wasn't just shy, she was almost… emotionally traumatized, as if she didn't know how to deal with any open display of affection. In a fashion she reminded her of Subaru when he'd been younger… Only her brother had blushed and stammered cutely while Arashi-chan seemed to do her best to pretend she wasn't affected… as if she was a stone or something… even if of late she was starting to fail at hiding it… Anyway, public teasing would have only hurt her while privately done, maybe without the boys around… That could work to help her realize she had feelings for Sorata and there was nothing wrong with it.

Sorata in the meantime, gave her a surprised gaze that quickly turned so hopeful it melted her heart, and she smiled encouragingly at him before taking a seat and happily starting to chat. Kamui-chan on the other hand ate silently and his expression darkened when he caught sight of the empty seat next to him.

"Are you worried about Yuzuriha-chan?" Sorata asked. The boy didn't reply but his expression saddened further and Hokuto had to fight becoming gloomy as well. What an insensitive girl she was, she'd been so happy to have Subaru back, she had almost forgotten Yuzuriha-chan was missing…

"Don't worry; I'm sure she's fine. Girls are tougher than they look!" she exclaimed in her most optimistic voice, trying to brighten the mood. "Anyway, we must make a plan to find her! Pretty girls her age shouldn't wander alone in the city for so long! Not with all those desperate boys ready to jump on the first pretty face they see!"

"Sure!" Sorata agreed, catching the hint. "I bet she's perfectly fine and eating ice cream right now! And anyway, just to be sure, maybe we can even ask Imonoyama-san's help in searching her!"

"Maybe we should ask the other two lovebirds to help too," she continued, trying to sound casual about the matter but, she feared that with the way she had unconsciously stressed the word '_lovebirds'_, it was clear she hadn't gotten used to Subaru and Sei-chan's relationship yet. It would take time, she knew it, but she would find a way to get used to it. She stared at the stairs, willing for Subaru to show up and feeling disappointed when he didn't. She sighed. "Those two lazy boys. Apparently they plan to sleep in today…"

Sorata looked at her nervously and she immediately sensed something wrong.

"What happened? Where's Subaru?" she asked urgently, feeling panic grow inside her. She couldn't help it. After a lifetime spent worrying for Subaru's well being it just felt natural to panic when something about him was wrong.

"Well, hum, there's nothing to worry about… he and Sakurazuka-san merely decided to have a picnic instead of breakfast or something like that…" Sorata said, trying to sound dismissive, even if he didn't meet her eyes. He knew how Hokuto worried about Subaru-san and feared she wouldn't react well to the news but… Subaru-san wasn't a child and she wasn't his mother. If Subaru-san wanted to go out with the Sakurazukamo-… Sakurazuka-san… well, why stop him? It didn't look like the man would try to harm him, on the contrary Sorata was sure Sakurazuka-san would never let anyone hurt Subaru-san.

"That guy took _**_my_**_ little brother out?" Hokuto asked, eyes narrowing dangerously. Sorata knew she was trying to get along with Sakurazuka-san… but, so far, she just wasn't ready to trust him with her brother unsupervised.

"Hokuto …" Sorata began, trying to be tactful. "Subaru-san is a grown man and he truly wanted to go with him. He even turned down my wonderful cooking, saying he preferred to eat whatever Sakurazuka-san had prepared for him for their picnic. If that isn't love…"

"Yes, but… but…" she replied, lowering her eyes and clenching her fists, unable to chase away her fears. That man had already stolen Subaru from her once. The mere idea he could do it a second time…

"Subaru doesn't want to be parted from him. He… is the one who can make Subaru happy," Kamui told her, trying to put into words the feeling he always had when he watched the two, right from the beginning when the Sakurazukamori had trapped him in his Maboroshi. He remembered how Subaru had protected the Sakurazukamori and he remembered the Sakurazukamori pausing, pausing from attacking him just to caress Subaru's cheek or the way he had wrapped his arm around Subaru before disappearing. Even if, back then, the man didn't seem to give Subaru the credit one would give to a real person, even if he had treated him as one would a favourite pet, there had been a deeply running attachment between the two, and when he had seen the two meeting again in Shibuya…

He sighed, feeling a hint of jealousy. He liked Subaru, he really did, liked him a lot, even if it was different from the way he liked Fuma, liked him as the brother he had never had. He wanted him happy, of course, but he wasn't really fond of sharing him with a man who was doing his best to have Subaru's total attention and was unwilling to share Subaru even with Subaru's sister. Yet Subaru craved that man's attention so badly, almost as much as Kamui had craved Fuma's when things between them were different and he… He still remembered his first meeting with Fuma, the pouring rain falling and Fuma taking his hand… and he had followed Fuma, likely with the same expression Subaru had when he followed the Sakurazukamori and… Kamui suppressed another sigh. He didn't want to be alone… He wanted so badly to have Fuma back…(3)

Hokuto stood there with a determined expression, hands on her hips.

"Very well. I'll just drop by to tell them to keep their eyes open for Yuzuriha-chan and then come back to help you to search for her. You asked Sei-chan where he was planning to take my brother, didn't you, Sorata?" Hokuto asked with a sweet smile that implied painful torture should the answer be '_no'_. Hokuto's priority in life at the moment was Subaru's wellbeing and everyone was well advised to remember it.

Sorata hesitated. He didn't want to ruin Subaru-san's date with Sakurazuka-san, he really didn't, and he doubted Sakurazuka-san would take it well if he were to rattle out their destination but… Hokuto's smile became even sweeter, that kind of sweet smile that girls display when they're really dangerous, and Sorata capitulated. All in all, he decided he'd rather face an angry Sakurazukamori than an angry Hokuto.

* * *

For their picnic Seishiro had selected a small park in a not yet destroyed quarter. It was getting difficult to have romantic dates with Subaru-kun in Tokyo when half of the city was destroyed but, at least, some suitable places were still standing, even if they weren't as perfect as he wanted them to be. However, Subaru-kun seemed to nevertheless enjoy the change of air. Subaru-kun needed to be in quiet, open spaces where he could relax and be left in peace to enjoy Seishiro's attentions. The park Seishiro had chosen was half deserted and there was a small lake with some ducks. He knew Subaru would appreciate the solitude and would love to feed the ducks. Subaru-kun had always adored feeding animals, a habit Seishiro normally didn't try to encourage but that could come in handy at the moment to relax him. The breakfast they had brought was lighter than the one he had previously prepared for Subaru-kun and less prone to upset the boy's stomach, even if it still consisted of dishes he knew Subaru-kun liked.

To Seishiro's satisfaction things were going nicely. They were sitting shoulder against shoulder, near the lake, at a point from where Subaru-kun could watch the ducks after he had given them a food ration that should suffice the birds for a whole week, just enjoying each other's presence in silence, Seishiro's hand closed on Subaru-kun's, who was returning the hold shyly.

"Seishiro-san… what are we going to do now?" the boy asked in a low tone all of sudden, breaking the silence, his gaze downcast.

"Go for ice-cream?" Seishiro offered carelessly, not really minding what they were going to do, as long as they were together. Subaru-kun turned to look at him seriously and he knew the mood was going to be spoiled. He hated it when Subaru-kun wanted to have serious conversations with him. Life was just no fun if taken as seriously as Subaru-kun believed they should take it.

"Seishiro-san, seriously," the boy said still quietly but firmly, firmer than what Seishiro was used to get from him. He didn't sound like a boy who would give in, should Seishiro wish him to do so. "We're living with the Ten no Ryu, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui is busy blowing the world apart and…"

"What do you want us to do, Subaru-kun?" he cut him off, sounding slightly irritated. "I don't care if he blows the world apart. I only want him to pay for what he did to you. I thought you didn't care about the world either." He didn't like that. He didn't want Subaru-kun to be capable of telling him '_no'_. He didn't want Subaru-kun to care for the world. Subaru-kun was _**_his_**_. He wasn't supposed to have to share him with the rest of the world. Subaru-kun should return to obey any of his wishes and pay attention to him only and not take this end of the world business so seriously because, really, it didn't concern them that much.

"If the Chi no Ryu's Kamui blows the world apart, you'll die," Subaru-kun pointed out quietly, for once evidently unwilling to let the matter drop despite Seishiro wishes. Seishiro would have found it very unpleasant if the cause hadn't been Subaru-kun's concern for him. "I don't want that. I don't want you to die. Ever," the boy added, lowering his head. Cute. So adorably cute. He liked it when Subaru-kun worried for him. He liked it very much. Gently, he placed his hand on Subaru-kun's head, caressing it soothingly.

"That's nice, Subaru-kun, but really, you don't need to worry about it. You should leave this little matter of saving the world to Kamui-chan and his little team of friends. Why don't we enjoy our date instead?" he offered, dismissing the whole topic. Seishiro lived for the present. Living or dying didn't make any difference to him as long as he could be with Subaru-kun. Subaru-kun, however, didn't seem to share that opinion and frowned slightly.

"If you want to," he agreed anyway but definitely not wholeheartedly. It was so obvious Subaru-kun was mentally disagreeing with him even if he was letting the argument go and so unusual and… unpleasant, it made Seishiro groan and roll his eyes.

"No, in truth I want to stay here and sulk about the unfairness of the universe but since sulking wouldn't add to my charm I think I'll go and have ice-cream instead," he complained, truly annoyed now. Subaru-kun just wasn't supposed to wish for something different from what Seishiro wished for them, at least not so strongly and so openly. Subaru-kun was supposed to love him and therefore always take his side, always agree with him. Why wasn't he doing so?

At his words, however, Subaru-kun curled on himself, looking excessively scared and hurt, as if Seishiro hadn't just complained but had yelled at him and hurt him deeply.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me, please, don't be mad at me, Seishiro-san…" he whimpered, not knowing anymore how to deal with Seishiro-san's displeasure, fearing madly he would be abandoned. He really didn't know how to behave anymore. He wanted to make Seishiro-san happy but he didn't know what Seishiro-san wanted from him anymore and… and… and there were… needs inside him now, things he worried about so very much, a will to which he had never paid much attention before and which he didn't know how to handle and…

"Subaru-kun… I was only trying to make a joke, don't take it so badly," Seishiro hurried to say, worried at seeing the boy so excessively scared. It had never happened before… and it wasn't like he wanted to hurt or scare him. In an attempt to reassure him he pulled him closer, nuzzling his cheek against Subaru-kun's hair soothingly. Silently he reproached himself for forgetting Subaru-kun was in a frail, vulnerable state, a state that made him even more sensitive to his displeasure than before and probably made him currently unable to handle his own emotions well, amplifying them and making them harder to control, which might also be why he was being so… rebellious. Maybe he should just try and be a little more tolerant…

He saw Subaru-kun giving him a timid, confused glance that seemed to beg him to tell him he wasn't mad at him anymore. He looked so young and lost… and Seishiro couldn't help but smile at him reassuringly. After all who cared if Subaru-kun wasn't as agreeable as before? He still wanted to be with him, he still cared for him and that was the important part. Maybe all he needed was to be spoiled a little more until he would adjust to his new condition.

"Okay, okay, Subaru-kun, it was a poor attempt at a joke, but you don't have to worry. You should know I'm never angry with you. You're _**_my_**_ Subaru-kun, after all," he added, nuzzling against him. "I just want an ice-cream and I'm annoyed because yesterday your sister kept saying I'd get fat if I kept eating sweets. I won't, she will, and anyway that stupid guy in the cake shop gave her a bigger slice of cake than me," he continued in a definitely pouting tone. "Don't you too think that was unfair? I'm taller than her so I'm the one who obviously needs the bigger slice! And I was the one who was paying to boot!"

Subaru blinked as he looked at him than covered his mouth to hide a tiny smile. In the middle of all that chaos the end of the world was causing he had forgotten this side of Seishiro-san. The man was a glutton by nature and had a hint of childishness that Subaru had always loved. Being reminded of it made Subaru feel as if everything was back to normal, as if no bad things had happened and it was again just the two of them and they were safe and together and the world was perfect like that. It felt good, very good.

"Subaru-kun…" Seishiro-san said very slowly and very quietly as if afraid of startling him, sounding almost… amazed. Subaru's expression turned confused. Had something happened? Had he done something wrong _**_again_**_? "You've smiled…" the man said quietly as if this was amazing news. Subaru blinked, feeling even more perplexed.

"I… I shouldn't have?" he asked confused. He hadn't even realized doing so; it had just been a natural reaction to the feeling of mild amusement and happiness he had felt. He hadn't bothered to think about doing it or not and he hadn't thought Seishiro-san would mind if he were to smile. Had he done the wrong thing? Had he? Seishiro-san, however, didn't give him the time to ponder much over it as he trapped him in a bear hug.

"You've smiled. You've smiled again. Kami-sama, I thought I would never get to see your smile again," the man murmured as he held the boy even tighter against himself. That beautiful smile, the beautiful smile Subaru-kun had when they first met and that his spell had dimmed and almost completely erased, that beautiful smile he hadn't realized he had loved so much, that beautiful smile that had captured him when he had first seen it and that he had feared Subaru-kun would never have again after what had happened, no matter if the spell was now broken, was back on the boy's lips. Subaru-kun had smiled, had smiled at him, only at him. His Subaru-kun. His. His Subaru-kun had smiled. Maybe things would really go better now, he thought, as he realized for the first time how… concerned he had been that what had been done to Subaru-kun couldn't be fixed and that the boy would forever remain a scared and damaged puppy, unable to feel happiness. He wanted to stay like that forever, trapped in that moment in which Subaru-kun had smiled at him and they both felt happy but, of course, something had to go wrong.

"Sei-chan! Subaru! There you are!" Sumeragi Hokuto-chan exclaimed and Seishiro groaned internally. He was so going to kill her, slowly and painfully, even if not in a place where Subaru-kun could see him doing it. It would be a '_casual accident_, he decided. One that wouldn't upset Subaru-kun but that would rid Seishiro of that pest called Sumeragi Hokuto-chan.

"Hokuto-chan! How nice to meet you here! Especially considering how busy you _**_should_**_ be!" he stated in his most cheerful voice, as if he was really delighted to see her. Sometimes it was a good thing to be a master of deception.

"I'm _**_never_**_ too busy to say hello to my brother and my brother-in-law!" she replied in a cheerful voice that was obviously forced. She just wasn't as good as an actor as him.

"Are you two going to argue again?" Subaru-kun asked, sounding very small and looking at them anxiously. He hadn't been fooled by their act but that was to be expected. Subaru-kun had known Seishiro for a lifetime and, if he could see through Seishiro, who was a great actor, he had no trouble seeing through Hokuto-chan as well.

"Who, us?" they asked in unison in an innocent tone and with sunny smiles, pretending they were best buddies or something like that. Then Hokuto's expression turned a little more serious.

"Subaru, Sei-chan… I'm just here to tell you to keep your eyes open just in case you should see Yuzuriha-chan… and… what are you planning to do with my brother now, Sei-chan?" she couldn't help but ask, forcing herself to smile again, even if her eyes were hard. Seishiro internally growled again. Surely she didn't expect him to report to her about where he planned to take Subaru-kun from now on, did she?

"We wanted some ice cream," Subaru-kun interjected before he could reply, saving him from fabricating the most evasive and polite answer he could think of.

"Ice cream?" she repeated, looking enthusiastic. "What a wonderful idea! Sei-chan, buy me one, too!" she added as if she planned to join them in their _**_private_**_ date.

"It'll be my pleasure, of course…" he nevertheless replied in a chivalrous tone and they both turned to Subaru, who sighed.

"I get it; I'll wait here until you two have finished arguing…" the boy said quietly, turning his attention to the ducks. "Just… don't hurt each other…" he added in an even lower tone, hugging himself. He knew they hadn't meant to upset him and that they were trying to behave for his sake but they just… Seishiro kissed the top of his head, assuring him he was really adorable and that he would be back in a minute before starting to walk away with Sumeragi-chan toward the ice cream shop. For a moment Subaru felt tempted to get up and go with them, as if he was scared to be left alone. It was stupid, he thought as he curled on himself. The ice cream shop was practically next to him and he was old enough to be able to stay alone for five minutes… only, he hated it and…

He immediately raised his head as he sensed something.

* * *

"I was in the middle of a date, in case you hadn't noticed," Seishiro muttered as he ordered his ice cream and Subaru-kun's.

"Those things will make you fat, Sei-chan," Hokuto-chan pointed out sweetly, before she ordered a cone bigger than his and Subaru-kun's put together. He had the childish urge to order another even bigger than hers but resisted it admirably. After all, between the two of them he was the adult and mature one. He didn't have to give in to a silly little girl. He would just order another cone after he had gotten rid of her. For the moment ignoring her taunts was definitely the best policy. Sure, it was unfair she had to get a cone _**_that_**_ big… "The next time you vanish with my brother without telling me, I'll strangle you," she said in the meantime in what she likely believed was a menacing tone. He wasn't impressed, he was much better at threatening people.

"Subaru-kun is old enough to go out without your permission, Hokuto-chan," he informed her in his best '_I couldn't care less about your words'_ tone. "If you have no romantic life, you shouldn't vent your frustration on your brother," he added teasingly.

"For your information I have a romantic life and Subaru is free to go out with whom he wants except for you!" she hissed hotly.

"Have you considered I'm the only one he wants to go out with, in your attempt to hook him up with someone else?" he countered smiling at her charmingly, before giving his own ice cream a good lick. So delicious and sweet… almost as sweet as Subaru-kun, well, no, not quite, nothing was as sweet as Subaru-kun…

"It's not my fault if Subaru has poor taste," she replied carelessly in a definitely very annoying tone before taking a huge mouthful of ice cream. "And anyway I'm always allowed to hope, aren't I?" she added with a grin.

"Keep dreaming, Hokuto-chan," he stated, feeling annoyed, unconsciously causing her to blush as her mind went back to the dream she had that night. She forgot to look at where she was going, and ended up bumping into him and inadvertently dropping her ice cream as well.

"Why did you stop now?" she asked, annoyed at him for causing her to look clumsy. And not to mention all that delicious ice cream wasted… Sei-chan was going to buy her another one, that was for sure.

"Where's Subaru-kun?" the man replied and there was something close to… panic in his voice as he looked around anxiously.

"Subaru?" she said suddenly, worried as well as she scanned the place without seeing hide or hair of her brother. "Subaru!" she screamed in full panic mode. She saw Sei-chan freezing.

"Kamui is around…" he hissed, his gaze darkening dangerously, and she just knew he wasn't referring to their sweet Kamui-chan but to Fuma-kun and she shuddered at the thought Fuma-kun might… Subaru… he might again…

Seishiro carelessly dropped his ice cream to the ground.

"Stay here," he ordered.

"But Subaru…" she exclaimed.

"Subaru-kun is my problem. With your level of Onmyoudo ability you would only be a nuisance and it definitely won't make Subaru-kun happy if Kamui manages to kill you," he told her coldly. Not to mention he'd like to have the pleasure of getting rid of her personally…

"Will you protect him?" she asked him, gripping his arm, desperation in her voice. He looked down at her, his expression deadly serious.

"You have my word," he replied firmly before running away and, for once, Sumeragi Hokuto was sure he would do all he could to protect her brother. Subaru… Subaru…

"Please Subaru… don't get hurt…" she whimpered.

* * *

Meanwhile Seishiro was running as fast as he could toward where he could feel Kamui's presence and all he could think about was that he would never be able to forgive himself should that teenager manage to hurt Subaru-kun again. Never.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. The scene is almost the same as the one in **'X'** Vol. 15. I've only added Hokuto showing up.

2. In **'Tokyo Babylon'** Vol. 2 Hokuto said that her dream was to become a housewife.

3. It happened in the sidestory in **'X'** Vol. 17.

**JJ's Extra Notes:** And so we're back to following the manga schedule with the Chi no Ryu's next important attack. I know, I know, some would prefer to just have the chapters devote their attention on Seishiro and Subaru solely, but the end of the world can't magically disappear. It's a problem that will continue to torment the characters up till the end… or at least up till the end I pictured it will have.

**Dictionary:** **-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kami:** God  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Neechan:** "Sister" or "Older Girl"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Firehedgehog**: (Smiles)

To **Francesca Akira89**: For once it isn't Seishiro's fault... And no Kakyou isn't in coma. He never attempted to escape so no one shot him. Kamui kidnapped him from where he'd always lived.

To **recipe for insanity**: That's nice someone cares for everyone! :) I hope you will like this chapter as well!

To **laustic**: I'm so glad you like this fic!

To **kingleby**: I'm happy to hear you apprecciated the Kakyou-Hokuto chapter!

To **Lemonysh**: As you can see the main pairing is up to action and in search of more troubles! Well, since Hokuto is alive and Kakyou isn't in coma they could start a relation... if it wasn't for the little 'end of the world' problem... as for the whole Sakurazukamori thing... you'll see... ;)

To **dgraymanxxx 2009**: I'm glad you like it and find the two boys adorable! :)

To **claire inashagi**: Don't worry, I'll continue writing this... it's just that I'm very slow...

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	32. Chap 32: Blow Me Away

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 32: Blow Me Away"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey to him. Now, in the year of destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"They fall in line  
One at a time  
Ready to play  
(I can't see them anyway)  
No time to lose  
We've got to move  
Steady the hand  
(I am losing site again)_**

Fire your guns  
It's time to roll  
Blow me away  
(I will stay, unless I may)  
After the fall  
We'll shake it off  
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive  
Lead me to heaven, will we die  
I am the shadow on the wall  
I'll be the one to save us all"  
(Breaking Benjamin - "Blow Me Away")

She was in trouble and she knew it. Nekoi Yuzuriha, age fourteen, who had recently lost her Inuki and had just declared her feelings to Kusanagi-san, was now trapped with the Chi no Ryu's Kamui inside the cylindrically shaped Kekkai she had raised without the slightest idea how to fight him.

Inuki wasn't with her anymore and, maybe, even if he had been there, she wouldn't have stood any chance either against the most powerful Chi no Ryu who, right then, was smiling at her like Kusanagi-san, while cheerfully destroying all the ground around her with the same ease one would chase away a fly. She was powerless against him, she could do nothing but dodge, but the worst thing was that she **__knew__** he was missing her on purpose as if he was having fun taunting her for her inability to defend herself.

It didn't matter, she thought as she continued dodging. As long as she could keep him trapped there he couldn't kill people. She wouldn't let him destroy Minato the same way that other Chi no Ryu had destroyed Shinjuku.(1) She wouldn't let him kill anyone else, she wouldn't let anyone mourn someone else, that was for sure.

But her time was running short as she was growing more and more tired. She couldn't dodge him forever and, to make matter worse, a flying stone hit her ankle, injuring her. Her feet lost stability and slid on the already dangling piece of concrete, causing her to lose her balance and fall. The slope of the now damaged roof on which she was caused her to roll close to its edge but she managed, at the last second, to catch hold of a piece of the building, before falling from it. She could feel a burning pain in her bleeding ankle and in her tired body, her frustration and helplessness growing as the Chi no Ryu's Kamui taunted her... and it would be so easy to surrender, to let go and slip down the building and straight into death's arms, free from responsibilities, pain, frustration, helplessness... so easy... Yet she refused to do it. She had promised Inuki... Inuki... she would do her best... Inuki... the memory brought a new wave of pain as the teenager continued to mock her, smiling again like Kusanagi-san.

Kusanagi-san.

Kusanagi-san told her...

* * *

_'Ojouchan, but you do know.'_

'Eh...?'

'The answer to: "Why is it wrong to kill humans"...'

'I don't know!'

'You do. You see, this is the answer. Ojouchan, why are you crying? You are sad because Inuki passed away, right?'

'... Yes.'

'You're sad because you thought of the people who died in Shinjuku right?'

'Yes...'

'The answer to "why can't we kill humans" is "because someone will be crying". It's not only humans, in the killing of any life, someone will be sad. Ojouchan, you'll be sad for someone who dies, right? Even if you do not know them, even if they are not human...'(2)

* * *

...Yes, she would be sad, she would cry for them. That was why she couldn't die, not until she had made sure that the Chi no Ryu wouldn't kill anyone, that he wouldn't make anyone sad. She had to be strong and live and protect everyone's happiness... especially Kusanagi-san's one... she had to... and so she would do.

"... In the end, the Kekkai you've made will be useless," he continued, still in a taunting tone, but she had made her decision now. He wouldn't sway her, no matter what he would do or say. He seemed to pause as he looked at her determined expression. "... You don't want to die?" he asked as if, with his offer to kill her and all those people, he was doing them his twisted version of a favour.

"Of course not!" she snapped firmly. She had no idea what she could, what she would do but she wouldn't be deterred anyway. She wouldn't surrender to him, no matter what. He seemed unfazed by her reply as again his smile looked exactly like Kusanagi-san's gentle one.

"If this is what you really wish for, you will not die," he assured her, energy collecting in his hand, and she looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean!?" she asked, not sure anymore if she was being mocked. His words and his actions made no sense to her. Was he telling her she would surely survive while preparing to strike her to dead? How? And why would he care anyway? He was lying, he had to be!

"Let's find out if this is what you truly wish for," he told her as he moved to attack her again and he was too close and she had no idea how to avoid it and... and...

"**STOP!**" a familiar voice screamed and, the next second, she saw the Chi no Ryu's Kamui being blasted against the opposite wall.

She turned and saw Kamui standing on the building behind her, Shiro Kamui-san with a determined expression on his face and surrounded by swirling energy. Powerful... she knew he was, he should be a match for his Souhoshi and yet... she wasn't sure if Kamui-san could beat him.

"Kamui-san!!!" she called him anyway and he ran to her side, under the pleased gaze of the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. The boy that was once known as Fuma was already standing, sporting some bruises and a cut on his left cheek but looking definitely not too badly injured and ready to continue fighting.

"You're showing good timing... Kamui..." he remarked, sounding as if he was pleased by that development.

"Stop it, Fuma!" the other boy answered angrily.

"You still don't seem to understand after all the times I've told you. I am Kamui", the other replied nonchalantly, as if they were talking of meaningless matters, before starting to throw powerful blasts at them. They dodged but Kamui, the Ten no Ryu's one, realized they wouldn't manage to keep this up for long since Yuzuriha's ankle was injured. His only option was to fight Fuma, to fight Fuma in order to protect Yuzuriha... and the people in Minato... Fuma... This time he wouldn't hesitate, he decided. This time he would fight, no matter what. He would bring Fuma back. Even if, in order to do so, he would have to hurt him...

* * *

Subaru caught sight of the blasts, as he got closer. Kamui and... well, Kamui. Their powers crashing one against the other were an impressive sight. The powers of Kamui. A power he couldn't match.

He knew it had been a stupid idea to come there. He wasn't recovered yet but what was worse was that his perception was off and it was getting worse the more tired he became. With each jump from a building to the next he risked miscalculating the strength he used and end up missing the rooftop on which he planned to land or landing in the wrong spot. Objects seemed too close and shiny, hurting his eyes. He really wasn't in the shape for a battle but... but Seishiro-san and Sumeragi-san where not too far from that point. He had to protect them.

From the fall of the Kekkai, from Kamui, from the end of the world, from everything.

Sumeragi-san had been kind to him and Seishiro-san... he wouldn't survive without Seishiro-san. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui was dangerous. Subaru didn't approve of killing but... but he would never allow Seishiro-san to be hurt. Kamui would never raise a finger against Seishiro-san. Subaru would make sure of that.

* * *

When Subaru reached them, the Chi no Ryu's Kamui had a nasty cut on his shoulder but he had managed to trap the Ten no Ryu's Kamui in his arms. Memories of being equally trapped, equally helpless, assaulted him and caused him to feel nauseous but he pushed them back as he picked up a handful of Ofuda.

"Kamui! Let him go!" he ordered. Both the teenagers turned to look at him. There was also a young girl with them. He assumed she had to be Yuzuriha. She was probably also the one who had raised that Kekkai. She also looked injured. It wasn't going to be a glorious day for the Ten no Ryu if they were three against one and apparently none of them was in the shape to fight.

"Oh, look at who we have here! A rescuer! What if I say I don't want to, Subaru-kun?" the Chi no Ryu's Kamui replied but his voice sounded like Seishiro-san's and he looked like Seishiro-san and for a moment he... he hesitated. But he was familiar with that trick, he had seen it up close and personal and he had lived for years with a master of illusions as Seishiro-san was. If he was careful he could manage not to let himself be fooled. He hoped. He wasn't in the shape to fight and his aim was definitely going to be off but the teenager didn't know this, he only knew wishes and maybe... maybe he could use this.

He attacked, uncaring that the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was still holding the Ten no Ryu's one, wishing only to hit him. Somehow it did the trick. His aim, as he had suspected, was off and he missed badly, but Kamui had sensed only his wish and, relying only on that, he had quickly moved out of the way, pushing the other Kamui away as well.

Interesting.

He remembered there had been a bond between the two, a bond that destiny seemed to have broken but what if in spite of it all it was still there? What if it was all a farce acted out for an unknown purpose? There wasn't time to wonder, however. The older teenager let go of the younger one, trapping him with cables as he had already done on Sunshine 60, then moved to attack Subaru. He was fast, Subaru noticed. Strong and powerful too. Normally Subaru could have persevered, not for long but at least for a while, but considering his current state he doubted he could do it. He didn't even have the strength to find the mental concentration necessary to put up a barrier to trap his adversary. Odd how during the battle somehow his perception was adjusting faster, or maybe he was adjusting himself to it, and he managed to land some good blows but it was too slow, requiring too much concentration of him.

Hold on.

He had to hold on because he would never allow Kamui to hurt Seishiro-san, no never, he... He fell hard on the concrete when he didn't manage to dodge a blast in time.

"It seems you have a new Wish, Subaru-kun," the teenager said pleased. "Should I fulfil it as I did with the previous?"

Subaru didn't waste time and forced his tired body to stand. Kamui right now was probably looking like Seishiro but his blurry eyesight didn't allow him to make out his figure clearly.

Seishiro-san.

He had to protect Seishiro-san. He had to protect Seishiro-san, no matter what. Only... only he had no strength left and... he shook his head as the world threatened to turn black, then sensed rather than saw the teenager charge at him and he had to move out of the way, or shield himself, or do anything, only he had no more strength and... and... He was pushed out of the line of fire by another, larger body.

The two of them ended up rolling together and he felt really tempted to black out but he knew who had pushed him away and he...

"Seishiro-san!"

"Subaru-kun!"

"Are you okay?" they asked in unison forcing themselves to stand as they checked each other's condition. Seishiro had got some scratches and a cut on his forehead but it wasn't anything to worry about. Subaru-kun looked much worse and completely worn out, needing Seishiro's support to even manage standing. The good point was that the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was wounded as well. Seishiro glared at the teenager, as he held Subaru-kun tightly against himself. With Kamui injured he could have a chance... if it wasn't for the fact he had to protect Subaru-kun as well. They couldn't escape, trapped as they were in that Kekkai. They would inevitably end up going down but he would be damned if he was going to make things easy for that brat.

"It seems you too have a new Wish, Seishiro-san," the boy informed him and again, again he tried to play the role of Subaru-kun. Only Subaru-kun was right next to him and he wouldn't allow himself to fall in that trick. He would murder that brat. Slowly and painfully, he would make sure of it. "Well, what are you going to do? In order to fulfil your Wish you have to sacrifice something. Namely your cute Ten no Ryu. He has a new Wish too, did he tell you that? Apparently he has the same _'genetic flaw'_ of all the other Ten no Ryu..." Seishiro's eyes widened and he fought to stay calm. What was that supposed to mean? What sort of new Wish could his Subaru-kun have? He... He tightened his hold around Subaru-kun and if looks could kill, Kamui would be dead. Too bad they couldn't. The teenager raised his hand, power crackling around it. "Choose, Sakurazukamori. Abandon the Ten no Ryu and escape to my blast or face it and die with him. You're too close. You won't manage to shield yourself or escape if you keep him with you."

True, but Seishiro was a stubborn, resourceful man. He stood still, glaring at Kamui, uncaring of Subaru-kun calling his name as if urging him to abandon him and escape. Instead he faced his most dangerous gamble. Maboroshi were good for something, he mused as Kamui blasted. They could make sure the brat's aim would be off, giving him the chance to move himself and Subaru-kun out of the way.

The fact that Kamui-chan and the girl had panicked, believing they were about to be killed and decided to react instead of just watching the show was an added bonus. Kamui-chan finally managed to free himself and throw a blast in the general direction of his opposite and the girl... well, she kind of created a puppy Inugami that now stood in front of him and Subaru-kun protectively. Of course they hadn't escaped completely unharmed from the blast but they were both fine enough and still standing and that was what mattered. Problem was... for how long the four of them were going to stand.

As it had happened in Shibuya, this time too it seemed they weren't going to find out. Kamui turned toward the injured girl, who was without any doubt the Ten no Ryu about whom Hokuto-chan had talked to them before. He told her that it was true that she really didn't want to die and left. Seishiro allowed himself a private moment to wonder if there was any sense to Kamui's action before turning to Subaru-kun to check his status a second time.

"Idiot!" the boy yelled at him as soon as their gazes met and he blinked in surprise. "He could have killed you, he could have killed you, he could have, and I... I..." Subaru-kun wrapped his arms around his neck, buried his head against his shoulder and started sobbing. Seishiro blinked more, Subaru-kun had never yelled at him before and, anyway, he was the one who should have done the yelling since Subaru-kun was the one who got himself into that trouble but he didn't feel up to it. He was too busy feeling relief because the boy was all in one piece. He buried his head against Subaru-kun's shoulder and remained there, simply holding him, as if they were the two halves of a whole finally placed back together. He could hear Kamui-chan and Yuzuriha-chan chatting together quite close to them in the background but he didn't really care. He was back with Subaru-kun and Subaru-kun was fine and that was all that mattered. He didn't raise his head, not even when a shrill familiar voice called Subaru-kun as well, and registered Hokuto-chan's presence only when the girl partially divided the two of them to trap Subaru-kun in a hug.

Subaru blinked in confusion as Sumeragi-san too hugged him. He was tired, tired, tired. The world was blurring and he found it hard to make out his surroundings.

"Sumeragi-san..." he whimpered, wishing to be released from her hug. He only wanted to hide in Seishiro-san's arms and stay there forever and yet, as the girl hugged him an odd sense of dj-vu assaulted him.

"Don't you dare call me that after you've worried me to death, Subaru! I'm just Hokuto, have you got it?" she yelled at him and there were tears in her eyes and his eyesight blurred more and, for a moment, the girl seemed younger, so much younger, nearly a child, and the lake, the people screaming, and he couldn't breathe and...

"I didn't mean to fall in the lake, Hokuto-chan..." he whimpered without knowing what he was saying, just repeating what his mind prompted him to say. She froze and stared at him.

"Subaru? Do you remember..." but before she could finish her sentence the world darkened almost violently in front of him, a sharp pain hit him and he managed to cry out _'Seishiro-san'_ once before slipping into darkness.

Seishiro grabbed Subaru-kun as he slumped, holding him close and calling his name, checking for any sign of injury that could have caused that sudden collapse but those bruises the boy had, despite being nasty, didn't look that bad... He reached out and gripped Kamui-chan's shirt, dragging him closer.

"What did the other Kamui do to my Subaru-kun?" he shouted, shaking the boy violently and ignoring Hokuto-chan's protests and attempts to pry his fingers off the boy's shirt. Kamui-chan's report was unsatisfying, apparently the brat had done nothing more to Subaru-kun then what he could see himself, so what... Then he wanted to smack himself as he realized the answer was far more obvious.

Sakanagi.

Likely nothing too serious but in the boy's weakened state it had been enough to hit him hard. He picked him up in his arms, informing no one in particular he was going to carry Subaru-kun back to bed because he needed rest. He nuzzled his head once against Subaru-kun's before starting to walk away. He felt... oddly numb. This time... this time, it wasn't like the other time when he had believed he had lost Subaru-kun and then had found him again in Shibuya. Back then, he'd been worried for the boy but he was sure he was alive. This time... this time all he'd been able to think was he wouldn't make in time, that he was going to lose Subaru-kun forever, that he wasn't able to be without him. This time he hadn't just been worried and hurt. This time he had panicked, a feeling which he definitely wasn't used to, and all that worry was still trapped inside him. Subaru-kun had cried and vented his own fear but Sakurazuka Seishiro wasn't even familiar with the concept of crying out in relief. All he knew as he held the unconscious boy tightly against himself was that he wouldn't manage to survive, should he lose Subaru-kun. He wouldn't. He had no idea how Subaru-kun could be fundamental for his survival, but that was just the way it was. Without Subaru-kun he wouldn't survive. The boy was essential to him like the air he breathed, maybe even more, and that was why he would never let him go. Never. Never, never, never. He would rip anyone into pieces who would try to separate them.

* * *

He still had no idea that someone was already planning to do just that just there, to have the boy that mattered so much to him, the only one who mattered, pushed in death's cold embrace, out of his grasp forever. He had no idea and maybe it was better like that. The world wouldn't have survived what Seishiro would have done, had he known.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the manga you can see that, when Yuzuriha spotted him, Fuma was over the Japan Tobacco Building which is in Minato.

2. Yuzuriha and Kusanagi from **'X'** Vol. 13.

**JJ's Extra Notes:** During the initial planning this scene should have been very different and divided in two parts. In the end I decided on this version and to keep the whole scene in a single chapter. Oh, and just in case no one noticed we've reached Vol. 15 of **'X'**!

**Dictionary:** **-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Inugami:** "Dog God". A dog shaped spirit that someone control  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Ojouchan:** Girl  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Souhoshi:** "Accompanying Star" or "Gemini" or "Twin Star"  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **laustic**: Well, poor Subaru didn't have it easy with Seishiro and Hokuto around but he'll learn to deal with them... I hope you will love future chapters too!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: I hope you're satisfed by how the situation resolved! Also I know I hadn't had the time to review your fic out of late but I still love it and I truly hope you'll continue it!

To **Lemonysh**: Let's say I'm still not satisfed with what I'm writing but things are going better... LOL Subaru's just born to attract this kind of love... There aren't not many chances to show the Subaru/Kamui relation but it's here and you'll see them interact again! I hope you liked the Subaru/Fuma chapter!

To **dgraymanxxx**: Yes, Sei&Su are very cute together!

To **dark**: Well, actually Fuma didn't want anything from Subaru... he just fulfil wishes or what he believes are other people's wishes...

To **kingleby**: Seishiro is a big baby and a glutton at heart... and I'm glad you liked the Subaru smiling scene!

To **Zuzanny**: I won't stop here, don't worry. Well, it would be a bit early to end the fic... we're just at Vol. 15... and I'm glad you're happy to see Sei & Su together!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments! 


	33. Chap 33: Children Of This Time

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 33: Children Of This Time"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"You are the children of this time  
You are the bread and the wine  
You are companions 'till the end  
You've got yourselves to defend."  
(Europe - "Children Of This Time")_**

When Hokuto also managed to return back with Kamui-chan and Yuzuriha-chan the first thing she did was check on her brother and Sei-chan. Hokuto found them in their room, Sei-chan sitting on the bed, hovering over an unconscious Subaru-kun. Her brother seemed serene in his sleep, his injuries all carefully bandaged, and Sei-chan was holding his hand like a child's. They were kind of a cute picture, even if Subaru was paler than she would have liked him to be and Sei-chan seemed a bit out of it, as if he was completely unaware of the world around them, his gaze solely fixed on Subaru. He probably was unaware of the world around them since he nearly jumped when she put an ice pack against his forehead, giving her the clear impression that, for once, she had caught the Sakurazukamori by surprise, but she knew better than to gloat that moment.

"You should also clean the blood away and put some disinfectant on your cuts," she said, checking his condition and ignoring his inquiring gaze. "And you should change your shirt. I'm ready to bet if Subaru sees the blood on it he'll freak out."

"Hokuto-chan, what do you want?" he asked suspiciously, raising his gaze on her as he held Subaru's hand more tightly. Her gaze softened.

"Thank you for protecting my brother," she said in a very honest tone with a bow of her head. "Thank you for protecting Subaru." He shrugged, dismissing her words as unimportant.

"I didn't do it for you. Subaru-kun is mine. No one is allowed to hurt him," he informed her grumpily. Something was wrong with him, she just knew it. She decided to ignore his declaration of ownership. By now she was sure that, even if Sei-chan behaved and talked like considered Subaru just a toy, a possession, in truth her brother meant far more to him, even if she doubted he was aware of it. Absently she decided that one of those days she was going to explain to him that if one cared that much about someone else it meant that he loved that someone else and, if one loved someone, that wasn't the best way to talk or act. She couldn't know it would have been, far better, if she had done it right then.

"Kamui-chan and Yuzuriha-chan told me what happened. Fuma-kun would have killed him if you hadn't been there." He didn't reply as his gaze returned to Subaru. Yes, something was up only they weren't exactly close enough for her simply to ask him what was wrong. Oh well... she was almost his sister in law. She could take that confidence.

"Sei-chan? What's wrong?" she asked him gently.

Seishiro's eyes turned on her and he studied her carefully before deciding that replying wouldn't harm him.

"Kamui said that Subaru-kun has a Wish," he admitted. Hokuto sighed. He sounded exactly like a child complaining about how a classmate had been mean to him. It should be impossible for a murderer to look so... However... every time Fuma-kun told someone that this someone had a Wish horrible things happened. He killed Kotori-chan and Daisuke, almost did the same with Yuzuriha-chan, hurt Kamui-chan and she wouldn't even go into what he had done to Subaru.

"Did he say what it is about?" she asked, frowning as she stared at Subaru with concern. Sei-chan shook his head. "Fuma-kun has some twisted ideas about fulfilling wishes... I bet if one asks him for a helping hand in doing some job, he would rip it off the nearest person and throw it at him." Sei-chan shrugged.

"I don't care what he does, as long as the hands he rips off aren't Subaru-kun's. What does he want from Subaru-kun?" he asked more to himself than to her. She sighed.

"What does he want from anyone? Fuma-kun was a nice boy but after this mess started... I don't know Sei-chan, he was your boss or something, you should know what is going on in his mind better than me..."

"No one knows what's on Kamui's mind..." he muttered unhappily.

"Then you'll talk to Subaru and put some sense into **__his__** mind. If there's someone he'll listen to, that someone is you. Tell him not to do anything risky or wish for insane things," she decided. She would have liked to do it herself but she doubted her opinion would have mattered much to Subaru... He nodded without conviction. "What's wrong now, Sei-chan?"

"Nothing," he stated coldly. She sighed. She knew she wouldn't get him to open further.

"I guess you'll talk about it with Subaru, won't you?" No reply. She shook her head in exasperation. Maybe it would be easier to put some sense in a three years old than into that stubborn brat that was Sakurazuka Seishiro-chan. "I'll leave you two alone now. Subaru should really sleep some more and you seem to need rest as well," she said then, hoping he would catch the hint. He didn't even seem to have heard her. She left but returned a short while later to bring him a slice of cake, saying he had deserved it before leaving them again.

Seishiro had no idea how to take all this. Apparently he was on Hokuto-chan's good side now. Not that he cared much. He didn't feel particularly hungry either. He didn't want to eat, he just wanted Subaru back...

Subaru-kun awoke not much later, sitting up with a start. The second after he trapped Seishiro in a hug. Seishiro sighed in Subaru-kun's embrace and hugged him back, resting his head on the boy's shoulder tiredly. They didn't move for a while. Then they parted and stared at each other, resting their foreheads one against the other.

"Subaru-kun... that battle didn't concern you... why did you involve yourself? Do you realize you threw yourself into the heat of the battle without even bothering to shield yourself against the Sakanagi and while you weren't at the best of your form? What were you trying to do?" Seishiro asked slowly, careful to keep his tone gentle. He didn't want to entertain the possibility that the boy had gone there to help Kamui-chan. Kamui-chan should never matter to Subaru-kun, should never cause Subaru-kun to abandon Seishiro in order to go helping the boy against the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. No, Subaru-kun couldn't care for Kamui-chan. The boy must care for him and him only.

"Trying to keep you safe... I didn't mean to involve you in that battle... why did you come? You shouldn't have... Kamui hurt you and I didn't want that... I never wanted that... You shouldn't have come... Why did you come?" the boy repeated in an almost whimpering tone, gentle fingers caressing Seishiro's bruised temple delicately.

"Subaru-kun... you're mine... didn't I promise you he would never touch you again?" he reminded him, leaning into the touch. Only Subaru-kun's touch could feel so nice, almost featherlike and yet so lovingly he...

"But I don't want you to get hurt! You mustn't get hurt! You shouldn't have come! I don't want you to get hurt! Ever!" the boy stated in the same tone he had used to yell at him before. Only, back then it had... disturbed him to have Subaru-kun yelling at him as if he'd been angry at him, while now he could understand it had been merely a reaction caused by worry and found it kind of cute.

"Subaru-kun..." he said gently, wishing only to reassure him. His Subaru-kun, so kind and caring...

"I don't want you to!" the boy repeated angrily gripping his shoulders and there was something frustrated and needy in that behaviour and he... Subaru-kun... he wanted to be with Subaru-kun... be never parted from him... he... he would rip Kamui's throat if the brat got between the two of them again... he... he would kill whoever would try to keep them apart...

"Subaru-kun..." he whispered before dragging the boy close, as close as humanly possible, into a tight, possessive embrace, their lips meeting.

The next second they were too busy kissing each other to argue. How long had it been since the last time they had kissed, kissed for real? After what Kamui had done to Subaru-kun kisses had always been fleeting and, now that Seishiro thought about it, never on the lips. He had no idea why they hadn't kissed before but, now that they were doing it, it felt definitely good and he wanted more and Subaru-kun seemed of the same opinion. Their grip around each other tightened, touches became urgent and... and... and he made the stupid mistake of trying to free Subaru-kun of his shirt.

He could have banged his head against the wall in frustration as the boy quickly broke their embrace with a gasp and turned away, leaving him unsure about what to do. He saw that Subaru-kun had wrapped his arms around himself, trembling slightly and mentally cursed himself. He should have remembered the boy was... vulnerable right then, he should have remembered it wasn't a good idea anymore to try to undress Subaru-kun without warning him first, he should have remembered... instead he'd been an idiot and he'd only managed to upset Subaru-kun and need a cold shower himself.

"I'm sorry, Subaru-kun," he said, resting his hand on the boy's shoulder. "I didn't mean to push you, I..."

"That's not it!" the boy exclaimed, tightening his hold around himself as he shook his head. "I wanted to... and I can't... and it's just... it's so... not fair... I'm so sorry, I... I..." Subaru-kun trailed off and Seishiro simply dragged the boy closer to himself and rubbed his back soothingly. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was frustrated and that wanted their relationship back as it was before.

"It's okay, it's my fault, I went too fast. Hush, Subaru-kun, there's no need for you to be so upset, calm down, I should have been careful not to startle you, it's all right," he assured him, knowing that if he allowed Subaru-kun to start one of his guilt trips the situation would only worsen. The important thing right then was to calm him down. Slowly the boy turned to hug him, burying his head against his neck like a needy child. "It's okay," Seishiro whispered into Subaru-kun's ear again. "It's okay, now we'll go real slow and we'll see if I manage to get you at least out of your shirt." He felt Subaru-kun's body tensing again and fought back the urge to groan. "Socks then? It shouldn't be too hard to get you out of your socks. Socks aren't scary... unless you've been wearing them for quite a long time..." he offered. This relaxed Subaru-kun a bit as he offered him a hesitant smile. Beautiful, Seishiro thought as he kissed him gently, trailing his fingers through Subaru-kun's hair. Maybe he should think of it as if it Subaru-kun was still an inexperienced teenager and this was his first time and in a fashion it was. First time without a spell in between them. Let's try... it was just a matter of being gentle and slow... and maybe wary... and to ignore those tiny nips that the boy was giving his neck that where threatening to shatter his control and... and...

* * *

Hours later they were lying together under the covers. Socks, shirt and undershirt, Seishiro counted mentally as he kissed the boy's forehead. And thank Kami-sama for the invention of hand jobs. He wondered if they should try blowjobs also. They weren't too fond of it. They just liked to hold each other, and kiss each other, and call each other, and hear each other whispering the other's name. Hand jobs... weren't exactly their favourite thing either but it would do for the moment. It was a step forward. He only had to make sure it was the first in a series.

"That's my Wish, Subaru-kun," he whispered slowly. "To be just the two of us with **__no one__** getting in between." A Wish that had been a bit troublesome that morning since in order to get rid of who was trying to get in between them he would have been forced to risk Subaru-kun's life which wasn't an acceptable option. He was glad everything had worked out in the end. Subaru-kun snuggled closer and Seishiro enjoyed the sensation of their skin touching. "Subaru-kun... Kamui said..."

"I don't want you to get hurt," Subaru-kun said simply, guessing perfectly what was on his mind. "Not even a scratch. I won't allow anyone to hurt you," Subaru continued, eyes darkening. For Seishiro-san the world was simple. He didn't care about it and expected the world to just do the same and leave him be or, even better, to do his bidding. If not he would make it regret. Subaru... Subaru was the type who thought forward. He wanted the world to be a safe place for Seishiro-san, he wanted him to never be threatened. He wanted him to live.

"That's sweet, Subaru-kun," the man replied, hugging him tighter. He just didn't realize the whole depth of Subaru's Wish, his whole meaning. Sweet. To Seishiro-san his Wish was just... _'sweet'_. Subaru knew Seishiro-san never thought much of him. To him Subaru was just a frail toy he had taken for temporal amusement and which he had grown particularly fond of. Seishiro-san was gentle, affectionate, jealous, protective with him but, as he told him many times, he viewed him as his possession, nothing more. Recently... recently after those horrible things had happened, he had almost seemed... he had seemed... but Subaru knew better than to delude himself. It didn't matter. Seishiro-san didn't love him but he loved Seishiro-san and that was all that mattered.

Despite the life he had lived until now Subaru was a Ten no Ryu, a Ten no Ryu born to protect his own Special Person. He was going to do just that, protect the one for whom he could erect a Kekkai, he was going to protect him any way possible and at any price and that was his Wish.

As the Chi no Ryu's Kamui had said he too suffered the Ten no Ryu's fatal flaw. A flaw that someone was planning to use against him.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the manga you can see that, when Yuzuriha spotted him, Fuma was over the Japan Tobacco Building which is in Minato.

2. Yuzuriha and Kusanagi from **'X'** Vol. 13.

**JJ's Extra Notes:** I guess I'll never be satisfied with how this chapter is but it seems I can't write it any better... also I know you're all disappointed but Subaru isn't going to recover from what had happened as fast as many would like him to. He will still need time, patience and care. To make up for this, however, he's recovering in adjusting his own perceptions and slowly developing a sense of independence.  
Also, Hokuto is getting used to Seishiro. She still doesn't trust him completely but they've made some progress.

**Dictionary:** **-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Kami:** God  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakanagi:** "Reverse effect". Backlash of a spell  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **laustic**: Yes, Seishiro is slowly learning Subaru's importance and how horrible is, for him, to be without him. It's a hard lesson and Subaru's not helping... and more troubles are on their way...

To **Francesca Akira89**: Well, Seishiro's not so fond of how Subaru's getting his memory back but that's not his main problem. The real problem for him is to keep Subaru all in one piece...  
About the punctuation formatting problem... no, I didn't forget or made a weird stylistic choice. For unknown reasons when I uploaded the chapter on it turned out like that so I had to reupload it. Thank you for warning me.

To **TsubasaSyaoforever**: WOW, thank you for all your comments!  
Seishiro is very protective of Subaru and he'll become even more protective in future. As for Subaru he'll always stay loyal to him! Sadly the Sumeragi needed someone to replace Subaru. They knew to have Hokuto as head wouldn't be like having Subaru but they NEEDED a family head. Yes, TB knowledge helps a lot to understand the characters. No, Seishiro isn't blind in his eye, that incident never took place here.  
As for the spell... well, it had been placed before Seishiro had felt the need to seduce Subaru into his bed... and he hadn't used it to force Subaru to sleep with him, even though it had conditioned Subaru's actions...  
The DOH live in a two stores house. It has western style elements but I've seen anime characters living in western style houses and still removing their shoes when they enter in them so I figure the DOH are the same.  
Yes, in TB subaru doesn't complain about shots but he's 16. Hokuto remembers him making a face when he was 8 and since Seishiro spoiled him in his own way he never grew out of his disliking for medicines. You'll discover more about the incidents in the future, don't worry!

To **Zuzanny**: Well, since the manga is unfinished I've no idea if CLAMP and I have planned the same ending for the characters...

To **French Toasted Pancake**: (blushes) thank you a lot for your kind words! I'm truly happy you like this story! Yes, the story contains a good amount of Subaru torture (sadly Subaru is born to be tortured) but Seishiro has his own share as well... and I agree he's delicious when he's possessive... ;)

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments! 


	34. Chap 34: In The Future To Come

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 34: In The Future To Come"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"So many years ago the people on this Earth  
They were laughin'  
They didn't think of anything else  
Than love and peace  
But generations failed to see  
That they were causin'  
Trouble for the future  
They didn't know that one single war  
Would continue to increase_**

But I'll be beside you  
Cause I want to hide you  
I'll cover my pain  
Or I'll gone insane

Oh Lord where will it end  
When tomorrow is done  
Oh Lord can we stop to pretend  
That we can survive in the future to come."  
(Europe - "In The Future To Come")

Subaru and Seishiro had dinner in bed that day and the morning after they got up some time after lunchtime to discover there was no one in the house but them. It was easy to assume the teenagers had all left for school. As for Hokuto-chan... Seishiro found a note (adorned by many Hokuto-chan shaped doodles, all of them with cat ears that didn't quite match their firm expression) that said: _'Gone to buy groceries for the party tonight. Left you lunch in the fridge. Behave and wait **_HERE_**!'_(1)

_'Here'_ was all in capital letters, underlined a couple of times and accompanied by a doodle with the firmest expression of all.

"I can't believe it. Your sister has actually left me alone with you. I wonder if Kamui-chan or Arisugawa-kun had to drug her to accomplish that. Or maybe it's a sign that the end of the world is closer than we thought," was all Seishiro commented as he moved to raid the fridge, planning to prepare a wonderful breakfast for himself and his Subaru-kun.

"Maybe she just decided she likes you. After all you two have a lot in common..." Subaru-kun suggested with a gentle smile, sitting on a chair tiredly and resting his head on one of his hands. He was still worn out by all that had happened the past few days and yet... somehow he felt a little better, as if it was getting easier every day to find his own focus. Maybe, as Seishiro-san as said, it was just a matter of getting used again to his new status quo. His smile widened slightly as Seishiro-san ruffled his hair like one would with a child, smiling down at him.

"Hokuto-chan? Liking me? Subaru-kun, really..." he commented but he sounded rather amused at Subaru's suggestion. "And I really can't see what we could have in common apart from wanting to keep you safe and happy... So you'd better stay that way," he stated, waving an admonishing finger at him.

"See? You too can see you two have something in common... and I'm sure by now she knows you enough to like you a lot," Subaru-kun insisted. "Maybe I should be jealous..." he whispered, so very quietly Seishiro almost missed it, his gaze lowering.

"That would be really silly, Subaru-kun. Your sister can't even hope to compare with you," Seishiro stated firmly, tapping Subaru-kun's nose and making him smile timidly again before resuming his breakfast preparations. "And now give me one good reason why Hokuto-chan should like me besides the fact that I'm amazingly sexy, incredibly intelligent and the most caring boyfriend anyone could wish for, all things I think she misses completely. Really, Subaru-kun, sometimes I wonder what sort of man your sister would like. Did you know she said she has a romantic life? Do you think she's into women?" he asked in a wondering tone and felt satisfied when Subaru-kun covered his mouth to hide a chuckle.

"Seishiro-san, really..." he began. Seishiro just move closer to him to set the food in front of him, then bent down to kiss his forehead.

"I like to hear you laugh... I love it... I want you to be happy, Subaru-kun. I won't allow anyone else to make you cry again. Ever," he stated. "No one will ever make my Subaru-kun sad." Subaru-kun stared at him in silence for a moment, then his gaze became serious.

"Then don't get hurt, Seishiro-san. Never. Never," he told him firmly. "I... I don't think I'd be able to bear it," he added quietly, lowering his gaze as he grasped Seishiro's hand and nuzzled his cheek against it, looking so very similar to the child Seishiro had met so long ago in one of his Maboroshi he couldn't help but smile at him fondly.

"Don't worry, Subaru-kun. This time no one will manage to part us. We're born to stay together and we'll stay that way for the rest of our lives. I promise," he stated confidently as if that was the simplest, most obvious truth in the world, which it wasn't but Seishiro didn't know that yet and, at the moment, didn't care. He was too busy enjoying Subaru-kun's smile to worry about such things.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent quietly and later, in the evening, all the Ten no Ryu collected in the house, celebrating Yuzuriha-chan's return and the fact that, **__finally__**, they all were together. Three other young men also joined the party. Seishiro immediately recognized the blond one; Imonoyama Nokoru-san was the youngest son of one of the richest family of all Japan that had also founded CLAMP Gakuen. He suspected his secretary, a blue haired man always hovering around him, was from the Takamura-ke, whose members were rumoured to be descendants of a Ninja clan, at the top of military arts in Japan and also famous for being superior bodyguards... There were lot of celebrities and politicians who wanted someone from the Takamura-ke as bodyguards but, apparently, its members were allowed to freely choose the ones that they wanted to protect. He had never heard anything about the other person that was with them, Ijyuin-san, but of the group of people in the house he was his favourite because he had brought lots of delicious food and, if there was a thing Seishiro liked, besides Subaru-kun of course, it was good food.(2)

Seishiro however didn't bother try to socialize with anyone, he contented himself with leaning against a wall, sampling one of the cakes Ijyuin-san had brought, Subaru-kun snuggling quietly in his arms while the other Ten no Ryu, Hokuto-chan and the three young men were busy chatting amongst themselves. He was only half paying attention to their conversation, glad the others were leaving them alone. He really had no interest in interacting with them and he preferred it if Subaru-kun didn't have to interact with them either.

"... Going to get killed and I couldn't do anything except watching! So I decided I would never allow it because I didn't want anyone else to die and that I wanted the strength to protect myself and everyone and... and Inuki just appeared!" the young girl answering to the name of Yuzuriha-chan was telling to Karen-san, evidently reporting what had happened during her meeting with the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. She sounded so cheerful and in a good mood one could almost believe she'd won the battle when instead it had been Kamui who had, all of sudden and without a rational reason, decided to leave the battleground.

"I'm glad you have your Inuki back," the woman replied to Yuzuriha-chan, smiling kindly, as if she were feeling some sort of affection for her. It was odd but the Ten no Ryu all seemed fond of each other for no clear reason at all.

"And it's also wonderful you all managed to leave the place all in one piece," Aoki-san added, smiling at the girl as well. The puppy in her arms yapped happily and Seishiro noticed Subaru-kun looking at it wistfully. He knew the boy had always loved pets but he didn't try to move from the safe shelter of Seishiro's embrace to give it a closer look and Seishiro was happier that way. Just the two of them. Subaru-kun didn't need anyone else, not even a puppy. Unfortunately the girl caught Subaru-kun's gaze and walked up to them, puppy still in her arms.

"I believe we haven't been properly introduced yet," she announced politely, yet with a bright smile. "I'm Nekoi Yuzuriha from Mitsumine Jinja and this is my Inuki," she continued, showing them the puppy.

"Sakurazuka Seishiro," Seishiro-san replied with a charming smile that hid the fact he would have preferred to be left alone.

"... Subaru," Subaru-kun said simply, still looking at the puppy wistfully. "Can I..." he started hesitantly, timidly reaching a hand out toward the puppy. Evidently asking him to ignore a puppy that was so close to him was like asking Seishiro to ignore cake. Animals were one of Subaru-kun's biggest weaknesses, just after Seishiro and Subaru-kun's too kind heart.

"Sure! Here, you can hold him!" the girl replied, shoving the puppy into his arms. Subaru-kun took it hesitantly and then looked up at Seishiro, who, despite not really liking that interaction, simply smiled at him nodding. He figured some small concessions would do Subaru-kun good, considering the boy wasn't well yet. Subaru-kun smiled back, one of his most beautiful smiles that made it worth the sacrifice of letting him waste his time with a puppy. Subaru stroked the soft fur of the Inugami and gently scratched his ears. The Inugami submitted quietly to the attentions, apparently enjoying them like a real dog would.

"Who would have thought, our Subaru-san has a weak spot for dogs," Arisugawa-kun commented cheerfully, unfortunately moving closer to them as well and Seishiro figured their peace had just ended and they would be forced to interact now.

"Subaru always loved pets," Hokuto-chan informed him, as if **__she__** was the biggest source of information about Subaru-kun. "He always spent lot of time just watching them. I remember once he smuggled a basket filled with homeless kittens at home and hid them in his room because Obaachama would never allow us to keep them, only the kittens got out and wandered through the whole house, causing all sorts of messes and Obaachama..."

"I don't remember this," Subaru interrupted her, gently returning Inuki to Nekoi-chan as he moved back to hug Seishiro-san. Somehow getting info about the past he had forgotten scared him, made him feel pressured, unfit. He felt Seishiro-san caressing his hair in an almost soothing manner and tried to ignore Sumeragi-san's sad gaze. He hadn't meant to hurt her but... he didn't remember and he wasn't sure if he would ever want to. Sometimes he had the feeling he could do it if he wanted to but... he didn't feel ready for it yet. Sumeragi-san however smiled at him.

"I guess it doesn't matter much. It wasn't very important. What matters most to me is that you're fine," she told him and she sounded... sincere. Subaru looked at her confused. How could she care for him? She hadn't seen him for sixteen years and he wasn't the child she remembered anymore. He knew the Sumeragi Ichimon didn't want him back, didn't want back a boy who'd been raised by the Sakurazukamori, had a relationship with him and... and had been tainted by an _'encounter'_ with the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. She should have realized by now he wasn't her little brother anymore and had no worth for her family... so why was she still kind with him as if she still wanted him? Subaru didn't know, didn't understand. Seishiro believed it was really obvious instead, anyone with an ounce of brain would pay good money to own Subaru-kun but he saw him first and Subaru-kun was solely his and Hokuto-chan would never have him back. Never.

"Yes! We should be really glad _'he'_ let us go!" Yuzuriha-chan said cheerfully in the meantime, before placing a hand on her mouth hurriedly and looking at Kamui worriedly. Apparently the Chi no Ryu's Kamui was a taboo argument in front of the Ten no Ryu's Kamui.

"It's okay, Yuzuriha," the boy assured her, forcing himself to smile. "I'm glad Fuma let us go even if... I wish I could understand him. Understand why he does what he does and... bring him back. That's my Wish..." he whispered and Subaru frowned as he looked at him. Kamui seemed in pain, a pain he knew rather well. The pain of a person who'd been forced to part from his loved one.

"He said it was Nekoi-san's Wish. She wished to live so he let us go," he offered, not knowing if this would help Kamui but willing to try. Such a young boy shouldn't feel such a horrible pain.

"That's not really helpful. I mean... I don't think all the people who died in the earthquake wished to die... Why fulfil Yuzuriha-chan's Wish and not theirs?" Arisugawa-kun asked.

"Because he's a megalomaniac teenager with an _'I'm a Kami-sama'_ complex that wanted to show he could also be merciful if he wanted to," Seishiro-san stated with a shrug, still stroking Subaru's hair soothingly. He had never had a high opinion of his own Kamui and, after what had happened, he viewed him in an even worse light.

"He... doesn't see things like us. When he says he sees Wishes... I think he doesn't get the whole picture or doesn't understand exactly what people are Wishing," Subaru tried to explain. "People in the earthquake are scared, maybe in pain, they don't want to be there, they don't want to be in pain. They Wish not to be there, not to be in pain. If they die they won't be there, if they die the pain would end but dying wasn't exactly what they wanted. Just... a way to apparently fulfil their Wish. Wishes may be fleeting and include many variables. It's like... it's like if he sees the crystallization of the core of the Wish without understanding all that's around to it."

"So if, for example, I Wish to have so much ice cream I could drown in it, he would literally drown me in ice cream?" Nekoi-san offered.

"I think so," Subaru replied.

"Oh boy, that's scary," Arisugawa-kun commented. "We'd better not Wish for anything around him. This sounds like a revised edition of that _'Wishmaster'_ movie."(3)

"Oh, by the way, does anyone have an idea what the _'Ten no Ryu's genetic flaw'_ could be?" Nekoi-san asked. "He said we all have a genetic flaw..."

"I can make you undergo medical exams if you want..." Imonoyama-san offered.

"I'm sure Subaru-kun is just perfect as he is. No genetic flaws," Seishiro stated, tightening his hold around him. Okay, so maybe Subaru-kun had an extra twin sister he could do without but that surely wasn't Subaru-kun's fault. "I think he was referring to a Wish that he considers a genetic flaw. Everything revolves around Wishes according to him."

"Well... We all Wish to protect someone," Aoki-san offered. "Can this be considered a flaw?"

"What sort of flaw is it to wish to protect someone?" Sumeragi-san asked. "Besides, I don't think it's just a Ten no Ryu's thing. Everyone has someone he wishes to protect, even Sei-chan who's a Chi no Ryu!"

Seishiro blinked as he found himself unexpectedly involved in the _'protecting someone'_ thing. Of course he wanted to protect Subaru-kun but his Wish was rather _'to be left alone with him'_ than _'to have to protect him'_. Then, if someone were to get in between the fulfilment of his Wish to be left alone with the boy, he would kill him, but it was different.

"Don't the other Chi no Ryu have someone they want to protect too?" Hokuto-chan asked, turning toward him as if he was supposed to know them and their silly Wishes.

"Ask Subaru-kun. He's the one who did all the socializing," he replied anyway. He had never been particularly happy with Subaru-kun socializing with them but if now it could turn out to be of some use... "Have they someone they care for, Subaru-kun?"

"I think... it's not the same. Caring and wanting to protect. Kazuki-san... he wants to be with Kamui but he would kill him should Kamui ask him to do so," Subaru-kun began and Karen-san gasped at his words. Apparently, as Seishiro had suspected, she had really a weak spot for Kamui's pet.

"Who's Kazuki-san?" Kishu-chan asked.

"He was with Kamui at Sunshine 60 and he was the one who caused the earthquake the day we went shopping," Seishiro clarified.

"He's also the one who tried to blow up the Yamanote-sen," Karen-san added. "A blond guy came to help him."

"That should be Kigai-san... I know Kigai-san has someone he considers like a younger sister... and that he cares for Satsuki-san to some extent... I think... I think in a fashion he cares for all the Chi no Ryu..." Seishiro nodded. Kigai-san had kind of helped him when he couldn't find Subaru-kun. He was in debt with the guy. But he had no idea if he would feel like returning the favour.(4)

"I think I ran into him when I came in Tokyo to meet Kamui. He said he was a civil servant," Arisugawa-kun informed them. "He was a funny guy after a fashion. So what is he doing with the Chi no Ryu if he has someone he cares for?"

"He wants to see what will happen," Subaru-kun reported.

"What will happen?" Kamui-chan repeated. Subaru-kun nodded.

"He... he said that he thinks it's more interesting to follow the flow of destiny than to fight it," he explained.

"It seems a dumb idea to me. One has to fight to get what he wants, not just... sit and hope everything will go well!" Sumeragi-san exclaimed. There was a chorus of people agreeing with her.

"I think... I think that even if Kigai-san always smiles he's not very happy," Subaru-kun added. "I think... he doesn't believe he can make a difference."

"So he'll just let himself die?" Sumeragi-san asked in disbelief.

"No, I don't think so. I think... he'll do what he feels like doing when he feels like doing it..." Subaru-kun replied, unable to explain himself better.

"Sounds like a lazy thing to do," Sumeragi-san replied.

"But he came to save Kazuki. And as far as we know he never caused an earthquake," Karen-san pointed out.

"Kigai is weird," Seishiro replied. "There's undoubtedly more to him than meets the eye. I've heard it's quite complex to be a Mizutsukai and he also knows Ninja arts." He didn't really mind talking about the other Chi no Ryu's strong and weak points. It wasn't as if he cared about them anyway. If he had let himself be involved in this end of the world business, it was only due to his role as Sakurazukamori.

"He does?" Takamura-san asked, suddenly interested.

"He goes around with a Kyoketsu Shogi or something similar and knows how to use it quite well," Seishiro explained.

"Interesting..." Takamura-san commented, a thoughtful expression on his face. Yes, Seishiro thought, he had to be from the Takamura-ke.

"You've mentioned a Satsuki-san, Subaru-san," Kishu-chan asked. "Who's she?"

"Cybergirl is the one who blew up Shinjuku. I think one of you fought her," Seishiro pointed out. He remembered that day. He'd been trapped in a Kekkai so a Ten no Ryu must have been around. Had he chosen not to go out to attack Hokuto-chan Subaru-kun... He tightened his hold around the boy and caressed his hair affectionately.

"That would be me," Yuzuriha replied, pointing at herself. "I remember her. She used cables and she asked me why it was wrong to kill humans. Inuki... Inuki died to protect me from her. Because I couldn't explain it to her."

"Satsuki-san thinks life is boring and the only thing she can interact with are computers," Subaru-kun pointed out.

"I was of the opinion she could interact with Kigai too. She looked quite interested in _'interacting'_ with him..." Seishiro underlined.

"She's not aware of it so it doesn't count," Subaru-kun reminded him. "As long as she doesn't realize it's as though she isn't. Kamui also said something similar." Subaru-kun frowned, trying to remember. "He said: _'People only see what they want to see and only believe what they want to believe in. If one believes something... then that will be true to him. It'll be his Wish. Whatever you believe is the reality you're in.'_ Or something similar. Satsuki-san doesn't know she cares for Kigai-san, therefore, as far as she's concerned, she doesn't and that's her truth."

"Maybe someone should inform her..." Hokuto-chan suggested innocently. Seishiro had the impression that she would love to meddle with Satsuki-chan and Kigai's love life. He made a mental note to make sure she would never have the chance to do the same with his. Dealing with Subaru-kun at the moment was complicated enough. He didn't need his twin sister make things worse.

"Then there's Kuzuki-san," Subaru-kun continued and Hokuto-chan seemed to grow very interested at that point.

"Oh, yeah, Mister _'I'm waiting for my death'_," Seishiro commented. He and Kuzuki had never gotten along in an odd sort of way. It wasn't like they had ever argued. They didn't even really talk with each other. Kuzuki seemed to dislike him for his relationship with Subaru-kun, even though he didn't seem to want Subaru-kun for himself and Seishiro hadn't forgiven Kuzuki for not telling him where Subaru-kun was after the boy had disappeared. Maybe Kuzuki was just a homophobe, however, sadly he could hide behind Kamui so Seishiro hadn't had the chance to teach him it wasn't a smart thing to deny the Sakurazukamori an answer but that didn't mean he had forgotten. And anyway, homophobe or not, his relationship with Subaru-kun was none of Kuzuki's business.

"What do you mean?" Hokuto-chan asked, paling slightly. Maybe she wasn't used to dealing with suicidal people.

"He Wishes to die. He's with the Chi no Ryu because Kamui had promised he'll kill him," Seishiro clarified.

"But... but why?" she asked then.

"Because he's a YumeMi. Only someone as insane and powerful as Kamui would go and try to kill a YumeMi," he reminded her. To kill a YumeMi was a taboo. Seishiro had no idea why but, as everyone who was into spiritual things, he knew that trying to do so was a Very Bad Idea. Rumours said that they were protected by destiny. Those who harmed them or tried to always had a Very Bad End.(5)

"I think I met him. He told me that if I use the ShinKen I can get Fuma back but would also cause a tragedy," Kamui said. "He didn't explain what exactly I should do and Hinoto couldn't tell me anything useful either."

"Yes, but why should he want to die?" Hokuto-chan insisted. Seishiro turned to look at Subaru-kun. Despite probably being a homophobe Kuzuki had somehow managed to get along with Subaru-kun... but who wouldn't adore him at first sight?

"He has no reason to live," the boy explained succinctly.

"No reason to live? What sort of reason is that?" Hokuto-chan yelled as if she'd never heard anything so dumb.

"As a YumeMi his destiny is to be closed in somewhere dream-gazing. Before being kidnapped by Kamui he had never been allowed out of the room he was in, or met anyone. If Kamui loses this battle he'll be trapped back there again. It's not nice. That's why he'd rather die," Subaru-kun clarified.

"Sounds a lot like Hinoto-hime's life," Kishu-chan pointed out.

"Poor guy..." Yuzuriha-chan whispered.

"But... but that's not fair! He shouldn't Wish for that! He should Wish to be free and..." Hokuto-chan continued heatedly. Seishiro found it interesting how she got worked up about someone she had never met... or had she?

"I told him so. He didn't listen to me," Subaru-kun replied. Hokuto-chan stomped her feet on the ground.

"I refuse to accept this! I..."

"When did you meet Kuzuki, Hokuto-chan?" Seishiro asked her sweetly, grinning widely. He thought he'd just discovered something interesting about his dear _'sister in law'_.

"I..." the girl blushed, increasing her resemblance to Subaru-kun, only Subaru-kun was much cuter than her.

"Subaru-kun, I think your sister is having a love affair with the Chi no Ryu's YumeMi. She's fraternizing with the enemy and who knows what else!" he teased, feeling particularly pleased. He hadn't forgotten Hokuto-chan's taunting.

"Sei-chan, that's not how it is!"

"So how is it, Hokuto-chan?" he countered, trying to goad her further.

"Seishiro-san..." Subaru-kun called, likely trying to stop them from arguing. Arisugawa-kun hurried to help him.

"There's still another Chi no Ryu, isn't there?" he asked, probably planning to divert their attention. Hokuto-chan frowned and Seishiro grinned at her even more but more for the sake of Subaru-kun than anything else, the two of them stopped arguing.

"I don't know the last Chi no Ryu," Subaru-kun replied. "He came to meet Kamui only once and we weren't there. Kigai-san told me his name but I can't remember it right now," he looked at Seishiro as in search of help. Seishiro remembered quite well why they hadn't been there that day. They had been busy in the same way he wished they could be busy right now instead of wasting their time socializing with Ten no Ryu and answering silly questions.

"I don't remember either," he admitted. "It was a weird name anyway, as if they had inverted the first name and surname, like in Yuzuriha-chan's case."

"Oh, I know another person who has a name like that but I don't think he can be a Chi no Ryu," Yuzuriha said. "He's so gentle and..." She blushed.

Seishiro thought it would be interesting if the person Yuzuriha-chan was talking about were the missing Chi no Ryu after all. He had Subaru-kun, Karen-san wanted Kamui's pet, Kamui-chan wanted Kamui, Hokuto-chan chose Kuzuki and Yuzuriha-chan would get Mystery Man. It would seem like destiny was tying Chi no Ryu and Ten no Ryu together.

Subaru-kun snuggled closer to him, looking rather tired. It was definitely time to call it a night and take Subaru-kun to bed. And practice being slow and gentle. He wouldn't mind getting Subaru-kun out of his pants either...

* * *

Somewhere in the middle of the water universe of which her dreams were made, someone was observing the whole scene, smiling a malicious smile. A dream that previously had been blurred and unfocused was taking a more definite shape in front of her and now she just knew who was the one involved in it. It was finally time to have the first Ten no Ryu fall. It was finally time to set her plans into motions. Under her, her mirror reflection soundlessly knocked against the water-like wall that divided them. She was trapped, without a way to get out. She could only hope in Kamui... She could only hope that the boy would kill her... That he would kill her before it would be too late...

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In the manga Hokuto wrote Seishiro a note with a sketch of herself with cat ears. I thought it was fitting she would do it here too.

2. For those who haven't read the manga but solely watched the anime I'll tell you that in the manga, as already mentioned, the school's director is Imonoyama Nokoru, one of the characters of **'CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Dan'**. He has two assistants, Takamura Suoh and Ijyuin Akira who also figured in **'CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Dan'**.

3. _'Wishmaster'_ is a horror movie in which a genie fulfils wishes in the worst manner possible (E.g: if you don't want to see something he'll rip your eyes out).

4. In the drama cd Yuto leaves a message on the answering machine of Tomoe, whom he calls his younger sister. However, in **'Hagunsei Senki'**, another unfinished manga by CLAMP, it is said the two of them aren't related they just call each other brother and sister.

5. This is completely made up by me for this fic and not supported anywhere in **'X'**. Actually I think Kakyou wanted Kamui to kill him because it's troublesome for a comatose man to kill himself.

**JJ's Extra Notes:** I know, I know, it seems they do nothing but talk... but some conversations will turn important later so please bear them.

**Dictionary:** **-chan:** Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Inugami:** "Dog God". A dog shaped spirit that someone control  
**Jinja:** Shinto Shrine  
**Kami:** God  
**Ke:** "Family" or "House"  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Kyoketsu Shogi:** Purely a Ninja weapon. It had a twin-bladed knife, one blade of which was hooked , with a length of rope, and was weighted with a heavy iron ring. The rope enable the weapon to be used as a short rope and grapple as well as a weapon.  
**Maboroshi:** Illusion  
**Mizutsukai:** Water Caster  
**Obaachama: ** "Grandmother" or "Old Woman"  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whoever threatens Japan  
**Sen:** Line  
**ShinKen:** "Sword Given By God" or "Sword Offered To God"  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". One that can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: LOL Seishiro will never be good at understanding people... but he's trying to understand Subaru at least...

To **laustic**: They're each other world so they try to guard each other the best they can. And yes, their relationship is almost symbiotic...

To **TsubasaSyaoforever**: Hokuto really didn't want the place of leader... but it gave her the excuse to go to Sakurazukamori-hunting so she accepted it. As of now she wouldn't mind to quit but Subaru at the moment isn't up to play head duty, so she's stuck in the role. Besides Seishiro has no plans to return Subaru to the Sumeragi. To him it's bad enough he has to share it with Hokuto so he's all for Hokuto keeping to play the leader (not that he deems her up to the position but he's willing to pretend he does if it makes his life easier).

To **Lemonysh**: Well, as of now we've reached Vol. 15 of 'X' so... (whistles innocently). Yes, Seishiro is starting to realize he's not as emotionless as he'd like to think... and Subaru's future behaviour will help him to understand this even more... though he would have preferred a less traumatic way...

To **Zuzanny**: Subaru is VERY protective of Seishiro. He would go against everyone and everything he believes, he would give all he has and more to keep him safe. And he would stubbornly continue doing it even when others would surrender. In itself this makes Subaru very dangerous.

To **Francesca Akira89**: LOL It's quite a change of pace from TB/X, isn't it? But Seishiro deserved it... not that Subaru had behaved better though... As long as Subaru has Seishiro to protect he would force himself to do everything, even face his worst fear. You're completely right at being worried for the future...

To **niwa-k**: I'm happy to know you love this! And Subaru's born to be adorable, there's no way to escape it!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments! 


	35. Chap 35: I Love You

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 35: I Love You"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"Suki sa shibireru hodo  
Suki sa kuyashii hodo  
Osoreru mono wa nani mo nai  
Suki sa wasurerarenai  
Kiriganai amai kuchizuke o  
Kaze ga muri ni hodoku  
Tomaranai atsui tokimeki ni  
Namida o misenai de  
Suki sa shibireru hodo  
Suki sa kuyashii hodo  
Omotsumereba kurii sou  
Suki sa hanashita kunai"  
("I love you, to my stupefaction.  
I love you, love you with compunction.  
There's no longer anything to be fearful of;  
I love you, I can't just dismiss you.  
We had to stop (stop) our own neverending sweet kiss  
when a sudden sirocco flew by.  
I cannot stop (stop) all the heat that comes from my heart;  
Please don't ever let me see you cry.  
I love you, to my stupefaction.  
I love you, love you with compunction.  
I can't go on cogitating without going mad;  
I love you, Ill never let go of you."  
(Anzen Chitai (Safety Zone) - "Sukisa")_**

The following days were surprisingly quiet giving Seishiro, Subaru-kun, Yuzuriha-chan and Kamui-chan time to recover from their injuries. Plus Subaru-kun had finally started to eat almost regularly, rarely feeling sick afterward and seemed to have finally gotten used to his new perception of the world.

To be completely honest Seishiro had been a bit bothered by the urgency Subaru-kun seemed to have about getting used to said new perception. Seishiro might understand how Subaru-kun's over-sensitivity could be a bit uncomfortable for the boy but he really didn't see any reason to get up each day that early in the morning and get to bed that late at night to... practice getting **__perfectly__** under control said over-sensitivity. After all it wasn't as if Subaru-kun had to take part in any battle if Seishiro were to have a say in it and Seishiro always made sure to have a say in everything Subaru-kun was doing. Plus, for once, Hokuto-chan was a wonderful support in making sure to keep Subaru-kun out of trouble. Between the two of them they basically were managing to keep Subaru-kun under surveillance 48 hours at day, maybe more.

What was really unnerving was that Subaru-kun didn't seem to notice their intention to keep him out of battles, or at least pretended not to. Well, no, Subaru-kun was totally unable to pretend anything but still that was the impression Seishiro received. The boy just behaved as if what they were doing was really very, very nice and appreciated but wouldn't stop him from whatever he was planning. And he was planning something, of this Seishiro was sure.

To Seishiro all this was disconcerting.

His opinion had never come second best in Subaru-kun's mind. Hokuto-chan was coping with the situation better. She just said that Subaru-kun had always been a stubborn child but that normally he was smart enough to avoid trouble and caring enough to avoid worrying others. Seishiro however didn't like the whole situation they were in. He wasn't used to having his opinion... neglected. Besides, even if Subaru-kun now smiled at him and was more affectionate and responsive than he had ever been before, he just felt... cut out as if he wasn't Subaru-kun's priority in life anymore.

Maybe it was also due to the fact that with all those Ten no Ryu around talking... no, bothering, it was definitely bothering, Subaru-kun he couldn't keep the boy all to himself anymore. He was honestly regretting his decision to come live with all those people. Plus _'slow and gentle'_ wasn't working fast enough in his opinion. There just hadn't been enough progress and Subaru-kun didn't seem to appreciate his attention anymore, nor his efforts to be patient.

That was why, that day, he ended up retreating to their room to think in peace. _'Thinking'_, that day, looked suspiciously like _'sulking'_ but he didn't really care. Hokuto-chan could keep Subaru-kun under surveillance for a while. It wasn't like she had anything better to do since the other Ten no Ryu were all out, gone talking to another of their helpers in their little, pointless crusade to save the world, and anyway, Seishiro deserved some free time on his own. Not that he liked to be without Subaru-kun around, it was just that having Subaru-kun around and still being ignored by him (or, at least, not being paid the proper amount of well deserved attention), was hard to swallow so he decided he needed some time to think (sulk) on his own. He didn't expect however, to have Subaru-kun join him almost immediately.

"What's wrong? If I have done something wrong I'm sorry..." the boy began to say in a very concerned tone, wrapping his arms around him from behind and Seishiro fought back an unpleasant sense of dj-vu, as he was suddenly reminded of something similar happening after the destruction of Sunshine 60. He turned abruptly to trap Subaru-kun into a tight hug, nuzzling his face against Subaru-kun's hair, inhaling the boy's scent deeply and pulling him against himself as much as he could, to make sure he was really there, with him. No, he told himself, no, what had happened back then wasn't going to happen again. Never. Subaru-kun would remain with him forever and ever and nobody, **__NOBODY__** would manage to tear them apart again.

"I miss you, Subaru-kun. I miss you so much..." he murmured, still holding him as tightly as he could against himself, enjoying how Subaru-kun was snuggling into his embrace, returning it in his own much gentler way.

"I'm right here," the boy assured him, although he sounded slightly confused, as if he really didn't realize how far he had been from Seishiro in the last days and maybe he really didn't understand. Maybe he was still slightly confused because of the strange situation they were in.

"You're here with your body," he agreed, kissing the boy's temple. "But, Subaru-kun... where's your mind?" he asked, trailing his fingers gently through Subaru-kun's hair, before distancing himself from him as much as he needed to look him in the eyes.

"With you, where else?" Subaru-kun replied, looking at him with a confused yet inquisitive expression. Seishiro shook his head. Sometimes Subaru-kun could be so dense... how could he think the minimal attention he was paying him could be considered _'being with him'_?

"You've got something on your mind, Subaru-kun, I know you do," he stated and stopped any protest the boy could utter by placing a finger on his lips. "You're an open book to me, Subaru-kun, no point in denying what is really obvious to my eyes. I know you've got something on your mind the same way as I know you remember more about your past than what you let Hokuto-chan believe," he added, studying him carefully. He saw Subaru-kun frowning and looking down with an expression that meant he was going to be stubborn about his own ideas.

"I'm not like before. I don't want her to get wrong ideas about me," he stated. Seishiro studied him carefully, caressing his cheek gently, soothingly, with his thumb, appreciating how Subaru-kun leaned into his touch, before asking his next question.

"Do you want to be like you were before?" he asked in a quiet whisper, not really wishing to say out loud those words but needing to know the answer. "Do you want to go back to that time in which you lived with them and..."

"No. Never," the boy replied in a very firm, very honest, very raw voice as if what he had been before had been very bad, shaking his head as well and clinging a little tighter to Seishiro.

"Subaru-kun... were they mean to you?" he asked confused. How could they? Subaru-kun had been such a sweet, adorable, obedient child. Who would ever be able to be mean to him?

"Not mean just... I didn't like it. I didn't like that life," Subaru replied, burying his head against Seishiro-san's chest. He didn't remember that much from his past life but he had a thing clear in his mind. A feeling of being inadequate, a deep fear of not being enough, not being good enough, of always doing something wrong, of being forced into a direction that he didn't want to go, into things that he didn't want to do. Seishiro-san had pulled him toward a direction or another as well but never... that much. It was a childlike type of pull that Seishiro-san had used with him, that of a bratty boy who wanted him do what he said, who wanted him to play with him in a game of his own choosing and according to his own rules. If Subaru were to say _'no'_, to refuse to play with him, Seishiro-san would pout, whine, whimper and stomp his feet in such a cute manner that Subaru wouldn't have the heart to really keep denying him. Subaru knew Seishiro-san wanted him to want what he wanted, wanted him to agree with him, not just to obey him. The few times he had imposed obedience on him he had also taken care to make up with him after it. "I... I only want to stay with you..."

"Subaru-kun..." Seishiro whispered then moved to kiss the boy's temple again. Kisses trailed lower, slowly hands moved to slide under the boy's shirt and he wanted... he wanted... he... he stilled, frowning and feeling displeased. It wasn't that Subaru-kun had flinched away or that he had frozen or... something else. It was just the realization that Subaru-kun was controlling whatever instinct was screaming inside him to pull away so that he could submit to his touch. What he had exchanged for nervousness in the previous days now, he realized, was just control. The truth was that the boy didn't want that, didn't want to be touched by him, but didn't want to tell him that either and this made it even worse somehow, as if he no longer trusted in Seishiro ability to understand and make everything better as he'd been doing for most of Subaru-kun's life. It was... irritating, well, no actually it wasn't irritating, it was something else, something that hurt, but Seishiro had no words to define it, so _'irritating'_ would do as he pulled away from Subaru-kun abruptly.

Subaru-kun stared at him in confusion, wide green eyes, reflecting a mix of hurt and fear and somehow seeing he caused Subaru-kun to have such an expression didn't improve his mood one bit.

"If you don't want to do it, just say so," he spat coldly, letting go of him and sticking his hands into his pockets, refusing to do so much as to touch him.

"Seishiro-san..." Subaru-kun almost whimpered, raising a hand toward the other man but not daring to touch him either.

"Don't _'Seishiro-san'_ me. I'm not the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. If you don't want to do it you should just say so," he continued, still in that cold tone he'd used so rarely on him, because he knew it was difficult for Subaru-kun to cope with it, and really, it normally wasn't needed with the boy but his patience had run out and he was tired of being the considerate one when Subaru-kun didn't even make the effort to trust him.

"But you want to do it..." Subaru-kun replied as if he really couldn't understand the point of that whole discussion and this was so... so very... irritating...

"That's not the point! I want to do it with **__you__**! If I have to do it with **__myself__** because your mind is miles away or it's not even enjoying what I do, then I don't need your presence in this room!" he retorted, sounding truly angry now. Subaru-kun lowered his head, looking like a beaten puppy.

"I'm sorry, I... I..." he babbled, hugging himself as if he was about to fall to pieces and maybe he hadn't recovered as much as Seishiro thought and this was really a bit too much for him. Besides Seishiro had never meant to get into an argument with him so why were they arguing? He sighed then rested his hands on the boy's shoulders, well, actually he gripped them a bit tighter than he should, trying to force himself to keep calm.

"Don't say you're sorry, Subaru-kun. Say what you want. I thought you know I'll do what you want. I'll play along with it as long as you need it, but, if you keep silent, I can't read your mind! I need you to tell me what you want! Shouldn't you trust me by now?" he demanded and Subaru-kun looked at him helplessly.

"But I want you..." the boy whimpered.

"That's not..." Seishiro began irritably then trailed off. He knew Subaru-kun wasn't the type who would lie so the boy did want him on some level. But then why... "Then what's the problem?" he asked, forcing himself to use a gentler tone.

"I'm just... scared..." Subaru-kun whispered, looking down and still hugging himself, looking like he was about to curl into a little ball of misery and wanted to be left alone and Seishiro mentally cursed the Chi no Ryu's Kamui in all the words he knew for having instilled this irrational fear into Subaru-kun.

"Subaru-kun," he said slowly, as calmly and gently as he could. "You know I won't force you or hurt you, don't you?" He got a nod in reply, small but firm and his grip on the boy's shoulders loosened slightly as he felt an odd sensation of relief. He tilted his head. "Then, Subaru-kun, why are you scared of me?" he asked but this time he got no reply as Subaru-kun merely chewed his lower lip nervously, not daring to look at him. He stroked the boy's shoulders gently, soothing any bruise his grip might have caused. "Subaru-kun... Have I ever made you feel forced in the past? Have I ever hurt you without meaning to? Is that what those mean?" he asked, slowly moving to take Subaru-kun's left wrist in his hand and brushing his thumb over the scars there, before gently pulling it closer to himself so he could kiss the scars slowly and gently, as he'd done so many times in the past, as if this was enough to soothe them away. Subaru-kun, to his great relief, shook his head.

"No, that was just..." the boy began, shaking his head then trailed off.

"Just?" Seishiro prodded. Before Subaru-kun hadn't been able to remember what had happened. It was as if he had just... blacked out every time it had happened. Even if Seishiro had always refused to consider the possibility, he knew there was quite a good chance that those holes in the boy's memory were simply caused by a shortcut of his spell. Subaru-kun's own will clashing with what the boy believed was his will and instead was the mere result of Seishiro's art.

"You weren't there," Subaru-kun finished so very quietly Seishiro almost missed it.

"I wasn't there. I wasn't there and that's why you cut yourself," Seishiro repeated confused. He could understand if this had happened only after the spell had been broken. They had definitely been separated from each other back then but the other times... granted, he hadn't been right next to Subaru-kun, but he was just in a different room, not on the other side of the city! Subaru-kun could bear being alone, he'd left him alone here and there! He...

"You weren't there, I wanted you to be there and you weren't there and I knew I had no right to ask but I wanted you there and it hurt and... and I couldn't stand it..." Subaru-kun blurted out hurriedly, nervously, still not looking at him, his body trembling slightly as if he was a scared child.

"Subaru-kun, I was just in another room..." he reasoned, wrapping his arm around him and pulling him closer.

"But I wanted you with me and you weren't..." the boy murmured, sounding very much like a child as he leaned heavily against him, pale hands clinging to him. Seishiro, rubbed his back soothingly as tried to go back with his mind to those moments. The first time it had happened Subaru-kun had been pretty young and it was the morning after they had for the first time... Subaru-kun must have been still scared, confused after what had happened, likely a bit sore and more emotionally sensitive than usual. What had happened must have had an impact on him and Seishiro had behaved normally instead as if what had happened had been a normal occurrence. As if what happened hadn't been important. Probably it wasn't just that Subaru-kun had wanted him there with him, it was that he had needed him there, that he had needed to be reassured by his presence and instead...

* * *

_'You weren't there, I wanted you to be there and you weren't there and I knew I had no right to ask but I wanted you there and it hurt and... and I couldn't stand it...'_

* * *

... And he had believed his need unimportant to Seishiro. Silly, silly boy. Seishiro wrapped both his arms tightly around him, as if to shield him from the world.

"I guess... I've been careless. I hadn't thought you might want me to be with you, that I should have been there and, anyway, if you had asked, I would have stayed, I would have stayed and I would have fussed over you for as long as you wanted. I wouldn't have left you alone..." he assured him and he was sure he would have done it. He had never minded fussing over Subaru-kun and, when he'd found the boy had hurt himself, he had... fine, he had panicked for the first time in his life, unable, for the first time, to face the situation in front of himself. And when it had happened a second time, and a third time, and... and... He remembered those sleepless nights, sleepless night spent just staring at Subaru-kun, not knowing how to protect him, fearing he would end up losing him. "I never meant to hurt you or make you feel neglected, Subaru-kun..." he assured him.

"I know..." the boy mumbled, his voice muffled as he buried his face against Seishiro.

"Then what scares you so? If you know that I won't hurt you and that I won't force you why are you so scared? I'll stay this time, I'll stay for as long you want, I won't even consider letting you out of my sight, I..."

"But _'he'_ said..." Subaru-kun trailed off as he clung tighter, almost convulsively to Seishiro, unable to go on. However there was no need for him to specify who was the _'he'_ he was referring to.

"I'm going to kill that brat!" Seishiro hissed, pulling him even closer. "He filled your head with foolishness if he tried to imply I wanted you hurt!" he stated angrily but Subaru-kun said nothing and merely continued to cling to him. "Subaru-kun, I never wanted that! You know you're my most precious possession! I would never mistreat you!" Seishiro affirmed heatedly.

"But he sounded like you," Subaru-kun whimpered in a small voice. "And he looked like you. And I knew he wasn't you but I couldn't really help seeing you, so I tried not to look but that was even worse and he kept talking and saying those things and I... and I... and I..."

Seishiro held him, tightly, as Subaru-kun proceeded to cry his heart out. It was still there, pain, fear, shame, all bottled up inside the boy, all trapped inside him and refusing to leave him and he couldn't help, he could do nothing to erase it.

"I want you, Seishiro-san... but I can't help thinking... and everything blurs and _'he'_... I'm so sorry... Seishiro-san, I'm so..."

"Seishiro," he stated, interrupting his babbling and Subaru-kun blinked in surprise, looking up at him in confusion and sniffling slightly. "You should call me just Seishiro, Subaru-kun," he explained softly. "We have known each other for a lifetime and more intimately than anyone else. It's not fair your sister takes more liberties with me than you," he concluded with a gentle smile, pleased by how this was temporally distracting Subaru-kun from what was hurting him.

"But... but it would be impolite and you too don't call me just Subaru," the boy reasoned.

"Then... would you mind if I...?" he asked, grinning as he was sliding his hand through Subaru-kun's hair gently. Subaru shook his head.

"No, no, Seishiro-san, I wouldn't..." Seishiro pressed his finger on his lips.

"Seishiro. Just Seishiro. Say my name... Say my name, Subaru... my Subaru... mine... all mine..." he murmured in Subaru's ear before kissing his neck.

"S... Seishiro..." the boy whispered, wrapping his arms around Seishiro's neck. "S... Seishiro..." Seishiro turned to look at him.

"Subaru... What do you want to do... Subaru...?" he asked gently, kissing the tip of the boy's nose. "We'll do whatever you want to do, only what you want to do..." he said, caressing his cheek lightly. "There's no need to be scared. We won't do anything you don't like and I won't leave, I'll never leave you again... so... what do you want?"

"I... whatever... whatever you want... S... Seishiro..." the boy stammered, still sounding nervous and distressed. Seishiro sighed and rested his forehead against Subaru's.

"Subaru... we'll do what I want later. Now we'll do what you want. What do you want... Subaru?"

"I? I want what you want..." the boy insisted, sounding confused, as if he really had no wishes of his own. Seishiro considered groaning, then decided to keep on being patient and trying another approach to the problem.

"Fine... Subaru... What do I want?" he then asked gently.

"I... I don't know... I'm not sure... I..." he admitted, looking as if he felt guilty about it. Seishiro simply smiled.

"Welcome to my world," he stated with good humour. "I want what you want, you want what I want. The question is, what do we want?" The boy stared at him in confusion, looking like he expected Seishiro to find the solution to their problem because for him it was simply too big a task.

"I... I don't know... I..." he confessed anyway.

"Subaru... do you know what you don't want?" he asked, keeping his tone gentle and soothing as he smiled fondly at him. A hesitant nod was all he got in reply. "Good. Same here. I absolutely don't want to do what you don't want to do, okay?" Another nod. Good, maybe this might work. "Now... Subaru... let's try to discover what we want, okay?" More nodding, done with a bit more of confidence. Good he thought as he hugged the boy, tightly, yet carefully so as not to make him feel confined. "Subaru... you have to tell me if I do something you don't like, okay? Even if it's just a silly, little thing. I will stop immediately, there will be no need to be scared, do you understand this?" No answer. "Subaru... I mean it."

"I... I know... it's just..."

"I won't do anything you don't want me to do. I promise. Whatever it is I won't do it," he said firmly.

"I know," the boy replied, finally sounding a little more confident. "I trust you. I... I love you... you know..." he added, blushing adorably. Seishiro blinked, feeling slightly confused at that.

"Do you really?" he asked in an almost incredulous tone. Sure, the boy **__was supposed__** to love him because that was what he wanted him to do it but... without a spell influencing his thoughts, did Subaru-kun still feel that way?

"Don't you know? I already told you many times. Didn't you believe me?" Subaru asked, looking at him questioningly. He really couldn't believe the man hadn't realized how badly he loved him, how he loved him despite everything and no matter what.

"Yes, but it was before and before..." Seishiro tried to explain.

"Oh, yeah, before there was that _'thing'_..." the boy stated bitterly, lowering his eyes. "It made everything I did meaningless..." he added with a whimper. The _'thing'_ being that stupid, stupid spell that Seishiro was starting to hate for all the troubles it had caused them. Sure, in the beginning it had made things easier for him in a fashion but in the end the results were unsatisfying and he had to pay too high a price. Oh, well, now it was out of the way.

"No, not meaningless. What you did was never meaningless," he assured him gently. "I just didn't know how to put it into the right proportions but now that _'thing'_ won't get between the two of us ever again and you're free to love me as much as you want and everything will go well. I promise," he stated as he kissed him gently on his lips, a rather innocent kiss, very much like the first they had shared.

After all, it was just a matter of discovering what Subaru was comfortable with, which also meant he had to avoid whatever Kamui might have done to Subaru. From what Hokuto-chan had told him he had the impression the boy had been pretty rough with Subaru, which was probably why Subaru took it a bit better if he was slow and very gentle. Maybe the bastard had even done something that Subaru would have considered Seishiro's style. It wasn't the time to try out new things, new things had always made Subaru tense, but he couldn't follow their usual pattern either. It was going to be a challenge, he thought. Normally he liked challenges only at that moment he would have gladly done without it, he mused as he busied himself with kissing Subaru's neck, still slowly and gently. Experimentally he trailed his teeth over it, not in a bite, just a mere brush and felt Subaru tensing immediately. He frowned slightly as he kissed the same spot thoroughly, trying to soothe Subaru's fears, trying to assure him he had nothing to fear, then moved to kiss Subaru's mouth. How could he do this without making him nervous? Subaru seemed to tense so very easily... What could he do to make him relax and enjoy what they were doing instead of flinching back in fear or forcing himself to keep still? What?

"S... Seishiro?" the boy called his name in a weak voice, hands clinging nervously to Seishiro's shirt.

"Hmm?" he murmured, pausing from his ministrations. "Something wrong?"

"Say something... anything... Please... just... say something..." he begged, unable to bear that silence any longer. If Seishiro kept being silent the only one he was hearing was Kamui, Kamui whispering in his ear, his voice echoing in his head and he... he didn't want to remember that. He...

He squeezed his eyes shut against the memory, burying his face against Seishiro.

"Subaru... Look at me... Subaru... I'm here... I'm right next to you..." Seishiro told him soothingly, his hand on Subaru's cheek, gently turning his head so that as Subaru opened his eyes slowly he could see it was true, it was Seishiro, Seishiro was next to him, concerned, gentle eyes staring at him and he clung to him like a child in search of protection, calling him over and over. He wanted Seishiro, truly wanted him he just... was scared. Seishiro let him, nuzzling against him gently, caressing him slowly, placing small kisses on top of his head as he had done when Subaru was a kid and had just awoken from a bad nightmare. He'd always liked that, the feeling of Seishiro's fingers caressing him, the way the man kissed him soothingly, the way he held him in a bizarre mix of gentleness and possessiveness that was so very like the man, who had always clung to him like a child to his favourite and very highly treasured Teddy Bear.

He was unprepared to have Seishiro suddenly sit down on the bed, dragging him to sit on his lap, so that Subaru was kind of straddling him. He blinked in confusion and Seishiro smiled up at him, up because in that position Subaru was slightly taller, and just hugged him, caressing him gently, giving him time to get used to the switch in position and Subaru slowly let himself relax a bit as he hugged him back.

Nice.

It was so nice to be like that, as if he still was a child in Seishiro's care and had nothing, absolutely nothing to worry about because around Seishiro he was perfectly safe...

It had been since long from the last time he'd sat on Seishiro's lap like that...

Besides like this he didn't feel trapped but he was still close to Seishiro, still being held by him. It felt kind of safe and brought back childhood memories, besides Seishiro wasn't trying to undress him, wasn't making it _'his goal of the day'_, he was just... cuddling him, caressing him, kissing him, and it was safe, it was nice, and he didn't even realize when they began kissing. First it was in a rather gentle and innocent way, like at the very beginning of their relationship, when Subaru still had no idea what lovemaking was and Seishiro had to teach him, and it was gentle, so very gentle, and Seishiro was whispering his name between a kiss and another... just his name... he kept whispering his name so that Subaru wouldn't have to hear Kamui's voice echoing in his head, just Seishiro's... and he liked that... he liked that... he had missed that, being together and yet being safe and unconsciously he tugged at Seishiro's shirt and he blushed, realizing what he had done, pausing temporarily, but Seishiro simply smiled as he ruffled his hair, assuring him that everything was all right before unlatching his shirt's buttons, freeing himself of it and dropping it to the ground.

Subaru stared at him, not really knowing what to do and Seishiro just chuckled and pulled him back close again, resuming to cuddle him as he whispered in his ear _'better now?'_ and Subaru hesitated only a moment before hugging him tightly and it felt better, definitely better, so much better to be that close, to feel again Seishiro's skin under his fingers, hearing Seishiro chuckling and assuring him again that they would do everything Subaru wanted to do and nothing else...

It didn't take long however before Subaru realized his shirt too was in the way and he felt silly because he had no idea how to remove it because that had always been Seishiro's job but Seishiro wasn't trying to do it and he couldn't do it, he had **__never__** done it during lovemaking and... he flushed as he gripped it experimentally, tugging at it weakly, too unsure and scared to accomplish anything.

Seishiro didn't hurry him, he just whispered reassuring nonsense into his ears as he pushed him closer to better kiss his neck without trying to push him to remove it, as if to say it was okay - whatever Subaru wanted to do. Only... one of Seishiro's hands had found a tiny patch of skin that Subaru had exposed when he had tugged at his shirt and now he was exploring it and it was gentle, so gentle and he wanted more and... and it was okay, it was just Seishiro and Seishiro would never hurt him, would he? He thought as he nervously tried again to clumsily remove his shirt. He stilled as he felt Seishiro's hands over his but the man wasn't hurrying him, just resting them over his, as if to offer help, whatever Subaru would decide to do.

"Help me?" Subaru whispered and Seishiro just smiled and commented Subaru was a very spoiled kid as he helped him to remove shirt and undershirt and to send them to keep company to Seishiro's on the floor.

"It's all right," Seishiro assured him, before gently caressing Subaru's now naked skin. "It's all right," he repeated and Subaru let himself be cuddled and fussed over, not really knowing if they could move forward further. This was the point they had reached in the previous days and even if this time he felt kind of better, better because he didn't feel forced, he didn't feel like he had to do it to not disappoint Seishiro, he... was still scared, he realized as he clung to the man and this was spoiling everything, this was...

"Still scared?" Seishiro asked him and he could only reply with a weak _'I'm sorry'_. "It's okay," Seishiro assured him but it wasn't okay and they both knew.

"It's not," Subaru countered bitterly. "I don't want to live like this. I don't want to..." _'... never be able to make love with you again without feeling scared as hell,'_ he thought but didn't say out loud.

"It's okay," Seishiro repeated again, taking Subaru's face in his hands and kissing him. "I said we do what you want and that we won't do what you don't want. So stop worrying okay? Let's not rush things." He felt Subaru taking his hand into his own, pressing it against his cheek.

"I love you. I miss you. It's just..."

"Don't think of the little monster. He has no right to claim your attention when you're with me," Seishiro stated and being jealous was so like Seishiro Subaru couldn't help but chuckle at that as Seishiro pulled him close again. "Think only of me, okay?" he commanded, though his tone was gentle.

"Only of you," Subaru agreed, though it wasn't that simple. They went back to kissing and caressing as Seishiro spoke of... nothing really, just a way to let Subaru hear his voice, to let Subaru get back again, used to the feeling of what they were doing.

"Say something," Seishiro requested all of sudden and Subaru blinked in confusion.

"Something?" he echoed.

"Say you love me," he suggested. "Say it. Over and over until the end of time. I'll never tire of hearing you say it," he promised, grinning as Subaru smiled at him.

"I love you," he said obediently. "I love you, I love you so much," he began repeating as if it was a magic spell. In a fashion it was. It distracted him from thinking back to what had happened to him in the past, keeping him focused solely on the present, on what they were doing, on the feeling of _**_Seishiro's_**_ hands and lips on him which still felt so nice... so very nice... and then Seishiro let himself fall on the bed, pulling Subaru down as well, allowing Subaru to sit on top of him and it felt kind of weird to be over Seishiro all of sudden, as if Subaru was the dominating one, and they both smiled at each over before rolling slightly so they were side to side, Subaru's head resting on Seishiro's arm, which had to be kind of uncomfortable since this way he couldn't move that arm much but Seishiro wasn't complaining, he was just smiling at him and making good use of his free arm and it was okay because he wasn't trying anything that would hurt... anything that felt scary, forceful...

"I love you," he repeated and thought this was a lot like the first time they had made love. With Seishiro cuddling him and fussing over him and Subaru trying to reciprocate the affection in a rather shy and clumsy way. He had been scared back then too and yet... nothing bad had happened, Seishiro had taken good care of him, had made sure Subaru could enjoy it. His smile widened as he thought that really, Seishiro would never, ever change and maybe that was why he loved him so much.

"I love you. I love you so much..." he assured him. He was with Seishiro... just Seishiro... the Seishiro he loved... the Seishiro who kept telling him he was safe, he was with him, nothing would hurt him ever again, and he had no idea how they ended up rolling on the bed, stroking against each other but it was nice because it was just the two of them and he had missed Seishiro so much... and he wanted him so much... his hands, his lips, his arms, his body... just the two of them and it didn't hurt, and he wasn't restrained, forced just... loved, cherished as something beautiful and precious, as only Seishiro could do.

As Subaru let himself be cuddled and coddled, Seishiro held onto his control, control that was dangerously slipping from his fingers, knowing he couldn't let it go. As long as he didn't try anything too fast Subaru was a willing enough partner, as he had been before that mess happened. It was just a matter of repeating the same thing over and over, teasing the boy, teasing him until he felt like moving a bit further. Only, while Subaru's fear managed to hold the boy down without too any problem, it was damn hard for Seishiro to tease Subaru and not get excited himself. Subaru knew damn well what he liked and how and, unlike him, he didn't have to be wary of doing it.

He had no idea what made the boy simply irresistible to him, if it was those tiny breathless sounds he made, or how he whispered _'I love you'_ so sweetly, or the way his fingers slid over his skin, so gently and yet in the way he preferred, or maybe those shy kisses and tender nips, or that delicious timid smile, or the adorable slight blush or the vulnerable look he still had, because his Subaru was frail, so frail... even more than before... but now Subaru was back with him again and he would take good care of him...

They playfully rolled on the bed some more, as he fumbled for an acceptable position. Seishiro knew, if things were to progress, Subaru wouldn't really know how to handle being on top since that had always been Seishiro's position, while Seishiro wanted to be on top but feared that would make feel Subaru trapped and he didn't want to waste the progresses they had just made...

And the afternoon light entering the room from the window didn't make the atmosphere intimate.

Seishiro wasn't exactly sure how he had pushed them both under the covers, it seemed a silly idea but he knew Subaru has always favoured darkness (light made him unfailingly embarrassed) and it turned out to be a good plan because he heard the boy suppressing an amused chuckle at that unexpected change before snuggling closer and this brought back memories of nights of thunderstorms spent under the covers with Subaru clinging to him as they tried to read horror tales under the pale light of a flashlight and somehow it was working to keep Subaru's mind away from dark thoughts he realized as the world was reduced to just the two of them to the point he wasn't exactly sure how they had finally got completely undressed. Soon things began to feel simply too good to bother rationalizing it and, even though Subaru still tensed up here and there, it was easy to dissipate his fear and then the boy hid in his arms and wrapped his legs around him as Seishiro whispered reassuring nonsense and kissed him and... and...

* * *

It was only when he slumped on Subaru, quite exhausted but very satisfied he realized they had made it. He immediately rolled on his side, dragging Subaru with him, so to not break their hold but to not rest on him or make him feel trapped either. The boy was still clinging to him rather tightly even if his hold had loosened a bit compared to before.

"Subaru... is it everything okay?" he asked concerned. He hadn't messed up, had he? He'd been so careful not to be forceful...

"Don't leave..." was the anxious reply. "Don't ever leave. I... I love you. Don't leave."

"Silly, why should I?" he asked puzzled. Okay, so in the past he had left him and that had caused the _'incidents'_ but that had been only in the morning when he had gone to take a shower. Never in the immediate aftermath. "Don't worry, I don't plan to let you out of my sight, no matter what," he promised before kissing Subaru's forehead. "Rest a bit like a good boy now. You're probably tired enough."

"I... it's just I've the feeling that if we part, we'll never see each other again..." Subaru admitted as he snuggled closer, Seishiro's arms circling him protectively.

"Subaru... there's no way in hell that someone will keep us parted," Seishiro stated firmly. "I'll kill anyone who will do so much as to think it."

"Then don't leave..." Subaru whimpered, his voice muffled against Seishiro's chest.

"Don't worry... I won't leave... We'll never be parted..." Seishiro stated, planning to never leave Subaru alone, no matter what. He would stay with him this time and make sure nobody would hurt him.

Of course he couldn't guess he wouldn't be the one who would leave that night, leave to turn a dream into reality, a dream of death and destruction orchestrated by someone who'd been plotting in the shadows for a long time, playing with the destinies of them all. Seishiro couldn't guess and so he remained where he was, happily wrapped around Subaru as they were slowly falling asleep.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Extra Notes:** I've hated the demo version of this chapter and despite making assorted changes to it I still can't stomach it. Lovemaking just isn't my thing. It didn't help at all that Subaru, despite wanting Seishiro, had been traumatized by Fuma... I fear I horribly failed in portraying his state correctly but I dont think he would have remained stuck forever in that situation, he would have tried to move forward only... I fear I didn't represent it well enough. Sorry about this.

**Dictionary:**

**-kun:** Young  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **laustic**: I took advantage of the fact the two of them are closer to let them cuddle openly... a luxury they hadn't in the manga... and I'm glad you also liked the conversation about the angels!

To **Zuzanny**: In this fic Seishiro and Subaru spent most of their life snuggling (which was completely Seishiro's fault... not that I blame him) so Subaru is a bit more used to it (also he's in a delicate state so it wouldn't be good for him to be without a Seishiro to snuggle against for a long time... consider it a medicine... ;)) All the people with power could see Inuki in the manga. This includes Hinoto, all the dragons Sohi and Hien and Saiki. So it doesn't come as a surprise that Subaru and Seishiro can.

To **Firehedgehog**: I'm glad you did!

To **niwa-k**: (blush) Thank you, I tried my best!

To **limoncello**: Thank you, I'm glad you think I portrayed well the Sei/Su part and the Seishiro-Subaru-Hokuto relationship well! Since things are a bit different for them now I'm always afraid they will feel too different from the original chara. And it's also nice you apprecciated how the Kakyou-Hokuto relationship was adapted to fit into this!

To **Kalanikamori**: Yes, you're right, sadly the first chapters are close to the original ones because the changes in them, although relevants for the plot, in the beginning weren't that big for readers to be hooked. Hokuto always makes things more interesting... she's just like that! I admit I though about having one of them to lose his eye but... well, it would feel weird if Kamui were to go for the eye of either of them... as you said neither of them has a reasons to wish for the loss of a eye and, when Kamui attacks them, he aims at doing much more damage than just that... I didn't mean to view Fuma as an evil guy but surely his sense of moral is twisted. He does horrible things with the belief they're 'right' because they're other wishes. He, after all, murdered his own sister and Nataku, tortured and molested Kamui and committed mass murder and general city destruction causing also natural disasters with the aim to destroy the world... I don't know if he would sink so low as to rape someone because this can fulfil someone's wishes. What I think is he's not doing it for personal gain or sadism, but more because there's something in his brain that doesn't do the right connections anymore. Uhm... I hope I've explained myself well... Thank you a lot for your long review!

To **Lemonysh**: Sei&Su's relationship will keep on progressing though it'll have to face hard moments... your sense of smell is very, very good because yes, we're moving closer to RB... but I won't spoil you the surprise to read how the battle will go!

To **Dark Angel Of Fire Ice**: Yes, Fuma's portray in this fic was mostly based on the movie 'Wishmaster'. Yes, the closeness between the two sides was a rather interesting point in 'X'... (though they fail at handling it...) Let's hope CLAMP will continue it one day...

To **Francesca Akira89**: Subaru's born to be a sweetie! (... and Seishiro to be dense about certain things...) Oh yes, it would be very interesting to see Hokuto handling Yuto and Satsuki... though I'm not sure they would share the feeling...

To **Xerxes Break**: Thanks!

To **anna**: Thanks! Well, I'm a Seishiro-Subaru fan so most of the fic will be about them!

To **sakura-girl278**: Thank you!

To **Sarah**: I'll try to continue it, I promise!

To **Behan**: (blush) Your review made me so happy! Yes, I've to admit the beginning started at a slow pace... sadly, in the beginning there weren't many significant changes to the original plot but, at the same time, I couldn't skip the little differences althogether... so I'm glad to hear as the story progressed it get a decent pace! In this fic Subaru and Seishiro sort of ended up developing such a tight relation they can't stay apart. They didn't notice before because they never had to face the idea of being permanently parted so they were completly unprepared for the real thing. Add to this the fact they were unaware of each other feelings and the result is what you read. In a fashon they're both not really mentally all right because they're too dependant on each other... but as long as they're together they don't mind at all! I feel guilty for what Fuma had to do because really, the idea wasn't to make him evil (and therefore hated by everyone) so I'm glad you understand why he did what he did. That's good to know there's someone who likes the Kakyou-Hokuto story! It was a bit troublesome to portray it because really, the manga doesn't devote to it much time... which is rather sad... Seishiro will do his best to protect Subaru... only Subaru won't make it easy...

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	36. Chap 36: Mad World

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 36: Mad World"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** and **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi**, **Yupita** and **Jennifer** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

* * *

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles its a very, very  
Mad world."  
(Gary Jules - "Mad World")_**

Subaru hated dreaming. He always had and he feared he always would. His dreams were unpleasant and confusing at best, when they weren't downright horrible or terrifying. He couldn't remember ever having nice dreams.

At all.

The dreams he hated the most were the one with the White Lady in the crystal ball in. He had started having them when he was very small, maybe about the time he began living with Seishiro. He would wake up in tears, unable to stop crying. Back then he would inevitably wake up Seishiro as well which made him feel even worse. To be honest, Seishiro had never complained, he had always picked him up in his arms, made chocolate or tea for him and cuddled him until he had fallen asleep again. The day after Seishiro would let Subaru sleep in late and have breakfast in bed with lot of sweets and Seishiro wouldn't say a word about having been woken up and, if Subaru were to mention it and try to apologize, he would just wave it off, saying it was normal for people to have nightmares sometimes. So, with time, although Subaru kept having horrible dreams, at least he learned he could turn to Seishiro for reassurance, which made it easier to deal with regularly suffereing one of those horrible nightmares with the White Lady.

Of course it was possible he'd been having them prior to living with Seishiro, and had merely forgotten. He'd been rather young when he started living with Seishiro and, even if he asked Seishiro to lift the memory spell, there would probably still be things he would never remember, simply because he wasn't meant to remember them. And anyway, he doubted he could have forgotten something as scary as those dreams.

The dreams with the White Lady.

In his dreams the White Lady had always acted kindly, very politely and almost motherly towards him, but... when she was in his dreams all he could see were death and destruction so in his mind he had come to associate her with the horrors that those dreams brought.

It was odd how things in his dream were slightly blurry and confusing, as if he were watching an old movie and not a dream, or maybe he simply couldn't see quote clearly in his dreams. However, since it was disturbed and unclear, he couldn't really recognize where he was or whose corpses were lying on the ground or who the people were whose death he would be forced to witness. In his dreams the Lady's voice too usually sounded distorted and muffled as well but... but after the spell had been broken, this had changed.

His dreams had started to become clearer. Corpses, faces, places were starting to take a definite shape, the shape of Tokyo by night, and the point where he would always end up, no matter which direction he would take in his dream, was always a bridge, a bridge that, finally, he could recognize as Rainbow Bridge. A battle was being fought over it, a battle between an Onmyouji (a professional one considering how he was good with Onmyoudo spells) and... someone else, someone so very, very powerful... a battle that, he knew, would end with that mysterious person's victory, with the Onmyouji's death.

He could see the mysterious person's face that night.

He could recognize his taunting features, features that often blurred to show the person the viewer wanted to see.

He could recognize his power, devastating and amazing, a power that was touching the whole area, threatening to destroy it all.

He could recognize him and he didn't need to look at the Onmyouji to know who longed for a fight with that particular young man, who had a matter to settle with him. He shuddered.

He tried to get close, tried to call the man, the man who had his back turned to him, who always had his back turned to him, but there was a barrier of some sort between him and the two fighters and he was too far away to be heard, too far away to be seen and he couldn't... he couldn't...

The Onmyouji was fighting well but the teenager was powerful. He knew that the man had no hope against him and yet... and yet...

He screamed in desperation as the man fell, punching against the barrier uselessly. He knew it wouldn't budge just as he knew the man wouldn't get up again, and so he ended up on the ground as well, his knees giving away under him, as he sobbed desperately.

The White Lady in her crystal ball was next to him, he realized slowly, murmuring comforting words without moving her lips, murmuring comforting words directly in his head, murmuring comforting words that sounded so empty now that... now that...

_*Subaru-san... I'm so sorry... but this is the future that will come to be...*_

"I don't care! I don't want him to die! I don't want him to die! I'll do anything to prevent it!" he screamed between sobs, shaking his head in denial and hugging himself. There was a moment of silence from her side, as she seemed to ponder what to say next, or maybe she had finally decided to leave him in peace with his own pain then...

_*Subaru-san... do you really want to save that man? Would you do everything in your power to save that man?*_ she asked him and... and he froze for a moment, his sobs remaining trapped in his throat before he raised his head and nodding anxiously, looking at her hopefully in the same manner a lost child would look at the kind stranger who had just promised to bring him back home. She smiled softly at him, encouragingly.

_*Then... Maybe there's a way to save that person... the person that you care for the most...*_ she told him, gently stretching her hand toward him. He... he hesitated for a moment, unsure if to trust her but... _*Don't worry Subaru-san, I'll help you... I'll tell you what to do to save that person... You won't have to see him die... ever again...*_ she told him and that was enough to convince him. He took her hand and then brushed away his tears, preparing himself to listen attentively, and missing completely the devilish smile that, for a moment, graced her ruby red lips.

* * *

It wasn't much later when Kakyou joined Hinoto in her water world. The woman, that almost looked like a child had just finished talking with the Ten no Ryu's Kamui and some of his companions and now was smiling that dark smile of hers, looking rather pleased with herself.

"You told them a false dream," he stated tonelessly. He knew what she did and would do didn't matter, that it would change nothing, that there was always only one future, and yet... a stupid, tiny corner of him kept on hoping, a stupid, tiny corner of him that dreamed of a gentle smile and warm green eyes and a life together he knew was merely a fantasy, end of the world or not. Still he couldn't silence that tiny corner of his mind and maybe was that why he kept on spying on the Ten no Ryu's movements, as if wanting to see if they could somehow, make the difference. So far they hadn't, destiny was still right on its track but... but as he couldn't stop himself from hoping, he also couldn't stop himself from observing and so... so he had witnessed the dialogue between the YumeMi-hime and the Ten no Ryu.

He had noticed how the Inugami had reacted to her and how Kamui had looked at her suspiciously but, as the fatalistic side of him expected, they just ended up believing her blindly and doing what she prompted them to do. He didn't mind it much, he couldn't say he cared for them or, at least, felt a bit of sympathy for them but... but Hinoto could try to involve Hokuto too in her plans and he didn't want that. Hokuto... Hokuto was the only one he wanted to protect, was the only one that made him regret the future couldn't be changed, that the world was coming to an end.

After all he and his Kamui were the only ones who knew that Hinoto had succumbed to her darker self. She had taken care to keep Kanoe out of her dreams so that she wouldn't find out the truth and, when she was facing everyone else, she behaved as if she still was the old Hinoto they knew. Kakyou knew he couldn't blame her; she was merely acting that way because she too, like him, had a Wish which she wanted to fulfil at any cost and yet...

_*For a Chi no Ryu, isn't this much more convenient?*_ she asked without bothering to turn toward him, though he knew she was still smiling a malicious smile. He lowered his gaze at the truth in her words and saw, appearing on the water floor they were standing on, an image of the Ten no Ryu's Kamui murdering Hinoto. _*This dream will not come true. All the Ten no Ryu will die!*_ she stated and, although she probably wanted to sound certain, there was still a twinge of nervousness in her voice. He stared at the vision of a murdered Hinoto, the vision she was trying to prevent from turning into reality and felt a twinge of jealousy for her, for the fact despite her condition she still Wished to live more than anything while he... The memory of a smile so gentle it made his heart ache distracted him for a moment. He closed his eyes and shook his head, chasing it away. Such a silly hope wouldn't be fulfilled and he knew it. The future couldn't be changed, not by him, not by Hinoto and... he frowned.

"Your plan won't work. The Sakurazukamori will not go to Rainbow Bridge. He has promised Subaru-san he won't leave the place and I think this time he'll keep his word..." he stated. He didn't like the Sakurazukamori and he wouldn't mind if the man were to die but there was a thing he was sure about that guy. He wouldn't break the promise he had made to Subaru-san. Not after all that had happened. Hinoto turned toward him, her smile even more malicious.

_*Who said the Sakurazukamoriwill be the Onmyouji who will fight at Rainbow Bridge?*_ she asked innocently, though her expression was all but innocent. Kakyou's eyes widened as he realized what she meant, then he shook his head in denial. No, she couldn't mean, she couldn't... She laughed, her laugh echoing all around them. _*Kakyou-dono, you know, there's no need for the Sakurazukamori to fight. There are **_two_** Onmyouji involved in the battle for the end of the world, you know... A Chi no Ryu and a **_Ten no Ryu_**...*_ she continued _*And our vision never showed the face of the one who would die there... So what difference will make if it's one or the other the one that'll die?*_ she asked and he knew she was right, he knew but...

"Subaru-san has no reason to fight Kamui! He might be a Ten no Ryu but..." he tried to protest. No, Subaru-san wouldn't, couldn't die. He was a good person, he had gone through enough already, he was Hokuto's beloved brother, he couldn't die, he didn't deserve it, he...

_*Oh, but what better reason to fight than to protect the man he loves? Than to ensure his most precious person won't die on that bridge?*_ Hinoto asked him sweetly and Kakyou found he had no answer to give. Subaru-san... Subaru-san would... without any hesitation... for the Sakurazukamori... for that man's safety he would... without even stopping to think he... _*An Onmyouji must fight the Chi no Ryu's Kamui on the bridge,*_ Hinoto continued coldly. _*We saw this so it'll have to happen. He or the Sakurazukamori, I don't care. None of the two will survive the death of the other as there can't be a coin with a single face. One after the other... I'll destroy them all!*_ she stated smiling cruelly while under her the reflection of her other self stared at her helplessly.

Kakyou didn't bother, didn't want to reply to her as he left her dream hurriedly... as he escaped from it and... and found himself face to face with Kamui.

"Even if we just leave them alone, the YumeMi of the Ten no Ryu will kill the Nanatsu no Fuuin anyway," the teenager stated. He didn't seem to care particularly about Hinoto having turned into an ally of sorts.

"What are you going to do?" Kakyou asked anxiously. He knew on which side he was, he knew what his future, his destiny, was. It didn't mean he had to like all it entailed, or that he couldn't wish for some things not to become true.

"You know it better than me. The future can't be changed," Kamui said firmly, although his smile was gentle, so very gentle it reminded him of... Kakyou turned his gaze away. There was not even a remote physical resemblance between Kakyou and Hokuto so why was he... he swallowed.

"But Subaru-san..." he began. "Subaru-san..." He couldn't let Subaru-san die. He liked Subaru-san but what was even more important was that Hokuto... Hokuto would never forgive him if he were to let her brother die. She would... she would never smile at him again. She would never smile again at anyone, he knew. Subaru-san... he didn't deserve to die. And Hokuto... she didn't deserve to lose the brother she loved so much and that she had just found.

"You'd like to save him sacrificing the Sakurazukamori," Kamui stated, as if reading his thoughts. "This would be stupid, Kakyou. Weren't you paying attention? The Sakurazukamori and that Ten no Ryu... they're too tightly bonded by now. Maybe they always were. Killing one means also killing the other. It doesn't matter which one will come to face me... but it's foreordained one of the two will show up at Rainbow Bridge... And that one, that one will be the one I'll kill," he said nonchalantly. "It's decided, it can't be changed."

"But Subaru-san..." he continued to protest although he knew Kamui was right. If Kakyou could find a way to send the Sakurazukamori there in place of Subaru-san... Subaru-san wouldn't survive his death anyway. But if Subaru-san were to go on that bridge to face Kamui... he wouldn't survive either. But he... he...

"It seems you too have a new Wish, Kakyou," the teenager observed calmly, as if this too didn't change anything. "Do you know that to fulfil it you'll have to leave this place?" he reminded him and Kakyou shuddered.

To leave that place.

To go into the real world.

A world he wasn't familiar with, a world in which he was hunted by his previous owners, a world in which he didn't knew how to move. And yet... in order to protect Hokuto's smile he...

"I'll let you free to do as you wish, Kakyou, of course," Kamui assured him. "But remember... there's just one future... nothing you'll do will change that," he told him before leaving. Kakyou stood there, looking helplessly at his retreating figure. He couldn't leave that place, he couldn't! Not then, not alone, not ever. But... but if he he didn't do something fast Subaru-san would... and then Hokuto... He raised his head firmly and collected all his courage. Subaru-san had offered him kindness and friendship. Hokuto... Hokuto had offered him something close to a reason to live. He wouldn't let them down. He would try to help. Even if what he had seen couldn't be changed. There had to be a way to overcome this. There had to be a way to...

An idea came to his mind.

Maybe, even if he couldn't change the future he could save Subaru-san. Determined, he left the room.

* * *

Okay, his had been a stupid idea, he thought. A **__very__** stupid idea, he should have known better. Well, actually Kakyou had known that leaving the safe shelter that was the Chi no Ryu's Headquarter was the most idiotic and suicidal thing he could do, but he had hoped for once destiny would take pity of him. He was, after all, trying to save a person, didn't he deserve a bit of indulgence for once in his whole life?

Instead not only had he not managed to get far from the Metropolitan Government Building as he had no idea how to orientate himself, but he had immediately found himself surrounded by the Yakuza who worked for the politician who had kept him trapped for almost his whole life.

He froze as he saw them then, tried looking for a way to escape and, when he saw none he walked backwards and ended up against a wall. As the Yakuza moved closer to him he looked around helplessly. The people around them were pretending to ignore the situation he was in. He felt lost. He knew caring people like Subaru-san or his sister were rare but he had hoped... He couldn't blame those people though, who would stand up for a complete stranger and dare to face some Yakuza? But he had to find Hokuto and warn her... he had to.

"I... I don't want to come with you," he tried to say firmly, though his voice wavered a bit. His words only managed to make the men smile, then one of them moved to grab him. He tried to squirm away but he was already against the wall and he was no match for them in the real world and... and...

"I don't think he wants to come with you," a familiar voice stated from behind the men in a friendly tone. As the Yakuza turned slowly toward the one that had dared to interrupt them Kakyou's eyes widened in surprise.

"Kigai-san?" he whispered. He'd wanted so much to be helped but, now that someone was trying to get him out of that mess, he felt afraid all of sudden. He didn't want something bad to happen to Kigai-san because of him. The man wasn't as kind as Subaru-san but... he'd been friendly with him.

"Good evening, Kuzuki-san!" Kigai-san replied cheerfully, as if unaware of what he had interrupted. "It's a lovely night for a walk, isn't it?"

"Get lost!" one of the Yakuza ordered to Yuto showing him his gun. Yuto raised his hands innocently.

"Calm down, please. I'm sure we can solve this in a civilized way..." he offered, still smiling cheerfully. Really, he didn't see why certain people had to be so nervous. Everything would go the way it should in the end so why...

"Kigai-san, leave immediately! Those men are dangerous and..." Kuzuki-san screamed to him, looking totally scared but was interrupted when the man closest to him gripped his arm painfully and forced him down on his knees, ordering him to shut up. Yuto's eyes narrowed. That wasn't the way to handle one of his companions. Besides Kuzuki-san had done nothing to deserve it.

"I'd let him go if I were you," he said and, although he was still smiling, his tone wasn't friendly anymore.

"You're looking for trouble, pretty boy," the one near him said, about to pull the trigger. He never managed to do it. As easily as he normally filled out the forms in his office, Yuto grabbed the man's arm and pulled hard, causing him to lose balance, then hit him hard enough to render him unconscious. The others stood still for a second, surprised by his reaction, then moved to attack him. Yuto sighed at their stupidity, before proceeding to send them all systematically to the ground. For people like those, he didn't even need to use his weapons or his talents as Mizutsukai... Once done, he walked toward the still kneeling Kuzuki-san, who was staring at him as if he was in shock, and offered him his hand.

"Is everything all right, Kuzuki-san?" he asked gently. Kigai-san blinked twice, then...

"Kigai-san!" the man exclaimed, gripping his hand. "Kigai-san, I beg you, help me!" Yuto blinked as well, surprised. Such a heated reaction was very unusual from Kuzuki-san who seemed to spend his whole life passively wishing for his own demise. Oh well, if it was important for the man, Yuto had no problems helping him.

"Kuzuki-san, if there's something I can do..." he began gently.

"Please, help me to reach the Ten no Ryu's Headquarter!" the man begged and Yuto thought that was the oddest and most surprising request Kigai-san could ever have asked him.

"The Ten no Ryu's Headquarter? Kuzuki-san, I don't think the Ten no Ryu would appreciate us visiting them..."

"But I have to warn Hokuto! Her brother is in danger! If we don't do something Subaru-san will be killed by Kamui! Subaru-san is a friend of yours too, Kigai-san! We can't let him die!" the man insisted.

"Kuzuki-san..." Yuto began, then trailed off. He liked Subaru-san. They might be on opposite sides now, but that didn't change the fact he liked him and, for a while, they'd been companions of sorts. He'd like to help him, but going against their Kamui...

"I know you don't wish to oppose destiny, Kigai-san," Kuzuki-san told him trying to speak more calmly. "But Subaru-san doesn't deserve to die and... and our actions might save him without changing destiny. Maybe there's a way to get him out of this battle alive, Kigai-san. Please, help me!" Kuzuki-san insisted pleadingly. Yuto stared at him for a second before taking a decision.

"What can I do, I've got a soft heart..." he replied smiling. "I'll help you, Kuzuki-san, but I can't promise you the Ten no Ryu will be willing to help us..."

"The Ten no Ryu won't be there. Their YumeMi has sent them to the Yasukuni temple. We shouldn't have any problem getting into CLAMP Gakuen..." the man explained. Yuto smiled at him gently.

"I guess you don't know CLAMP Gakuen security then... Oh well, I guess some exercise won't hurt my poor, old body!" Yuto exclaimed cheerfully. "Follow me, Kuzuki-san, from the look of it we'd better get there fast!"

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Yes, I know it's cruel but Subaru had to be tricked by Hinoto again. What can I say, it's his fate. And yes, Hinoto had begun to manipulate him from when he was very young but, as the manga itself says, Hinoto's darker self had began working at her plan much earlier than in 1999.  
I hope you hadn't forgotten Kakyou is rather fond of Subaru... and more importantly, he's **VERY** fond of his sister. If there's a person for which Kakyou would try to go and change the future that's Hokuto. Also, I know the fandom often portrays Yuto as a jerk but in the manga he's not portrayed as such and he's the one who goes and protect sNataku merely because he's his companion. Also, if you're wondering why he knows CLAMP Gakuen security go read CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Dan. If you're careful you might spot him at CLAMP Gakuen's cafeteria.  
And now, come on, people... let's start singing _'Rainbow Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down'_...

**Dictionary:**  
**-dono:** used at the end of the name to show respect, somewhere between '-san' and '-sama'  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Inugami:** "Dog God". A dog shaped spirit that someone control  
**Mizutsukai:** Water Caster  
**Nanatsu no Fuuin:** Seven Seals  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven  
**YumeMi:** "Dreamgazer". One that can see the future in dreams

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **Everyone who reviewed**: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!

To **laustic**: Seishiro can be a real brat when he wants to! And I'm glad you think their conversation was well written. It was a real pain to manage to make it work...

To **Lemonysh**: Well, even Seishiro is slowly growing up. After all Subaru is his personal incentive in trying to become a mature person... sort of... Subaru and Seishiro have a long way to go but, through it, they'll manage to make some progresses... if they don't get themselves killed first! Those two can be quite troublesome... Yes, sadly RB is around the corner... or better in the next chapter with all the drama it has attached. And sorry for the long wait!

To **Francesca Akira89**: The boy is improving, isn't he? Thanks God, Subaru was in a rather delicate state and I was very afraid I couldn't portray him well. LOL, well, if you've already read this chapter you likely already have your answer... Hinoto has her own weapons to use against Subaru... She had planned things well!

To **Vio**: I'm realy happy to know my fic left in you such a huge impression! I hope you'll manage to re-read it and come back to tell me what you think of it!

To **AnnoMizuki**: I'm glad you love this!

To **Behan**: Subaru didn't really mean to ignore Seishiro... it's just his life has gotten so much more complicate. Seishiro's always the first thing on his mind but now he has to deal with much more things and also he's starting to think on his own, not just depending on Seishiro's thoughts and wishes so he's trying to think at what he can do for him that will be of long lasting use instead than just spoil him as a certain brat would like him to. In his own way Seishiro can be rather immature... though he's trying hard to do what's better for Subaru. I'm glad the love scene turned out well. I was very afraid I would mess it up. Subaru wanted Seishiro but, at the same time, was traumatized and really scared and he just couldn't let his fear go that easily. In a way Seishiro had it easy because he basically raised Subaru, so he knew very well what Subaru liked and what he didn't, what gave him a nice feeling and what he perceived as scary... on the other side being that careful was quite a test of willpower for Seishiro who was used in his past to have Subaru nearly always wiling and available and instead, from quite a while had to restrain himself because Subaru just wasn't ready for that. Subaru is, in his own way, very clingy and afraid to lose Seishiro. Seishiro might forget it but he always refers to Subaru as a possession, not as his loved one... and a person can discharge a possession. Subaru, who was already insecure and now is also traumatized, is even more afraid to lose him. Seishiro has a realistical view about himself. He's not the person someone would like to love, especially Subaru, considering he had kidnapped him and put him under a spell. In all the years they spent together he had been sure Subaru's 'love' was merely a result of the spell and Subaru's natural kindness, not the true thing. Subaru instead really loved him but had no idea how to have him understand that. If you've read this chapter you know already what has happened that caused one of them to leave... Subaru's wish is easy to figure out and, of course, related to Seishiro. LOL Seishiro won't like to wake up alone for sure! But it was time he had a taste of his own medicine... it'll help him to grow up, a thing he neglected to do for years... Sorry for the late update, I'll try to be faster next time!

To **Fayah**: Welcome into the X bandwagon! Sadly yes, there will be angst and quite a lot of drama in the following chapters. Subaru is really going to throw himself head down into a huge trouble... LOL, the kidnapping scene! Yes, it was based mostly on the last chap of TB. It's also why Seishiro is technically different in this fic. Subaru's presence soothed his loneliness and allowed him to form some sort of human bond with him that slowly changed him. At least in regards to Subaru. Though it took quite a while for him to realize he was tied to Subaru. Seishiro can be quite a brat, can't he? But if you read TB & X carefully you can notice he has some glimpses of childishness so I let him keep them.

To **Black Velvet Nerd**: Thank you a lot for your kind review! I'm happy you like this story! I've tried to keep them as close to the original story as possible, considering the setting is different, so I'm happy to know you think it turned out well!

To **RoxasIsReal13**: (blushes) Thank you!

To **CheshireGrins**: Thank you for the rose!

To **Anime Writer R**: (blushes) Thank you so much! I'm glad you love my work!

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments! 


	37. Chap 37: In The Air Tonight

**Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 37: In The Air Tonight"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other things I might have forgotten... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled is and how stubborn Subaru can be no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** & **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

_**'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney**_

* * *

_**"And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord  
I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord  
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord  
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord **_

_**Well I remember, I remember don't worry  
How could I ever forget, it's the first time, the last time we ever met  
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don't fool me  
The hurt doesn't show; but the pain still grows  
It's no stranger to you or me."  
(Phil Collins - "In The Air Tonight")**_

Hokuto was preparing tea when she heard a knock at the door and wondered if Kamui-chan and the others were already back. She hoped so. When Sei-chan had gone upstairs sulking like the big baby he was, Subaru had immediately followed him, worried for him even if he had no reason to be. She had warned him that he babied the man too much. After all Sei-chan was an adult and, if he wished to sulk like a three years old it was his own problem, but Subaru had just blushed, said he didn't want him to be unhappy whatever the reason and gone after him anyway.

She had rolled her eyes at that, although she hadn't been able to stop herself from thinking he was always so cute when he got so worried about Sei-chan!

But now the problem was those two hadn't come down yet. She had a nagging suspicion about what they were doing upstairs and had been tempted quite a few times to go there to... well, suggest they take a break since it couldn't possibly be healthy to go at it for so many times or for such a long time but, so far, she had managed to resist it admirably.(1) However she was bored and she was also feeling alone. It was nice Subaru worried about Sei-chan that much but... she couldn't help but feel neglected. It was silly of her, of course, Subaru didn't mean to neglect her, it was just he didn't remember her well and that he loved Sei-chan but... She sighed. She would be happy to have Kamui-chan and the others back, to distract her from such thoughts.

She was quite surprised when she opened the door and saw that, instead of Kamui-chan or one of the other Ten no Ryu, right in front of her there was a panting Kakyou with another blond man she had never seen before who was giving her a charming smile, a blond man that felt... powerful.

"Kakyou? What..." she began to ask nervously. Kakyou was a Chi no Ryu but he would never come here with bad intentions toward her, would he? Kakyou however didn't let her finish the sentence.

"Hokuto. We've got to be fast. Your brother is in danger," he said quickly and she felt the colour draining from her face. Subaru? In danger? It wasn't possible, what...

* * *

Seishiro's mind was floating somewhere, reluctant to move from wherever it was even though Seishiro could sense that something was... out of place, missing, wrong. He groaned, feeling cold and disquieted, slowly becoming aware of a nagging and increasingly loud sound at the back of his mind. A side of him tried to ignore it as he stretched his arm, planning to wrap it around his sleeping companion. Surely, once he would hug Subaru-kun... Subaru... against himself everything would be alright. Surely with Subaru... in his arms he would... he froze when he rested his hand where Subaru... should have been and met... empty space. Reluctantly he opened his eyes a bit, frowning. Subaru... wasn't there... Subaru... wasn't in bed next to him... that wasn't making sense... where was... Subaru...? Had he already gotten up? Why hadn't he waited for him? Where had the boy gone now, he asked himself, his frown deepening as he acknowledged that the disturbing sound he was hearing was someone banging rudely against his door.

He sat up, his head still heavy with sleep. He groaned, shaking it in an effort to clear his thoughts. This... this wasn't normal... he shouldn't be that sleepy and Subaru... wasn't around and the window was open and Hokuto-chan was banging at the door calling for him and Subaru... He groaned, a side of him unreasonably wishing only to return to sleep, while his instincts were screaming at him to get up immediately. He shook his head again, trying to clear his thoughts some more as he stood a bit unsteadily and put something on before going to open the door. Absently he thought it was a good thing he had locked it, using a spell. He really didn't like the idea of Hokuto-chan barging into the room while he and Subaru were busy and... Wait, when had he locked the door with a spell? He didn't remember doing it... and if he'd done it where was Subaru? How had he left the room? Why was he still so sleepy, so sleepy as if he'd been put under a... sleeping spell? No, that wasn't possible, why should Subaru ...

"Hokuto-chan, where's Subaru?" he asked immediately as he forced the door open, violently shattering the spell with one of his own, frowning at the girl as if she could be the one responsible of Subaru's disappearance. "What happened? Where..." he trailed off, blinking as he saw that Kuzuki and Kigai were with Hokuto-chan. What were two Chi no Ryu doing there? Was this some sort of weird dream?

"Sei-chan! Subaru is going to get himself killed if you don't stop him!" the girl exclaimed in between tears, gripping his shirt, her words causing a rude awakening for Seishiro.

"Subaru's what?" he asked gripping the girl's shoulders tightly enough to bruise her, ready to kill on the spot whoever could place a threat to Subaru, even his sister. "What in the world are you talking about?" he yelled, shaking her angrily. He'd just gotten Subaru back! Subaru had just started to recover from what had been done to him! The little monster (because it had to be _**_him_**_, _**_him_**_, no one else would manage to be a threat to Subaru) wasn't allowed to get close to his Subaru ever again!

"He's gone to fight Fuma-kun at Rainbow Bridge!" Hokuto explained in between tears, the worry for her brother gnawing at her insides, stopping her from noticing how Seishiro was hurting her. "Fuma-kun will kill him if you don't take him away from there first! Please, Sei-chan, save my brother! Save Subaru!"

* * *

Rainbow Bridge was strangely devoid of cars that night.(2) The wind was blowing strongly, ruffling the hair of the two lone figures that were facing each other in the middle of the bridge.

A twenty-five years old Onmyouji and an insanely powerful teenager.

A Ten no Ryu and a Chi no Ryu.

A protector of humanity and a protector of Earth.

Ready to fight each other.

As far as Subaru was concerned that scene presented nothing new. He had seen it millions of times from when he was a child. The only difference was, in his dreams, he had always assumed the Onmyouji on the bridge was Seishiro. He was glad it was going to be him instead. Maybe using a sleeping spell on Seishiro and then shutting him in their room hadn't been very nice toward him but... but it would be worth it. If it kept Seishiro alive it would be worth it.

Kamui smiled, the same way Seishiro would smile, moved the same way Seishiro would move and for a moment he thought... No. It won't work this time. This time he couldn't let it work, he decided stubbornly, his gaze never wavering from... Kamui. That was Kamui, he reminded himself determinately. He might look like Seishiro but he was _**_NOTHING_**_ like him.

"I see you're here to fulfil your Wish, Subaru-kun," the teenager said, imitating the half amused, half careless tone Seishiro was so fond of. It was just that though. An imitation. He wasn't Seishiro, but a threat to Seishiro's well being and Subaru... Subaru couldn't let someone threaten Seishiro's existence. He swallowed, hating what he was going to do but knowing he had no other options.

"My Wish... my Wish is for you to die, Kamui. Will you really fulfil it?" he asked. He had never killed anyone, he didn't want to start that night but... he saw no other option. The white lady had warned him. It was either Kamui or Seishiro. He couldn't let Seishiro die so... he would have to kill Kamui.

"So murderous tonight? The Sakurazukamori must really be a bad influence on you..." the other replied nonchalantly, as if that sort of discussion was commonplace to him.

"You..." Subaru hesitated. It was just a teenager he was facing, Kamui's best friend, an innocent who was sort of possessed by something, Subaru had no idea what, but, despite the horrible things the boy had done, it wasn't fair to blame him for what his body was doing, it wasn't fair, it wasn't... It was only a moment. He knew that sort of reasoning wouldn't lead him anywhere. "You're a threat to Seishiro," he continued firmly. "I know he wants to fight you. I know he's not a match for you. I won't allow you to touch him," he said simply.

"Oh? And what makes you think you could possibly be my match? You fought me pretty poorly last time," Kamui pointed out. "You know you're no match for me. You don't want me anywhere near you. You're deadly afraid of me, of what I can do to you."

"Yes, I'm afraid," Subaru admitted honestly. "But my personal fears are unimportant here. You're a threat to Seishiro. It's the only thing that really matters. I can't let you live even though I'm no match for you. I don't need to be. If you are still on the bridge when it crumbles... you'll die," Subaru observed. "Not even you would be able to survive to this."

It was a simple plan, really, and it could even be an effective one, Kamui thought, if it wasn't for one tiny, little detail.

"And how do you plan to trap me here?" he asked but Subaru didn't reply verbally. He simply concentrated his power, his whole life essence, his soul and then released it in a perfect, green glowing, star-shaped Kekkai that covered all Rainbow Bridge and only Rainbow Bridge. If Kamui were to blow up the bridge while the Kekkai was still up he wouldn't have any way out.

"I'm a Ten no Ryu, Kamui. You shouldn't have forgotten that," he reminded him coldly before grabbing a handful of Ofuda. Kamui smiled coldly, raising his hand in order to focus his power. The predicament he was in could be resolved only one way. He would have to kill the Sakurazukamori's pet and, doing so, destroy his Kekkai before being free to blow up the bridge. Sure, he'd have to be careful not to damage the bridge too much in the process but... oh well... it wouldn't take him long. The Sakurazukamori's pet might be very determined but what could he do against the power of Kamui, against the power of _'The One Who Hunts The Power Of Kami-sama'_?(3)

* * *

It was getting late and Kamui was being plagued by doubts. The Chi no Ryu still weren't attacking and Hinoto... Hinoto... Hinoto had seemed strange. He couldn't quite explain how, it was just... the feeling of a Kekkai being raised far from them caught him in mid thought. A Kekkai? Why? Where? Shouldn't the Chi no Ryu have attacked Yasukuni Jinja? He had no answers to his questions and, apparently the same could be said for his companions. He concentrated, trying at least to find out who had created it and where.

"**SUBARU!**" the boy exclaimed, opening his eyes as he finally recognized its author.

"This is Subaru-san's Kekkai!" Yuzuriha exclaimed as well.

"Has anything happened at CLAMP Gakuen?" Sorata asked in confusion, firmly believing Subaru to still be there. Had they been attacked in their own home? But still... why was Subaru-san raising a Kekkai? Wasn't Sakurazuka-san keeping him as far as possible from any battle? And why attack CLAMP Gakuen anyway?

Kamui closed his eyes again, tried to concentrate again. With his mind's eye he saw Subaru, saw Subaru looking at a dark shadow, a dark shadow, a familiar shadow...

"**FUMA!** Subaru is fighting Fuma!" he shouted.

"The Chi no Ryu's Kamui attacked CLAMP Gakuen?" Sorata said in wonderment but Kamui knew that that place wasn't CLAMP Gakuen, it wasn't, it was...

"It's not CLAMP Gakuen, it's Rainbow Bridge!" he informed them, receiving only shocked glances in reply.

"But Hinoto-hime said that the Yasukuni Jinja was about to be destroyed...!"Yuzuriha exclaimed in bewilderment. Inuki started barking wildly at that and she stared at him even more confused. "What's wrong, Inuki?" Kamui frowned and without waiting longer, he began running toward Rainbow Bridge. Sorata called him back and he paused hastily.

"I have to go to help Subaru!" he replied urgently. Subaru couldn't compete with Fuma, and Fuma... Sorata nodded.

"We will all go. He is too terrible an adversary but if we face him together maybe we stand a chance," he decided. They all nodded, Sorata dispelled his Kekkai and then they all ran away, toward Rainbow Bridge, hoping to be in time. (4)

* * *

In the water-like world of her dreams Hinoto, smiling evilly, was observing the Ten no Ryu running toward Rainbow Bridge. She knew no matter how fast they ran, they couldn't save their companion.

_*It's useless... I will make the Ten no Ryu die one by one...*_ she said, looking at them.

Her other self too was observing the same scene but her eyes were filled with tears. She didn't want the Ten no Ryu's death. She hadn't gathered them for that reason. She... It was then she noticed a shadow in her own prison.

_*Why... are you here...*_ she asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

"Our dreams are connected, and the place where you are imprisoned, is also in dreams..." Kakyou whispered back, careful to not be heard by Hinoto's other self.

_*Stop... my other self... If it goes on like this the Ten no Ryu will...*_ she whimpered.

"I can't stop her," Kakyou replied. "I am one of the Chi no Ryu and you should know that the future cannot be changed but..."

_*But?*_ she asked hopefully.

"But our visions can be misinterpreted or incomplete and I'm here to ask you if that could be the case..." he said slowly. "I want... I want Subaru-san to be saved..."

_*I'll do everything I can to help...*_ she replied wholeheartedly.

* * *

In all truth Kamui had to admit he was impressed. He'd been wrong in underestimating Sumeragi Subaru. He had no idea what had been wrong with the Sakurazukamori's pet the last time they had fought each other but now... now the fighting abilities he was displaying were impressive. Not at Kamui's level but... impressive.

The Ten no Ryu used a mix of skills, some clearly belonging to the Sakurazukamori and some to the Sumeragi Ichimon, all executed perfectly and with ease as if he'd done nothing else but practice them all his life. While his attacks were definitely not as powerful and deadly as the Sakurazukamori's, they were far faster and much more accurate. They had a higher chance of hitting to hit him and, if they didn't manage to hit him, despite not causing as much damage as one of the Sakurazukamori's would have done, it still was enough to slow him down, to make him more exposed to a new attack. And the Ten no Ryu wasn't holding back. He seemed disgusted by what he was doing, repulsed at the idea of taking a life, even if that life was the one of the Chi no Ryu's Kamui, but still he was unwilling to surrender. He was an interesting opponent, Kamui admitted to himself.

It was really too bad for him he still wasn't strong enough to be a match for Kamui.

Kamui's blows were definitely not so fast but they caused a greater amount of damage. Even if the young man was faster than Kamui in moving away, his speed wasn't enough to completely save him from damage. Moving so fast to attack and to avoid, concentrating so hard in all those spells, the damage he got from what he couldn't avoid... all of this was affecting the Ten no Ryu's ability. And the Ten no Ryu was less physically resistant than Kamui... he really wouldn't manage to last much longer. Actually a less determined man would have already given up but Sumeragi Subaru was revealing himself as maybe the most stubborn among the whole team of Ten no Ryu. He simply refused to give up, uncaring of the pain, the tiredness and the lack of success of his efforts. He wouldn't last for long.

Kamui, however, frowned as he noticed the bridge was starting to dangle dangerously, chunks of it missing already. Of course the wide effect of Kamui's power had as downside that, every time he used it, he ended up damaging the bridge seriously, and Kamui had to be careful in the damage he inflicted to the bridge if he wanted to avoid destroying the bridge while he was still trapped on it. He knew the Kekkai would fade only after the Ten no Ryu's death and it would likely be a slow matter. Blowing up the bridge while the Ten no Ryu was still alive was going to be risky for Kamui too. He had to kill that Ten no Ryu. And he had to do it now.

* * *

Seishiro was running, running as fast as he could, cursing all the way. How could Subaru be so stupid to go face Kamui? How could he? Hadn't he already seen how strong Kamui was? Hadn't he already seen he was no match for the crazy teenager? He finally caught sight of the shape of Subaru's Kekkai and hoped he was still in time. It was the second time Subaru did this to him, leaving him alone to go fight a deadly battle that wasn't even his to fight. This time, once he'd made sure Subaru was safe and sound, he would give him a scolding he would remember for the rest of his life. Subaru wasn't allowed to risk his life like this. Subaru... memories of what Hokuto-chan had told him not too long ago intruded in his thoughts.

* * *

_'You know, you should just tell him you love him and you can't live without him and avoid all that pointless possessive behaviour!' _

_'It's not pointless possessive behaviour, Subaru-kun **_is_** mine.' _

_'Sei-chan, has no one ever told you that in order to own a heart as much as you would like to do, one has to give one's own in exchange?' _

_'Hokuto-chan...' _

_'Fine, be a chicken, don't admit your feelings for him, I don't care! But don't come whining to me if one of those days Subaru dumps you! You'll end up losing him and then you'll only have yourself to blame!'_

* * *

Should he have told Subaru some silly romantic nonsense he didn't believe in, in order to keep him? Had he done that would Subaru have stayed with him instead of going to throw away his life in a pointless fight? He had never seen much of a point in telling such lies to Subaru, it made no difference to him if he loved Subaru or not. Subaru was his, Subaru would have to stay with him, he didn't want Subaru to leave, he had made Subaru aware of all this, what else was there to say?

* * *

_'I know. I trust you. I... I love you... you know...' _

_'You do?' _

_'Don't you know? I already told you many times. Didn't you believe me?'_

* * *

Subaru had told him, though. Maybe Subaru saw a point in that romantic nonsense, maybe he needed it, maybe, since Seishiro hadn't told him, he had felt unappreciated and had ended up doing something idiotic. Subaru always did stupid things when he failed to remember he was Seishiro's most precious possession... Maybe... maybe... maybe... He... he wanted Subaru back. He needed Subaru back. Once he had Subaru back he would tell him whatever Subaru wanted to hear, he didn't care what it was, a lie, the truth, romantic idiocies, whatever... Once he had Subaru back... He needed to have Subaru back... Without him...

A horrible feeling of dread filled him.

No, that was an option he couldn't consider. Without Subaru... Without Subaru... He couldn't see a point in living without Subaru, not even for revenge. He couldn't live without Subaru and that wasn't any romantic nonsense, it was just the scary, horrible truth... He had no idea why he couldn't live without Subaru, why something inside him would simply refuse to function if the boy wasn't with him but he knew... he knew... if Kamui were to kill Subaru... If Subaru were to die... he would die too... that was certain...

* * *

Kamui panted as he watched the Ten no Ryu in front of him coughing blood while leaning on one of his knees, apparently too weak and badly injured to stand. Kamui thought he would surrender but then he saw his green eyes raising slowly and determinately toward him, green eyes filled with pain but still willing to fight and then the weak and seriously injured body of the Ten no Ryu moved to stand up, which was kind of a miracle considering the condition the man was in, a miracle archived merely due to pure stubbornness and strong will. Kamui would have whistled in appreciation but at the moment he was busy pressing his hand on a bad cut on his right arm. The blood flowed freely and said arm was broken and dislocated to boot. One of his legs was in bad condition too.

"I've got to admit... I underestimated you... You can be rather... feisty when you want to," he said panting, a smile on his lips. The other didn't reply, too busy saving his breath and trying to get a standing position. "However our game ends here. It's too bad you aren't really capable to Wish for the death of a person, isn't it? Even after what I've done to you, you still value my life as important. You have no more strength to oppose to me and it's time to fulfil your true Wish, giving your life in order to protect the one you care for, in order to be of some use to him. I hope the Sakurazukamori knows how much he matters to you. Does he care for you the same way?" he asked and a different type of pain flared in those green eyes, a pain that wasn't of the body but of the soul.

There was no answer as the Ten no Ryu merely picked up another Ofuda. No, apparently he thought the Sakurazukamori didn't care for him. Too bad for him.

That was going to be his last attack and they both knew it. Kamui smiled. The man was still planning to kill him but the bridge was still whole enough for it to keep on standing until the Kekkai would fade and then... then it would be easy to finish it off if the earthquake that would result from the destruction of Kekkai wouldn't do the job for him. He observed his opponent. The Ten no Ryu had no remaining strength enough to make that attack dangerous for Kamui. Earth Wished for a change, he reminded himself... and he was a mere Wish fulfiller... He collected his power and felt it crackling around himself. He too was drained but he still had energy enough to kill his opponent, fulfilling his Wish. It wasn't his fault if the Ten no Ryu judged the Sakurazukamori someone worth dying for. It wasn't his fault if Earth Wished for a change. It wasn't his fault if he was the Chi no Ryu's Kamui. He regretted killing the Ten no Ryu but that was his destiny and he couldn't avoid it. There was only one future, after all.

"Goodbye, Ten no Ryu," he said in a gentle whisper. "You fought bravely against me but now it's time for you to rest..."

As soon as he finished speaking he released his power, while, at the same time, Subaru threw his last attack. There was a blinding flash of light, a horrible noise and then... then Subaru's Kekkai began to fade.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. In case you're wondering Hokuto had no idea Seishiro and Subaru's sex life wasn't that active previously. Readers might remember in one of her conversations with Kakyou he had implied they were having problems but she thought they had already managed to solve them. I guess she was being a little too optimist.

2. In **'X'** Vol. 16 there are no cars on Rainbow Bridge when Seishiro and Subaru fight each other. I've left it in this fic too.

3. Okay so Fuma has to blast Rainbow Bridge to break the Kekkai it generates. The fact he's trapped in Subaru's Kekkai with no way out makes it so that if he destroys the bridge he won't have the time to escape. Of course if he kills Subaru, Subaru's Kekkai will fall and he will be free to blast the bridge away, break its Kekkai and escape. Problem is Fuma's power has a large radius of action and Subaru's fast at avoiding. Subaru isn't stronger than Kamui (though he _**_is_**_ strong) but he hopes either Kamui will be worn out before him or that, in order to kill him, he'll damage the bridge too much to manage to escape from it afterward (he also has a backup plan... when Seishiro is involved he can be a resourceful boy). Oh and I know the anime makes it look as if they know how to fly. I assumed they don't okay? By the way, Subaru being fast and Kamui having a large ray of power are characteristics given to them in the videogame. I kept them for this battle.

4. Okay so this scene is partially as it is in the manga. I don't know well how the _'guess who made a Kekkai, where this person is and how he's fighting'_ ability works but I assumed Kamui is the most skilled at it among the Ten no Ryu so that's why he guessed things first (it happened in the manga too). By the way in the manga only Arashi and Kamui went on Rainbow Bridge (in the anime the whole gang went there). Here, I still sent the whole gang because Subaru's fighting Fuma. Sure it'll leave Yasukuni Jinja unprotected but well... it's Fuma we're talking about.

* * *

br **JJ's Extra Notes:**  
If you're wondering why Hokuto didn't go to save Subaru herself despite being the kind of girl who would very much do it given the chance even though she is no match for Fuma, yes, there are reasons for it.  
This is the second time in this fic Subaru has to fight against Fuma. In the manga in the beginning he wasn't doing bad but then he saw Fuma looking like Seishiro and completely lost concentration and will to fight back. Here he's managing to put up a fight. I know many in the fandom think Subaru is weak but I think in truth he must be rather strong. Of course you're free to disagree.  
And yes, Seishiro hasn't figured out yet he loves Subaru and that it would be nice to inform him about it. He's dense like that.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** used at the end of a name to express affection and familiarity or when talking to a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Jinja:** Shinto Shrine  
**Kami:** God  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:** Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **TheEndofTag**: Yes, Subaru too though the Onmyouji could be Seishiro. In this fic his style of fighting and Seishiro's has become similar due to the fact Seishiro had shared with him many techniques and, as you probably had already read, Subaru had a great incentive to fight Kamui as hard as he could despite his normally more defensive stance so he and Seishiro were really replaceable in the dream. In X canon with Seishiro's death Subaru 'died' as a dragon of heaven and, likely, something inside him died as well and he wasn't so dependant on Seishiro as he's here... though I still think he would manage to handle losing Seishiro better than Seishiro would handle losing Subaru as Seishiro is a major fail in handling emotions, expecially when they're so strong.  
Kakyou doesn't believe the future he had seen can be changed so his plan is more to find a way around it.  
Seishiro has a realistical view of what he is in the eyes of other people in general but has only a vague grasp of Subaru's feelings for him or of his own feelings for Subaru at the moment and most of the time he doesn't want to deal with all of this on the premise he believes/want to believe there's no need for it as he insist he can keep the situation under control, no matter how hard destiny is trying to prove him he can't.  
In this he's very similar to a child that believes that if he's to close his eyes everything around him will really disappear. Despite this he's improving, at least compared to how he was in the beginning, but he still has a long way to go and many things to learn about relationating with another person.  
Although he had figured up he much prefers Subaru to stay with him on his own free will he finds the loss of the control the spell gave him definitely unconfortable to say the least. He would like to stay in his little, happy bubble where there's only him and Subaru and it's Subaru the one who can't live without him and worship him and he has nothing to worry about and can be kind to Subaru and make him happy acting as some sort of benevolent God or rewarding master.  
Subaru's death at the moment would affect him enough to drive him insane as he would be absolutely unable to cope with the pain and this would likely lead him to a early demise.

To **Black Velvet Nerd**: Kakyou did his best. The poor guy is really trying hard to help Hokuto (and Subaru). And sorry for making you wait so long for the update.

To **Lemonysh**: Well, as you could see hokuto didn't die, at least not in this chapter. Thank you for the vote of confidence, I hope you'll like the ending I've planned... which is not so close as this story still have much more chapters to come.

To **WaterFlower66**: Thank you, I tried to make them as accurate as possible. Yuto was a CLAMP school student in Hagunsei Senki (placed a year before CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Dan) as a university student but you could see a glimpse of him in CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Dan seated on a table. He's in Vol 3 if I don't remember wrong although he's just a cameo.

To **reminiscent-afterthought**: *blush* Thank you so much, I tried my best. Kanoe is still siding with the Chi no Ryu and spying or trying to spy her sister's dreams. However as so far her role didn't differ much from the one she had in X she didn't really got mentioned much. I tried not to retell what happened in the same way as the manga and focus solely on what went differently, which is why some facts are just mentioned briefly, like Kotori's death, Yuzuriha's fight with Satsuki, Daisuke's death and similar. X readers know them already so I didn't feel like boring them with a retelling of them exactly as they went in the manga.

To **lady-ribbon**: Thank you. I studied TB & X very carefully before beginning to write this.

To **Guest**: Thank you so much. I really hope you will continue to love this fic.

To **XandyNZ**: Sorry for making you wait for so long then!

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments!


	38. Chap 38: In The End

HTML **Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 38: In The End"**  
**Author: J.J.**  
**Warning:** It's an AU **BASED ON THE MANGA**. It requires knowledge of the **'X'** manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other things I might have forgotten... Deal with this fic with caution...  
**Notes:** This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled is and how stubborn Subaru can be no matter what happened to him.  
**Disclaimer:**  
**"Tokyo Babylon"** & **"X"** belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...  
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?  
**Thanks:**  
To **Ruth** for betaing this! Thank you a lot!  
To **Moko**, **Tanuki-dono**, **Meffie**, **Sakanagi** and **Yupita** for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!  
**Summary:** _After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes..._

**_'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney_**

* * *

**_"Time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
It's so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window  
Trying to hold on / But didn't even know  
Wasted it all just to  
Watch you go  
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / It all fell apart  
What it meant to me / Will eventually / Be a memory / Of a time when I tried  
So hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter"  
(Linkin Park - "In The End")_**

When Seishiro reached the bridge the Kekkai was still standing, however... as soon as he entered it, he saw a blinding light and suddenly he was pushed backward by a huge surge of power. He fell to the ground hard and the bridge trembled under him, dust and debris rising all around as he could hear a horrible breaking noise. Then, there was a moment of quiet, of silence, in which he tried to raise himself, to stand. It was in that moment, as he managed to sit, the damage, dust and detritus around him slowly disappearing, that he realized the Kekkai over the bridge, the Kekkai over him, Subaru's Kekkai, had started fading slowly. He blinked, stared at the sight of the disappearing Kekkai as the implication of this sunk in his brain, then as an unpleasant, a painful feeling seized his chest and cut his breath. He forced himself to get up unsteadily, to get up as fast as he could, calling Subaru, no, screaming Subaru's name as he started running toward the middle of the bridge. He could feel that the reality around him was quietly returning to its original state now that the Kekkai was fading, repairing the damage it had been inflicted to the bridge, slowly, weakly, as the Kekkai, Subaru's Kekkai, seemed to struggle against its own disappearance, large clouds of smoke and dust obscuring the view of the middle of the bridge.

He ran, ran as fast as he could, ran through the smoke and the dust toward the centre of the bridge, toward the centre of the bridge that still had to magically rebuilt itself, that still displayed so many signs of the battle that had occurred, so much damage. He felts as if he wasn't being fast enough, as if he was moving in slow motion, feeling his heartbeat echoing so loudly in his ears it seemed a deafening sound, feeling his eyes stinging due to the dust and his throat burning as he couldn't seem to get enough air in his lungs, and then... then he caught sight of Subaru and it was as if his heart had skipped a beat.

Subaru... Subaru!

Subaru didn't reply, gave no sign he'd heard Seishiro's call or that he was aware of his presence. He looked unconscious, in the middle of the most devastated zone of the bridge, where a huge crack cutting the bridge in two parts was, dangling dangerously from a distorted chunk of the structure, on the point of falling from it and slipping into the sea below. On the opposite side of the fracture, Kamui was trying to climb onto another piece of the bridge using only his left arm since the right one was too badly damaged to be of any use.

Seishiro didn't pay really him any attention though and merely hurried to reach Subaru, taking hold of him and carrying him to safe ground before he would fall into the sea. As soon as he took the unconscious boy into his arms the bridge under them changed its shape, returning fully to its original, untouched form. Seishiro somehow managed to keep his balance and remain standing; Kamui fell but not too badly, not that Seishiro cared. He was holding Subaru close to himself, calling him without getting any answer. Subaru was a bleeding mess who barely breathed and although his green eyes were half open they looked unfocused and were probably unable to focus. He didn't seem aware Seishiro was with him, he didn't seem aware that Seishiro was holding him, calling him, stroking his hair, he just... he just...

"He's a stubborn, smart fellow, your Ten no Ryu," Kamui commented, his breath laboured as he remained sitting on the ground, and hearing his voice out of the blue caused Seishiro to raise his gaze abruptly, to meet the one of the teenager. It was his fault, his fault if Subaru was in that state, it was his fault and he... "When he realized that with his attack he couldn't kill me he decided to destroy the bridge hoping that this would do the trick," he explained and there was a faint note of admiration in Kamui's tired, pained voice.(1)Even if the boy looked a lot better than Subaru he too had been quite injured. Seishiro glared at him with hate, arms clenching around Subaru, holding him tightly, maybe too tightly. It was Kamui's fault, Kamui's faul... Kamui merely smiled, smiled as Subaru would, as only Subaru could, twisting Seishiro's perception of his features and making it harder to focus on his hate for him. "You know this is all your fault..." the teenager said gently and even his tone resembled Subaru's, although Subaru would never place the blame for something on him, no, Subaru would never, never...

"What do you mean?" he hissed, holding Subaru even closer, trying to make sure he was really in his arms and not standing in front of him. His thoughts were confused, strangely jumbled and it was hard to think coherently, to breathe. That couldn't be real. He couldn't be there, holding a barely conscious Subaru on a deserted bridge, with Kamui as his only companion blaming him for Subaru's condition. No, that had to be an hallucination, a dream, a trick...

"Simple. He came here to protect you and, since he didn't know you valued his life, he thought he could throw it away carelessly to accomplish his goal," Kamui informed him in that maddening gentle tone and he felt like screaming really, because it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair Kamui could sound like Subaru... "Now, what are you going to do, Seishiro-san?"

_'Kill him, kill him, kill him...'_ something deep and raw inside his being screamed, _'Destroy him, murder the one that hurt Subaru, the one that tried to take Subaru away from you...'_and he wanted to, he wanted to but...

* * *

_'Sakurazuka-san, you won't reach the bridge in time to protect Subaru-san. The bridge will fall. But I didn't see Subaru dying on the bridge. Maybe, if you manage to take him to a hospital fast enough he'll live! When you reach him simply grab him and run to a hospital! You won't manage to kill Kamui if you attack him but you can try and save Subaru-san! Try to save Subaru-san!'_

* * *

He glared at the teenager, swallowed, then lowered his gaze onto Subaru, whom he held tightly to his chest. Subaru... Subaru still seemed out of it... Subaru needed medical attention and he was wasting his time, was wasting precious time, he...

"We... we'll settle this another time," he spat and, as soon as he said it, Subaru's eyes closed as he lost what little hold he had on consciousness. He tensed, ignoring how someone, the other Ten no Ryu, were calling for them, then felt the bridge under them starting to tremble all of sudden. As soon as Subaru's eyes had closed his Kekkai had completely faded, losing its hold on the bridge. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui quickly got up and started running away from the bridge as fast as he could, ignoring the pain in his leg, the Ten no Ryu's Kamui calling him and his injuries. He knew the bridge was about to crumble and he wasn't going to crumble with it. Seishiro began running as well, in the opposite direction, holding Subaru tightly in his arms, hoping he would be in time, hoping the doctors could take care of Subaru, hoping Subaru could be saved. He ran, he ran, thinking of nothing else but Subaru, the other Ten no Ryu following him as the bridge began cracking, trembling more and more and then started to break under them for no apparent reason at all. Seishiro knew though. Subaru's blood had been spilled on it, Subaru's Kekkai had been shattered and so the bridge's Kekkai had shattered as well and now it would crumble, crumble, it would crumble and he had to take Subaru away from here, he had to take Subaru away, he had to take him to a safe place, to a hospital, away, away, Subaru's life slipping slowly from the boy's body in the same way as the boy's blood was as Seishiro ran as fast as he could.

He hadn't told Subaru.

He hadn't told Subaru and Subaru had never realized.

He hadn't realized how precious he was to Seishiro, how the man cherished his life, how... how he loved him, how he needed him. Subaru needed to hear those stupid words and he... he hadn't told him.

"Subaru... Subaru, don't die... I... I love you... don't leave me... Subaru..." he whimpered but it was too late. Subaru couldn't hear him and he could only hope he would get another chance to tell him, to make him understand how important his existence was to him (2)

* * *

When Hokuto, Kakyou and Kigai-san reached the hospital which Seishiro and the other Ten no Ryu had taken Subaru to she was already dangerously close to hysteria and things only got worse when a nurse informed her Subaru was in surgery but his prospects weren't good at all. Just when Seishiro had finally reached the hospital Subaru's heart had stopped beating and now the doctors didn't know if he could be saved. That last piece of information likely sent her into shock because after it she felt... numb. It wasn't possible. It simply wasn't possible. After so many years she was finally back with her brother so he couldn't die, he couldn't. There had to be an error somewhere, she thought as she walked in a zombie like trance to the door of the operation room. She looked around, trying to make sense of the world she was in but everything looked surreal to her, like dream. She could see Sorata trying to comfort Kamui, who was blaming himself, while Yuzuriha was sobbing in Arashi's arms and she felt like beginning to cry as well when she caught sight of Sei-chan, standing in front of the door behind which Subaru was, a hand pressed against the smooth metal, saying nothing but Subaru's name in a low whisper in an almost endless litany. To her he looked more like a traumatized child who was asking, begging for his mother to come back to him than the Sakurazukamori, a thirty-four-year-old man who murdered people for the well being of Japan, an amazingly powerful Onmyouji and a Chi no Ryu. Subaru... Subaru wouldn't have wanted to see him like that, she told herself. His heart would have broken if he were to ever saw him like that, she knew and she couldn't allow it, she couldn't allow Subaru's heart to be broken. Which was why she went to him and hugged him, trying to comfort him the best she could, trying to avoid thinking of her own pain and desperation, trying to keep the control of her own emotions busying herself taking care of Subaru's most special person. She should not think of her own pain, her own fear in that moment. She couldn't. Subaru would want her to comfort Sei-chan, to take care of him and she would do it. Later... later there would be time for her own pain. Later...

"It'll be all right, Sei-chan, it'll be all right..." she repeated gently, over and over, more to persuade herself than him. He didn't return her hug, at first he didn't even seem to register it and even when he became aware of it he just... remained how he was, as if he was unable to change his position or to accept the little comfort she was offering him. He started speaking though, so maybe her efforts were worth something, not much but... something.

"It's my fault," he said quietly. "I didn't tell him and so he didn't know and now he's dying and I didn't tell him and Subaru's dying and I can't help and I promised him I would have protected him and I didn't and he's dying and..." he was babbling, she realized, and although he was staring at the door, he didn't look like he was seeing it. He wasn't crying though and his voice was so horribly calm and rational even if his words were nothing but an endless litany. Hokuto wondered if he was just in shock or if he simply had no idea how to cry, how to express his pain. Tears wouldn't be what one could expect from a Sakurazukamori but undoubtedly they would help him release his emotions, emotions not even he knew he possessed.(3)

Hokuto had no idea how long they waited, none of them had an idea how long they waited, it seemed a lifetime, maybe two but it couldn't have been so long really, until finally the light that indicated the operation was ongoing went out signalling that the doctors had finished their work.

Seconds seemed like hours and, when a doctor finally came out of the room, they all looked at him with a sense of dread. Subaru... the operation... how did it go? Was Subaru all right? Was he?

Subaru was still alive, the doctor said but... they didn't know for how long. His condition was too bad, too desperate. They didn't think he would make it to the morning unless a miracle happened. If someone wanted to spend the night there, with him, they would allow it. Hokuto wanted to, she desperately wanted to spend that night near to her brother, holding his hand as she had done when he'd been sick as a child, holding his hand as she had done when they had taken him to the hospital after what that had happened to him, holding his hand and trying to persuade him to cling to life, to stay with her, to live... She really wanted to do so. However, although it hurt, she knew she wasn't the one that Subaru needed right then, she wasn't the one for which Subaru would cling to life.

"You go, Sei-chan," she said firmly and she was kind of surprised by how firm and yet distant her voice sounded. Sei-chan turned to look at her as if he hadn't understood what she had said. She wasn't even sure he had understood what the doctor had said about Subaru. He looked mostly lost and out of it and this was so unlike him... it hurt to see Subaru's most special person like this as if his look seemed to confirm how horrible Subaru's situation was. "Go to Subaru. Hold his hand for me too, okay, Sei-chan?" she told him in her gentlest tone but her voice was raw and she didn't know if she had managed it well.

"Will this make him feel better? Will he be better if I do it?" he asked her without a hint of sarcasm, honestly, and she fought back tears because he really sounded like a child, he really looked like a lost child without Subaru and she couldn't show her weakness in front of him, she couldn't show her weakness in front of a child or they both would crumble and so she forced herself to smile, finding an inner strength she didn't know she had.

"Yes," she said gently holding his hand. "This will make him feel better. This will help him a lot. Don't ever leave him alone, okay, Sei-chan? Hold his hand and don't let him go, never let him go," she requested. Maybe, she hoped, if Sei-chan held Subaru's hand, Subaru wouldn't let go either, if her brother saw how miserable the man was without him he wouldn't let go, he would live, wouldn't he? Wouldn't he? Sei-chan nodded obediently, as a child would do with his mother, then followed the doctor into Subaru's room. Only when he was out of her sight she allowed herself to slide to the floor and begin sobbing desperately. Subaru, Subaru, _Subaru,SubaruSubarusubaru..._she wailed as she felt her pain tearing her apart.

She felt arms circling her and she let herself lean into Kakyou's embrace, gripping the man's clothes, burying her face in his chest, desperately searching for some comfort. He said nothing, he merely held her, gently rubbing her back.

Yuto watched the scene with a sad sigh. If Subaru-san were to go down so were the Sakurazukamori and maybe the girl too. And if she did, so would Kuzuki-san, like domino pieces that would fall one after the other. He frowned. Life really wasn't fair sometimes. He didn't want Subaru-san to die only he knew there was nothing else he could do. It was all up to Subaru-san... assuming that Subaru-san had a chance to begin with. Gently, he rested his hand on Kuzuki-san's shoulder.

"Kuzuki-san... we'd better go..." he said slowly, as kindly as he could. Probably, despite the little lesson Yuto had given them, those men were still stubbornly chasing Kuzuki-san and Yuto didn't look forward to starting a fight in a hospital. It was simply better for all concerned if they returned to the headquarters. Kuzuki-san however raised determined golden eyes to meet his.

"No," he said simply.

"Kuzuki-san..." Yuto began patiently as if dealing with a child. He understood him, really, but remaining there wouldn't help Subaru-san or his sister, it would merely be dangerous for him.

"No," Kuzuki-san repeated. "I... I appreciate your help but I won't leave now. I can't. I don't care what will happen to me, I won't leave Hokuto," he stated. Yuto sighed. Love was powerful but made men blind. And stupid. And he knew he should leave Kuzuki-san to his own destiny but he simply wasn't good at abandoning those he considered his companions. He caught the inquisitive gaze of the Ten no Ryu he had fought with once, Sorata was his name if he didn't remember wrong, and walked toward him.

"Would you mind keeping an eye on him?" he asked with a smile, pointing to Kuzuki-san. "He's a good fellow but he's completely harmless and some nasty Yakuza are hunting for him... I assure you he won't cause trouble..." Sorata studied him, then nodded seriously. While they had waited for Subaru's operation to end he'd been informed of how those two Chi no Ryu had warned Hokuto and Sakurazuka-san about Subaru-san being in danger. He was in debt to them so he would trust them and do what that Niichan had asked him.

"He's Hokuto's friend and helped to try to save Subaru," Kamui said, joining the discussion and trying to look... well, normal, although his gaze was still very worried and filled with pain. "We'll protect him," he assured him.

"Thank you," Yuto replied, flashing at him a grateful smile.

"Why did you do it?" Kamui couldn't help but ask, a frown on his face. "You're a Chi no Ryu, why..."

"Subaru-san is a good person," Yuto told to the boy very honestly. "And for a while we've been team mates... in a fashion..." he added. "One has to look out for his companions..." he explained although he also felt a little guilty to be honest. Helping Subaru-san might have caused their Kamui to be at a disadvantage, and their Kamui was his companion too, but Kuzuki-san had assured him the boy would be fine and so...

"Then why are you a Chi no Ryu? Why..." the Ten no Ryu's Kamui asked him, looking at him in confusion.

"Honestly? Because that's my destiny, that's why, and I've no interest in opposing it," he explained shrugging. He didn't see it as a big deal and yet, as he stared into the teenager's purple eyes he wondered if it was possible... "You... you on the other side... For you things are different. Maybe you can change destiny, maybe you can prove to me that destiny can be changed if men fight for it hard enough. I wish you good luck... Kamui..." he added before starting to walk away.

"He's a strange fellow," Sorata commented, smiling. "But he's not bad all bad, is he?" Kamui looked up at him and nodded solemnly. Sorata knew he was trying to keep his cool but he looked amazingly similar to a lost puppy. Somehow he had an affinity with Subaru, an affinity he hadn't with any of the other Ten no Ryu, he had established some sort of bond with him, and now the idea he could lose him too, as he had already lost his mother, Kotori and Saiki, was hurting him more than he was willing to admit.

"We'd better go. There's nothing we can do here now and we'll only be a nuisance for the doctors," Sorata said rationally. Arashi nodded in understanding and helped Yuzuriha to stand. The young girl was still sobbing lightly. Although he saw them moving Kamui hesitated in doing so as well.

"But Subaru..." he protested.

"Kamui... Subaru will be taken care of by Sakurazuka-san and the doctors. We can't help him standing here. We need to rest and be ready in case the Chi no Ryu will attack again. That's all we can do for him," Sorata told him in a gentle tone and Kamui hesitated only a moment before nodding unhappily. Then they moved to help Hokuto to stand. Aided by Kuzuki-san they managed to, even if the girl was still sobbing desperately and clinging to the Chi no Ryu's YumeMi as she would to a lifeline, unable to let him go.

"Kuzuki-san, you had better stay with us for a while. Don't worry, no one will bother you," Sorata told him gently. The man nodded, his gaze still on Hokuto as he thanked him almost timidly.

"Kuzuki-san..." Kamui said slowly. "You... you don't you know if Subaru..."

The man shook his head.

"I can't see if he'll manage to make it or not, I'm sorry," Kakyou said softly, looking sadly at Hokuto who had raised her head to look at him with hopeful, tears-filled eyes. The girl lowered her head again, sobbing anew.

"Then I guess all we can do is ... hope..." Sorata commented. Hope. It was all they could do, all they had. Hope.

_**To be continued...**_

* * *

**JJ's Notes:**

1. Yep, Subaru was the one who broke the bridge inside the Kekkai... He knew he was going down and this would mean the Kekkai would break as well so he decided to break the bridge on his own in hope this would stop Fuma. He broke the bridge but the damage wasn't enough to cause Fuma to fall into the sea below. It's a rather desperate move but it's not like there was anything else he could do. Also Subaru's not exactly like **'X'**Subaru.

2. So does Seishiro really love Subaru or is he merely telling him what he thinks Subaru wants to hear or both? Take your pick!

3. As usual Seishiro didn't take well to the idea of Subaru leaving him. After all it's the third time in a rather short time Subaru has given him this kind of scare and the more Seishiro grows aware of how tightly tied they are the harder it gets to take it calmly.

* * *

**JJ's Extra Notes:**  
Okay so I'm not sure how an untouched Tokyo Kekkai behaves when he was protected by a Ten no Ryu's Kekkai and this one broke down. In Vol. 2 Sorata implied the damage inflicted inside a Ten no Ryu's Kekkai would always one day reflect on the Tokyo Kekkai but didn't give a time limit. He seemed to imply it wouldn't be on the same day since in his and Yuto's battle once the Kekkai disappear there's no earthquake and the same can be said for when Yuzuriha fights Fuma or when Karen and Seiichiro fight first Nataku and Yuto and then Nataku and Fuma. However, in both cases the makers of the Kekkai were fine and personally caused the Kekkai to disappear.  
Now... in the battle between Subaru and Seishiro, Subaru's fine at the end but his Kekkai disappears because he stabbed Seishiro to death. Note that the Kekkai begin disappearing before Subaru's aware of Seishiro's death and, when it disappears, everything is back to being untouched. I'm not sure if we can talk of Ten no Ryu's Kekkai being technically broken... Anyway shortly after Seishiro's death the bridge cracks and break down.  
Was the bridge untouched prior to the battle? Apparently it was. Subaru attacked first and then raised the Kekkai but I doubt his attack made more damage. However Seishiro killed someone around there and Fuma said dirtying in blood a Kekkai affects it so maybe the Kekkai was already weakened. To make a long story short...  
Subaru's still technically conscious although not aware of it so the Kekkai is fading, although rather slowly because Subaru still has a weak grasp on it. Damage also reflects on the Tokyo Kekkai in a slower manner because the Kekkai was previously untouched but having Subaru's blood spilled on it tied in with the breaking of Subaru's Kekkai causing Rainbow Bridge Kekkai to break as well. Thus the earthquake. It's just a theory, feel free to have a different one.  
Also yes, I think Fuma has fun twisting Seishiro's head and putting on him the blame for what happens to Subaru. Fuma's mostly right though since Subaru's actions are due to Seishiro... still this didn't mean Fuma was right in doing what he did.

**Dictionary:**  
**-chan:** used at the end of a name to express affection and familiarity or when talking to a child  
**-kun:** Young  
**-sama:** "Lord" or "Lady"  
**-san:** "Mr." or "Mrs."  
**Chi no Ryu:** Dragon of Earth  
**Gakuen:** Campus  
**Hime:** Princess  
**Ichimon:** "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"  
**Jinja:** Shinto Shrine  
**Kami:** God  
**Kekkai:** Shield  
**Ofuda:** Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells  
**Onmyoujutsu:** "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells  
**Onmyoudo:** "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature  
**Onmyouji:** "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer  
**Sakurazukamori:** "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan  
**Ten no Ryu:**Dragon of Heaven

* * *

**Replies to reviews:**

To **SucreTeen**: Thank you. As for Subaru... You'll discover what will be of him in future chapters.

To **Zuzanny**: Well, all I can say is that Seishiro plans to deliver the message now as he's starting to suspect it might be important for Subaru to know it. Subaru must have been really strong but I think his nature and his own wish always held him back. He never wanted to hurt a soul and, even when he decided to fight Seishiro, it was because he hoped this would push the man to kill him, not because he had real killing intent. In fact he was fighting rather well with Nataku and even against Fuma... until he mistook Fuma for Seishiro and everything turned into a mess.

To **TheEndofTag**: I've learnt from the best, an evil quartet known as CLAMP... ;) Well, it's not very fast but it was faster than the previous, isn't it? And Subaru isn't dead... yet. The Kekkai faded because he was seriously injured, same as when he was blinded in the manga... only this time he got it much worse than back then... I fear Seishiro's going to hate me for this fic... but it's good for him to learn that Subaru is precious and what's precious needs to be handled with care or you might lose it. And with care I don't just mean 'feed and cuddle him' but also try to understand him, his wishes and his fears.  
Well, just telling Subaru he loved him wouldn't have been enough, the problem is he needs to give Subaru a sense of self worth... which would start by making Subaru aware he's not replaceable for him, that Seishiro totally breaks is he loses Subaru. Readers know Seishiro was handling pretty poorly the time in which he had no idea where Subaru was but Subaru doesn't so he doesn't really understand that, if he were to die, he would hurt Seishiro maybe even worse than by letting KAMUI simply kill Seishiro. That's why it was so important for Subaru to know Seishiro loved him and why Seishiro is responsible if Subaru went on Rainbow Bridge knowing it would mean to toss his life away but in hope this would at least turn useful to Seishiro.  
In a way although Seishiro and Subaru love each other this love isn't cute and pretty at all, as it's... too overwhelming for them. Subaru focuses all his life on Seishiro, willing to destroy himself if he thinks it can be of use to Seishiro. Seishiro needs Subaru more than the air he breathes but can't convey his feelings nor he can handle them properly.  
The general idea is that Fuma, as he is now, is without the ability to understand that garanting wishes and following destiny might not be the right thing to do. He... is very disconnected by humanity, very passive in a fashion as he's not following his own wishes but the wishes of others, wishes that he perceives as strongest. In this way it doesn't matter what he wishes or if he wishes for something. Kusanagi said it in the 'X' manga as well. Fuma had dropped his own identity to become whoever other wished him to be. So the one we call Fuma doesn't exist anymore and therefore he's not there to judge if it's right or wrong to fulfil a wish or how. He's more... like an object, an instrument, than a real person.  
It's sort of complicate but whatever he's doing he isn't doing it for his personal gain or because he decided it was okay to do it, no matter if he's doing something nice or something evil. When Fuma became KAMUI he dropped his own will, let it sleep somewhere inside him and let other people's wishes posses him. The real Fuma would have never done those things but KAMUI... he doesn't bother to judge them. He's just a mean for others to reach what they wish and therefore to him it's on them that all the responsibility to wish for the right things.  
The worst part is that if Subaru had merely wished strong enough for Fuma to leave when he went on Rainbow Bridge, Fuma would have done it without discussions. Subaru didn't know though and didn't think possible to avoid battle or survive to it so he didn't even think at it. Fuma, in a way, sort of told him his wishes were influencing the battle when he said it was too bad Subaru couldn't wish for Fuma to get killed by him but Subaru couldn't catch the hint at the time.  
Subaru can be an awesome fighter and it's a pity the anime didn't show this side of him. He was really cool when he fought against Nataku in the manga... although yes, he doesn't like to be violent but if Seishiro is involved he'll fight the best he can and with any means he has.

To **TheMrsBrightside**: Here it is... and I'm glad you like all the SeiSu scenes!

To **Tsuki Aizawa**: No, I hadn't dropped it, I'm just very, very slow... as you've likely already found out Subaru isn't dead yet. According to 'X' manga a Kekkai starts vanishing either when is maker is dead or when he's severely injured. In Subaru's case he wasn't dead yet when the Kekkai started vanishing, just seriously injuried.

* * *

Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!  
Send me your comments! 


End file.
